(Yeah, Poor Nicola only wishes that was really one of Malcolm’s mottos true.)
No swearing, no shouting, no scenes from the Exorcist: just a snuggly fleece and *genuine*thoughtful*polite*cheerful*generosity* as Malcolm’s greatest and most unexpected weapons of mass discombobulation.
I mean, just look at Terri here, I think she’s starting to wonder if by make a cup of tea Malcolm ACTUALLY meant buy your souls and that she MAY have just sold them all for a single folded
I’ve been waiting until I was in the shite and wheezy camp to repost this – it’s the only good part of getting sick – but Malcolm’s snuggly fleece always makes me feel loads better.
I mean, just look at him strutting into the office with his hands in his fleecy
pockets all happy and smiley and relaxed from stabbing Steve Fleming in
the back (while clearly also showing the influence of spending time with Julius what with the highly specific attention to extraneous extra detail) and not caring at all that he looks like a suburban dad out
running errands – proving once and for all that he doesn’t need a suit to have authority.
Wow, Steve Fleming, if politics ever manages to get rid of you for good, you’ve clearly got a future as The World’s Most Unstable Tour Guide.
But forget horrible Steve – this is all about Malcolm and the OVERWHELMING POWER OF THE SNUGGLY FLEECE!
All of his other civilian clothes carry a hint of vulnerability, but Malcolm in his Snuggly Fleece is invincible. Just look at him strut his stuff
I mean, I completely get why he needed to go back to his suit to symbolize his full return to power, but in retrospect I’m kind of sad about it too: because the few hours (within 308) that he was Snuggly Malc were perhaps the hours that he was the most self-confident and most self-assured.that we ever see him.
Well I hate to doubt Malcolm, but I think there’s a *slight* possibility Snuggly Malc might just be Bad Malc in a fleecy 40 tog disguise.
Although when I think about it, Bad Malc magically transforming into Snuggly Malc (who just wants everyone to have a nice cup of tea) is still more believable than the idea that Ollie has ~feelings~ that someone could actually hurt.
And does Glenn ever get his nice cup of tea? No, he does not. Poor Glenn :(
(1997) Five minute short with Peter and his spikey hair and Sam West and his dubious Scottish accent where an unhappy man meets a ghost who tells him about the Christmas Truce of 1914. This is a new link that shouldn’t require any special software to view.
(1999) Aside from everything else, here we have BRIAN BLESSED’S BEARD meeting the earliest version of The Greatest Mustache in the World. This was made a couple of years after they were in Tom Jones together and this time they managed to share all their scenes without Peter being knocked out at any point.
(2010) The best part of this (aside from Balthazar’s awesome hat, impressive almost BLESSED-esque beard, and extremely sunburned nose) are Peter’s heartfelt words about the absolute pleasure of working with camels:
They never stop spitting, farting, shitting, vomiting – and those big teeth. At least a horse you can come to some terms with the relationship, but a camel’s like get the fuck off me. This is not going to end happily.
And now my annual seasonal celebration of The Greatest Store in the World which gave us festive braces and a tiny kitty conversation and an early Snuggly Fleece (and a non-punching BRIAN BLESSED), but – and this is what elevates this film to true greatness – also brought us the original The Greatest Mustache in the World that would not be surpassed until Mr Whiskers traded in his doorman’s blue for a cardinal’s red. (And by red I obviously mean black leather.)
Real Life Peter as Peter-as-Malcolm as Buddha on the cover of GQ Magazine.
Which is lovely to contrast with the original snuggly fleece scene where it was more like Malcolm as Malcolm-as-Smeagol as Buddha on the cover of GQ Magazine (which is kind of equally wonderful in its own way).
Ah, Brian aka Mr Whiskers the (apparently) only doorman at Scottley’s Department Store and possessor of The Greatest Mustache in the World (1999 edition). Besides the awesome lip topiary, he also has lots of cool gold braid to go with his gold buttons and top hat, festive holiday braces (that don’t quite attach to his trousers correctly in the back), attractive hi viz bike gear (whatever you do, don’t tell Malcolm), plus a snuggly fleece AND a hungry kitten called Ruby who gives well-chosen Christmas presents.
I suspect for Peter this was more of a “A man’s got to eat” role – the shoehorned in appearance by S Club 7 is probably not the highlight of his career – but on the other hand, it does have BRIAN BLESSED and Ricky Tomlinson in the cast, and going by the Youtube comments, a lot of people associate this film with very happy childhood memories and consider it something of a holiday classic for the 1990s CBBC generation.
Interest has been expressed so here’s the post I rescued from version 1.0 of my blog on Malcolm’s arc – if you’ll forgive the term – in s3 vs his arc in s4. I didn’t remember to make a note of the original posting date, but it would have been sometime in 2013. Everything from the title down is the original text and hasn’t been edited except for a couple of new bits that are marked.
Also, I almost feel like I should apologize for the gif from that scene in 307 because I don’t know about you, but it pretty much stabs me directly in the soul.
Malcolm’s Downfall: an essay in many words
I don’t care what Armando and the writers say, Malcolm didn’t have his downfall in series 4. He didn’t lose everything when he lied at the Goolding Inquiry or when he resigned on the steps of the police station.
(I do love how Nicola trusts Snuggly!Malc and his universal have-a-hot-drinky hand gesture least of all and how Snuggly!Malc’s face conveys his total absolute utter profound blankness at Nicola’s particular hot drinky of choice.)