EDWARD NYGMA HEAD CANNONS PLEASE!
My little noodle son! Yes, I will tell you my head cannons! 💖
So let me tell ya’ll about my boy Ed, here!
- This boy‘s IQ is off the charts!
- Brain teasers/puzzles (Like the really advanced ones that would take any ordinary person hours to do) bore the shit outta him so he actually makes his own
Has a terrible balance - Not very coordinated either
- Is hella awkward, but in a confident way if that makes any sense?
- Like you could be walking behind him and he’d trip and almost fall, and for a lot of people that might be super embarrassing but he doesn’t give a shit. He’d smile at himself (CAUSE HE’S ADORABLE) and be like, “Oops! Curse my two left feet!” Then he’d look at the person behind him, whereas many people would be too embarrassed to even acknowledge the trip, he’d just smile that precious baby smile and say, “Haha, sorry about that!”
- Loves to whistle and hum
- When Ed was still with the GPD and he was in the lab alone the baby would just be diligently at work and he’d whistle some dorky song like The X-Files theme
- LOVES MYSTERY/SYFY/CRIMINAL THRILLER MOVIES/TV SHOWS Loves shit like Dexter, Criminal Minds, Twin Peaks, and ESPECIALLY X-FILES
- Total conspiracy theorist because they are the one puzzle he cannot crack (Hella believes in aliens)
- Favorite pet would be a rat because of how smart and fluffy they are
- SUPER clean and hygienic, possibly has a minor obsessive compulsive disorder?
- Washes his hands like 20 times a day
- Is actually really funny once you get to know him
- Once he is comfortable enough to let his guard down in front of you he is actually a puppy dog
What if he likes you, ya ask? What if he /LIKES YOU LIKES YOU/??
- Oh Ed, my awkward baby boy, has never exactly been successful in the love department
- Once he has feelings for you he will become a bumbling baby until finally you do something so mind boggling perfect (Like, I dunno answer one of his really hard riddles correctly and manage to impress him on a higher level) and it gives his darker side the power to push through and handle the situation
- Once the desire to have you in his arms
and under his naked bodyhas reached it’s peak then he can no longer control his more sinister half
- Once dark Ed is in the picture he will very actively pursue you
- He’d just approach you one day and be like, “So I’m sure you’ve comprehended that my views towards you are very positive. Truth is I am actually incredibly attracted to you and I think we’re two pieces-” He’d smirk that subtle yet very cocky smirk of his, “of a puzzle destined to be solved.”
- He’d probably do some elaborate puzzle-esk thing to officially ask you out
- Like he’d break into your apartment when you weren’t home and set up a scavenger hunt in your house that led you all over town until finally you ended up somewhere sentimental, i dunno the first place you met maybe, with him standing there looking all dapper ready to ask you out, flowers in hand.
- Once you are his he becomes one affectionate mother fucker
- But in a very sweet an innocent way!
- He loves to hold your hand!
- When you are walking through the city, going out to eat or shopping, he’ll just start swinging your hands and smiling because he has you and he couldn’t be happier!
- When he pecks you on the lips he can never just do it once! He will peck you three times all in a row, mwah mwah mwah!
- Gives the most gentle yet intoxicating hugs in the world
- And, honey, the look in his eyes when he looks at you gives you goose bumps because Edward loves with all his heart, and if you’re lucky enough to be that person, then you will never go a day wondering if he loves you. He will make sure you know!
How about the dirty stuff, huh?
- It’s hard to say because there are two sides of Edward to cover here
- Once he is yours, and he is confident that you accept him, both sides of him would probably shown equally - totally extends to the bedroom
- Some nights he’s gentle and sweet and would just be content watching you sleep - He’s still so amazed that you are in his bed!
- But then there are the more ‘sinister’ nights where he’s feeling a little extra confident and will fuck the living daylights outta you
- He will throw you onto your stomach and very calmly be like, “Don’t resist, baby, you’ll love this every bit as much as I do,” before ramming himself into you
- One those nights get ready for a sore pelvic the next morning
- Loves a woman’s breast, and will be very attentive to them! Carefully massaging, nibbling, and suckling to hear those light moans that drive him mad
- Is really good with pleasing someone with his hands, after all he has these big long fingers perfect for foreplay
- Isn’t really a sub or a dom and I feel his partner should be the same
- Like, one night he’ll totally dominate his partner, tie them to the bed and rock their world, but then on other nights he’ll be his regular gentle self and will be fine with being tenderly kissed by his love while they take charge
- Just depends on the events leading up to the lay I guess
- Also, no matter how the sex went, afterwards Edward loves to snuggle
- Panting heavily in one another arms, he’ll kiss you on the top of the head, inhaling your scent, and just truthfully tell you how important you are to him
Point blank, this psycho baby is also precious! 💖