snoop dragon

I played DnD for the first time today.

It was one hell of an experience. Some of the highlights include, but are not limited to:

  • Sneep Snoop the gnome [created by the lovely @sparky-sparky-boom-man122] stabs a dragon in the ass (more than once) and the dragon discovers his inner kinks.
  • My character (Saint), arguably a cultist who literally stole body parts from the people we killed, was introduced into the campaign by being reverse-vored by a character named The Extreme Succ and nobody even questioned it. It was just okay. Saint joins the party.
  • Saint creams himself more times through the like, 5-hour playthrough, than the average person does throughout their entire life.
  • Saint accidentally made a mayor attempt to end his own life by jumping off a balcony and barely survived when literally all he was doing was trying to share about his god that he’s terribly obsessed with.
  • The character Pierre-la-Pierre gets absolutely fucked up in every bar the party comes across, and every time Saint ends up carrying him because he’s weirdly strong for a cleric.
  • The wonderful character Straight White Man™ ends up with 200 lbs. of various keychains.
  • A centaur watchers as Saint rips apart the corpses of giant lizards and collects 2 lizard hands, 3 lizard tongues, 4 lizard spines, and 4 lizard skins (slightly charred.)
  • After a group of bandits get charred in a burning fart, everyone watches in horror as Saint scoops up a pound of crispy flesh from their bodies. The DM demands that Saint changes his alignment from Chaotic Neutral to Chaotic Evil.
  • Saint manages to accidentally convert an entire town of 92 people to his religion all thanks to a 12 year old he converted first.
  • Saint decides to make a weapon called Linda the Lizardfucker using 2 spines wrapped around one another, plastering it together with the pound of flesh, attaching the lizard tongues, putting two lizard hands on said tongues, a tooth shaped rock on the last tongue, and finding a necromancer to bring it to life.
  • Pierre sings a song to the king of previously mentioned town and his player actually did it via a ukulele and it was beautiful.
  • Said song was so beautiful that the king converts to Saint’s religion, forgets the previously terrible conversation, and spoons with several party members: Saint is the littlest spoon, who is spooned by the king, while the king is spooned by Pierre, while Pierre is spooned by the Queen. Sneep Snoop snuggles with the royal hounds and honestly goals.

Noodle: “You need to say sorry to 2D.”

Murdoc: “I’ve got nothing to be sorry for, sweetie.”

*Noodle, Russel, Del, Paula, Boogieman, Evangelist, Mr. Kyuzo, Rachel Pot, Hannibal, Shaun Rider, Damon Albarn, Nelson de Frietas, Phil Cornwell, Jabob Sebastian Niccals, Granny Niccals, Russel Hobbs Sr., Mama Hobbs, David Pot’s corpse, The Black Clouds, Snoop Dogg, Little Dragon, all members of De La Soul, Kali Uchis, 2D’s ex-girlfriend Rachel, the manatee on Plastic Beach, and Massive Dick all point various weapons at his neck and chest*

Noodle: “Are you sure about that. :)”

youtube

BBC Radio 1 - Big Weekend 2015 Mash-Up

Its strangely endearing though such a hot mess.

The Lust of the Mind (Cullen/F!Quiz; NSFW; Chapter One)

From a prompt on a facebook Cullenites group: “Cullen gets ahold of Quiz’s journal while she’s way from Skyhold! How long will it take before he gives in to curiosity?”

I struggled with this one at first. Couldn’t figure out a way to get Cullen to read her diary without keeping him in character. Thanks to @eravalefantasy for giving my muse a much-needed jumpstart!

Summary: It’s not his fault the journal ends up in his hands. And surely no one could fault him for taking a peek to make sure she’s alright. And just who IS that mystery man she’s so infatuated with? Probably a spy!

A fic in which Cullen gets ahold of the Inquisitor’s journal when she’s away. Let’s just hope curiosity doesn’t kill the lion, too.

Rating: NSFW-ish

Pairing: Cullen/F!Quiz; background Iron Bull/Dorian

Warnings: Trust issues; sexual content; sexual situations; nightmares; mentions of PTSD and trauma. May add more later.

AO3 link if that’s your thing.

Preview below, with the rest of the first chapter below the jump!


Normally, nothing all that exciting occurred while the Inquisitor was away from Skyhold. Cullen had more than enough paperwork and daily duties to fill his time—duties he usually pushed aside in favor of War Council meetings and chess matches when Guinevere was in residence. It was soothing for the both of them, and gave them an opportunity to try their hands at normalcy. In short, she was a distraction he was all too happy to avail himself of, which meant more work when she was gone.

He rolled his neck and leaned back in his chair, arching his spine until his vertebrae crackled like old firewood. How long had he been sitting? He’d been up before the dawn, foregoing anything more than the most basic morning training session before retreating back to his office. He’d worked through lunch, shucked his armor hours ago, and the sky was darkening outside now, streaks of peach-pink fading quickly into soft, sullen shades of blue. His protesting back had been worth it: his desk was mostly clear, the pile of letters, requisitions, and orders resting neatly stacked and ready for delivery at the corner. When the Inquisitor returned in a few days, he’d be able to enjoy their long talks without any guilt; or, at least, guilt of the duty-related kind. He carried enough already from his ill-advised infatuation. No need to add to it.

He was just considering whether or not to head down to the Herald’s Rest for a well-deserved meal when there came an urgent knocking at his office door. Cullen frowned, rising to his feet to stride around his desk towards the door. He’d already had the afternoon messages delivered, and things had been quiet all day. An attack, maybe?

Maker’s breath, he thought as he jerked the door open. It would be just their luck to have Corypheus show himself while Guinevere was off clearing out a nest of bandits.

Jim blinked back at him, hand still raised to knock again. There was a pause, and Jim looked just guilty enough, all darting eyes and flushed cheeks, to set off alarm bells in Cullen’s mind, even though that particular expression of the scout’s wasn’t exactly unfamiliar by this point. Yes?“ Cullen prompted after a moment. "You have something?”

Jim saluted. “Commander. I’m afraid we had a small accident.”

“Go on, then,” Cullen said firmly, already dreading what was coming next. Probably a scuffle between the men, which wasn’t unusual now and then when they had nothing better to do. Some formations in the valley below might be in order, though, if they were already getting into trouble.

“I’m afraid it’s better if we show you, Commander.”


Keep reading

In reference to this post, I present my design document for The Elder Scrolls VI: Khajiit Snowboard Adventures - “Believe In Your Dreams!”

It’s about a group of six khajiit best friends who are also the best professional snowboarders in all Tamriel, who have to save their favorite ski resort in the Druadach Mountain backcountry from evil Thalmor developers who want to expand their embassy and use magic to make the climate all comfortable and boring.

The Altmer might have the power of CHIM, but the khajiit have the power of FRIENDSHIP! …And mad snowboarding skillz.

Featuring the voice talents of:

Tom Hiddleston as Ondolemar

Alan Cumming as Ancano

And the SnoTigerz are: Lea Delaria, Drake, Nicki Minaj, Miranda Cosgrove, Travis Rice, and Jack Black

Special Guest Appearance by Snoop Lion as Riddle'Thar, Dragon Cat of Skooma