I played DnD for the first time today.
It was one hell of an experience. Some of the highlights include, but are not limited to:
- Sneep Snoop the gnome [created by the lovely @sparky-sparky-boom-man122] stabs a dragon in the ass (more than once) and the dragon discovers his inner kinks.
- My character (Saint), arguably a cultist who literally stole body parts from the people we killed, was introduced into the campaign by being reverse-vored by a character named The Extreme Succ and nobody even questioned it. It was just okay. Saint joins the party.
- Saint creams himself more times through the like, 5-hour playthrough, than the average person does throughout their entire life.
- Saint accidentally made a mayor attempt to end his own life by jumping off a balcony and barely survived when literally all he was doing was trying to share about his god that he’s terribly obsessed with.
- The character Pierre-la-Pierre gets absolutely fucked up in every bar the party comes across, and every time Saint ends up carrying him because he’s weirdly strong for a cleric.
- The wonderful character Straight White Man™ ends up with 200 lbs. of various keychains.
- A centaur watchers as Saint rips apart the corpses of giant lizards and collects 2 lizard hands, 3 lizard tongues, 4 lizard spines, and 4 lizard skins (slightly charred.)
- After a group of bandits get charred in a burning fart, everyone watches in horror as Saint scoops up a pound of crispy flesh from their bodies. The DM demands that Saint changes his alignment from Chaotic Neutral to Chaotic Evil.
- Saint manages to accidentally convert an entire town of 92 people to his religion all thanks to a 12 year old he converted first.
- Saint decides to make a weapon called Linda the Lizardfucker using 2 spines wrapped around one another, plastering it together with the pound of flesh, attaching the lizard tongues, putting two lizard hands on said tongues, a tooth shaped rock on the last tongue, and finding a necromancer to bring it to life.
- Pierre sings a song to the king of previously mentioned town and his player actually did it via a ukulele and it was beautiful.
- Said song was so beautiful that the king converts to Saint’s religion, forgets the previously terrible conversation, and spoons with several party members: Saint is the littlest spoon, who is spooned by the king, while the king is spooned by Pierre, while Pierre is spooned by the Queen. Sneep Snoop snuggles with the royal hounds and honestly goals.