snip toe

yaoicosmetics-deactivated201601  asked:

Mom will you tell me a bed time story ?

Sure. Once upon a time there lived a beautiful actress named Elisabeth Shue. She lived inside a giant golden donut chair in the hollywood hills. She had a servant named Tong who would snip her toes but they always grew back, and when they’d grow back, she’d giggle. One day her agent G-Mart sent her to an audition and when she finished the reading, the casting director asked her to remove her uterus and place it on the scale. Elisabeth has always been deeply curious, you know probably a little too curious, about how much things weigh, especially her own organs. This was a great opportunity. Not only was this audition going very well, she was about to learn something and learning was always exciting. She reached inside her vagina, pulled out her uterus and with a little run and jump she dunked it onto the scale like Michael Jordan. The crowd (the casting director’s 2 Chinese assistants) went wild. Feeling very satisfied, E. Shue gave herself a high-5, her slimy hands slapping loudly. But to her dismay, she noticed that the scale wasn’t registering any weight at all. The casting director shrugged ruefully and pouted, “I’m sorry Elisabeth, but I just don’t think you’re quite what we’re looking for.” Elisabeth, a woman of grace and dignity, grabbed her uterus, shoved it back up her Coochie hole, and said “that’s all right, Maureen” (the director’s name was Paul) “I understand,” she smiled as she ran and jumped out the window, and then hit the pavement and instantly died.