Addiction is not pretty girls sniffing cocaine on glass tables in low-cut dresses and drinking expensive liquor that you cant even pronounce.
Addiction is not a “quirk” that you can add to characters in your fan-fiction, to make them tragedy.
Addiction is that feeling of relief when your paycheque comes in, even if its supposed to pay your rent.
Addiction is watching your face hollow out, following suit with your mind.
Addiction is telling your friends and family that it’s “just allergies”, even though you have sounded stuffed up all-year round.
Addiction is that look of disapproval and pity the volunteers at the drug clinic give you, as you throw your used needles into that yellow bio-hazard box, and reluctantly take a pack of 10 new clean ones.
Addiction is sitting in 7 day detox programs, writing out a 90 day recovery plan, and praying that you can actually stick to it. Praying.
Addiction is lies.
Addiction is feelings of shame.
Drugs were supposed to be fun.
They used to help you break down those social barriers, although ironically enough, now you couldn’t care less if you didn’t see another person ever again for the rest of your life.
On the inhale.
You feel your heart pump faster.
Your blood speeds through your system.
You feel feelings of euphoria you didnt know were possible.
On the exhale.
You realize thats another $50 dollars gone.
You remember that thing you had to do yesterday that you slept through.
You remember the cracking in your mothers voice when you picked up the phone and told her you weren’t coming home again.
You remember what you had. You remember what you lost.
Drugs can take you to other worlds, much different than our own.
But they will never take you to a world that mirrors what life was like before.
“Writing And Other Drugs” by Chris Manchester (writingandotherdrugs)
As a young child I wanted to be a writer because writers were rich and famous. They lounged around Singapore and Rangoon smoking opium in a yellow pongee silk suit. They sniffed cocaine in Mayfair and they penetrated forbidden swamps with a faithful native boy and lived in the native quarter of Tangier smoking hashish and languidly caressing a pet gazelle.
<b></b> So Sherlock just went back after his death...<p/><b>Sherlock:</b> John? *looks on the flat*<p/><b>Sherlock:</b> John? *he saw John*<p/><b></b> John is in Sherlock's room, laughing as he sniffed some cocaine, looking at Sherlock. Mary's dead already and her daughter were always abused. Sherlock fell on his knees.<p/><b>Sherlock:</b> What have I done?<p/><b>John:</b> Oh hi Sherlock.<p/></p>
“Something about the bad boys is just so intriguing”
Lukes body was tense, his mind was jumbled with different emotions. He couldn’t keep himself focused on one thing, he would jump from thinking about (y/n) to thinking about drinking until he couldn’t remember his own god damn name. Anger would flash through his head as he tried to suppress the anger and keep his fist bottled to his side. Sadness would prick his face, causing his features to droop in ways he wasn’t used too. He wasn’t used to this feeling, the feeling of being lost over someone. Never once did Luke let feelings like this take over his body, he didn’t know how to adapt to this. All he knew was he wanted you, and only you.
His breathing was yet again uneven and his eyes were clouded with all the different emotions, he felt like he was going to pass out. But that didn’t stop him from getting in the car and driving straight to the party he was supposed to take you too. He needed a distraction, a way to get his mind off of you; which he seemed to think was impossible. Luke mind was buzzing with anger caused by himself, his already damaged fists banged against the steering wheel of his car. “Fuck!” he screamed as his hands retracted to his messy blond hair. His hands tugged at the roots of his hair in frustration. “fuck” he mumbled once again, not even bothering to stop the money tear trailing down his cheek.
Once he somewhat gained his composure back he set his eyes onto the road and pulled out of Ashtons driveway not giving one look back.
“Ive got to talk to him” you trailed off. “I care about him, thats why I was so upset” you looked up at ashton to see his soft eyes looking into yours.
“He needs someone like you” He stated giving you a small smile. You tilted your head in confusion hoping Ashton would get the hint and explain. Thankfully he did, “Im sure he’s told you, or you know since everyone in the schools knows about his drinking and drug use.” He paused looking up at you once gain, and you nodded for him to continue. “I guess I’m just worried about him, same goes to Calum and Michael. Once Luke told me he wanted to settle down because he met you, I got this wash of relief. Since I’m the only one that realized drugs and alcohol won’t keep me happy and that it was only destroying my body, I limited myself and stopped getting so wasted to the point where i couldn’t even stand every weekend, Im just happy Luke is actually having some type of real human feeling like this. He’s basically a robot, he doesn’t show emotion often” he chuckled sadly. Your eyes soften and you felt your heart pang with sadness, hearing about not only Lukes emotions, but also Ashton talking about his past and about how much he cares for the boys filled your heart with sadness and some type of comfort.
“I care about him a lot Ashton, Im just scared of getting hurt I guess” you admitted while raising your hand to awkwardly rub at your arm.
“I know Luke has that reputation, you know.. The one where he only sleeps around and leaves girls hurt. But he wouldn’t do that to you, I know that for a fact.” Ashton placed his hand on your shoulder giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Come on, Lukes at my place.”
He lead you over to his car and opened the door for you, you thanked him softly hopping in. Ashton jogged over to the drivers seat and started the car as he sat down bucking up. You looked out the window not exactly knowing what to say, you kept quiet and let the comfortable silence consume you. The only noise being the passing cars and the soft humming of Ashton. You foot tapped with anxiety as you patients was wearing thin, you just wanted to see the tall blonde boy.
Although it only took about 5 minutes to actually drive to Ashtons place, it seemed like an hour. You jumped out of the car faster than Ashton, you looked at his facial expression to see it was filled with worry and anger at the same time. “Shit, shit, shit, this is not good” his hand reached up to his hair as he switched the part to the other side, only to fix it a few seconds later. “Fuck, no”
“Ashton, what happened?” you walked over to him cautiously. He started pacing back and forth and his head snapped up at your voice.
“What time is it?”
You pulled out your phone to check the time. “Almost 8ish, why?”
Ashton didn’t even answer your question as his long legs started taking him back to his car. You stood in the same place watching him, once he noticed you not following he quickly tuned and motioned for you to get in the car. “Get in, were going to the party”
Luke made his way to the back of the house, pushing his lanky body through the many people grinding and dancing. He scoffed at the once couple making out against the wall, their hands groping and touching each other excessively. His large hand reached up and rubbed his tired face, he knew he looked like shit but at this point he didn’t care.
“Hemmings! Glad you could make it, but I know you’d never miss the party” Calum slurred at he walked over to Luke, a blond bimbo wrapped around his waist. Luke face twisted in disgust, usually he’d be smirking towards Calum and giving him the thumbs up. Calum smirked down at the girl and attached his lips to her neck as he pushed her head back and closed her eyes. Luke couldn’t stand the sight anymore and made his way further into the house. All he wanted right now was the alcohol and drugs.
He finally came to find the specific group of people he was looking for, he walked over to them casually and tapped on one guys shoulder. “Hemmings! Good to see you again” The guy turned and smiled at him.
“Im not in the mood for small talk today Daniel” He scoffed trying to get straight to the point. He raised his hands in defense and chucked lightly.
“Alright I get it, you need a distraction” He smirked while reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small bag full of white powder. Once Luke saw the substance his mind went blank and he suddenly forgot about everything. He snatched the bag from Daniel and muttered something about paying him back later. He hurriedly walked over to find some type of open area where he could lay the drug down and inhale it into his body. He picked up the pace and stared to light jog, not bothering to apologize when he bumped into other people.
Once he found an open table with no one there and only a few bottles littering the small space, he look a seat and slid in until his body hit the wall. He pushed all the beer cans and bottles to the ground making a loud clanking noise. He pulled the small bag from his hands and opened in lightly sprinkling it onto the table. Once he divided the harmful substance into 3 separate this lines, he pulled a dollar bill from his back pocked and rolled it. He jumped out of his thoughts when the felt the buzzing of his phone against his leg, he pulled it out to see your name on the screen. For a split second he debated answering and trashing the drug and never looking back. His forehead creased and his eyes narrowed as all the thoughts from today flooded his mind again. He laughed dryly and ignore the call putting his nose up against the dollar bill and sniffing each line of cocaine. Lukes eyes rolled to the back os his head in satisfaction of the familiar feeling. He reached his arm up to his nose to wipe it with his sleeve, he smiled proudly as his eyes darkened. He felt his heart pick up in pace and every trace of guilt and anger washed away with pure satisfaction.
He didn’t plan on stopping here, he made sure to walk into the kitchen confidently. He was met with a group of people taking body shots off of each other, Luke smiled to himself and walked over to get a closer look. He pushed through the small group to make his way to the front. His eyes were met with a small brunette laying on the counter with her fully body exposed. Confidence took over Lukes body as the shot laid on her body. He dipped his head down, lips coming in contact with her stomach causing the small girl to squirm at the cool contact of his lip ring. Luke smirked at the reaction and took the shot into his mouth, tipping his head back to feel the liquid burn the back of his throat.
Luke fun was ruined when he heard the familiar voice of his best friend calling his name over the loud blaring of the music. He drowned another shot by himself and turned around to be met with Ashton and you. Your eyes met his, only you couldn’t recognize them. His eyes a deep shade of blue, looking almost black. He had a crooked smile on his face, and his body was leaning from side to side. You looked behind him to see the almost naked girl sitting there as the shot glass lay in his hand. Your heart broke slightly of the idea of his hands on someone else but you quickly shook it off.
“Luke, come on lets go home” You spoke softy, trying to keep your voice from breaking. He shook his head no as the twisted smirk spread further across his face. You desperately looked at Ashton already knowing you wouldn’t be able to fight Luke. Ashton quickly walked towards him and man handled him by throwing the boy over his shoulders.
“Put me the fuck down” He screamed at Ashton. He didn’t even flinch as Lukes fists connected with his back.
“Im not letting you mess up the only good thing in your life, Im sorry Luke but I’m not” Ashton stated with a serious expression across his face.
“I don’t care about my life, leave me alone asshole!” He screamed, causing you to jump slightly. The words broke your heart ‘I don’t care about my life’
Ashton didn’t answer he only held on tighter as he walked right out the front door. You quickly followed behind, shutting the door on your way out. Luke was still pounding his fists against Ashton, but he knew he had no chance. Ashton threw Luke against the car lightly pinning him against it. A small bag fell out of his pocket and your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Ashton didn’t seem to notice, so you walked over carefully and picked it up walking back over to your previous place.
“I am not letting you do this to yourself again, Im not going to watch you destroy yourself. I won’t Luke, and (Y/n) won’t either. Im not going to let you throw her around, I know you don’t want to do that and I won’t let you.”
Your eyes focused on the small bag full of white powder. You brought it closer to get a better look, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as realization took over your body. Your breath quickened and your hands started shaking.
“Oh my god” your voice came out small and horse. Luke and Ashtons eyes both diverted over to yours.
“What the fuck is this” you cried.
I FINNALLY FINISHED, I’m so happy i finally got this part up. I hope this doesn’t seem rushed.
I really hope you guys like it and i hope this isn’t crap it took me two full hours to write it all.
Please request for a part 6, if you want a part 6.
Her intelligence had no place In a world indifferent to the mind; A cult for the admiration of the body And her beauty only rivaled her deceipt. She was like a spider living in a flower. Hungry. Waiting for the bees. But there was space between her sky and the faces turned toward it; animal tracks fossilized from prehistoric times.
Sipping generically passionate words and sniffing sweet cocaine. She said she collected knives “Because they’re sexual.” A parasite living in a host’s veins. And when she cried flowers wilted at her feet. She said: “It’s always better to be carried away with emotion than be completely unmoved.” But when she threw her knees In the air for me, she thought about how pretty words can’t explain The world that she’s seen; And she kind of hates people; A virus in a water filled cell. But they’re beautiful when they sleep. She wore death’s grin above her chin; Like the center of someone else’s galaxy. And, She smells like raspberries, but tastes like rum.
Hey 90s can you tell me a story from your childhood? I need some cheering up
i don’t think my dad ever loved my mom. like i wasn’t a planned, my parents had me when they were super young, and i guess they were forced to be together, but my dad stuck around. anyway, my mom died when i was 11, and that she killed herself. anyway, i don’t think my dad loved my mom. like his favorite movie was “Pretty In Pink” because its a movie about finding true love, and I remember him watching it and staring at Molly Ringwald really weird, and at the end of the film when Blaine tells Andie he loves her, and then she runs after him and they kiss, my dad would get really emotional and then he’d see me and get mad and make me do some stupid chore around the house, like blaming me for him never finding true love. Also, whenever the Pretty In Pink song, OMD - If You Leave, would come on he would mouth the lyrics to himself.
After my mom died, my dad re-married, and I think he loved her a lot way more than he ever did my mom. Which was messed up. Or I don’t know. My dad loved me though, like he would buy me anything I ever wanted and he did a lot for me and made sure I was happy I guess, it was crazy, because one day I was randomly like, “Dad I really want to go to Disneyland.” and he was like “Ok son, we’ll go this weekend, just the two of us, father and son.” and it was that easy. So we lived in El Paso, Texas which is quite a way from Anaheim, California where Disneyland is located, but my dad took Friday off work, and said we’d drive there thursday night. Around 8 PM that thursday, my dad comes home, and he’s wearing an 8 Ball leather jacket and Hard Rock Cafe baseball cap and blue jeans, he looked really stupid, and he yells out “90s, get your ass out here! Are you packed? Lets fucking go.” and I was like “Yeah, but I’m hungry I want to have some chicken fingers before we leave.” and my dad was like “Just get in the fucking car.” and I was like “No, I want chicken fingers first.” and then my gives me the scariest look and he had the craziest look in his eyes like he was on drugs, and he said “I’ll buy you some food on the road, don’t defy me!” and I was like, “Fine, whatever, but where ever we go better have chicken fingers.” and I put on my mickey mouse hoodie, and went to my dads Black 1996 Chevrolet Corvette and before I get out I notice my dad frenching my step mom, Catherine, really hard, and I was like “Ewww, gross.”
So anyway, my Dad put on The Wallflowers into the cd player, and I was like “This sucks, I want to listen to Green Day.” and my dad was like “Whatever.” and I put in the Green Day album Insomniac into the cd player. Then my dad speeds off really fast, like he was driving crazy fast, once we got to the freeway, i could swear we were going 100 MPH, and I was like “Dad, why are you driving so fast?” and he was all “We have to make good time.” and I was all “What about my chicken fingers?” and my dad was like “What is it with you and chicken fingers? Where the fuck can we get chicken fingers anyway? Can’t you just eat some McDonalds?” and I was like “Yeah they have chicken nuggets there, I prefer chicken fingers though, but we can go there.” and my dad was like “Chicken, whatever, chicken is chicken. Jeepers creepers. You’re just like your bitch mom.” So we get some chicken mcnuggets from a McDonalds drive thru and I’m eating them and listening to Green Day really loud and my dad is driving at like 100 MPH down the freeway. My dad drove super fast. Once we got into New Mexico, I swear we were driving at least 120 MPH.
I fell asleep in the backseat around 12 AM, but a few hours later I wake up to weird sniffing sounds, and the car is parked, and I hear my dad sniffing stuff, I think he was sniffing cocaine, and it was just super weird to see my dad doing drugs. Then I go back to sleep. I wake up at around 7 AM and we’re in California and pretty close to Disneyland and my dad is still awake and speeding the car down the freeway. And I was all “Dad!” and my dad was so coked out of his mind he didn’t even hear me until I hit him in the head, and he was like “What? What! What?!” and I was like “I need to go to the bathroom.” and he was like “Yeah yeah, sure, we’ll stop at Denny’s and get some breakfast.” so we find a Denny’s and I go to the bathroom and get some pancakes, and my dad didn’t eat anything he’s just reading the newspaper and talking to himself about how he hates Bill Clinton .
A few hours later we get to Disneyland, and check into the Disneyland hotel and I’m so pumped. My dad was like “Ok champ we’re here, but I’m really sleepy, why dont you go to the park on your own.” and he gives me like $200 in twenty dollar bills, my ticket to Disneyland, and he falls asleep. And I was like “Whatever.” and leave our hotel room and take the hotel shuttle to Disneyland and had the best time of my life, like I was running around the entire park and going on every ride, and buying hecka souvenirs, like I bought mickey ears, a mickey sweater, and had mickey mouse shaped chicken nuggets, and I had like 3 things of cotton candy and I went on the star wars ride like 3 times in a row, and at night there was a rad parade down main street, the disney electrical parade, and there were vendors selling like glow sticks and glow necklaces and i bought like $40 worth of glow stuff and was dancing really hard to the parade music with my glow sticks. It was great. And I was hugging like every mascot in the park. I hugged Mickey, I hugged Minnie, I hugged Donald, and I hugged Goofy.
So the park closes and I take the shuttle back to the hotel, but I forgot what room we were in so I go up to the hotel counter and I told them my dads name and they gave me the room, and I went there. So I get there and I knock really hard and theres no answer, I start kicking the door and I’m “Open the door! Open the door!” and I’m like roundhouse kicking the door for 2 mins. Finally the door opens, and a really sexy lady runs out, I go in, and the room is a mess, theres clothes everywhere and room service, and the beds are all unmade, and I see cocaine on a lil glass next to the tv, and my dad yells out “How was the park?” and I was like “It was rad as hell.” and my dad was like “Good.” and my dad is like naked underneath his blankets and hes like “Do me a favor, toss me my boxers.” and I was like “Eww..” and I did it, and he was like “You’re ok? I’m going to go out, and hit the city.” and I was like “Yeah I’m going to order some chicken fingers though.” and my dad was like getting dressed and he tries to hide how he’s putting the cocaine he has out back into his lil baggie. And then I turn on the TV and order “The Nutty Professor” on pay per view, and then pick up the phone and order some chicken fingers. and my dad is all getting ready and putting on cologne n stuff and hes like “Ok, I’ll be back, we’ll go to the park tomorrow. Do you need anything?” and I was all watching the movie and laughing really hard and I was like “What? No. Ok, bye”