snickers candy bar

stahma-deactivated20160611  asked:

Hey, what's your favorite candy? For reasons.

My favorite candy is the best candy: Snickers. In my mind, a Snickers bar is the American flag. The only thing better than a Snickers bar is a Snickers ice cream bar. It’s as wonderful as it sounds: The awesome brilliance of a Snickers bar married to the perfection that is ice cream. If I find out when I die that I would’ve lived ten years longer had I eaten no ice cream, I would cry tears of joy that I lived such a full and happy life, and only regret that I didn’t eat more ice cream.

Anyway, since I have the floor, let me tell you about my friends’ candy draft. There were five or so of us, and we went out and purchased either candy bars or candy packets (e.g. like a single serving carton of Mike & Ike’s or Skittles, etc.), one each of a number of varieties. If there were 6 of us, then we would’ve bought 30 varieties of candy. Then via a random lottery, we determined an order, and participated in a snake-style candy draft. I had the first pick. This was my haul—in order:

Aside from the Tootsie Roll (not much to choose from at the end), that is one solid draft. With the first overall pick, I took the LeBron James of candies: the Snickers bar. After that my targeted candy was available in every round save the last, where there was nothing left I wanted.

But, lo! My friends mocked me! They mocked my first pick, and my entire draft! This was a draft that featured wax lips, and that was considered a desirable choice! What a joke! It’s as if we were drafting basketball players, and I was looking for skilled players, and they were looking for players with goofy hairstyles! But I mean, look at that! I got a Twix bar with a fourth round selection! That’s a steal!

Of course, if I’d known how low they valued my candy choices, I could’ve picked something weird off the bat and traded them for two or more candies, but what would have been the point of that? I got my top four choices—in order! That’s a good day, if you ask me!

710) Many of the people who work at my job are doing this weird Biggest Loser thing. I was sitting during a downtime with two of them, both of them fat. One's eating a big container of mashed potatoes with peas and carrots, the other is agonizing over half a Snickers candy bar. Both of them freak out when they find out I'm a vegan. It was most ironic coming from the fat one eating the VEGAN lunch of mashed potatoes/peas/carrots, though (she joked how I eat twigs).