if you don't mind my asking, why are you scared of alcohol? You've mentioned it a few times ad i don't understand what's so bad about it
ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh there’s some personal shit behind it all I’d rather not get into
At it’s core, I guess I’m scared of what it DOES to people. I don’t look at a bottle of wine and freak out, it’s more when I see the person drinking it
I panic really easily, and if someone drinks every day, even just a tiny bit, I will automatically think they’ve got some hidden issues and are turning to alcohol to cope
I hate the casual way people talk about binge drinking and how they joke about needing to be shitfaced to get through the week. Even if it’s just a joke, I KNOW it can be real and that terrifies me
When people get drunk they say things, do things that hurt themselves and others. Your inhibitions get lowered when you’re drunk and I’m scared of the consequences of saying those intrusive thoughts you’d never normally say
The peer pressure you feel the second you’re in high/secondary school to drink, and how you’ll be stigmatized by other kids and even adults if you don’t drink.
I have this one memory of after-prom, a girl from class is burned into my mind. She was totally smashed, her eyes rolling into the back of her head, jaw slack, unable to stand, her friends holding her like a rag doll and her body like it was boneless. I asked if they needed an ambulance and her friends just said ‘nah she does this all the time’
I found out at school on monday she was found in a forest miles away from the party with no shoes or memory.
That’s normalized. It’s horrifying
I myself am easily addicted to stuff, so I stay away from things that could hurt me. A 4 year addiction to olives is not too bad, watching Lilo and Stitch reruns every day is not too bad, but I know that if you replace those simple things with ANYTHING considered a stimulant, depressant or anything, I’ll be in trouble
This is a bit rambly so… hope that answers it.
I am getting a BIT better though. I used to really believe anyone dieting would develop a serious eating disorder and panicked all the time about it. Challenging intrusive thoughts with logic and reason is really difficult, but it does help. I still can’t hold ‘alcohol glasses’ without wanting to scrub my skin, but I can touch a can of beer without too much stress. It’s small but, it’s still improvement