Rant about being genderfluid/genderqueer and the new norms created for it
I find it really annoying that people have this idea that genderfluid/genderqueer means “dressing or presenting as the opposite sex”.
If a person says they’re genderfluid and have a male body then they have to wear dresses in order to be perceived as genderfluid. What??? A genderfluid person with a female body supposedly has to wear men’s clothing or have a very androgynous or Tumblr worthy look (think really short hair with a pastel or bright color with band tees, flower crowns, sneakers and shorts). Dafuq???
It really bothers me.
If someone identifies as genderfluid it doesn’t have to do with their fucking appearance.
The reason I’m bringing it up is because I just saw a cosmopolitan article (it was on Snapchat, I don’t really care for Cosmo) about being genderfluid/genderqueer. I was like “well… Let’s see what they have to say.”
Apparently, it was written by a genderfluid person that was angry at Vogue or some other magazine for having celebrities on their cover that identify as genderfluid but don’t… Look… Genderfluid… And the magazine had tagged the genderfluid couple as “genderfluid goals”
They were all “ugh they say they’re genderfluid but they don’t even have a single pic of the guy wearing a dress! If you wanna have an article on # genderfluid goals then have Zayn wearing a bright red dress with flashy makeup!!” (The celebrities in the article they were complaining about were Zayn Malik, Gigi Hadid, and someone else I can’t remember.)
“Oh sure they may identify as genderfluid and wear a shirt or two from each other’s closets but that doesn’t count and it’s bad!!! They aren’t genderfluid enough!!! You can’t use them!!”
I was so fuckin pissed.
The article continued to say things like being genderfluid isn’t as glamorous and cool as the magazine made it seem and it’s more being spit on, called slurs, and alienated from family which while yes it happens… They were once again saying that it happens because of what you’re wearing.
This whole article by a genderfluid person was basically saying “You can’t be genderfluid unless you wear clothes of the opposite sex. You can’t be on the cover of a magazine or say you’re queer unless you fit the aesthetic. You can’t show happiness for queer people because that just doesn’t exist. Saying these people are genderfluid or genderqueer without them looking like it and calling them new icons for the genderqueer community is wrong. You need to talk to REAL genderfluid people for these articles not these celebrities.”
I. Am. Pissed.
I am genderfluid. I have a female body. But I don’t wear men’s suits or have short hair and I’m not disowned by my family or spit on in public so I guess I don’t count? I guess I’m not genderfluid enough? I don’t know those celebraties or follow them or know much of anything about them at all beyond their names BUT if they identify as genderfluid/genderqueer then they ARE regardless of what they wear. I’ve seen this everywhere even before the article. What “qualifies” as genderfluid.
You know how alienated I feel cuz of that shit? I don’t fit what the communities idea of genderfluid is. I’m not some edgy 20 something year old with the short, colorful hair and dark outfits mixed with pastel. I’m not white and super skinny with flawless skin and straight hair. I don’t have tons of piercings. I don’t have a cool Tumblr or Twitter. I don’t have a bag full of pins and buttons for all the causes I support (not yet at least). And I have multiple writing styles but prefer the more “proper” one so that means I don’t constantly sound like a stereotype most times. (I can switch around depending on what I’m talking about and the mood and all that. But, I prefer to write like this for general or serious purposes.)
No. That’s not me. I have longer and naturally curly hair and I’m mixed with brown skin that has atypical topography and more scars than a burnt butchers board. I have a weird body shape because I was fat but then anorexia happened. I’m basically invisible on social media. I have a pretty wonky closet when it comes to outfits but if I had the means to get the clothes I wanted I’d probably still be outside of the “real genderqueer outfits” circle. I ain’t got the money for piercings or tattoos. And I’m disabled without work nor classes so I’m not an overtired college kid dreading finals. (But I’m gonna save the rants about how mentally ill/disabled and psychopathic/sociopathic queer people are excluded from the community and are rarely ever represented for another time cuz hooooo boy). And I’m accepted by my family.
So I guess I’m not REALLY genderfluid (been considering going by genderqueer but I dunno yet). I guess I don’t count and can’t be included or used in any articles about being genderfluid or genderqueer. I guess I’m just wrong. Intruding. Uninvited.
So, yeah. That article pissed me off. I hate that a whole new set of gender norms have been created. I hate that because I don’t fit the stereotype I’m not considered a real part of the community.