Someone sent me an email and told me that there were quite a few people who want to attend SNARKNYC but won’t because I am the one organizing it.

First this made me angry.

And then I got really, really sad.

I know my personality is a bit “tangy” to say the least. And I know I can rub some people the wrong way.

I just didn’t know that my attitude/demeanor could effect people in such a way that they would not come to a get together with sooooo many other people they may like simply to avoid seeing/having to deal in any way with me.

I hope that if anyone had plans to attend and then reconsidered on account of me that they will rethink that decision and know that I am organizing this event because I had a rough year. Because I love my friends. Because we all deserve it. And I am not going to let anything interfere with this night being the best night it can possibly be.

So with that said…don’t be a dick. And just come anyway.

This is the speech they wouldn't let me give last night

They said if I spoke the words, it meant it was true.

You’re not just my friends.
You’re my family.

You’re all the missing pieces of my heart I didn’t know were absent until we’re in the same room.

Whether we come from broken homes or dysfunctional families or laps of luxuries, we’re all seeking the same exact thing.

To be loved. To be acknowledged.

To belong.

Wherever we started from, and however we traveled to get here…the what’s and why’s are irrelevant. Yet all completely the same.

We came for the laughs and we stay for the love.

You have made planning these events an absolute joy.

I don’t do this for money, or notoriety or accolades.

I do this because you guys represent joy to me. You comfort, you support, you embrace all the awkward, you simply just embody everything good there is that we need and you serve it up exactly when we need it most.

I do this because your laughter is contagious and your hugs heal and your stories are my stories and when I’m not feeling like myself you remind me who I am.

And if by bringing strangers together, I can pass that feeling on so other people can bask in it…then the question shouldn’t be “why do I do this?”, but how could I not?!

Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for coming when I asked. And most of all, thank you for letting me be the ambassador of your happy,

It’s been a joy to meet you and know you and I hope that if nothing else continues…that stays constant.

I love every single one of you.

Thank you for loving me back.

Viva la Snark.

Things I said this weekend
  • You’re not in love with him, you’re just addicted to the shit storm he created in your life.
  • I’m pregnant with a beer baby, and every time I burp it’s like a hundred little dead baby budweiser abortions.
  • I’m not going to talk shit about anyone but I’m sorry I really have to talk shit about someone.
  • OMG…I think she’s gonna die.
  • Here’s the thing about girls like that. They spend 2 hours getting ready, they are pretty as fuck to look at but at the end of the night, you’re going to take them home to fuck and half way through they’re just going to start crying on your dick.
  • I need a hot flash sleeve. Something I can pull down when my face gets hot that allows my tits to breathe.
  • I’m not saying this to gross you out, but is it weird my vagina smells like a taco truck?
  • There’s no toilet paper in the bathroom so if you have to pee just harlem shake yourself dry.
  • I understand true love and shit and I’m happy for you but I’m not a fan of monogamy so, I’m sorry about your life.
  • I’m really slutty. And it’s not a fluke that I got this way. I have sucked a LOT of dicks. Do you have ANY idea how many dicks I have put in my mouth?
  • Stay away from the scene of the crime, nothing good can happen from visiting copulation station.
  • How does it feel to know you have the palest pussy in the whole room? I bet your vagina looks just like that guy from the movie Powder.
  • I swear to god, if he calls his fucking wife his “baby mama” one more fucking time I will slap him with my shriveled up and dehydrated uterus.
  • This pizza is so disgusting. But since I have low standards and no self control it doesn’t fucking matter.
  • Some people either really like me or  pretend to like me until they aren’t around me anymore so they can go home and talk shit about me. Which one are you?