After two seconds of trying to burrow his head under the couch Jared resigned, stood back up and ran at full tiny horse speed to Jensen. Jensen couldn’t move as sparkly pink creature came towards him, rainbow hair flowing behind him.
Jared had a dust bunny on his ear.
“I can’t fit under your couch,” Jared informed Jensen with great regret.
Jensen blinked what he knew were ridiculously big eyes.
“Oh,” Jared said as an afterthought, “And I think we’ve turned into My Little Ponies.”
Then Jared shook off that little bit of news as if it wasn’t even important, and then he proceeded to take great interest into looking at Jensen’s peach posterior.
“You have stars on your ass,” Jared said. Then he was still again, “I wonder what that means.”
“Stop looking at my ass,” Jensen finally said, backing away quickly from Jared.
Every time I post a photo of my younger self with enormous
gothy hair, I get a flurry of questions about HOW. How can someone achieve
immense hair? Hair big enough to obscure someone’s face in photos, hair big
enough that if you unwisely fall asleep in class, someone will hide pencils in
your hair and ask you if you can find them. (The answer, for the record, is no.
Not until I washed my hair out. On the plus side, I had three extra pencils.)
So here, my Snarklings. How your Auntie Jilli did her hair,
1986 – 1997(ish):
IMPLEMENTS NEEDED: A fine-tooth comb, a hair pick, and
extra-super-hold aerosol hairspray. Yes, aerosol. I know, I know, horrible for
the environment, hole in the ozone layer. But pump hairspray doesn’t provide as
even of a mist, which is needed to build up the layers of hold.
A word about hairspray: NOTHING
made today comes close to the magnificence that was the original AquaNet
Extra-Super-Hold Unscented. I am still angry that the formula changed, and I will always be angry.
Nowadays, when I do Big Hair, I use the Big Sexy Hair aerosol Spray and Play
Harder. Ridiculous name, but it gets the job done.
Start with dry hair that hasn’t been washed for a few days.
If your hair IS freshly washed and dried, gently spray ALL of your hair with a
texturizing spray or a light coat of hairspray.
Sit down, flip your head upside-down, and grab a section of
hair. Hold the hair with one hand, and take the comb and start backcombing it
as if your life depended on it. (Backcombing is exactly what it sounds like:
combing the hair in the opposite direction, causing a teased clump near the
Do this until all of your hair is teased. Head upside-down, upright,
whichever position is easiest for you to get everything backcombed. You should
have a bunch of teased clumps of hair with longer tendrils coming out of them.
Spray a fine coat of hairspray over all your hair. Let that
dry for a minute or so, then start spraying the individual teased clumps.
If you miss a few at the back of your head, don’t worry; the other sections
will work as a scaffold for it.
Alternating between the fine-tooth comb and the hair pick,
start combing/teasing/fluffing together the sections of hair to form the shape
you want from your big hair. (If you are going for the classic Robert Smith
electrified cotton ball, just fluff it all together.) As you get a section molded
into the shape you want, hit it with another coat of hairspray.
Once you’ve got the enormous style you want, add another
layer of hairspray, and do one last check with the hair pick to make sure the
tendrils are fluffed to your liking.
Now lacquer the bejezus out of your hair with the hairspray.
Hold your breath, spray your entire head, then wait a minute. THEN REPEAT. For
your magnificent thicket of hair to stay up, you should apply at least 4 coats of
hairspray during this final step.
TA-DA! Hair to make Siouxsie, Robert Smith, and Patricia
Morrison proud of you. Go forth! Don’t get tangled in low-hanging tree
branches! Don’t set your hair on fire by leaning too close to candles!
To be filed under: I knew I should have purchased multiples of this! From the Newport News catalog in 2008-2009 -ish. I have one in black, and it’s one of my favorite blouses. This, Snarklings, is why we keep an eye on what mainstream fashion is doing; sometimes mainstream fashion follows our whims.
Smackle:Tell me the truth, Farkle. If Riley and Maya weren’t beautiful, would you still love them?
Farkle:They’re beautiful? Oh yeah… I never really noticed.
Farkle is rapidly turning into one of my favorite characters on the show. Not only is he a very charismatic personality, but he’s also the most outrageous (and most endearing) flirt on the show. That aside… this episode showed him as so much more than the flirty, lovestruck nerd. Yes, Farkle is indeed lovestruck, and yes, he is still a shameless flirt, but not because of the girls’ obviously aesthetically pleasing appearances. Farkle LOVES them because of what they have to contribute as his dearly beloved friends… and that is beautiful.
(Yes, I know, we should move to a different vendor, and whoo, do we need to redesign the merch pages. But still! Do you need a Snarkling t-shirt? A Gothic Charm School logo shirt? Baby onesies and bibs? All sorts of Gothic Charm School goodies, designed by that talented peteventers RealHusband of mine!)