BIG HAIR! The Tutorial

Every time I post a photo of my younger self with enormous gothy hair, I get a flurry of questions about HOW. How can someone achieve immense hair? Hair big enough to obscure someone’s face in photos, hair big enough that if you unwisely fall asleep in class, someone will hide pencils in your hair and ask you if you can find them. (The answer, for the record, is no. Not until I washed my hair out. On the plus side, I had three extra pencils.)

So here, my Snarklings. How your Auntie Jilli did her hair, 1986 – 1997(ish):

IMPLEMENTS NEEDED: A fine-tooth comb, a hair pick, and extra-super-hold aerosol hairspray. Yes, aerosol. I know, I know, horrible for the environment, hole in the ozone layer. But pump hairspray doesn’t provide as even of a mist, which is needed to build up the layers of hold.

A word about hairspray: NOTHING made today comes close to the magnificence that was the original AquaNet Extra-Super-Hold Unscented. I am still angry that the formula changed, and I will always be angry. Nowadays, when I do Big Hair, I use the Big Sexy Hair aerosol Spray and Play Harder. Ridiculous name, but it gets the job done.

  • Start with dry hair that hasn’t been washed for a few days. If your hair IS freshly washed and dried, gently spray ALL of your hair with a texturizing spray or a light coat of hairspray.
  • Sit down, flip your head upside-down, and grab a section of hair. Hold the hair with one hand, and take the comb and start backcombing it as if your life depended on it. (Backcombing is exactly what it sounds like: combing the hair in the opposite direction, causing a teased clump near the roots.)
  • Do this until all of your hair is teased. Head upside-down, upright, whichever position is easiest for you to get everything backcombed. You should have a bunch of teased clumps of hair with longer tendrils coming out of them.
  • Spray a fine coat of hairspray over all your hair. Let that dry for a minute or so, then start spraying the individual teased clumps. If you miss a few at the back of your head, don’t worry; the other sections will work as a scaffold for it.
  • Alternating between the fine-tooth comb and the hair pick, start combing/teasing/fluffing together the sections of hair to form the shape you want from your big hair. (If you are going for the classic Robert Smith electrified cotton ball, just fluff it all together.) As you get a section molded into the shape you want, hit it with another coat of hairspray.
  • Once you’ve got the enormous style you want, add another layer of hairspray, and do one last check with the hair pick to make sure the tendrils are fluffed to your liking.
  • Now lacquer the bejezus out of your hair with the hairspray. Hold your breath, spray your entire head, then wait a minute. THEN REPEAT. For your magnificent thicket of hair to stay up, you should apply at least 4 coats of hairspray during this final step.

TA-DA! Hair to make Siouxsie, Robert Smith, and Patricia Morrison proud of you. Go forth! Don’t get tangled in low-hanging tree branches! Don’t set your hair on fire by leaning too close to candles!

xD J2 turned into My Little Ponies

But it’s cute :P

After two seconds of trying to burrow his head under the couch Jared resigned, stood back up and ran at full tiny horse speed to Jensen. Jensen couldn’t move as sparkly pink creature came towards him, rainbow hair flowing behind him.

Jared had a dust bunny on his ear.

“I can’t fit under your couch,” Jared informed Jensen with great regret.

Jensen blinked what he knew were ridiculously big eyes.

“Oh,” Jared said as an afterthought, “And I think we’ve turned into My Little Ponies.”

Then Jared shook off that little bit of news as if it wasn’t even important, and then he proceeded to take great interest into looking at Jensen’s peach posterior.

“You have stars on your ass,” Jared said. Then he was still again, “I wonder what that means.”

“Stop looking at my ass,” Jensen finally said, backing away quickly from Jared.

“What do I have on my ass?” Jared asked… 

Smackle: Tell me the truth, Farkle. If Riley and Maya weren’t beautiful, would you still love them?

Farkle: They’re beautiful? Oh yeah… I never really noticed.

Farkle is rapidly turning into one of my favorite characters on the show. Not only is he a very charismatic personality, but he’s also the most outrageous (and most endearing) flirt on the show. That aside… this episode showed him as so much more than the flirty, lovestruck nerd. Yes, Farkle is indeed lovestruck, and yes, he is still a shameless flirt, but not because of the girls’ obviously aesthetically pleasing appearances. Farkle LOVES them because of what they have to contribute as his dearly beloved friends… and that is beautiful.


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