snark break

anonymous asked:

Where are all the snarky!draco ficks at?.. I need some sarcasm and bickering ... but lately I find only ficks with too much fluff ... and sappy draco or worse draco who's not draco at all... wth :( help

Snarky!Draco fics are the best!!! What is Draco without his biting wit, right? We are very fortunate in Drarry fandom to have many writers who have great takes on Draco and all his brilliant sarcasm. These are just some of my favorites. 

Chaos Theory by @tessacrowley (103K) - Chaos: when the present determines the future, but the approximate present does not approximately determine the future. One gene varies, one neuron fires, one butterfly flaps its wings, and Draco Malfoy’s life is completely different. Draco has always found a certain comfort in chaos. Perhaps he shouldn’t. Featuring Genius!Draco.

This is an absolutely brilliant story – one of the first Drarry fics I read, and it remains a favorite.  It is an AU canon retelling in which Draco is sorted into Ravenclaw and proceeds to run circles around his fellow students and professors. Draco’s interactions with Snape are particularly amusing as the two unleash their sarcasm at each other. It’s also a gorgeous slow-burn love story. Heed the warnings, as the plot goes very dark.

Azoth by @lol-zeitgeistic (88K) – Now that Harry is back at Hogwarts with Hermione for eighth year, he realises that something’s missing from his life, and it either has to do with Ron, his boggart, Snape, or Malfoy. Furthermore, what, exactly, does it mean when one’s life is defined by the desire to simultaneously impress and annoy a portrait? Harry has no idea; he’s too busy trying not to be in love with Malfoy to care.

This is an 8th Year fic and another one of my favorites. The plotting and writing are superb. Post-war Harry returns to Hogwarts to take his NEWTs, but Ron opts to join the aurors, leaving Harry somewhat at loose ends in regard to having a best male friend. Enter Draco, who becomes Harry’s tutor for potions. Harry, Draco, Hermione, and assorted other familiar characters end up participating in the Hogwarts Apprenticeship Program, with Harry apprenticing under portrait!Snape. I can’t even begin to describe the wonder that is zeitgeistic’s Snape: It has to be experienced. Harry ends up falling for Draco, who retreats to his customary sarcasm to remain emotionally distant.

All the Sense in the World by @l0vegl0wsinthedark  (10K) - He had absolutely no idea what was about to happen. Maybe Malfoy would kick him in the face. Maybe he’d scream loud enough that the whole school would rush in and see him lying there between Malfoy’s legs with his cock rock hard. Maybe he’d hex Harry’s rock hard cock off. Hell, maybe Harry’d wake in his own bed in a few minutes with a rock hard cock and would never again be able to look at Malfoy without sprouting an instant hard-on.Or maybe he and Malfoy would have sex.

By the author’s own admission, this fic is barely more than PWP (very compelling porn, I might add.). The boys find themselves in the Hogwarts infirmary, and their beds just happen to be next to each other. Draco is grumpy from a potions accident, so initially he is not receptive to Harry’s overtures. As you can imagine, this state of affairs doesn’t last long.

Hey, Potter by SunseticMonster (16k) -  Harry returns to Hogwarts for his 8th year, determined not to let Malfoy get to him. But when the snarky teasing starts up again, Harry finds that returning the jibes with compliments has a far more interesting outcome. 

A charming take on the enemies-to-lovers trope. Draco’s snark in this fic hews close to the tone that Rowling established in the original books. Think  sophomoric insults that can only warrant a good eye-roll. Naturally, insults give way to Something More. This is also a story about healing in the post-war era, with a bittersweet subplot about letting go. 

And for some Post-Hogwarts recs:

After Hours at the Ministry of Magic by birdsofshore (11K) - It isn’t precisely how Harry planned to spend Christmas Eve: trapped in a lift with his ex-boyfriend, somewhere between the third and the fourth floors of the Ministry of Magic.

The summary tells you pretty much all you need to know about this story, which is a variation on the forced proximity trope.  As you can imagine, Draco and Harry are not as over each other as they might seem. The air in the elevator grows increasingly hot and stuffy, so of course they have to remove clothing to moderate their body temperatures. And then they ruin it all with some smokin’ hot sex.

I’ll Be Good For You by Burning_Up_A_Sun  (7K) - Harry swears his naked calendar will outsell Draco’s naked calendar. They snark over their bad break up, and then, well, it is the Draco tops Harry fest…

Harry and Draco end up the subjects of two calendars produced to benefit needy crups and kneazles. The situation is tense, as they had broken up a month prior. A little competition has always fired up the two, though, and it’s all for charity, right? Features the use of TWIZARD to track the sales figures in real time, #NakedPotter vs. #NakedMalfoy.

Sweatin’ to the Voldies by commas_and_ampersands (dark_branwen(24.2K) -  The-Boy-Who-Lived has become The-Boy-Who-Ate, and his girlfriend just can’t take it anymore. After Ginny leaves Harry for presumably slimmer pastures, Harry realizes that if he has any chance of getting her back, he’s going to have to get fit quick. It’s really just his bad luck that a certain pale, pointy bastard owns the only wizarding gym in the country.

Ok, titles are hard. I totally get that. However, I’m shallow, and I wasn’t in a hurry to read this story until I read another review that claimed the title wasn’t representative of the work overall. This is both true and not true. The humor in the title is actually a taste of one of the most fun stories I’ve read in a long time. Draco is just so mean to Harry in this fic. I’ve never been so delighted to be proven wrong about judging a book by its (kinda) cover. Bonus: Great supporting characters in Luna and Goyle (in spandex!).

What You Do With Your Life, A.H.K.B.C.B. (After the Hero Kills the Batshit Crazy Bastard) by oldenuf2nb  (40K) - Draco Malfoy had waited years in hope of seeing Harry Potter utterly humiliated….

Oblivious!Draco and pining!Harry. Also one of the most erotic descriptions of body shots I’ve ever read. In short, amazing UST ending in, well, resolved ST. Very resolved.

And a bonus:

Auror Peacock Extraordinaire by dustmouth -  As part of a new departmental initiative, Harry finds himself with a partner he never asked for… and Draco Malfoy.

This comic is pure genius. Draco is hired to train Harry in how to work with his new peacock crime-fighting partner. It goes about as well as could be expected. Do enjoy…Draco.

Have I mentioned how much I love Dust: An Elysian Tale?

Have I mentioned what an obscenely adorable amalgamation of snark and 4th-wall breaking Fidget is?

HAVE I MENTIONED I <3 FIDGET?

The Comic Book Origins of 'Deadpool'

From ‘New Teen Titans’ homage to fourth wall-breaking snark machine: the comic book journey of Marvel’s Merc with a Mouth.                            

As the trailers for Fox’s Deadpool demonstrate, Wade Wilson becomes an unstoppable killing machine — albeit one with love for a good punchline — as the result of an attempt to cure inoperable cancer. As an origin, it’s a good one, and curiously fitting in a metatextual way, given that Deadpool himself is, in many ways, a joke that got way out of hand.

When he first appeared in 1991’s New Mutants No. 98 — plotted and illustrated by Rob Liefeld, at the time in the midst of a white-hot streak that would culminate in his helping found Image Comics a year later, with dialogue from Fabian Nicieza — Deadpool was far from the self-aware parody played by Ryan Reynolds onscreen. While he had a smart mouth (“Let me put you out of my misery!” he jokes, pre-murder attempt on one of the book’s heroes), the nascent Deadpool was an outright villain, a mercenary hired to kill one of the series’ leads.

Liefeld has been open about the fact that Deadpool was inspired by Deathstroke the Terminator, a villain from one of his own favorite comic book series, DC’s New Teen Titans. The parallels are surprisingly obvious when you look for them: both are (at least, in their first appearances) highly capable, deadly mercenaries who wear superhero costumes that combine full face masks with useful pouches that provide storage for a number of weapons, and both have advanced healing and increased agility as superpowers. While the names Deathstroke and Deadpool share a common (death) theme, Nicieza went one step further in coming up with Deadpool’s secret identity: Wade Wilson, as he ended up being called, is eerily close to Deathstroke’s alter ego of Slade Wilson.

When New Mutants was relaunched as X-Force later in 1991, Deadpool was added to the new series as a recurring antagonist, not so quietly becoming more comedic with each subsequent appearance. Nevertheless, the character remained a fan favorite at a time when Marvel’s fortunes were buoyed by a bullish market, going on to show up in issues of Avengers and Daredevil in addition to his X-Force appearances; the fact that he was given his own series — a four-issue miniseries that underscored the character’s growing debt to Bugs Bunny with episode titles like “Rabbit Season, Duck Season” and “Duck Soup” — in 1993 came as little surprise to anyone. A second four-issue series followed a year later, and then, in 1997, Deadpool received his own ongoing monthly title. Nothing would ever be the same again.

The third Deadpool series, initially written by Joe Kelly — who would later co-create Cartoon Network’s Ben 10 as part of the Man of Action collective — pushed the character into weird and wonderful new spaces. On the first page of the series, he’s commenting on the narration in the issue; within a year, he was time-traveling into comics published three decades earlier.

(Deadpool No. 11, “With Great Power Comes Great Coincidence,” sees Kelly and artist Pete Woods rework scenes from 1967’s Amazing Spider-Man No. 47 with something approximating loving disrespect. “Are you having a seizure? Speak English!” Deadpool says, when faced with someone spouting the slang that Stan Lee gave his teen characters of the era.)

By the time the series’ 27th issue rolled around and Deadpool started taking directly to the audience, the character as fans today recognize him was complete.

It helped that Kelly had also purposefully softened the character further than anyone had managed previously; by giving him a supporting cast of his own — including a love interest, although not the character Morena Baccarin plays in the Deadpool movie — he succeeded in turning Wade almost sympathetic, were he not so purposefully frustrating due to his stream of never-ending wisecracks. (And, of course, that while mercenary killer thing.) By the time Kelly departed the series in 1999, the Deadpool he left behind was, for all intents and purposes, the same one that appears onscreen in theaters this week.

Since Kelly’s departure, Deadpool’s comic book fortunes have waxed and waned; his solo series was canceled in 2002, but later revived in 2008 to much success. So much, in fact, that multiple spinoffs followed including Deadpool Corps, Deadpool Team-Up and the adults-only Deadpool Max; in 2012, the series was relaunched another time with comedian Brian Posehn co-writing a number of high-profile storylines that included the character’s marriage (to a personification of Death, of course) and apparent retirement. This being comic books, of course, that didn’t stick; the series was relaunched a fifth time as part of Marvel’s All-New, All-Different reboot in late 2015, with Deadpool back in action and firmly accepted as part of the establishment, going so far as to join the Avengers in the Uncanny Avengers series. Well, they did accept the Hulk in earlier days …

Whether such a fate awaits the cinematic version of the character is unknown. While there’s a certain thrill in seeing favorite heroes team up on the big screen, there’s arguably an even bigger one letting Ryan Reynolds make fun of everyone else in his own little R-rated universe. Let’s wait and see just how successful Deadpool’s first weekend is before making any predictions; after all, it’s not like Deadpool would shoot first and ask quest — actually, never mind.

It still pisses me off that Snape was so quick to judge Harry and bully him because yeah he may have looked like James (and inherited the snark, rule breaking, and undying loyalty), he had his mother’s eyes and we all know the eyes are the window to the soul.

If Snape had been able to look past Harry’s physical features I think he would have found that Harry was much more like Lily than James. Harry always tries to see the best in people, refuses to tolerate or excuse bullying, is humble and constantly puts others before himself, and doesn’t play any mean-spirited “pranks”.

And I think if Snape had been able to see this they would have gotten along (just think of how Harry considers “the prince” a friend)–Snape could have been a mentor, told him stories of what Lily was like, helped him deal with the Dursleys–after all Snape knows what it’s like to live in an abusive home, Harry would have learned Occlumency, and it would have made his “betrayal” in HBP so much more emotional.

anonymous asked:

Sabriel, "get out from under the tree!"

Disclaimer: No animals were harmed in the writing of this ficlet

Sam comes home on Christmas Eve to the sight of Gabriel lying on his stomach beneath the Christmas tree with only his ass and legs sticking out.

“Gabe?” He says carefully, setting down the bags with the last of his Christmas shopping, “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to kill that fucking cat!” Gabe grumbles. The tree shakes as Gabe moves beneath the branches, “It is going to fucking die!”

“Gabe, what is going on? What are you doing? Get out from under the tree!” Gabe wiggles out from beneath the tree. He looks completely flustered and, as he stands up, Sam notes with some amusement the stray pine needles tangled in his hair.

“Why are you threatening the Cat?” Sam asks as he picks off a few pine needles. Gabe sighs in frustration and scrubs a hand over her face.

“She… ate something,” Gabe mutters. Sam’s eyes go wide in panic.

“Like what? A poinsettia? Jesus, Gabe those are poisonous! We need to call the animal hospital!” Sam quickly pulls his phone from his pocket.

“No! Well, yes, we might need a vet,” Gabe shakes his head, “but no, she didn’t eat a plant”

“Then what-”

“A gift, ok?” Gabe says, “She ate one of the gifts.” Sam narrows his eyes, staring at his boyfriend in confusion.

“Gabe, we wrapped all the gifts already,” Sam insists, “We had a spreadsheet and-”

“It wasn’t wrapped, ok?” Gabe runs his hands through his hair, gripping it tightly. Sam looks even more confused than before.

“But we checked off the entire spreadsheet,”

“It was one of your gifts,” Gabe blurts out. He paces back to the kitchen and snatches a beer from the fridge. Sam follows behind, face still twisted in confusion.

“Please tell me you weren’t planning on giving me some sort of food,” Sam groans, leaning against the doorframe.

“No,” Gabe mumbles, leaning over the counter on his elbows and letting his head fall into his hands.

“It wasn’t some sort of mouse or something?”

“Of course not,” Gabe insists.

“Than what-”

“Jewelry.” Gabe sighs, disappointed to be giving away the surprise, “It was jewelry.” Sam’s face falls.

“Gabe, you know I hate jewelry. I never wear it.” Sam reminds him. “I think it makes me look… sleezy.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“So why would you spend your money on-”

“I didn’t actually spend anything,” Gabe says, gripping the counter and growing increasingly frustrated.

“Than what-”

“A ring! An engagement ring, alright!” Gabe shouts at Sam. He stands motionless as the weight of what he just said sinks in before shaking his head in resignation, “Specifically, it’s my grandfather’s wedding band.” Sam gawks at Gabe wordlessly. Gabe looks up at him, biting at his bottom lip pleadingly.

“Are you serious?” Sam breathes.

“Yes,” Gabe mutters.

“You were going to use the ring to propose?” Sam mumbles, taking a step forward.

“No, I was going to use it as a napkin ring,” Gabe snarks, breaking the tension, “Of course I was going to propose! It doesn’t matter now though, because not only have I completely ruined the surprise of a Christmas Day proposal, but our fucking cat has eaten the damn thing.” He stalks back into the living room.

“Gabe, please don’t hurt Izzy,” Sam says, following after him once more, “We’ll call the vet’s office tonight and-” There is a low, mewling whine from the hallway. Gabe and Dean turn to see their fat, gray tabby crouch down and begin shuddering violently as she vomits over the carpet. As soon as she coughs up a large gray hairball, Sam and Gabe both catch sight of something shining in the sick.

They stand there in awkward silence until Sam clears his throat.

“Well?” Sam asks. Gabe stares at him, brows furrowing deeply.

“Are you serious? You want me to propose with the ring our cat just threw up?!” Gabe asks in disbelief. Sam shrugs slightly.

“Well… I’d expect you to clean it first,” Sam says, a slow smile spreading across his face. Gabe can’t control his own smirk.

“Well… what if I don’t feel like it?” Gabe asks playfully, taking a step toward Sam and wrapping his arms around the taller man’s neck.

“Hmmm,” Sam looks up in thought as he slides his hands over Gabe’s hips, “No blowjobs for a month.” Gabe gasps, holding a hand to his chest in mock offense.

“You drive a hard bargain, Winchester,” He says playfully as Sam leans down for a kiss. Gabe smiles into into it, as the Cat mews and rubs herself between their legs. Gabe draws back and stares at Sam seriously.

“That was a yes, right?” He asks.

“Yes, you dumbass,” Sam snorts, planting another kiss on Gabe’s forehead.

Later, after close to an hour of disinfecting, Gabe is finally able to slip the band on Sam’s hand.