snap photos

stop taking pictures or he’s gonna get grumpy 

Shit my wife has said to the cat, part 5

- I was going to say “a plight upon your house,” Miss Kitty, but then I realized I am your house.

- I swear Miss Kitty you get five feet within my sphere you little shit fuck, guardian spirits will come and rip you apart.

- OH MY GOD. Fire. Brimstone! That’s what’s coming to sinners like you, you’re so fucking cute, fuck! I’m LASHING OUT.

- There’s my fat boy!!!! HOLD UP! We’ve got a situation here. (goes to get treats)

- I’m not going to pet you very long because you’re a sociopath. You lure them in with charm and then you slaughter them with nails. Sharp nails.

- What’s this one? Chicken Dinner in gravy! And the ‘in gravy’ is italicized so you know it’s gourmet, you little shit!

- No, no. You’re going to sit your ass down on this floor and we are going to play with this motherfucking bell ball, you bastard.

- Miss Kitty, are you aware that you are a cat? (to me) She’s absorbing the news. (thoughtful pause). There, you’re coming to grips with it now, aren’t you, Miss Kitty?

- You were made by a great, dark, wizard dollmaker, back in Mother Russia. And he called you… “Russian Blue.” And one day, you may find that your clockwork heart– oh no…. (looks at me) she’s typing this.

- You gotta do something about your face, buddy. It’s like… 95 percent on-party.

- You’re on your own now, you barbarian.

- Don’t look at me with that cute face! Don’t flash it around like a VIP ticket to my side of the bed!

- WHY do you always hold your paws as if you’re holding an opera fan? “Oh dear! I’ve got the vapors!” (sees me typing). No, they can’t see his paws. They don’t know he’s the queen of the opera, singing his song to the rafters. He does not know that the audience has long since left him…

- LIE BACK DOWN I MADE YOU AN OPERA FAN.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Imagine Bill letting it slip that you are dating during an interview.

Originally posted by skarsgardaddict

“So here we also have a photo of-” Jimmy paused, taking a look at the screen, just like Bill, and the entire audience that went crazy and started cheering and clapping the moment they saw you.

Bill himself chuckled as he took in the sight of you looking stunning as ever in your red dress, standing on your tiptoes even if you were wearing high heels to kiss his cheek; one hand on his chest and the other on your shoulder as he had an arm wrapped around your waist and the other cupping your cheek. 

He didn’t even know how they had managed to snap that photo because it wasn’t exactly in front of the cameras. You had mostly been standing on the side with his brothers, and great friends of yours, and he had rushed to you to get that good luck kiss. He didn’t expect there to be evidence of that so he was glad he’d kept himself from kissing you properly on the lips.

“(Y/n) and you.” he completed with a smile, glancing for a moment at the enthusiastic audience “You two-” he turned back to the actor “You two are great friends right? I’m- I’m just asking because that could, you know, be misinterpreted by some.” he motioned to the photo, giving a look at the audience and everybody laughed at that.

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