snake you are drunk

which rooster teeth worker should you fight by me
  • geoff ramsey: do it. he looks scary but he's not. he is afraid of snakes so if you wear a shirt that has a snake on it he will lose his powers. however if you catch him drunk, run. but if he's sober, do it. fight geoff ramsey but be careful
  • jack patillo: why would you ever fight jack. he is a perfect ray of sunshine. there is magic in his beard. he is large and made of love and probably like kittens or something. don't do it. don't fight jack
  • ryan haywood: DO!! NOT!! FIGHT!! RYAN!! HAYWOOD!! HE WILL TEAR YOU A NEW ASSHOLE AND LOOK ADORABLE WHILE DOING IT AND YOUR FAMILY WILL MISS YOU DO NOT FIGHT RYAN HAYWOOD
  • michael jones: fight michael. he's a ball of rage and if you let him get close he'll fuck your shit up but you can just put your hand on his forehead and hold him at arm's length while he tries to run at you like a bull. lindsay will probably cheer for you. do it. fight michael
  • gavin free: just sorta punch him in the nose and he'll probably squawk and fall over and start crying. but there will be no glory in fighting gavin free. only sadness. why would you do such a thing. you can fight gavin if you really want to but it will be an empty victory and you should probably rethink your life afterwards
  • burnie burns: don't fight burnie. he's 6'2 and he punched out a horse once. the laws of mortals do not apply to burnie burns and he will fire you even though he's not CEO anymore. don't do it. don't fight burnie.
  • jon risinger: you can maybe fight jon but only if you're okay with losing all your points. depending on what mood he's in he may award you points for winning. fight jon risinger but only if you're feeling lucky
  • gus sorola: he'll probably run away and bitch about you on the next podcast. it would be hilarious to everyone else and you would have brought laughter to the lives of millions. do it. fight gus.
  • joel heyman: you cannot slay a god
  • lindsay jones: you could maybe fight lindsay but only by being sneaky and even then michael would snap your neck if you win. distract her with conveniently placed cat pictures and you could sucker punch her because let's face it, you couldn't take her one on one. maybe fight lindsay but only with prep time
  • ray narvaez jr: he's already dead don't hurt him more
  • chris demarais: do it. fight chris. it'll be hilarious give him a wedgie and hang him off something by his underwear. take his lunch money. buy something cool with it. shove him in a locker. fight chris demarais
  • barbara dunkelman: she's canadian she'll just ascend into her moose form and headbutt ur ass to the nearest tim hortons. don't fight barbara
texting i love you to someone when youre drunk and sad

a snake sucking eggs in an abandoned nest
a tree that falls on top of another
tree that already fell several years ago
but is not completely decomposed
sunshine then fog then sunshine then rain
then fog then rain then sunshine then fog
i walk one way to the end of a dock
and fallin to the ocean
i name the ocean after you
sink to where the angler fish
fall in love
and melt their bodies together
i want the summer back
but not the old summer
i want a new new summer
i want a tree house and to wake up next to you
i mean anybody
but i really just mean you
even though i know i dont mean it but dont i
my mind is a wildfire
set to destroy millions of dollars in property
thats a good thing
the wind whispers into my ear
an inferno
but i want to float with lillypads i want to become
a lillypad
a flower a frog calm cool water

Snake Bites

“Jesus Christ, you’re drunk again.”

The words were flat and unimpressed, but Alfred sighed regardless at the form leaning bent against his doorframe. This wasn’t the first time this had happened. 

It also wouldn’t be the last.

The omega mumbled something but his head was cocked down against his stylishly ripped hoodie and Alfred couldn’t make the words out. He didn’t care for them anyway. Excuses. It was always excuses.

“Whatever. Get in here.” The alpha muttered, yanking his not-quite-friend into the building and navigating him through the shared house up to his room. A couple of the other guys who were still awake looked up, but then went back to what they were doing.

They were no stranger to Arthur stopping by.

The omega stumbled in his boots and Alfred wondered for not the first time how he could even walk in them at all before he shut the door to his room and pushed the other boy onto his bed. Arthur floundered in his stupor, groaning and slurring in all his dyed-red hair and pierced ear glory. Alfred rolled his eyes.

Keep reading

So this is a new friend I made today. This snake was HIDING UNDER MY JEANS on a shelf in the bathroom this morning! At least we know it has some fashion sense… but dropping in unannounced before I’ve had my coffee? How rude. Haha!

This is the bit where he/she was looking slightly irritated after being released onto the back deck– the slightly nerve-wracking (for us and for the snake) wrangling operation included a cardboard box, a mop handle, and some barbeque tongs. We were careful not to harm our visitor, only using the tongs on surrounding objects in an attempt at gentle persuasion! XD

I actually think this snake is pretty cute, but I would prefer for it to live somewhere other than in my pants leg!