snake reading book

At first I didn’t want to be in this house. Because of everything they say about evil witches and wizards coming from slytherin… I did the Pottermore test like 100 times deleting my account and creating it again… Always Slytherin… I guess that’s what I am. So I read about the house and discovered that it was more me than I thought. All the values, ambition, greatness, the friendship. People don’t seem to know that in this house we can be good or evil or whatever we want. What make us slytherin are the things we admire the most… so where are my slytherins?



Two things I learned from this fairy tale: First, when you’re dealing with favor-asking elves, it is best to be kind and consenting. If you are, you are gifted with growing more beautiful everyday, gold pieces falling from your mouth when you speak, and a king to take you as his wife. If you are snobbish and unkind, you’ll get growing uglier everyday, toads falling from your mouth when you speak, and when eventually come to die, dying a horrible death. Easy choice, if you ask me. Secondly, if you are going to pronounce your own death sentence, even unawares, avoid using “to be taken and put in a barrel stuck full of nails, and rolled downhill into the water.” It just seems like a bad way to go.


Here’s a good way to get out of your chores: Show your husband what your coarse friends who have spun all their lives look like. Ensure they have broad flat feet, an underlip that hangs over their chin, and broad thumbs from said spinning. One look at this group and Bingo! your husband will forbid you from spinning ever again for the rest of your life.

(Sigh) Why do fairy tales have to be filled with horribly shallow people?


The story of Hansel and Gretel is a scathing indictment of the day’s youth. These juvenile delinquents ate their parents out of house and home. Then they wandered off in the woods and ate the first bread/cake/sugar house they came across. That house didn’t belong to them! As if that wasn’t enough, they progress to committing murder by oven. Then they stole all the old lady’s pearls and precious stones and just ran off without a second thought. There’s entitlement laid bare for you. The kids are in fact NOT alright.


Note to self: If your spouse is the owner of magic, life-resurrecting snake-leaves, don’t try to kill said spouse. Especially when they’ve used the leaves to cure you of a bad case of the deaths. They’ll just get one of their servants to use the snake-leaves to bring them back to life so they can kill you again, only this time you don’t get the snake-leaf treatment. You dead, and you stay dead.

anonymous asked:

Auguste's reaction when he finds out that someone in the guard (or a modern AU version of guard) tried to get Smaurent to smoke. First time Auguste hears Smaurent swear. Smaurent brings home a snake he found in the gardens and wants to keep it. Smaurent giving Auguste a heart attack when he finds him climbing high library shelves. Auguste is hella overprotective, fight me.

I really want to contribute to this but I’m honestly too busy crying into my pillow

Reading advice

So… A lot of people I see online seems to have read classics like Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights and The Great Gatsby.
I have access to these books and would like to catch up if I’m missing anything big by not reading them, but first I’d like to know if they’re, say, ‘necessary’ in one’s literary experience, and if not, would I enjoy reading them?
The latter part I ask because I am not a fan of romance; I tried reading Gatsby a couple years ago or so, but got bored after the first few pages.
Um… Yeah. That’s about it. Thanks in advance.



Once upon a time, there was a servant of a king who ate an enchanted white snake (because of course he did). This snake gave wisdom in the form of being able to speak to and understand animals. This young servant decided to set off on his own and had many adventures, including saving the lives of fish, ants, and ravens to one day become a king in his own right. However, the most important part of this tale, is that our hero went on to inspire the band Whitesnake to write the 1982 smash hit “Here I Go Again” and the rock and roll world lived happily ever after.


In what should have been an inspirational and uplifting tale, this is the story about how a piece of straw, a lump of coal, and a solitary bean were spared from the fire and sought a better life together out there on the open road. However, the tale ends abruptly with explaing the reason why all beans have a black seam. As that is a question I’ve never asked myself, I fail to see why the Grimms felt we needed a fairy tale to explain the anatomy of a bean. And that’s all I have to say about that.


Can I be honest with you? This is probably my favorite Grimm’s fairy tale yet. A fisherman captures a talking flounder that can grant wishes (because of course he did) and decides to let him go. The fisherman didn’t even want anything in return. But when he gets home and tells his wife, she demands that he go back to the water and ask the flounder for a small cottage. And so, he does.

“Flounder, flounder in the sea,

Come, I pray you, here to me;

For my wife, good Isabel,

Has sent me here against my will.”

The flounder grants the wish, but the wife remains unsatisfied. She forces the fisherman to go back and ask for a castle. Then, she wants to be King. Then, she wants to be Pope. And last, she wants to be like God. This last request, when granted, puts the couple back in the pig stye shanty they lived in before, losing all of the extravagance they’d gained. This fairy tale has so much to say about the nature of the world, desire, and God. It actually made me think. You didn’t think I could get serious about one of these fairy tales, did you? DID YOU?! WELL I DID.


Some guy gets lucky with a fly-swatter, kills seven flies in one stroke, writes SEVEN AT ONE STROKE on his shirt for all the world to see, and suddenly he’s some big shot. Nobody even questions the claim and the Tailor gets all kinds of opportunities, rewards, and glory that no tailor has a right to. I feel like modern society should have been made more aware of this tale so we could have been ready for the likes of Kanye West. He did the exact same thing as this tailor. He just keeps telling everyone he’s great and over time we all believed him. We were warned by the Grimms. And we didn’t listen.

Originally posted by allretrogifs

I’m really liking the Monogatari LNs. I read Kizu when it came out, and reading through Bake has been great. The LNs go into a lot more detail about everything, which is to be expected since it’s a book and not an adaption of the book. It’s nice regardless. I watched Bake quite some time ago (and all in one sitting) so there were some parts that were kinda fuzzy or I never really caught. The books do an excellent job of filling in all of those holes. In particular I’ve got a much better grasp on Kanbaru’s character. Also there is more dialogue and hot damn does Senjougahara lay into Araragi at every chance. I’m impressed that Nisio Ison managed to keep coming up with new and exciting insults for her. 

Seven save us,” whispered Tyene. “Trystane? Why?”
“The woman must be mad,” Obara said. “He’s just a boy.”
“This is monstrous,” said Lady Nym. “I would not have believed it, not of a Kingsguard knight.

This would be the Sand Snakes Weiss & Benioff just had murder Trystane on the show, reacting with outrage in A Dance With Dragons hearing of Cersei’s secret plot to have Trystane killed.

Originally posted by gjmueller


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ʙᴏᴏᴋs ʀᴇᴀᴅ ɪɴ 2015: ʜᴏʀɴs ʙʏ ᴊᴏᴇ ʜɪʟʟ

“I guess Satan was the first superhero […] In his first adventure,
he took the form of a snake to free two prisoners being held naked
in a Third World jungle prison by an all-powerful megalomaniac. At
the same time, he broadened their diet and introduced them to their
own sexuality.”