snake player

I visit this blog too often

One of my characters is True Neutral but believes he’s Neutral Good, and he is possessed by a Chaotic Evil snake demon/deity (we’re still not sure what exactly it is). The snake has a habit of showing up in plots he was not supposed to be involved in.

Me: “Stupid snake keeps sneaking into plots.”

Me: *suddenly thinks of your tag*

Me: “…Snaky snakers snaking.”

  • someone: omg watch out for that snake!
  • a neopets player: AHh๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ MR.SNEKY ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ‘‹ I see ๐Ÿ‘€ you are wering your FANCE TOP ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ‘• you are wereing yor's TOO ๐Ÿ‘Œ Mr. Coconut ๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ˜‚ Speaking of coconut ๐Ÿ˜“๐Ÿ˜ญ were did you get the ๐Ÿ†• flying hat of coconut? ๐ŸŽฉ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘ Wat COCONUT โ”๐Ÿ˜“โ” ohh that coconut near my had ๐Ÿ˜จ๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ‘ WAT a coconut on my hAD ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ˜ญ BOOM! ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ AHHH MY HEAD ๐Ÿ˜ฌ๐Ÿ˜ก GOOD NIGHT mr.coconut ๐Ÿ™‹๐Ÿ˜ช๐Ÿ™€

A little context – we were setting up a vaugely dragon age inspired campaign and one of my players (who had never played dragon age and did next to negative research despite Everyone Else doing so,) asked if her character, a rouge elf, could have a snake. i decided, as the dm, “Fuck It” and told her yes. 

rouge, explaining her backstory: and this is my snake. he used to be human, and he took me in after i lived on the streets for years. we’ve been dating for a few years now– 

the bard dwarf: wait, *laughter,* you fucked your snake? 

rouge: no! it’s been too hectic recently!

human fighter/warrior: you mean you had plans to fuck your snake?

rouge, ooc: my character’s only like 20 years old!

human, ooc: doesn’t mean she cant fuck the snake! 

i instantly regretted giving her the snake. 


“Consider this a privilege. You have been chosen. You are going to participate in a game. The Nonary Game. It is a game… where you will put your life on the line.”

A compilation of my 999 week 2016 drawings! I’m so glad I finally got to complete everyone for once, and this was fun to do, too! They all have individual captions in their respective posts, so check them out! :D

[ Ace | Snake | Santa | Clover | Junpei | June | Seven | Lotus | 9th Man]

Each house's favourite: Super Smash Bros Brawl character
  • Gryffindor: Ike – hand me that flaming sword !!! GRAND ETHEEEER
  • Hufflepuff: Pit – cute angel and also deadly and also fly fly motherfuckers
  • Ravenclaw: Snake – strategic players above all + most irritating opponents e v e r
  • Slytherin: Dark Zelda – she looks like a badass Narcissa in a medieval gown

gameplay and story segregation can be so powerful when done right. you spend mgs1 taking out genetically modified soldiers, specialized bosses, and tanks. though stealth is encouraged, you can whip out your gun at ( almost ) any time and start mowing down enemies if you really feel with it. you know that you can handle anything that comes along and, more importantly, you have complete control of snake. even when he’s being tortured, you can influence his characterization by making him give in and sacrifice meryl. this is just reinforced by mantis reading your memory card and determining your play style. by breaking the fourth wall, kojima limits the gap between you the player and snake, despite the fact that he has a firm characterization. most importantly, you really can kill anyone ( that is physically present ), and if you want to, you will kill anyone.

and then gray fox tells you to take metal gear out while he’s in the way, and no matter how many times you push the button to fire, snake won’t. and you can shake the controller and plug it into a different port and do whatever you want, but snake is not going to fire that missile. it has a huge impact if you think about it. it defines snake as a character independent of the player’s control, and that this is a moment of weakness and mercy says a lot about who he is – somebody with a sense of morals that are dependent on personal feelings and exist outside of the mission.

Haunted Halloween Manor

What you need to know:

This is a Halloween themed adventure meant for the season.
An undead being, vampire, lich, etc, travels from plain to plain in his manor luring in outsiders then killing them, absorbing their essence, only to leave to another realm and do it all over again.

How it begins:

Outside of town upon a hill, an old manor has appeared after a bad lightning storm. Now locals are paying for a party of adventurers to delve into its depths to discover why it is here and what’s inside.

1 - the hill is rocky and barren except for a few twisted leafless trees. Once the players reach the hill, regardless of what time of day it is, the sky becomes dark and stormy with loud cracks of lightning and thunderclaps.
Note: if players leave the hillside, the weather and sky return to normal.

2 - the manor is made of black stone and rises several stories. Its widows are covered in a thick layer of dirt and soot. Brambles and vines cover much of the stony walls. The front door is made of oak with a solid brass knocker.

  • A - behind the glass of the windows is only a stone wall.
  • The only way in is the front door.
  • B - the door is magically sealed and can only be opened by using the knocker. All other methods, spells, brute force, etc, will fail.

3 – inside, the players enter into the foyer. A black and white checkered floor leads to a grand staircase which rises to a second level landing. On either side of the stairs are two large gargoyle statues perched on pedestals. A large chandelier hangs above the foot of the stairs with candles seeming to be recently lit. The walls are made of stone and barren except for two wooden doors, one on the west wall and one  one the east wall.

  • A - any player who tries to take the stairs must roll or be hit by the chandelier as it falls from the ceiling, dealing X D6 damage.
  • B - any player who ascends the staircase must roll or fall through the center steps into a pit trap X meters below, full of spikes.
  • C - the landing has only one door on the back wall.
  • Any player who opens the door, hears the word “boo” before a loud explosions comes from only a small closet.
  • Any players on the landing must roll or become deaf and blind for X d6 minutes. For added difficultly, the effect can be permanent till remove deaf and blindness is cast.
  • D - both doors on the main level are locked and need to be picked or brute forced to open.
  • The west door leads to the Great Hall.
  • The east door leads to the Greenhouse.

Greenhouse - it is a chamber of yellow stained windows layered in mud, dirt and overgrown with vines and brambles. Work benches line the walls covered in pots and overgrown thorny brush. Most of the back-half of the chamber is obscured by thick spiky vegetation.

  • A - beyond the glass of the greenhouse is only stone walls and ceiling.
  • B - the plants quiver and shake when the players come close and move like writhing snakes when handled.
  • C - hidden in one of the pots towards the back of the chamber is an iron key used to open the safe in the Gallery.
  • Once players find the key, man drakes pop out of pots and starts screaming.
    Note: they act as purple shriekers - if that is too tough, consider giving them goblin stats with a stun effect.
  • Once the man drakes start screaming, the brambles attack any stunned player with a constriction attack, dealing D6 damage and double every round till the player is released.
    Note: every cluster of brambles will have one attack and one set of hit points.

Great Hall - a long hall of stone stretching to the infinite. Every 4 meters on either wall is a wooden door. Between each door is a brass candle holder extending out of the wall holding what appears to be a recently lit candle. The ground is covered by a red carpet stretching to forever.

  • A - the hall is endless and goes on forever.
    Note: however many meters, kilometers the players go forwards, they must return.
  • B - all the doors are false doors leading to stone walls.
  • C - at the foot of the door leading to the foyer, under the carpet, is a trap door that leads to a set of stone steps descending into the Library.

Library - a chamber of bookcases and 1000s of dusty leather tomes. Tables covered in candles lit the chamber. A solid iron door is in on the back wall and in front, a desk with a quill pen, parchment and a vial of orange and black ink. Perched above the door over the desk is a raven.

  • A - the raven is sentient and can speak the players’ languages. All of themselves
  • It wont give the players any information other than how to open the door, although not the letters.
  • It will tend to mock the players efforts and recite lines from the poem Nevermore by Edgar Allen Poe.
  • It can be killed, it’s only a raven.
  • B - the iron door can only be opened by writing the correct sequence of letters with the correct ink on the parchment.
  • “Happy” in black ink, “Halloween” in orange ink.
  • Once the sequence is done correctly, the door will open on its own to the Dining Hall.
  • C - the books can be searched for clues.
  • On a successful search roll, players will find a random letter written in the correct color.
    Example: w written in orange
  • On a failed roll, the book is animated and attacks, forcing the player to roll strength to close the book or get bitten for D4 damage.

Dining Hall - a large table is covered in rotten food. Pig heads, severed fingers, a platter of eyes, bowls of insects, etc. Chairs surround the table covered in dust and webs. A wooden door is on the back wall across from the table.

  • A - the food is so foul, the players must roll to not vomit.
  • Players must roll every round while in the dinning hall.
  • The first failure is only a stun, each after is one con loss and D6 damage, which can be regained after a days of rest.
  • Hidden in the food is another iron key which is used to open the safe in the Gallery.
  • B - the door is locked and must be picked or brute forced to open, leading to the Gallery
    Note: if the door is being picked, the player must still roll to vomit, losing their open lock progress if they fail.

Gallery - a stone room. Portraits hang from the walls and an iron door on the back wall is flanked with two braziers burning with ethereal green flames.

  • A - most of the paintings are of undead,macabre scenes of death, torture and hellish imagery. A few, however, will have effects if the players take one rounds to stare at the painting:
    A nightmare will jump out at the player, forcing a roll or lose D4 con from fright.
  1. A bloated demon will vomit an element of your choice in a cone attack, dealing X D6 damage.
  2. A horde of undead animate and escape the picture to attacks. Skeletons, zombies, wraiths, etc.
  3. A young man ages in moments to a withered old man. Players must roll or age X D10 years.
  4. A portrait of snakes strike at the player. The player must roll to dodge or become poisoned, losing stats, hit points, etc.
  5. A beating heart animates, beating for real and blood pours out of the painting. Players must roll or become insane till the painting destroyed. While insane, they will harm other players or harm themselves.
  • B - behind one of the portraits is a safe which needs both the iron keys to open. Magic picking locks and brute force will not work.
  • Inside the safe is the vampire’s, lich’s, etc. treasure from all its pillaging over the years. Items and coins should bear markings of other realms and kingdoms to denote how far the manor has traveled. Magic katanas, kopesh, repeating crossbows, etc, would also add some scope to where the manor has been.
  • C - the iron door is locked and needs to be picked or brute forced to open, leading to the bed chambers.
  • The door is trapped and releases a negative energy spray, forcing any players in the gallery to roll or lose a level.

Bed Chambers - a room of stone. A lavish black silk bed sits in the center on the back wall of the chamber. A table and a desk rest in the center of the room flanked by two candelabras. Sitting at the table is the lich,vampire, etc, writing into a large leather book. On either wall are two wooden doors.

  • A - the undead creature will greet the players, noting how well or poorly they did on their way to her/him, but noting their exploration is at an end.
  • The creature may engage in conversation and be rather pleasant till it grows bored.
  • It will need to kill the players to use their essence to make another jump to the next dimension.
    Note: Equip the creature with magic items which it will use during the combat.
  • B - once combat has started, the undead creature will retain all the stats of the undead you have chosen.
  • The wooden doors in the room will open to a closet. each one spawning X D6 skeletons a round till the creature has been defeated.
  • The iron door in the room will seal and disappear, not returning till the creature has been defeated.
  • C – when the creature is near death, it will disappear to its true resting ground under the floorboards under the bed. There, the players can find its phylactery, its coffin, etc, which the players can then defeat the creature.


With the creature defeated, the players are free to look about the chamber. The book is a written compilation of its journey. The book may contain passages of far off lands and legends of old. The manor could be a few decades old to 1000s, traversing the countryside to all the planes of existence. There may be accounts of angels, demons  and exotic beings.

Maybe the house jumps while the players are inside, forcing the players to find another way home.
Maybe this creature is one of many spanning the world or multiverse in search of relics or something else.
Maybe it hints at a legendary dungeon or monster it has been trying to unleash the players now have to fight at some point.
Maybe all the killing was a ritual to resurrect some undead God and now the players feel the first rumblings of something much stronger on the way.

Either way, have fun and hope to see you again.

Prince Calum was the total package according to the fellow girls that surrounded you and all you could do was roll your eyes. Prince Calum was a player, a snake and nothing could change your viewing of him, that is until he saves your life.