smushy babies

A Baby Boy - Fitz's Reaction (A Dream Deferred)

I know a lot of people have raised questions about Fitz’s pained expression upon finding out the sex of America’s Baby. While there are those who took that as a sign there is a smushy POPUS baby somewhere hidden in Shondaland, I don’t ascribe his reaction to that particular theory. [I do think there is a great possibility there was a POPUS pregnancy, but I think if that were the case, it would have ended in an unfortunate miscarriage that Fitz may or may not be aware of-but that’s for another post.]

I always assumed that Fitz’s reaction was driven more by the fact that probably for most of the last 3 years, Fitz imagined that any future children he had would be with Olivia. After the reveal, his expression went from amazement to sadness. I interpret that as his initial genuine happiness at finding out it was a boy, followed by sadness in realizing this wasn’t the situation he had envisioned or wanted for his next round of fatherhood.

The reality hit him that he was further chained into the prison he made, and allowed to be made, for himself. We’ve all had those moments where we’ve been somewhere or doing something wonderful, but then realized that someone we care about wasn’t there to share it with us. Suddenly everything becomes just a little bit less enjoyable, maybe even completely joyless altogether. I think that’s what Fitz was displaying in his reaction.

Fitz wanted to share that experience with Olivia. He wants a child born out of the incredible love they have for each other, and to share every moment of that wonderful time with the woman he loves to the depths of his soul. Just a few months earlier, he had planned to leave every thing behind and make that a reality. For several brief hours, he had time to plan and dream about building his life with Olivia, maybe even thinking of a very similar moment of learning about the sex of a child he would have with her. The reality he now lived had required the destruction of that dream.

I now take an overly dramatic literary pause to point to the amazing Langston Hughes poem below.  This poem has several meanings and undertones for the time in which it was written, but the overarching theme is universal.

Harlem- A Dream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun? 
Or fester like a sore—
And then run? 
Does it stink like rotten meat? 
Or crust and sugar over— 
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags 
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

—Langston Hughes (1902-1967)

And yes, I’m calling out the the last line in particular: “Or does it explode?”  Sound like anyone is ticking you?

[Author’s Note: See, I told y'all I was being dramatic!]

Thankfully this is Shondaland, so I feel confident that Fitz and Olivia’s dreams are only delayed. We will all get our beautiful, intelligent smushy POPUS babies eventually.