Family in California – staying in San Diego. I haven’t been at this hotel since 2009. I’ve been to San Diego since for lawyer shit but not this hotel, not that I can remember. I used to… uhhh… I used to go to comic book conventions…? (I used to read comic books!). They have that one, with the dress up and everything in San Diego? I went to that. More than once! (I would dress as Smurfette, and persuade klingons into being my sexual-Gargamels. You know: normal stuff). For some years. A lot of nights (every night?) ended at this hotel’s bar. So: memories and all.
Yadda yadda yadda ‘08 I had a bad time in a half dozen different ways and realized that all was ending, whatever the hell “that” was. So I went back 09 just so I could make sure to end it on a good one, just so I could magically force that to happen just by deciding it, ala The Secret or whatever. It worked, whatever that means– that last year was solid yuk’s. The Secret is real! (I met a girl who Secreted a boy into her boyfriend and it worked, except up until it spectacularly did not work, oh no, ohhhh nooooo). I don’t think I said anything about that being my last year, because you can’t tell folks you’re Secret-ing them or it won’t work, at least according to the rules of Birthday Cake Magic. But that was the decision before I went (and technically it wasn’t very last one I guess– my very last one was the very first Genghis Con which was rad, totally a happy memory, but a different thing).
I liked comics so much for so long. Too much, too long– I’ve got that thing where I don’t like things in healthy ways, so (ladies). Whatever that is, I had that the worst with comics. Well, still have that. I still got moments!! Sometimes it all feels like a bad dream I’m waking up from and sometimes it’s like “oh if I open that closet over there in my mind, that’s where I keep all the howling monkeys.” But… You know: i got a weakness to me so if it wasn’t comics, it’d have just been something else though– I’m glad it wasn’t RPG’s or Star Trek or no-fap. Comics, you can at least masturbate to Kitty Pryde comics– you can’t say that about no-fap!!! By definition! (You can say it about Star Trek but it requires a cross-continuity wormhole… too much legwork; not hot). I don’t know– lost my point. I still get the itch sometimes where I wish I was making one– I don’t want the last one I made to have been my last one anyways. Or it’s like … i can count the number of comics I’ve read this year on one hand but I still read the ‘news’ regular-like. I don’t understand any of it (why is captain America a nazi? Why are people so angry about it?? How are both of these things somehow simultaneously equally dumb????). But I read it! The caring wasn’t healthy but I guess I miss it just because I lived with it for so long.