the friendship between dirk and kanaya is such an untapped market. imagine.

he knows his mother/daughter in law is into fashion, so as a peace offering he ironically makes her a plush dress with a dorito pattern. she thanks him through gritted teeth and enacts revenge by sewing all his smuppets tiny outfits. they end up spending rainy afternoons together, trading fabrics, working on their various projects, and talking about being gay

Behold: the smuppet pattern.

While this is worked in a continuous spiral, most of the steps don’t actually constitute a full round.


American terms are used.
sc=single crochet
dec=single crochet decrease
inc=single crochet increase
dc=double crochet
dc dec=double crochet decrease
dc inc=double crochet increase
hdc=half double crochet
sl st=slip stitch
(x)=there are x number of stitches in this round, total. you did not necessarily make x stitches in the last step, but if you count how many stitches are available in the round, the answer will be x.
[step] x Y=repeat the step within the brackets Y times.
finish off=I can’t explain finishing off. Please just look it up.


1. sc 6 in magic ring
2. inc around (12)
3. sc 21
4. ch 2, cut string long enough to leave a tail for sewing and finish off
5. repeat 1-3, but don’t ch 2 or cut string. sew 3 stitches of both butt pieces together with the tail from the first one, then continue working around in sc with the yarn from the second one, putting a marker in the first stitch you make to mark the beginning of the round so you can count. you should have 18 sc around; if you have more pull out a few stitches and dec until you have 18.
6. sc 7
7. dec 2 (16)
8. sc 5
9. hdc, 2 dc, hdc
10. sc 8, dec (15)
11. sc 3, dc 2
12. sc 3, dec (14)
13. sc 5, dec (13)
14. sc 6, dec (12)
15. sc 12
16. [sc, dec] around (9) STUFF
17. [sc, dec] x 2, dc, dc dec, sc 2, sl st, ch 2, cut yarn leaving tail for sewing and finish off


1. sc 6 in magic ring
2. [sc, dec] x 2 (4)
3. sc 24
4. [inc, sc] x 2 (6)
5. [dc inc] x 3, inc x 3 (12)
6. [sc, inc] around (18)
7. sc around (18) 
8. [sc 5, dec] x 3 (18)
9. [dec, sc] around (12)
10. dec around (6)
11. finish off, sew opening shut, weave in the end. sew to body using yarn left over from the body.

LEG (make 2)

1. sc 6 in magic ring
2. [sc, inc] around (9)
3. [dc dec] x 2, dec, sc 3, dec (5)
4. sc 20
5. sl st, ch 3, cut yarn leaving long tail for sewing to body and finish off.


1. ch 22, put marker in last ch
2. [ch 3, sl st in 3rd ch from hook, sl st in chain w/marker in it] x 3 to make fingers
3. sl st 21 or until you reach the end of the chain
4. ch 1 and put marker in it
5. repeat step 2
6. either sl st back to the other hand catching both the sl sts you already made and the foundation ch, or finish off now. sew to body in appropriate arm position.

Enjoy your smuppet!

I started sewing a smuppet. I’m definitely still Homestuck trash, RIP. Spent $20 on supplies, mainly cause I don’t have needles, etc. here- it’s all back home. Anyways I bought a yard of fabric for a pattern that takes apparently ¼ a yard so I may make a second and sell it if it turns out selling worthy, idk yet lol. Are they even still a thing? Do people still buy Homestuck merch on like Etsy? Is that even a market anymore?