smothering me

I never get to be normal.

Always the outsider, the sexuality subculture, the “different”, the alien. I am to be tolerated, but my existence as it is, will not be accepted. I am a “weirdo” and it is so much fun, such entertainment for the straight, grey masses of repressed people, looking at me through the television show lens. Smothering me in layers of make-up, performing for the “normal” until I shit glitter. 

They turn my self-expression to a costume. Now they call my individuality, my “gender”. Now my otherness is not oppression it is a “quality” something I “get to have” not something I never wanted.

I love like the rest do, I get crushes like the rest do, I fuck and suck, and fall apart like the rest do. But I’m not normal, no not me, I am “queer”, sparkly, sickening, entertainment, void of meaning and rebellion, I am only a trend, a fucking t-shirt from www.Youareafuckingjoke.com

And should I fail to peform as the “sexy wlw” or the “non-binary, queer” and just stand here, sweaty, rough and unattractive, a face full of zits, last nights dinner on my t-shirt, dirt under my nails, and say; “I’m a fucking butch lesbian, I am tired as fuck and your queer-masquerade is the straight mans dream” - They will be so disappointing. Oh how boooring of me, how old-fashioned. 

Now, in cruel irony, my struggle to be accepted, makes me the other, among those who think they are the other. Not just the other, but the enemy.

The signs as Sylvia Plath quotes
  • Aries: “Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously near to wanting nothing.”
  • Taurus: “Would it be too childish of me to say: I want? But I do want: theater, light, color, paintings, wine and wonder.”
  • Gemini: “What is my life for and what am I going to do with it? I don’t know and I’m afraid. I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want.”
  • Cancer: “How we need another soul to cling to, another body to keep us warm. To rest and trust; to give your soul in confidence: I need this, I need someone to pour myself into.”
  • Leo: “Frustrated? Yes. Why? Because it is impossible for me to be God—”
  • Virgo: “What horrifies me most is the idea of being useless: well-educated, brilliantly promising, and fading out into an indifferent middle-age.”
  • Libra: “I love people. Everybody. I love them, I think, as a stamp collector loves his collection. Every story, every incident, every bit of conversation is raw material for me.”
  • Scorpio: “I’m dramatic and sloppily semi-cynical and semi-sentimental.”
  • Sagittarius: “Yet, God, I want to talk to everybody I can as deeply as I can. I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night…”
  • Capricorn: “Nothing is real except the present, and already, I feel the weight of centuries smothering me.”
  • Aquarius: “Before I give my body, I must give my thoughts, my mind, my dreams. And you weren’t having any of those.”
  • Pisces: “It seems to me more than ever that I am a victim of introspection.”
Writing is Hard, part 7: The Shower

Summary: Dean doesnโ€™t appreciate the story you write about your first time.

Read Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Warning: Smut, awkward sex gone wrong (but it gets fixed!)

Word Count: 3000ish

A/N: This is all written with love for fan fic. Iโ€™m teasing, not putting it down in any way. Hope you enjoy! (Sorry, tag list is closed!) XOXO


Itโ€™s a little sweaty when you wake up. Deanโ€™s on his stomach with his face turned away from you, snoring a tiny bit, his body sprawling over the king-sized bed and leaving you curled up in one tiny little corner.

He does look good, though. The sunlight canโ€™t get through the curtains, but you left a lamp on, and the muscles of his back are all exposed in the dim light. You lean up to get a better view and appreciate him fully, and instantly groan. Your muscles hurt. Apparently, youโ€™ve been curled up in knots all night, and you desperately need to stretch out.

Keep reading

OT3 goodness
  • We specifically bought this mini-van instead of a car because it has three seats in the font but now all we do is argue about who gets to sit in the middle
  • Our group chat is mostly just Person A serenading the both of us with song lyrics and dirty messages oh my god this fucking dork…oh shit now I’m kinda aroused one of you fuckers meet me for lunch asap
  • We all tried to spit our toothpaste in the sink at the same time and ended up banging our heads together and communicating in unintelligible noises due to having too much fucking toothpaste in our mouths oh my god will one you just spit first I’m so tired I want to go to bed
  • Person A always sleeps in the middle because they are the smallest but that also means that sometimes they end up like a whole half of the way down the bed by morning and more than once now we’ve both been terrified we accidentally suffocated them in the night
  • Person B is literally so fucking ticklish and we tickle-attack them so often that we think they might actually secretly hate us and have plans to leave us
  • Your parents are super supportive of our relationship which is really nice but every year your mom knits us three matching Christmas sweaters and we have no choice but to wear them and now the entire extended family knows we’re all together and it can get kinda awkward at times but oh well I love you both so much, hey Person A show us your childhood bedroom
  • I SWEAR I HAVEN’T WORN A PAIR OF MY OWN UNDERWEAR IN OVER A YEAR THERE IS JUST SO MUCH FUCKING UNDERWEAR IN THIS HOUSEHOLD GODDAMN
  • You and I were innocently making out but then I got aroused and so did you but we knew Person C would be home literally any minute so we just decided to wait for them at which point they walked through the door and took one look at our faces and realized exactly what was going on before sighing at us disappointingly and taking off their shirt
  • You two are such trouble-makers and I am literally cleaning up after you 24/7 please be adults for like one second and no both of you simultaneously smothering me in neck kisses isn’t going to make me less mad….but carry on anyways

Jupiter in the First- My identity, my very self, takes me on a journey. My enthusiasm can come from self-questioning.

Jupiter in the Second- I seem to attract abundance, even when I no longer have a use for it… I grow out of it almost, seeking something higher,

Jupiter in the Third- When I lose the will to learn, I know I am not myself. I flourish the most when knowledge gleams.

Jupiter in the Fourth- I break out of the home, breaking a few hearts on the way. Those walls cannot contain me.

Jupiter in the Fifth- I want to see a piece of God, or source in my creations. I want them to reflect something truly divine.

Jupiter in the Sixth- I can handle the daily chores, the routine of it all if it leads to a bigger, impactful picture. If not, they seem to drag me down.

Jupiter in the Seventh- I need others to enrich me, not smother me, as soon as the latter begins I vow to move forth.

Jupiter in the Eighth- The underworld doesn’t frighten me, in fact, I’m drawn to it as a beacon of unfounded knowledge. Even death cannot dull my curiosity.

Jupiter in the Ninth- My source of expansion comes from a lifelong pilgrimage, where answers inspire more questions.

Jupiter in the Tenth- I feel the need to be of impact in this world, to push through barriers for all to see.

Jupiter in the Eleventh- It is within me to advance the collective, to achieve shared dreams and cherish the weight of them.

Jupiter in the Twelfth- Even in isolation and travelling the depths, I believe in Guardian Angels.

2

dreamer. playlist - {listen}

i. little bird - the weepies / ii. creature fear - bon iver / iii. here comes the sun - the beatles / iv. crazy - daniela andrade / v. cosmic love - florence + the machine / vi. wetsuit - the vaccines / vii. this is the thing - fink / viii. smother - daughter / ix. me - the 1975 / x. lua - bright eyes / xi. pluto - sleeping at last / xii. easy - son lux / xiii. come back - pearl jam / xiv. 1965 - zella day / xv. turning page - sleeping at last / xvi. if i go, i’m goin - gregory alan isakov 

a witchy masterpost [updating 2]

this is my masterpost of all things witchy, and i’ll be adding stuff whenever i find something to add to this post, so it’ll slowly grow to be my ultimate witchy masterpost.  

Spells

a

  • a calming spell for back to school
  • acne aid
  • all purpose healing amulet
  • anti anxiety jar
  • anti-anxiety smelling salts
  • anti-anxiety sock
  • anti-nightmare pouch
  • anti-stress/anxiety bottle

b

  • badass bitch spell
  • basic sleep spell
  • be a better writer spell bag
  • blessed balm spell
  • “boys will love me” romance spell
  • brain bleach - spell to remove unpleasant thoughts
  • brew for you
  • busy bee’s overworked pick me up spell

c

  • cat blessing
  • cheap invisibility spells for anxious witches
  • charm to invoke new love
  • chilling out
  • cleansing spray
  • clear acne
  • connie’s strength and resolve spell

d

  • depression healing from the sun spell
  • diy magic shower disks
  • “do the thing” bottle

e

  • ease heartache
  • energy drink overcharge

f

  • find a true friend
  • for forgetting
  • free yourself from anger
  • friendship mix
  • fuck you, im a pirate today: confidence spell

g

  • gender clarity spell
  • get rid of a headache
  • getting that new years eve kiss
  • “goodnight, sleep tight” sleep-aid satchel
  • graycloak’s gambling powder

h

  • hair color change
  • happiness enchantment
  • healing spells 
  • heal a sore throat
  • heal a tree
  • healing a sore throat potion
  • help bring good luck
  • home protection charm
  • honey jar - for happiness and fortune

i

  • i wash my troubles down
  • ice binding method
  • inner strength jar

k

  • knitting spell (for protection)
  • the krakens tentacles (binding spell)

l

  • letting go banishing spell
  • love bottle charm
  • love blend

m

  • make another happy
  • mama cat’s “evil eye” protection jar
  • money drawing bottle
  • morning after a bad dream spell
  • motivation

p

  • past life spell
  • personal productivity spell
  • positive energy spell
  • powder to repeal an unwanted lover
  • push start to continue
  • promote happiness 
  • protection amulet
  • protection chant by clara
  • protection spell for when coming out as trans
  • protective stone

r

  • “restful sleep” charm bag
  • removal of the evil eye
  • a ring spell for lasting love and marriage

s

  • sachet ideas for attracting love
  • save a penny spell
  • sea witch bath
  • sea witch’s intuition jar spell
  • settle your mind spell
  • short calming ritual
  • simple shower pick me up
  • smother anger
  • spell for artists and craftsmen
  • spell to enchant a sweater
  • spell to make someone fuck off
  • strengthen your third eye
  • study buddy charm/test taking charm
  • summon a storm spell
  • sweet speech lip balm

t

  • talisman of protection
  • to find a lost object
  • tough as a nail, sharp as a thorn - protection spell
  • transgender/nonbinary/intersex magic burn bottle with a bunch of uses 

u

  • unleash your power potion

v

  • vanilla candle spell

w

  • wealth-drawing dragon bath
  • world’s come to an end spell

Spell bundles 

  • anti-anxiety
  • love
  • protection
  • purification
  • wealth

Glamours

  • attraction oil
  • everyday enchantments: accessory edition
  • for going unseen
  • glamour bottle to influence how others read you
  • goddess glamour bath
  • gossip stopping scrub
  • love scrub
  • making your room magical
  • mirror mirror on the wall - glamour spell
  • witch of the waste’s glamour - enchanted jewelry spell

Cursing

  • the bottom of the ocean
  • button eyes
  • curse for abusers
  • curse jar
  • cursing 101
  • hand witch curse
  • hazy smog hex
  • gentle curse
  • “live long and prosper” curse
  • paper poppet
  • self-care after cursing
  • slaughtering a friendship*
  • so you think you’ve been cursed

Divination

Witchy tips

Astrology Masterpost!!

Budgeted Witchcraft

  • 10 witchy tips
  • budgeted witchcraft supplies master post
  • treat yo self, broke witch style

Candles/Essential Oil/Incense

  • 31 diy candles
  • candles and their meanings
  • candle colors
  • candle magic omens
  • candle making tutorials
  • essential healing salve recipes
  • essential oil safety
  • hearth and home incense
  • incenses by use
  • the meaning of incense smoke
  • when to use which incense

Cleansing

  • cleansing and charging
  • methods of cleansing
  • the magical home
  • warding a room

Crystals

  • 5 crystals for a small business owner
  • crystal care
  • crystal charger
  • crystals for anxiety/panic attacks
  • crystals for socially anxious witches
  • crystals for psychic development
  • crystal magic 101
  • crystal prescriptions
  • crystals, stone, and minerals guide
  • crystals/stones and their physical and mental powers
  • gem stone meanings
  • mineral monday
  • stones and their properties
  • stones and crystals

Deities and Spirits

  • determining between good and bad spirits
  • hades and persephone resources
  • hellenic polytheism 101 (mini masterpost)
  • hellenic polytheism 200- weddings
  • how to communicate with spirits, gods, and the unseen 
  • introduction to the underworld…
  • make yourself more sensitive to spirits/non physical entities
  • mermaid offerings
  • mini deity masterpost
  • online temple for nyx
  • personal relationship with spirits and deities
  • underworld deities guide

Energy

  • energy work masterpost
  • grounding
  • learning to sense energy
  • shielding masterpost

Familiars

  • is this my familiar?

Herbs

  • 10 herbs for the lazy witch
  • 20 household herbs and their magical uses
  • autumnal witchcraft
  • cool site
  • herbal sleep and dream pillows
  • homemade floral water
  • green salt
  • if you use herbs in practice
  • mama cat’s beginner witch garden
  • starter herbs
  • what belongs in your witches brew
  • wolfsbane in witchcraft

Holidays

  • celebrate mason
  • celebrate yule
  • five (5) easy yule decorations
  • stovetop incense for samhain
  • winter sabbat wine

Sigils

  • charging sigils
  • guys!! help @pantheism
  • how to charge sigils
  • how to make sigils [@the-darkest-of-lights]
  • how to make sigils [@themooniswatchingoverus]
  • how to use your phone keyboard to make sigils
  • ideas for where to put amulets and sigils for protection
  • some sigils
  • sigil everything!
  • sigil guide
  • spell and sigil directory
  • sigil masterpost

Spells

  • 50 simple charms
  • bath magic - where to begin
  • circle safety
  • cleansing/purification spells
  • important for spell success
  • lush holiday 2015 bath magic
  • masterpost magic for anxiety/depression
  • paper poppet
  • please recreate this bath
  • self care spells
  • spell and sigil directory
  • spells for finals week
  • spells for trans and non binary folk
  • what spells are strongest with the moons
  • writing a spell in 7 steps

Resources

  • adhd focus
  • apps for witches
  • back to school magic
  • beginner witchcraft
  • beginner witchcraft resources master post
  • how to do witchcraft research
  • limited witchcraft masterpost
  • myelectisism’s witch supplies masterpost
  • non wiccan resources
  • resources a new witch needs
  • secular witchcraft resource master post
  • sourcing supplies
  • using songs to make magic
  • urban witch kit
  • where to get supplies
  • witchcraft resources galore
  • witchy books masterpost
  • witchy links masterpost
  • 9 easy to find ingredients that every aspiring witch needs

Teas

  • dei-teas: tea rece for offering to hera
  • tea spells
  • winter sore throat “tea”
  • witch tea: going to class

Techno Witches

  • techno pagan tip

Tips

  • 9 practical tips for new witches
  • tips for the college hedge witch
  • tips for the college green witch
  • witches on a budget

Types of Magic//Magick

  • green witchcraft resources
  • green witch tips
  • how to develop your craft
  • lavenderwhisp’s witch type masterpost
  • makeup magick
  • the phases of the moon + magick
  • practical witchery
  • a sea witch’s guide to seashells
  • water magic master post
  • witch type masterpost
  • types of witches that often go unheard of

Other

  • book-binding tutorial
  • charm making 101
  • expanded moon phase cheat sheet
  • getting spiritually unstuck
  • hypothetical routines for bby witches
  • magical ambiance
  • making coffee magickal
  • secret witch tips - x
  • simple visualization exercises
  • the crossroads
  • wands
  • a witch’s full moon traditions
  • witch podcast
  • witch tip - x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x
  • witchy tips for artists
  • witchy things to do for a child
  • witchy things to do for a pet

Masterposts

  • self care masterpost
  • shadow work masterpost
  • tari’s spellbook masterpost

*Couldn’t find the original source