Smoke: They call me coffee because I grind so fine Thermite: They call me coffee because I keep you past 2am Bandit: They call me coffee because I’m dark and bitter and most people don’t like me without changing some aspect of who I am.
A few days ago, we got out first note - first reblog - and our blog just exploded. We’ve already reached 60+ followers and 600+ notes since then. You have no Idea how happy you made us, really! It was such a pleasant surprise to see you enjoy our works. It inspired us to put more effort to them. So thanks to you they don’t look like someone drew them on their knee while riding a horse anymore.
since my crazy freshman year post was a big hit, I thought you guys might enjoy a list of some of the weird things that happened this year! Enjoy!
someone yelling “BALL SACKS” at the tops of their lungs in the dorm hall while the clock tower chimed ominously in the distance
update: door slams five hours later, accompanied by a very annoyed “ball sacks, again”
update: week and a half later, someone slammed open the stairwell door, shouted “SUNDAY MORNING! BALL SACKS!” and then slammed it shut and ran down the stairs
update: it’s been 8 months. Every time I think the ball sacks guy is finally done, he shows up again at a random hour on a random day and shouts “BALL SACKS” down the hall for no known reason. I am frightened to try and learn more at this point.
those two semi-drunk guys on a Tuesday evening that were on a third floor balcony serenading some guys on a second floor balcony with Bohemian Rhapsody
that person who was laying face-down on the sidewalk in front of the University Center while crying and his friend was sitting next to him, gently patting him on the back (#same)
my first real injury in a sword fight
people slingshotting shirts off the roof of the English building
this conversation with my friend
“Get turnt. But get turnt responsibly.”
“Get it embroidered on a throw pillow.”
overheard in the library
“I dunno, I just don’t think I want to catch them all.”
“But you GOTTA catch ‘em all, bro! Don’t make me sing at you!”
the guy sitting in the parking lot outside of my dorm, smoking a joint in his car with a plastic skeleton wearing a bridal veil in the passenger seat
the RedBull guerrilla marketing teams that would wander around campus giving out free drinks because the campus store only has Monster
“You don’t understand, this malleophone is more valuable than my life.”
my ASL professor using a picture of Kanye West to teach us the sign for egotistical/big-headed
the former Swiss Army Knife CEO subbing for my management class and going on a small rant about Google buying and selling Motorola so much
The Smoking Bandit who almost killed me on a Tuesday night, and who cussed me out at 3:30 am a week later, but ended it with “love you!!!”
The Sexy Lumberjack Twins
conversation a day before the presidential election with my section leader
“What are you doing?”
“Crocheting. Avoiding news outlets.”
overheard in line to get breakfast the Sunday before finals
“So then he calls me at like 3 am looking for weed and I’m like? Oh my god, no, let me finish this paper I don’t have any weed right now.”
“I know he’s kind of a fuckboi, but like… a fuckable fuckboi, you know?”
the beer stash in the locker room during spring semester that was liberally used before 10 am
“There’s pizza being neglected over here!” -instant mad scramble for the table-
overheard on the shared balcony attached to my room
“Siri, what the FUCK”
before a painfully early class
“I can’t recall where my phone is.”
“There’s a pun in there somewhere, who wants to take it?”
“Give me 20 minutes to finish my coffee first.”
LGBT Studies professor: “my gay agenda is maple syrup”
“I’m an American college student, I point and laugh at serving sizes.”
that time I slowly and dramatically flipped the bird at a classmate in the middle of my big presentation and the prof couldn’t even get mad about it because i had good reason
that theater teacher who still wears a kilt every day getting a tandem bicycle for no discernible reason
“It’s the oboe… of love.”
the Numa Numa song echoing across campus on a Monday afternoon like the ghosts of memes past
that time I’m 80% sure someone got a blowjob in the bathroom stall while I was taking a shower. It was 9:30 pm on a Thursday.
me to my friend with 3 stitches in his arm: “please be more careful on future midnight cheese runs”
the heated discussion between some of the music majors in the row in front of me before a faculty concert on the best butts in the department
actually this would be a good time to mention that some of the music business majors put together one of those Sexy Guys calendars (you know the kind, usually featuring firefighters and/or puppies) made up of the Hottest Guys™ within the music dept. I’m will waiting to find out where I can order one because I want to laugh at them all.
my music appreciation prof: “Using similes with toddlers is wild, I tell you. I was sick over break and told me 3 year old that I felt like I had been hit by a truck, and he asked me what color it was.”
this conversation I had with a wind player
“Why are you calling [the oboe professor] Bilbro Baggins?”
“Because we realized that the mocking name we used to call him had the same number of syllables as Bilbro Baggins, and he seems to respond to Bilbro even worse than to Obro.”
the tenors trying desperately to sing a bass part from a YouTube clip of an opera and failing miserably
the day of a big concert
“And I have to go to goddamn Portland this weekend!”
“The goddamn one!”
“…I meant which coast but yeah, okay.”
that Eastern European guy who just… shows up sometimes in front of the UC to sell overpriced posters
“Wow, you look really nice today! I like your leggings!”
“Thanks I ran out of clean pants this morning.”
“If you’re going to whistle something in this [the music] building, I’m gonna have to request something more original than Vivaldi’s Spring.”
“The art majors are trying to burn down the soccer field.”
LGBT Prof: “Can you guys rec me some modern gay songs because all of my gay songs are from the 70s and 80s.”
Also LGBT Prof: “I’ve got sixty years of lesbian exes coming through for me, and most of them aren’t even my exes, actually.”
overheard in the library: “The gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian.”
LGBT Prof brought in rainbow goldfish on the last day and the entire class cheered
“Shakespeare was a punk-ass bitch and, as an English major, I feel it is well within my rights to say that whenever I damn well please.”
I almost walked straight into a pole during finals week because I was falling asleep while walking. Don’t let the internet make you think sleep deprivation is cool and trendy, kids.
“Okay, so while you guys are taking the final, I’ll be up here on my computer. It’s gonna look like I’m writing comments on reports, but really I’m just surfing the web.”
Lightning rendering is no fun and I kind of did something similar to bandit’s pose in my school in front of camera for a class photo that’s gonna be used for graduation night. Just explained some bs to my teacher, retake photo and nothing else happen, ez no detention at all. (legit, anyways was kind of immature back then)
Link on AO3: here Chapters: ½ Fandom: One Punch Man Pairing: Bandit Saitama x Saloon Gal / Bandit Genos Author’s Note: Inspired by @empanadadooblez & @fluffyfireflyartwestern!au (btw read their tags on both their posts cause omg) and ho boy. I had to write it as soon as I saw it. It’s so cute and charming, and dear god I didn’t know I needed it till I saw it. I am making a whole bunch of guesses on how it all works, but I hope it’s okay and does both of your beautiful ideas justice! There’s more to come in the next chapter.
Their meeting had been entirely accidental.
Eyes meeting between the bandit smirking at the bar and the dressed up cyborg dancing up on stage with the other saloon girls.