smoke bandit

Shit That Happened Sophomore Year of College

since my crazy freshman year post was a big hit, I thought you guys might enjoy a list of some of the weird things that happened this year! Enjoy!

  • someone yelling “BALL SACKS” at the tops of their lungs in the dorm hall while the clock tower chimed ominously in the distance
    • update: door slams five hours later, accompanied by a very annoyed “ball sacks, again”
    • update: week and a half later, someone slammed open the stairwell door, shouted “SUNDAY MORNING! BALL SACKS!” and then slammed it shut and ran down the stairs
    • update: it’s been 8 months. Every time I think the ball sacks guy is finally done, he shows up again at a random hour on a random day and shouts “BALL SACKS” down the hall for no known reason. I am frightened to try and learn more at this point.
  • those two semi-drunk guys on a Tuesday evening that were on a third floor balcony serenading some guys on a second floor balcony with Bohemian Rhapsody
  • that person who was laying face-down on the sidewalk in front of the University Center while crying and his friend was sitting next to him, gently patting him on the back (#same)
  • 2turmt
  • my first real injury in a sword fight
  • people slingshotting shirts off the roof of the English building
  • this conversation with my friend
    • “Get turnt. But get turnt responsibly.”
    • “Life motto.”
    • “Get it embroidered on a throw pillow.”
  • overheard in the library
    • “I dunno, I just don’t think I want to catch them all.”
    • “But you GOTTA catch ‘em all, bro! Don’t make me sing at you!”
  • the guy sitting in the parking lot outside of my dorm, smoking a joint in his car with a plastic skeleton wearing a bridal veil in the passenger seat
  • the RedBull guerrilla marketing teams that would wander around campus giving out free drinks because the campus store only has Monster
  • “You don’t understand, this malleophone is more valuable than my life.”
  • my ASL professor using a picture of Kanye West to teach us the sign for egotistical/big-headed
  • the former Swiss Army Knife CEO subbing for my management class and going on a small rant about Google buying and selling Motorola so much
  • The Smoking Bandit who almost killed me on a Tuesday night, and who cussed me out at 3:30 am a week later, but ended it with “love you!!!”
  • The Sexy Lumberjack Twins
  • conversation a day before the presidential election with my section leader
    • “What are you doing?”
    • “Crocheting. Avoiding news outlets.”
    • “Solid plan.”
  • overheard in line to get breakfast the Sunday before finals
    • “So then he calls me at like 3 am looking for weed and I’m like? Oh my god, no, let me finish this paper I don’t have any weed right now.”
  • “I know he’s kind of a fuckboi, but like… a fuckable fuckboi, you know?”
  • the beer stash in the locker room during spring semester that was liberally used before 10 am
  • “There’s pizza being neglected over here!” -instant mad scramble for the table-
  • overheard on the shared balcony attached to my room
    • “Siri, what the FUCK”
  • before a painfully early class
    • “I can’t recall where my phone is.”
    • “There’s a pun in there somewhere, who wants to take it?”
    • “Give me 20 minutes to finish my coffee first.”
  • LGBT Studies professor: “my gay agenda is maple syrup”
  • “I’m an American college student, I point and laugh at serving sizes.”
  • that time I slowly and dramatically flipped the bird at a classmate in the middle of my big presentation and the prof couldn’t even get mad about it because i had good reason
  • that theater teacher who still wears a kilt every day getting a tandem bicycle for no discernible reason
  • “It’s the oboe… of love.”
  • the Numa Numa song echoing across campus on a Monday afternoon like the ghosts of memes past
  • that time I’m 80% sure someone got a blowjob in the bathroom stall while I was taking a shower. It was 9:30 pm on a Thursday.
  • me to my friend with 3 stitches in his arm: “please be more careful on future midnight cheese runs”
  • the heated discussion between some of the music majors in the row in front of me before a faculty concert on the best butts in the department
  • actually this would be a good time to mention that some of the music business majors put together one of those Sexy Guys calendars (you know the kind, usually featuring firefighters and/or puppies) made up of the Hottest Guys™ within the music dept. I’m will waiting to find out where I can order one because I want to laugh at them all.
  • my music appreciation prof: “Using similes with toddlers is wild, I tell you. I was sick over break and told me 3 year old that I felt like I had been hit by a truck, and he asked me what color it was.”
  • this conversation I had with a wind player
    • “Why are you calling [the oboe professor] Bilbro Baggins?”
    • “Because we realized that the mocking name we used to call him had the same number of syllables as Bilbro Baggins, and he seems to respond to Bilbro even worse than to Obro.”
  • the tenors trying desperately to sing a bass part from a YouTube clip of an opera and failing miserably
  • the day of a big concert
    • And I have to go to goddamn Portland this weekend!”
    • “Which one?”
    • “The goddamn one!”
    • “…I meant which coast but yeah, okay.”
  • that Eastern European guy who just… shows up sometimes in front of the UC to sell overpriced posters
  • #laundryday
    • “Wow, you look really nice today! I like your leggings!”
    • “Thanks I ran out of clean pants this morning.”
  • “If you’re going to whistle something in this [the music] building, I’m gonna have to request something more original than Vivaldi’s Spring.”
  • “The art majors are trying to burn down the soccer field.”
    • “What, again?”
  • LGBT Prof: “Can you guys rec me some modern gay songs because all of my gay songs are from the 70s and 80s.”
  • Also LGBT Prof: “I’ve got sixty years of lesbian exes coming through for me, and most of them aren’t even my exes, actually.”
  • overheard in the library: “The gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian.”
  • LGBT Prof brought in rainbow goldfish on the last day and the entire class cheered
  • “Shakespeare was a punk-ass bitch and, as an English major, I feel it is well within my rights to say that whenever I damn well please.”
  • I almost walked straight into a pole during finals week because I was falling asleep while walking. Don’t let the internet make you think sleep deprivation is cool and trendy, kids.
  • “Okay, so while you guys are taking the final, I’ll be up here on my computer. It’s gonna look like I’m writing comments on reports, but really I’m just surfing the web.”
Dancing with Smoking Guns

Link on AO3: here
Chapters: ½
Fandom: One Punch Man
Pairing: Bandit Saitama x Saloon Gal / Bandit Genos
Author’s Note: Inspired by @empanadadooblez & @fluffyfireflyart western!au (btw read their tags on both their posts cause omg) and ho boy. I had to write it as soon as I saw it. It’s so cute and charming, and dear god I didn’t know I needed it till I saw it. I am making a whole bunch of guesses on how it all works, but I hope it’s okay and does both of your beautiful ideas justice! There’s more to come in the next chapter.


Their meeting had been entirely accidental.

Eyes meeting between the bandit smirking at the bar and the dressed up cyborg dancing up on stage with the other saloon girls.

The attraction had been instant.

Keep reading

Beavis and Butthead creator Mike Judge’s King of the Hill is a satire show about a bunch of white conservative rednecks and their life in the small Texas town of Arlen. 

In the show we watch Hank Hill, a well meaning conservative man who is kind, but is honestly unable to face and accept the various changes of the world. We also meet his neighbors and former high school chums: Dale Gribble(the president of the NRA and conspiracy theorist who suspects everything), Bill Dauterive(a depressed and lonely divorcee and ex-pretty boy who lives in his own filth), and Jeff Boomhauer(a motormouth playboy who loves his cars). This is their, and their families, story.

season 1
Pilot || Square Peg || The Order of the Straight Arrow || Luanne’s Saga || Hank’s Got the Willies || Westie Side Story || Hank’s Unmentionable Problem || Shins of the Father || Peggy the Boggle Champ || Keeping Up With Our Joneses || Plastic White Female || The Company Man || King of the Ant Hill

season 2
How to Fire a Rifle Without Really Trying || Texas City Twister || The Arrow Head || Hilloween || Jumpin’ Crack Bass (It’s a Gas, Gas, Gas) || Husky Bobby || The Man Who Shot Cane Skretteberg || The Son That Got Away || Bobby Slam || The Unbearable Blindness of Laying || Meet the Manger Babies || Snow Job || I Remember Mono || Three Days of the Kahndo || Traffic Jam || Hank’s Dirty Laundry || The Final Shinsult || Leanne’s Saga || Junkie Business || Life in the Fast Lane, Bobby’s Saga || Peggy’s Turtle Song || Propane Boom - Part 1

season 3
Death of a Propane Salesman || And They Call It Bobby Love || Peggy’s Headache || Pregnant Paws || Next of Shin || Peggy’s Pageant Fever || Nine Pretty Darn Angry Men || Good Hill Hunting || Pretty, Pretty Dresses || A Firefighting We Will Go || To Spank, with Love || Three Coaches and a Bobby || De-Kahnstructing Henry || The Wedding of Bobby Hill || Sleight of Hank || Jon Vitti Presents: ‘Return to La Grunta’ || Escape from Party Island || Love Hurts and So Does Art || Hank’s Cowboy Movie || Dog Dale Afternoon || Revenge of the Lutefisk || Death and Texas || Wings of the Dope || Take Me Out of the Ball Game || As Old As the Hills

season 4
Peggy Hill: The Decline and Fall || Cotton’s Plot || Bills Are Made to Be Broken || Little Horrors of Shop || Aisle 8A || A Beer Can Named Desire || Happy Hank’s Giving AKA The Hank’s Giving Episode || Not in My Back-hoe || To Kill a Ladybird || Hillennium || Old Glory || Rodeo Days || Hanky Panky || High Anxiety || Naked Ambition || Movin’ On Up || Bill of Sales || Won’t You Pimai Neighbor? || Hank’s Bad Hair Day || Meet the Propaniacs || Nancy’s Boys || Flush with Power || Transnational Amusements Presents: Peggy’s Magic Sex Feet || Peggy’s Fan Fair

season 5
The Perils of Polling || The Buck Stops Here || I Don’t Want to Wait for Our Lives to Be Over… || Spin the Choice || Peggy Makes the Big Leagues || When Cotton Comes Marching Home || What Makes Bobby Run? || Twas the Nut Before Christmas || Chasing Bobby || Yankee Hankee || Hank and the Great Glass Elevator || Now Who’s the Dummy? || Ho Yeah! || The Exterminator || Luanne Virgin 2.0 || Hank’s Choice || It’s Not Easy Being Green || The Trouble with Gribbles || Hank’s Back Story || Kidney Boy and Hamster Girl: A Love Story

season 6
Bobby Goes Nuts || Soldier of Misfortune || Lupe’s Revenge || The Father, the Son, and J.C. || Father of the Bribe || I’m With Cupid || Torch Song Hillogy || Joust Like a Woman || The Bluegrass Is Always Greener || The Substitute Spanish Prisoner || Unfortunate Son || Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret Hill || Tankin’ It to the Streets || Of Mice and Little Green Men || A Man Without a Country Club || Beer and Loathing || Fun with Jane and Jane || My Own Private Rodeo || Sug Night || Dang Ol’ Love || Returning Japanese

season 7
Get Your Freak Off || The Fat and the Furious || Bad Girls, Bad Girls, Whatcha Gonna Do || Goodbye Normal Jeans || Dances with Dogs || The Son Also Roses || The Texas Skillsaw Massacre || Pigmalion || Megalo Dale || Boxing Luanne || Vision Quest || Queasy Rider || Board Games || An Officer and a Gentle Boy || The Miseducation of Bobby Hill || The Good Buck || I Never Promised You an Organic Garden || Be True To Your Fool || Racist Dawg || Night and Deity || Maid in Arlen || The Witches of East Arlen

season 8
Patch Boomhauer || Reborn to Be Wild || New Cowboy on the Block || The Incredible Hank || Flirting with the Master || After the Mold Rush || Livin’ on Reds, Vitamin C and Propane || Rich Hank, Poor Hank || Ceci N'Est Pas Une King of the Hill || That’s What She Said || My Hair Lady || Phish and Wild Life || Cheer Factor || Dale Be Not Proud || Après Hank, le Deluge || DaleTech || How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Alamo || Girl, You’ll Be a Giant Soon || Stressed for Success || Hank’s Back || The Redneck on Rainey Street || Talking Shop

season 9
A Rover Runs Through It || Ms. Wakefield || Death Buys a Timeshare || Yard, She Blows! || Dale to the Chief || The Petriot Act || Enrique-cilable Differences || Mutual of Omabwah || Care-Takin’ Care of Business || Arlen City Bomber || Redcorn Gambles with His Future || Smoking and the Bandit || Gone with the Windstorm || Bobby on Track || It Ain’t Over 'til the Fat Neighbor Sings

season 10
Hank’s on Board || Bystand Me || Bill’s House || Harlottown || Portrait of the Artist as a Young Clown || Orange You Sad I Did Say Banana? || You Gotta Believe (In Moderation) || Business Is Picking Up || The Year of Washing Dangerously || Hank Fixes Everything || Church Hopping || 24 Hour Propane People || The Texas Panhandler || Hank’s Bully || Edu-macating Lucky

season 11
The Peggy Horror Picture Show || serPUNt || Blood and Sauce || Luanne Gets Lucky || Hank Gets Dusted || Glen Peggy Glen Ross || The Passion of Dauterive || Grand Theft Arlen || Peggy’s Gone to Pots || Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow || Bill, Bulk and the Body Buddies || Lucky’s Wedding Suit

season 12
Suite Smells of Excess || Bobby Rae || The Powder Puff Boys || Four Wave Intersection || Raise the Steaks || Tears of an Inflatable Clown || The Minh Who Knew Too Much || Dream Weaver || Doggone Crazy || Trans-Fascism || Three Men and a Bastard || The Accidental Terrorist || Lady and Gentrification || Behind Closed Doors || Pour Some Sugar on Kahn || Six Characters in Search of a House || The Courtship of Joseph’s Father || Strangeness On a Train || Cops and Robert || It Came From the Garage || Life: A Loser’s Manual

season 13
Dia-BILL-ic Shock || Earthly Girls are Easy || Square-Footed Monster || Lost in MySpace || No Bobby Left Behind || A Bill Full of Dollars || Straight as an Arrow || Lucky See, Monkey Do || What Happens at the National Propane Gas Convention in Memphis, Stays at the National Propane Gas Convention in Memphis || Master of Puppets || Bwah My Nose || Uncool Customer || Nancy Does Dallas || Born Again on the Fourth of July || Serves Me Right for Giving General George S. Patton the Bathroom Key || Bad News Bill || Manger Baby Einstein || Uh-oh, Canada || The Boy Can’t Help It || The Honeymooners || Bill Gathers Moss || When Joseph Met Lori, and Made Out with Her in the Janitor’s Closet || Just Another Manic Kahn-Day || To Sirloin with Love

Request (ooakenyadme.tumblr.com): “A playlist similar to the habits remix with tove lo and hippie sabotage?”

Spotify: Habits Remix.

Tracklist:

01. Stay High (Habits Remix) - Tove Lo, Hippie Sabotage // 02. Dust Clears - Clean Bandit // 03. Waves - Mr. Probz // 04. Hideaway - Kiesza // 05. My Love - Route 94, Jess Glynne // 06. Stolen Dance - Milky Chance