smirnoff bottle

i knew a dude in college who kept an old Smirnoff bottle full of water on his desk and would casually chug straight out of it in the middle of conversations with new people in order to establish dominance

Free My Spirit (Bucky x Reader)

Originally posted by jamesbuchananbarnesisbae

Bucky Barnes x Reader Oneshot 

Masterlist

Just a quick something I hate-wrote down at two in the morning. It’s probably shit. But I hope you enjoy it anyway :) This isn’t proofread at all, so please point out any mistakes. Thanks!

Word Count:1510

Warnings: mostly angst, some fluff, cursing


It was hard sometimes. Pretending to be happy, when in reality all you were was a broken shell of a person. Ignoring the ache for acceptance was becoming easier and easier, but sometimes, there were days when your spirit cried out in agony, wishing to be freed.

Others envied you, thinking that you were living ‘the life’ – a lavish, carefree life filled with flowing wines, expensive dishes, silken sheets. In a sense, that was true; you had more than enough tasty food to eat, an overflow of beverages and drawers of delicate materials that felt like they swam over your skin. But were you happy? No.

Being part of ‘The Avengers’ sounded like an exclusive and important job. All of a sudden, shops sold your face on birthday cards, little figurines of you for children to play with, magazines with your face disgustingly dolled up and photoshopped onto the front cover. People aspired to be like you, their faces filled with admiration every time they saw you. They called you a ‘hero’ and idolised you endlessly.

But you knew you were no hero. You were a coward.

A hero was someone who went through pain and still came out strong, not someone who is afraid of their own feelings. A hero is someone who opposes evil, who resists darkness. A hero is someone like Bucky Barnes.

You admired him not only because of his impressive physical strength and his friendship with Captain America. You admired him because he was broken, just like you. Yet, he still fought, trying to get the world to see him for who he really was, not who he was forced to be for decades.

God, you loved him, so damn much that it hurt. It was hard not to, with his charming personality and stunning good looks. He was always so sweet and kind, making your heart melt. He was one of your closest friends, always there for you when you needed him. You were happy, because Bucky was the light in your life, your safe haven.

It pained your heart to know he’d never be yours.

You were nothing compared to Natalia Romanova. Her fiery hair and sexy lips were enough to win any man over. Not to mention her natural grace and sharp wit. Oh, and her large bosom.

You’ve seen the way they look at each other. Longing, heated gazes thrown from opposite ends of the room, touches that lasted a second too long, secretive smirks half hidden behind smouldering eyes. It was obvious to anyone that they wanted each other, the not-so-subtle signs were clear as day. Your co-workers only encouraged them, telling them to ‘stop playing’ and ‘finally get together, dammit’.

How could you ever compete with the Black Widow?

These thoughts nagged at you as you performed your daily activities. You tried your damn best at everything, you really did. But she always seemed to be better than you in everything. Hit a bullseye at the shooting range? She hits five. Lift a thirty-pound weight? She lifts fifty. Gather required intel in one day? She does it in an hour.

You didn’t mean to envy her, but you really couldn’t help it. Everyone you ever gave a damn about chose her, not you. It really got on your nerves after a while.

Hence why you were currently swigging straight from a bottle of Smirnoff at 1 am on the roof of the Avengers tower. A mission was underway, once again finding information about a presumed HYDRA base. The mission was delicate, requiring the agents to dress up ‘fancy’ and attend an elaborate party hosted by a suspected HYDRA leader. You had eagerly volunteered, hoping that this could be your chance to show that you were, in fact, capable of acting like a dame. You were desperate to prove that you, too, could be seductive. You were even more excited when you found that two avengers would act as a ‘couple’ and attend the party. Your heart stuttered with joy when you discovered that the designated male agent chosen was Bucky Barnes.

Your heart dropped to the floor and shattered once again when you were told that the designated female agent would be Natalia.

Once again, that gaze was thrown across the room, making a lump form in your throat. Of course. You should’ve known.

You would never be chosen for a mission like that.

Pretending everything was alright was harder than ever tonight. Pretending you didn’t care about them was even harder.

The liquid in the half empty bottle sloshed around as you took yet another long slurp, some alcohol escaping down your chin, not that you cared. You didn’t care about anything anymore. You didn’t care at all.

The sky was clear tonight, constellations of stars twinkling at you happily, mocking you. Gazing up into the endless dark blue void, you wondered if a world existed, just one world, in which you could be truly happy…

Quiet footsteps interrupted your pathetic daydream. Looking around, your insides plummeted with dread when you locked gazes with the handsome supersoldier, who was still dressed in his smart, this-outfit-kills-and-I-know-it clothes. Quickly grabbing the vodka and hiding it beside you, you tore your gaze away from James’s caring eyes.

“Are you alright, (Y/n)?” He questioned, slowly sitting down beside you. You shrugged nonchalantly in response.

“O’ course. Why wouldn’t I be?” You replied, trying to appear casual.

Bucky sighed. “That”, he motioned to the alcohol hidden beside you, “tells me otherwise. Now, what’s going on?”

You scoffed, your liquid friend making you much bolder than you actually were.

”Nothing’s going on. And why do you even care?”

Bucky frowned deeply at this, looking straight into your eyes. “I care about you because you’re my friend, (Y/n).”

Ah, there it goes. That disgusting boundary. Friend.

“Yeah”, you answered, rolling your eyes. “That’s all I am. Anyway, how’s Natasha doing? Is she just a friend as well?”

Bucky looked stunned. “What on earth are you talking about, (Y/n)?! Of course she’s just a friend. Why would you think otherwise?”

You grabbed your bottle and took another swig, eyes filling with hurt and longing.

“I’ve seen the way you look at each other. Why don’t you stop playing around and just fuck already?”

The brunet gasped, looking at you with a mixture of shock and anger. “Do you really think I’m that type of person? Nothing romantic, just purely sexual?”

You shrugged once again. “Well, the way you shamelessly stare at her breasts brings that to mind, yes.”

Bucky ran his prosthetic hand through his long hair. “That’s very offensive, (Y/n). Both to me and to Natasha. First of all, I do not stare or want to fuck her, as you so nicely put it. And second, Natasha is not the girl I want.”

Hearing this, your heart seemed to crush.

“Oh yeah?” You practically spat. “Then who is? Wanda? Sharon? Or just a random whore?”

Bucky growled at this, getting up abruptly. “You’re wasted, (Y/n). I’m not having this conversation with you when you’re this drunk.”

You got up as well, your legs slightly shaky, a fact you chose to ignore. “Is that so, Barnes? Scared to admit who you have the hots for?”

“Oh, for the love of…” Bucky spun you around to face him, his piercing blue eyes blazing. “It’s you, alright, (Y/n)?! It’s you! From the very start, it has always been you. You were always there for me, you always made me feel human again. I love you!”

You stood there, frozen, not daring to move a muscle. You had sobered up quite fast at the yelling, and you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Bucky loved…you?

“Me?” You whispered, a single tear trickling down your cheek. Bucky’s expression softened immediately, his arms pulling you close to him.

“Yes, you”, he murmured. “No one makes me feel like you do. You make me feel like life is worth it. You make me feel like someone finally gives a shit. You may not believe this, but I love you.”

A choked sob left your throat. “I love you, too.” You hoped to whatever God was out there that you weren’t dreaming, that this wasn’t just some cruel figment of your own imagination.

Bucky smiled, gently brushing his large hand over your cheek. Your breath got caught in your throat as he moved closer to you, eyes moving down to glance at your lips. You froze, feeling his breaths fan over your face and watching as brunet shut his eyes slowly and brushed his lips over yours softly.

Getting over your shock quickly, you gripped his neck and crashed his lips onto yours, shutting your eyes tightly as stray tears fell down your lashes. You felt like you were finally able to breathe; as Bucky’s kisses were all you needed to stay alive.

He loved you. James Buchanan Barnes loved you.

After all, there was a world in which you could be happy. It seems that your spirit can be free at last.


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(If anyone wants to be added/removed, feel free to send an ask ^^)

Hunk: babe do you have a pen?

Keith: Dunno *pulls a hunting knife and a flask out of his jacket* Hold these for me *spends the next three minutes looking in way too many inner pockets, pulling out three pairs of knucklebusters, a pocket knife, handheld bolt cutters, four dollars, and a travel bottle of smirnoff* Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh no. Sorry.

Hunk, quietly: Ok

Litha Punch!

I recently made this for a party and all my friends seemed to love it (I had none left at the end of the night!). I’ve been thinking how to witch-ify it, and I have a bit of an idea, but please let me know if you can think of anything else!

Ingredients:

  • 1 bottle raspberry Smirnoff vodka
  • 1 bottle orange Smirnoff vodka
  • 1 ½ gallon raspberry lemonade
  • 6 pack strawberry blonde beer (I had Shiner Strawberry Blonde, but if that’s not available in your area, Redd’s Strawberry Ale should be a good substitute)
  • 3 or 4 limes

Tools:

  • 1.5 gallon container, bowl, or drink dispenser (whatever you have available tbh)
  • Knife
  • Wooden spoon

Directions:
Pour approx. 1/3 of a bottle of raspberry vodka into a 1.5 gallon (or larger) bowl or drink dispenser. Then, pour approx. ½ bottle of orange vodka into the container. Next, add the whole ½ gallon of raspberry lemonade. Fill the rest of container with strawberry beer (It took about 5 beers to fill the remainder of my 1.5 gallon dispenser). Cut 3 to 4 limes into small slices and add to the mixture. Grab a wooden spoon and mix in a clock wise motion to rid the room of impurities. Serve at room temp or over ice!

Warning: THIS PUNCH IS STRONG, and will sneak up on you! 

Perfect for Litha or Lughnassad, but also good for any summer party!

i could teach you - taeyong scenario

Lee Taeyong

words - 1073

genre - bartender!taeyong, (idk what this fic is man really), angst?

part - one / two / three / four / five

soundtrack - kid bloom: i kissed a girl and she kissed me (x)

Originally posted by yoon-to-the-oh

As you passed your fingertips idly across the crystal counter, you raised the shot glass to your crimson stained lips, sinking the pellucid liquid down in one gulp. You hoped the burn would somehow erase the ache that had swelled up within you. Or at least helped you to forget its existence. Groaning, you swiveled around in the high chair you’d perched yourself on the second you’d entered the club. Leaning your back on the bar behind you, you casted eyes to the pulsating waves that made up the crowd. Although you couldn’t even see them as your vision was a spinning kaleidoscope of fuchsia and lavender lights. Perhaps you’d taken one too many shots. But who fucking cares anyway. It’s not like he did. If he did care, you wouldn’t have found him fucking a complete stranger in your bed. On the night of your anniversary.

You burst out in laughter at the sardonicism that made up your life, tossing your head back and beaming at the white ceiling. The couple seated a distance away from you throw you a speechless stare and after a hushed hurried discussion between them, they collected their stuff to flee, leaving empty glasses in their wake. You watched them go not bothered by their reactions towards you at all.

“You know, if you’re gonna scare my customers away, I think you should leave.”

The voice came from behind you. It’s low, deep even and the speaker talks loud enough so that he can be heard over the earsplitting music. You don’t bother to turn around. Keeping your eyes on the sea of people, you simply replied, “I’m your customer too. It may be my fault that they left or perhaps it was your shit service.”

“I make great drinks, thank you very fucking much and I must have great service if I’m tolerating your ass here.”

You whirled around at this, slamming your glass on the counter and gripping a tight hold on the marble to stop yourself from puking all over the place. The bartender, and your current offender, raised one very fine dark eyebrow at your antics, shaking his head slightly in disapproval.

“Shut up and get me another shot.”

“Can’t,” He shoot you a rueful smile, white teeth glowing, and shrugs his slim shoulders in indifference. “You’ve had over twelve. If I give you more, you might die from alcohol poisoning.”

“Who cares, maybe I want to die,” I remarked, staring openly into his brown eyes. They widend in disbelief at your words, and concern pours into them like a stormy sky setting lose a vicious downpour of rain.

“May I ask what exactly happened to you?”

Your gaze flickered to his white platinum hair, which shimmers like violet under the florescent lights. For a moment you’re mesmerized by it, then you look back at his face and wonder why he even cared to ask.

“Why?” You questioned back.

“Well, you’re drinking your liver to death, you look extremely miserable and your eye makeup has wreaked havoc on your face. Plus the dress you’re wearing looks way too elegant for this club.”

You snorted at his words, glancing down at the silver dress you’d purchased for the anniversary dinner you thought you were going to have. “Should I change my outfit then?”

“You could explain the story,” He retorted, resting both hands onto the counter with an expectant look gracing his handsome face.

“Okay. I found my boyfriend of three years fucking his co-worker in our bed. On our anniversary.”

The bartender takes a visible intake of air, eyebrows hitting his hairline in astonishment. “Fuck man. That’s low.”

You rolled your eyes at his statement and turned your gaze to the frosted bottle of Smirnoff behind him. “I know. Can I have another shot now?”

“Absolutely not. Also, why the hell are you here and not ripping his balls off?”

You look back him, startled at his blatant remark.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, any decent person who had just been cheated on should be destroying their ex-partners lives – not drowning themselves in Smirnoff, which is shit vodka by the way.”

You narrow your eyes at him, questioning how his brain cells functioned. “How would you know that? Did somebody cheat on you?”

“Well,” He pauses, crooking his head to the side as a sly smirk tugs at his lips. His platinum locks loosely fall onto his face. “I wouldn’t say I’ve been cheated on. More like, I’m the cheater.”

You slapped him.

The sound echoed throughout the club and a few heads turn in your direction but you didn’t care at all.

“Pigs,” You hissed at him, “You’re all pigs. How the fuck do you think it feels when someone you love treats you like shit!” You hoisted yourself up on trembling legs, blatantly ignoring the fact that they felt like jello and you were horribly unstable in the high heels covering your feet.

“Hey! Hey! Calm down okay; it’s not that deep.” He exclaimed, stretching his arms out to grab yours and keep you from toppling over. Large hands enclosed themselves around your upper arms, warm and firm, not allowing you to go.

“Don’t fucking touch-”

“Don’t hate the player, sweetheart, hate the game.”

You froze, turning into a solid block of ice at the words that easily flow out of his mouth. Your own mouth dropped to the floor in astonishment at his audacity. “How can you say that?” You demanded, looking into his eyes, searching for some form of an answer within those deep waves of chocolate.

All he does is shrug nonchalantly, not effected by your reaction. “I’ve said that too many times now to feel anything.”

It takes you a moment to process what he’d just said, your mind slowed down by the large amounts alcohol you’d taken. And then everything sort of snaps into place.

“Get your fucking hands-”

“You know, instead of hating him, or the game, you could learn how to play it.”

The bastard keeps on shocking you with everything he says.

“And who exactly is going to teach me how to break hearts like glass?”

He shoots you a grin and his eyes obtain a sparkle from seemly out of nowhere. “I could.”

But as he spoke, a surge of blackness blankets your vision, leaving you stranded in a deep abyss and falling. Right into the arms of a complete stranger.

a/n: hello! thank you for reading:) I will be posting the remaining parts of I could teach you soon (since two and three are already done). the soundtrack is currently my favorite song right now! tell me what you think about it :)) - fyra

Rest Easy, My Love (E.D)

Pairing: Ethan Dolan X Reader

Word Count: 1,202

Summary: You get drunk and call the one person that’s been on your mind for the past three months.

 Warnings: Mentions of death and suicide, alcohol consumption, etc.

A/N: It’s a bit sad, but enjoy! xx



 It was Thursday night and you were sat alone on your bedroom floor; an almost empty Smirnoff bottle in your right hand, and clutched in your left hand was your phone. You were well past drunk at this point, softly humming to “Broken” by Lifehouse, a song you’ve had on repeat for the last three months that meant more to you than you’d care to admit.

It was your song. 

You didn’t bother to wipe the tears that were effortlessly rolling down your flushed cheeks as you attempted to sing along to the lyrics, 

“I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing, with a broken heart that’s still beating..”

You took a swig of vodka and placed it down before you typed the number that was so familiar yet foreign on your dial pad, and listened to the phone ring until it was sent to voicemail.

“…Hey! It’s Ethan! Sorry I couldn’t get to the phone, I’m probably too focused on my beautiful princess, Y/N. Maybe I’ll call you back, so leave a message or whatever..Uhm, bye!”

You weren’t prepared when you heard his sweet, melodic voice blast through the speaker of your phone. So once the voicemail began, it was like all of the air had been sucked from your lungs and left your chest aching. The amount of tears in your eyes increased as you felt your lips tremble, forming into a deep frown. You brought your hand up to your heart as if that would stop the pain from getting worse. You licked your dry, cracked lips that tasted faintly of your salty tears as you opened your mouth to speak.

“Hi, E.. It’s me. Y/N.” you croaked, bringing the sleeve of his sweatshirt you were currently wearing to your nose, deeply inhaling his scent that was slowly but surely fading before wiping your eyes. 

“I’ve had our song on repeat ever since you’ve been gone. It reminds me so much of us. Shit, I really wish you were here right now, I miss you so much. I didn’t think it’d be this bad without you. But fuck, I was so wrong. I’m so miserable, baby. I don’t want to be here, not without you. We had so many plans for our future, E. What happened?”

You looked up at your ceiling, shaking your head before breaking out into a fit of sobs. You weren’t sure if it was because you were wasted or at your breaking point, but this phone call felt like it was long overdue. There was still so much you wished you had said to him.

You calmed yourself down enough so that you could somewhat make out words through your tears, “Sometimes I can’t help but think if any of this is real life. Part of me thinks I’ve gone completely fucking insane, which is probably true. Or that perhaps when I tried to hang myself a month ago from my ceiling fan, I actually succeeded and I’ve been living in this made up dream world I’ve created for myself to escape the reality of you not being by my side. It’s a world where you were still here, with me. And if that really is the case, then it’s a dream I don’t want to wake up from, Eth.” 

You picked up the bottle and chugged the rest of the remaining vodka, letting the empty bottle sit in your hands.

“You meant everything to me Ethan, you were my whole world. Fuck, you still are.” You sniffled, looking over at your favorite picture of you and him that sat on your nightstand. It was taken two years ago at the beach he had brought you to where he had first asked you to be his girlfriend. You were wrapped up in his arms, his lips pressed to yours as you both smiled into the kiss. It was one of your purest moments together, one that you surely wouldn’t forget. 

You felt your lips turn slightly upwards as you reminisced that day, but your smile left as quick as it came. Instead, it was replaced by a frown and sorrowful tears. 

“God, Ethan. Why did you have to get in that fucking car? Why didn’t you just call me or Grayson to pick you up? You knew they were drunk. You’re so much smarter than that, so why the fuck did you do it? Did you even think of what could have happened? How it would have affected everyone? You had such a bright future ahead of you baby, and it was ripped away from you. It isn’t right. How you were the only one that died when Mikey’s car collided into that tree. How you, the only one that was sober; the only one that made my life worth living got killed.” You blubbered into the phone. The pain you were experiencing right now was immense. Your chest felt heavy and your breathing was labored as the tears poured from your bloodshot eyes. 

You felt angry at everything. He didn’t deserve it. Not one bit. He didn’t deserve to die. Not as young as he did, not in pain. He was supposed to die old in his sleep, where he would be at peace.  He was supposed to live his life to the fullest like everyone wanted him to. He was supposed to expand and grow his Youtube channel with Grayson by his side. He was supposed to graduate high school and college. You were supposed to get married and have two beautiful boys and maybe even a little girl. But now he was dead, and there wasn’t any way to bring him back. 

“I know you didn’t mean it though baby, I know you didn’t. You just made a really bad mistake. A really, really bad one.” 

Your phone buzzed as you looked down, seeing the notification that it was on 5%, meaning it would die any minute now. You were too drunk to get up and retrieve your charger, so you came to the realization that you needed to end the voicemail. You dropped your head in between your knees and pushed the hair away from your face. You weren’t ready to hang up, your heart still felt hollow in your chest, and you were planning on talking to him for as long as this voicemail could record. 

“I need to go now, Ethan. I love you so so much baby boy, and I hope you always know that. No one will ever take your place, okay? I love you and I miss you. I’m gonna try to go to sleep, even though I know I won’t be able to because I don’t have you giving me goodnight kisses and running your fingers through my hair. But I’ll call you again soon, I promise. Rest easy, my love.” 

With that being said you reluctantly hung up, letting all of your emotions pour out. You screamed until your throat was raw and scratchy, and bawled until you ran out of tears. And eventually, you fell asleep sprawled out on your floor, cursing the God’s above for ripping the love of your life away from you and taking your heart and soul with him.

songs that remind me of you [ao3]

Summary: Vilde and Eva fall in love (with a little help from Isak Valtersen) and it’s all set the the fresh tunes of female Australian musicians!

aka Vilde thinks she has an unrequited crush and and accidentally befriends Isak in the process

Pairing: Eva/Vilde

Chapters: 1/3

Words: 2830

Notes: This is my first attempt at writing actual fanfic but it went well I think!! I love these two with all my heart and we always need more evilde content in the fandom (chapter 2 is already on the way). Massive thanks to @peggimartinelli and @icky-trump for being my betas you are angels <33

“I think that people are just confused because kosegruppa hasn’t been in the revue before, so they don’t really know what to expect, you see.” Vilde’s face glowed as she animatedly explained her newest plan to gain popularity for kosegruppa. She was sitting up at the head of her bed, a notebook full of neat sketches and carefully detailed notes laying in her lap. Eva lay beside her sprawled across the bed on her stomach, engrossed in her phone.

“That’s why we need to spread more information about the group, I think,” Vilde rambled, her voice climbing up in pitch ever so slightly as Eva remained focused on her phone, “Our goal is to spread love and kos to the other revue groups, and they need to know what that looks like so they don’t feel uncomfortable. I was thinking maybe some kosegruppa posters, or we could do an announcement at school. What do you think about that, Eva?”

Keep reading

Rugby Players

Was it requested: Nah
Fandom: Game of Thrones
Pairing: Ramsay Bolton/reader, platonic!Jon Snow/reader, platonic!Robb Stark/reader, Littlefinger/niece!reader
Rating: Your gran might like this 
Warnings: Swearing, rugby, violence, underage drinking, smoking, a fair bit of humour.
 
Summary: Your best friend, Robb Stark, and his brother, Jon Snow, invite you to watch them play rugby, knowing that you’re the school’s journalist, but you find something other than a good article about a player from the rival team. 

Author’s Note: So, me and @lj-laufeypevensieweasley (who made the aesthetic, because they’re awesome af!) were talking, and this was the result lmao. Also, this one is REALLY FUCKING LONG! 

Tagging: @tinaruthbelcher @jemin-guay @that-was-not-supposed-to-happen @sansaboltonofwinterfell @you-bloody-bastard

Keep reading

lady-stardust7  asked:

hi there please may I have The Thing?

Disclaimer: I promise we’re not this weird all the time. Now onto The Thing:

WELCOME TO RUMBELLE, YOU SWEET SUMMER CHILD. I SEE YOU THERE, SO YOUNG, SO FRESH, SO WOOBIE. LET ME SLOWLY CLASP YOU TO MY BOSOM IN A MOTHERLY WAY.

HERE’S AN ARTIST’S RENDITION OF WHAT HAS BEFALLEN YOU, COURTESY OF VALOSCOPE:

NOW YOU STUMBLE AROUND, A LITTLE LOST RUMBELLE CHICK NEEDING LOVE AND GUIDANCE, TREMBLING WITH THE FORCE OF A THOUSAND BOTTLED-UP FEELS. NEVER FEAR, FOR WE’LL TAKE YOU IN, SINCE YOU HAVE BECOME

ONE OF US.

WE HAVE TEA, FOR YOUR SHATTERED FEELS. WE KNOW IT HURTS, WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE. MOST OF USE JUST DUMP A LOT OF VODKA INTO THAT TEA. IT’D BE EASIER TO JUST DUMP A TEA BAG INTO A BOTTLE OF SMIRNOFF, TO BE HONEST.

HERE, DEARIE, ARE SOME GIFS I BRING FORTH TO YOU SO YOU CAN BLOG ABOUT YOUR FEELS, AND HOW RUMBELLE RUINED YOUR LIFE AND YOU LOVE IT. TAKE THEM, DON’T BE SHY. YOU WILL NEED THEM, YOUNG PADAWAN. THEY WILL BECOME YOUR NEW LANGUAGE. BE WARNED, LITTLE ONE, FOR THEY ARE OF A SPOILERY NATURE THAT MIGHT HURT YOUR WEE EYES. THEY’RE ALSO AWESOME, SO YOU SHOULDN’T STARE AT THEM DIRECTLY.

LIKE AN ECLIPSE.

OR RUMPLE’S LEATHER PANTS.

AND SINCE THIS IS A PRETTY COMPLEX FANDOM I DIRECT YOU TO A WELCOME PAGE SO YOU CAN GATHER YOUR BEARINGS AND EXPLORE MORE OF THIS MAGICAL LAND OF CHIPPED CUPS AND SEXY SCALY MEN. IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS THERE YOU’LL FIND ANSWERS. IF NOT YOU CAN ALWAYS SEEK THERUMBELLE TAG, AND POST QUESTIONS THERE. RUMBELLERS ARE ALWAYS THERE TO ANSWER.

ALWAYS. RUMBELLERS DON’T SLEEP.

IF YOU FEEL THE NEED FOR SOME LOVELY VISUAL REPRESENTATIONS OF THE UTTER PERFECTION THAT IS THIS SHIP I DIRECT YOU TO THE RUMBELLE ARTTAG, WHERE MANY TALENTED PEOPLE POST TALENTED THINGS THAT PRODUCE BOTH AWE AND ENVY.

AND LAST, AND THIS IS WHAT I’M KNOWN FOR…

WE.

HAVE.

PORN.

NO, NOT LIKE OTHER FANDOMS. NOT SOME PORN. NOT ANY PORN. WE HAVEALL THE PORN.

ALL OF IT.

EVERY KINK.

EVERY FANTASY.

EVERY POSITION.

FOOD SEX, PEGGING, BONDAGE, S&M (BUT THE REAL TYPE, NO INNER GODDESSES, ALL KINKY FUCKERY), CANE PORN, PRIEST PORN, CANNIBAL PORN, SHADOW!SEX, DADDY!DOM, DOM/SUB, BLOODPLAY, MIRROR-SEX, PREGNANCY KINKS, POWER-SEX, INTERSPECIES SEX, LACTATION PORN, DAGGER!PORN, RAPTOR!PORN, MAGICAL SEX AND MANY MORE.

IT’S THE COLLECTIVE SEQUEL TO THE KAMA SUTRA NO ONE ASKED FOR WITH 100% MORE REPTILES.

I DIRECT YOU NOW TO MY FANFIC REC LIST, WHERE YOU SHALL FIND MANY TREASURES. YOU CAN ALWAYS GO TO THE RUMBELLE FICTAG IF YOU FEEL YOU NEED MORE RUMBELLE PORN FICS IN YOUR LIFE. AND YOU WILL. AND IF YOU WANNA HIT THE MOTHERLOAD OF RUMBELLE FANFICTION CHECK OUT THE RUMBELLE LIBRARY, RIPE WITH DECADENT FICS FOR YOUR PERUSAL.

IN THIS FANDOM WE LIKE TO CELEBRATE WITH FIC, COPE WITH FIC AND START MASSIVE FIC WARS SO THERE ARE SEVERAL YEAR-ROUND EVENTS DESTINED TO BRING FORTH MORE RUMBELLE SEXYTIMES  MOMENTS: FLOOFAPALOOZA(FOR WHEN YOU NEED TO GO ‘AWWW’ DESPERATELY), 50 FIRST HAMBURGER DATES (YES, WE GOT IT BAD), THE RUMBELLE CHRISTMAS IN JULY (FOR THOSE LONG HIATUS MONTHS), THE MAY DAY MENAGERIE(BECAUSE OUR SMUT NEEDS MORE CREATURES IN IT), THE GREAT RUMBELLE BLOWOFF AND THE RUMBELLE SHOWDOWN. IT ALL CULMINATES WITH THE T.E.A. AWARDS, WHERE WE MOSTLY CONGRATULATE THE WRITERS ON ALL THE SEX, FLUFF AND TEARS (GREAT PLACE FOR NEWBIES TO ALSO SEEK FIC RECS!).

AND RIGHT NOW RUMBELLERS ARE GETTING READY FOR THE RUMBELLE CHRISTMAS IN JULY EVENT, WHICH IS THE REAL REASON MOST RUMBELLERS WORK UP A SWEAT IN JULY.

MIND THE SPOILERS, DEARIE.

BUT IF YOU’RE ALL CAUGHT UP YOU SHOULD TOTALLY CHECK THIS TUMBLR WHICH WILL HOLD PRECIOUS TREASURES SO YOU CAN SURVIVE THE SUMMER HIATUS WITH MOST OF YOUR SANITY INTACT.

WE AIM FOR REALISTIC GOALS HERE.

IF YOU HAVEN’T YET DELETED YOUR TUMBLR ACCOUNT AND MOVED TO A COUNTRY WITHOUT INTERNET CONNECTION THEN CONGRATULATIONS, YOU INDEED HAVE THE MAKINGS OF A GREAT RUMBELLER. AND YOU’RE GONNA LOVE IT HERE.

NOW LET ME HOLD YOU GENTLY, SOFTLY, LOVINGLY.

Welcome to the fandom, dearie.