smells like money

2

Noah and Gregory, respectively. They smell like old money. Noah Fairchild is the captain of the Willow Grove football team. He has a fixation for horror. Stephen King. Lovecraft. That kinda stuff. He also likes pretentious artsy films. Directing one of his own, really. Greg “I-Swear-To-God-I’ll-Leave-This-Stupid-Town-Someday” Hawkins,a little less spoiled than Noah, but forever fated to be his henchman. 

Some of the things I’ve dealt with while working retail:
  • Someone licking clothes then complaining about germs
  • A person was arrested by three cops while I was working on his transaction right in front of me
  • This guy stole a TV and computer monitor and when we wouldn’t return it he took it outside and lit it on fire
  • A girl told me she had her underwear in her pocket for no reason
  • A woman was looking through her purse for something and when she had trouble finding it she shoved her child into my arms telling me to hold her
  • A guy told me he was lactating and then said he was raised by nuns in the same sentence
  • An older woman spoke to me on the phone for five minutes about cheese
  • I had a customer tell me I looked like I like my hair pulled then saw him with his wife and kids the next day
  • I’ve received money smelling like cigarettes or weed, with burn holes, and there was one covered in blood (had to put it in a bag so it didn’t contaminate anything)
  • A manager allowed a customer to return a half eaten turkey with all of the fixings around it
  • Had a customer pass out and hit her head against my counter because she was so high
  • We had a guy huff a can of air and pass out in the toy department
  • My manager had a customer say he liked her hair then reached over the counter and grabbed it
  • I had to Id a guy for alcohol and he didn’t have his id but he had his birthdate tattooed in huge font across his back and ripped off his shirt to show me (it didn’t work)
  • There’s more but these are the ones I just remember right now
HAMILTON | ACT I | SENTENCE STARTERS

send one for my muses reaction!

“You could never back down, you never learned to take your time.”
“He looked at me like I was stupid, I’m not stupid.”
“Talk less. Smile more. Don’t let them know what you’re against or what you’re for.”
“Fools who run their mouth off wind up dead.”
“Who’s the best? C'est moi!”
“It’s hard to have intercourse over four sets of corsets.”
“If you stand for nothing, what’ll you fall for?”
“I will lay down my life if it sets us free.”
“I imagine death so much it feels just like a memory.”
“I’m laughin’ in the face of casualties and sorrow, for the first time, I’m thinkin past tomorrow.”
“I’m lookin for a mind at work.”
“Excuse me, miss, I know it’s not funny, but your perfume smells like your daddy’s got money.”
“You want a revolution? I want a revelation.”
“Look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now.”
“Chaos and bloodshed are not a solution.”
“It’s hard to listen to you with a straight face.”
“Chaos and bloodshed already haunt us, honestly you shouldn’t even talk.”
“You say the price of my love’s not a price that you’re willing to pay.”
“You’ll be back. Soon you’ll see. You’ll remember you belong to me.”
“When you’re gone I’ll go mad, so don’t throw away this thing we had.”
“When push comes to shove, I will kill your friends and family to remind you of my love.”
“Close the door on your way out.”
“Have I done something wrong?”
“Dying is easy, living is harder.”
“But what do we have in common?”
“You walked in and my heart went ‘Boom’!”
“I’m about to change your life.”
“My love for you is never in doubt.”
“I just might regret that night for the rest of my days.”
“I’ll never forget the first time I saw your face.”
“When you said "Hi” I forgot my dang name, set my heart aflame, ev'ry part aflame.“
"You’re like me. I’m never satisfied.”
“He’s a bit of a flirt, but I’m 'a give it a chance.”
“I’m a girl in a world in which my only job is to marry rich.”
“From what I hear, you’ve made yourself indispensable.”
“Well, well, I heard you’ve got someone special on the side.”
“I will never understand you.”
“Love doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints.”
“I am the one thing in life I can control.”
“If there’s a reason I’m still alive when so many have died, then I’m willing to wait for it.”
“Stay alive 'til this horror show is past.”
“I’m a general. Whee!!!!”
“Yeah. He’s not the choice I would have gone with.”
“Don’t do a thing. History will prove him wrong.”
“I can’t disobey direct orders.”
“Pick a place to die where it’s high and dry.”
“Pray that hell or heaven lets you in.”
“Should have shot him in the mouth. That would’ve shut him up.”
“Watch your tone. I’m not a maiden in need of defending, I am grown.”
“My name’s been through a lot, I can take it.”
“The fact that you’re alive is a miracle.”
“I don’t pretend to know the challenges you’re facing.”
“If you could let me inside your heart…”
“I’m never gonna stop until I make 'em drop and burn 'em up and scatter their remains.”
“You have no control who lives, who dies, who tells your story.”
“History has it’s eyes on you.”
“So what happens if we win?”
“If this is the end of me, at least I have a friend with me.”
“Oceans rise. Empires fall. It’s much harder when it’s all your call.”
“I swear that I’ll be around for you.”
“Why do you assume you’re the smartest in the room?”
“Why do you write like you’re running out of time?”
“Yo, who the f is this?”
“What are you waiting for? What do you stall for?”
“If I could grant you peace of mind, would that be enough?”
“They are asking me to lead. I am doing the best I can.”

Robert always smells expensive.

It’s not the shower gel, Aaron’s been using that himself for long enough that it doesn’t smell of anything to him any more. Aaron doesn’t even think it’s his aftershave, although he has it on good authority that that does, in fact, cost a small fortune.

There’s just this certain spot, where the hair is fine behind Robert’s ear, that smells like money. Like power.

Aaron likes to bury his nose there. Spooned up behind Robert in bed, palm over Robert’s heart. Likes to breathe him in. It reminds him of old films on the tv; leather bound books and whisky in heavy, cut glass tumblers; board meetings and champagne flutes.

It doesn’t make sense, but Aaron likes it anyway. A reminder that his husband is special around these parts, not your average.

It’s funny really, that Aaron managed to find him here, of all places.

Robert was never meant to be a farmer’s son.

Hamilton —  The Schuyler Sisters

  • “You disgust me.”
  • “Like I said, you’re free to go.”
  • “Ah, so you’ve discussed me.” 
  • “We’re looking for a mind at work!”
  • “Remind me what we’re looking for.”
  • “I’m a trust fund baby, you can trust me.”
  • “You want a revolution? I want a revelation!”
  • “Oh, there’s nothing like summer in the city.”
  • “So, men say that I’m intense or I’m insane.”
  • “Sneak into the city just to watch all the guys.”
  • “It’s bad enough there’ll be violence on our shore.”
  • “We just happen to be in the greatest city in the world!”
  • “Look around, look around, at how lucky we are to be alive right now.”
  • “There’s nothing rich folks love more, than going downtown and slumming it with the poor.”
  • “Excuse me, miss, I know it’s not funny, but your perfume smells like your daddy’s got money.”
Protect You (Part 1) (TJeffs x Reader)

Summary: You meet him for the first time

Warnings: None its bad tho so…. feedback is appreciated
—————————————-
“It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”
“It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.”

The first time you met him it was at a fourth of July party at Lafayette’s house. Laf had invited everyone he knew well. Alex, John, Herc, the Schuyler sisters, and you. You didn’t know Thomas Jefferson and his friend would be coming until you arrived. A genius plan in getting your brother to come without complaint. Well until…

“Gilbert Lafayette!” You had been talking with the Frenchman when Alex let out his bellowing yell.

“Thomas has arrived.” He said and soon enough your little big brother walked into the backyard. “Mon ami excuse me will you.” He said putting a hand on your shoulder.

“Good luck.” You said and moved to the picnic tables getting everything ready for the hamburgers that Herc and John were grilling. Eliza and Angelica were in the kitchen cooking everything else. Peggy was sitting by the pool soaking up the last of the day’s rays. You smiled as you moved past your brother and Laf arguing in French. You walked in the elegant sliding glass doors and into the kitchen.

Thomas was standing next to Angelica trying to talk to her. “It must be hard with your sense of direction to find your way to a decent pick up line.” You heard the oldest Schuyler sister say and you let out a laugh. You turned to look through Laf’s cabinets to find the napkins.

“I thought it was good.” You heard him say.

“Too bad you’re not trying to pick up yourself.” Angelica said and you heard Jefferson grunt. “Take these outside and set them on the table.” You found the napkins and turned around as soon as you did you heard the clattering of plastic plates on the floor.

You looked from the ground to Jefferson’s face. “Are you okay?” You asked concerned and walked to him.

“Um uh yeah, I’m fine,” he said and you bent down to pick up the plates, “Oh it’s okay, don’t worry about that please. I can take those too.” He said and gestured to the napkins.

“Oh okay.” You said and gave him the napkins. He got new plates and hurriedly moved outside. You let a small smile form on your lips Angelica looked outside at Jefferson looking inside at you and laughed.

“Oh my god, you made Jefferson make a fool of himself. He’s going to have a headache for days.” She said and you looked at her confused.

“Don’t worry about it,” Angelica said when she saw your expression. “Eliza did you see that? That was hilarious.”

“Angelica you are awful.” You said and shook your head. You took the food that was ready and brought it out to the table that Jefferson was setting. As you were setting down the food you felt him come up to you.

“Uh I’m uh um,” did he forget his name? “I’m Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson.” He said and stuck his hand out for you to shake. You gave a small smile and shook his hand.

“I’m Hamilton, (Y/N) Hamilton.” You said and he looked very confused. He looked between you and your brother.

“Oh that’s not fair.” He blurted out and then apologize and sulked back into the kitchen. You watched him retreat and your brother stomped over angrily.

“What did he say to you?”

“He just introduced himself, calm down.”

“Thas what I’m talking ‘bout. Who ready for food?” John yelled from the grills and that got everyone outside and around the picnic table. Everything was going great until someone brought up the recent discourse on campus. The library making people pay for coffee.

Alex went on a rant on how people were stupid for doing it, Thomas chimed in on how it would encourage people to get jobs to pay for it. Then it turned into an all out yelling match that ended in you telling them to shut up.

“Jesus Christ shut up. Why do you care it’s a dollar fifty get over it. If you would get an actual sleep schedule you wouldn’t need so much. God Alex it’s not life or death.” You rolled your eyes and both of them were silent and everyone else talked. When you’d finished you put you plate up and grabbed the beers.

“(Y/N) a woman after my own heart.” John commented as he grabbed a beer. Laf grabbed one too and soon everyone was talking and laughing and drinking. James and Thomas sat on pool chairs talking in the corner. Thomas kept looking at you and you caught him a few times he seemed tense as you laughed with Herc. What you weren’t expecting was Laf to jump in the pool close to you and soak you with the splash. Which was worse than it normally would have been because of your white American flag crop top.

You took a minute to get over the shock of being soaked. “Mon ami you are soaked.” Laf said and you turned.

“You don’t say.” You said and took your crop top off and your shorts only in your red, white, and blue bikini. “I’m going to strangle you.” You were about to jump in to do just that when John jumped in grabbing your arm dragging you in. Everyone was laughing as you play fought with John and Laf in the pool. It ended in the shallow end Laf and you in a tickle fight.

“I surrender jeez I won’t strangle you.” Laf let go and laughed. He swam to the diving board with John to do tricks. “Alex come help me out.” You said to your brother.

He scoffed,”No way.”

“Why not?” You poured.

“Because we’re siblings I know you.” He said and you rolled your eyes. Thomas did the same and got up to help you. He struggled not to stare at your boobs as he leant down. You grabbed his hand and pulled down bringing into the pool with you. He popped up sputtering and looked at you. You gave him a small smile, he returned it. You were about to swim to him but everyone else started jumping in and you were distracted. He left before you could talk to him again.

“You are so done for.” Peggy said as you wrapped a towel around yourself as you all sat around a fire.

The second time you saw him you were picking up Alex from debate club. Alex prided himself on being one of the top in the debate club. You told him it made him a nerd. He said that it qualified him for everything. You just rolled your eyes.

Today must have run late. You need let yourself go in because of all the nerdiness that must go on in there. You sighed and looked at the clock. It was supposed to be out twenty minutes ago. You had rehearsals in an hour. You had a few minutes to spare. Hopefully you wouldn’t have to stay long.

When you walked in it was a mad house

“When we were on death’s door, when we were needy, we made a promise, we signed a treaty. We asked France for help and they provided. In return, they didn’t ask for land, only a promise that we’d lend a hand And stand with them
If they fought against oppressors and revolution is messy But now is the time to stand!” You shoved your way through the crowd of men and women standing in the strange looking lecture hall. One side had seats and so did the other and there was a place for people to stand around in between them. It kind of looked like a stadium.

“Stand with our brothers as they fight against tyranny. I know that Alexander Hamilton is here and he would rather not have this debate; I’ll remind you that he is not Secretary of State!” When you got to the front you saw who was debating. Your brother and his super hot nemesis.
“He knows nothing of loyalty smells like new money, dresses like fake royalty desperate to rise above his station, Everything he does betrays the ideals of our nation. Hey, and if you don’t know, now you know, Mr. President.” Jefferson finished and you knitted your eyebrows looking at Alex and then Jefferson. There was tension as the taller man let a sinister smirk cross his face. The was not the same adorable man who had dropped plates at the sight of her was it?


“Thank you, Secretary Jefferson. Secretary Hamilton, your response?” George Washington, a history professor said and looked at your brother. It was silent for a moment everyone waiting for his response. Alex always had a way with a crowd since he was young and on the streets asking for money to buy his little sister some food.

“You must be out of your goddamn mind,” everyone shouted at that and you found yourself doing it as well. “If you think the President is going to bring the nation to the brink of meddling in the middle of a military mess, a game of chess, where France is Queen and King-less.” That’s when Alex noticed you and so did Thomas. And the Alex noticed Thomas noticing you and the glare that formed on his face. Thomas’ smirk had fallen when he’d seen you. He looked awe struck and you gave him a small smile.

“We signed a treaty with a King whose head is now in a basket, would you like to take it out and ask it? Should we honor our treaty, King Louis’s head? ‘Uh, do whatever you want I’m super dead!’” And like that it was over and you were being pushed out of there by Alex. “I hate the way he was looking at you.” Alex hissed.

“What with admiration, you know some people find me admirable.” You said as you moved around your car to get into the driver’s side.

“No like he was lovesick, you can’t date. I refuse to let it happen.” Alex said as he got in.

“Yeah yeah, say whatever you like, I can do what I want.” You told him and Alex rolled his eyes.

The third time you saw him was the charm.

You were sitting outside the theater waiting for your director to get there with the keys. It was cold and you had forgotten your jacket. So you sat huddle to the inside of the middle brick column. You could see the Political science building across the street and watched the students roll in quickly.

There was one that truly caught you attention. Tall, dark, ridiculously hot, and supposedly off limits. Thomas Jefferson was walking to his class and spotted you. You blushed when he caught you looking at him. His face knitted in concern when he recognized you. He quickly jogged over his bright purple jacket looking ridiculous.

“(Y/n) what are you doing out here without a jacket?” He asked and was quickly shedding his and wrapping it around you.

“Waiting on the director to get here. I have rehearsals today.” You said and he put his hands on your face. A weird thing for people who were practically strangers. His hands were so warm though you didn’t really care.

“You never stop surprising me.” He said and you hugged out a laugh giving a sardonic smile.

“That me, I’m full of surprises.” You said and moved your cold hands to his. “I’m actually really glad you came over here, I’m a tropical flower I don’t think I could have survived.” He laughed and so did you. His jacket was so warm. So absolutely warm. After a few minutes a silent warming Jefferson cursed at his watch.

“I’m late I have to go, if your director doesn’t come in a few minutes come in the Poli. science building okay. You’re lips are blue.” He said and you nodded. He got up and started walking away.

“Wait what about your jacket?” You asked.

“Keep it.” He said turning around.

“How will I get it back to you?” He smiled and your heart fluttered. He brought out a pen and wrote seven numbers on your arm.

“That’s my number, call me or text me when you wanna give it back.”

Scraped Knees, Torn Dresses, and Messy Kisses, Part 1 (Percival/Reader)

Percival Graves had known you for his entire life, ever since your chubby, three-year-old-self wandered into his yard looking for pillywiggins.

(Every time he told this story, you accused him of omitting the fact that he was just as chubby.)

According to his mother, it was love at first sight. Looking back on it, he didn’t find it that hard to believe.


You were six years old when he first made you cry.

(Sadly, it wouldn’t be the last time.)

He’d been playing with some of the boys down the street when you came meandering into his yard.

You were dressed in a pretty green tea gown with a matching bonnet and leather boots and his heart sank at the sight of you.

(If the two of you had been older, his heart probably would’ve stuttered instead of dropped.)

He could still remember the way your face had scrunched up when he told you to go away and the tears that cascaded down your cheeks when the other boys mocked your dress and gender.

(To this day, the memory still made him cringe in guilt.)


You kissed him on his tenth birthday.

It had been the beginning of May and the peonies were in full bloom. The two of you were sprawled out on the grass, your hair fanning out like a halo. Frosting smudged your face and you suddenly sat up, balancing on your elbows as you leaned over him, effectively blocking out the sun.

He raised an eyebrow, but all you did was smirk and bend down until your noses were brushing.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“I’m giving you your birthday present, idiot.”

“‘M not an idiot and you already gave me my-” Your lips were soft but slightly chapped (probably from too many broom rides with your father) and you tasted like chocolate cake and honeyed tea.

Even then, before he had any idea what love or lust was, you left him breathless.


He wasn’t surprised when the wings on the carving started to beat.

(Most of his life was spent chasing after your riding skirts as you went crashing through woods and splashing through creeks for whatever mythical beast had caught your attention at the time after all.)

Nor were you surprised when the carving started to roar for him.

(He’d knocked down quite a few of your childhood bullies at this point and he would knock down quite a few more in the future.)

The Wampus and the Thunderbird, the warrior and the adventurer; Ilvermorny didn’t know what was going to hit it.


He got his first detention for busting Travis McDonner’s lip after he grabbed your ass in fifth year.

He could still remember the shock on Professor Tanner’s face when she pulled him off of the boy. His knuckles were bruised and Travis’ face was already starting to turn purple.

Afterward (once everyone got over the fact that Perfect Percival had detention), you’d given him a quick peck on the cheek while wrapping his hands.

“Thanks, Perce. You’re the best.”


Christmas at the Grave’s house was always festive, almost as festive as your dress. Your boots were edged with silver and your dress was a rather scandalous shade of red. The tinsel in your hair was fetching as well, a pretty shade of green that caught the light whenever you laughed.

“Percy~!” You sang; looping your arms around his neck.

“What do you want, (Y/n)?” He did his best to ignore the slight pout on your lip, focusing instead on the clock behind you.

“Dance with me? You’re the only one who hasn’t.” It was true, everyone else at the party had taken great pleasure in twirling you around in a half drunken waltz while he watched (glowered) from the corner.

He cast a quick glance around the room, noting the fact that the majority of the people had already left. With a sigh, he reached up and pried one of your hands off his neck and laid a gentle hand on your waist.

“Alright.” He muttered and your squeal of delight drew the eyes of the few remaining party goers in the room.

He ignored them; content to hold you as you lead them through a series of complicated steps and twirls.

(Afterwards, when he was heading up to his room, you caught him by the lapels of his suit and dragged him into one of the unused guest rooms, kissing him the entire time.)


You go your separate ways after graduation. He went off into law enforcement and you, with all your natural charm and grace, are sent off as an ambassador to Britain.

Letters are far and few in between, but they’re always long and filled with a warmth and affection that neither of you ever addressed. And why should you? What you had was familiar and comfortable and while he knew the full extent of his feelings for you, he always assumed he had all the time in the world.

He didn’t.


His name was Charlus Potter and rumor had it he was looking to make you his wife.

Everyone knew the Potters. They were the respectable sort, wealthy with a long and decent history, and so it was quite the shock when people started hearing whispers about the family’s sole heir’s plan on taking an American bride.

He was handsome, Percival had noted with distaste, with messy black hair and kind hazel eyes. He was also absolutely smitten with you if the way he watched you the entire time at the gala was any indication.

According to you, as soon as you crossed the Pacific, you’d been saddled with Potter as your guide to British culture.

What a load of shit, he thought bitterly. Your father had had a hand in your deployment, after all, and it was common knowledge that the Potter’s preferred to marry new blood. He probably had this planned from the start.

The worst part, though, was the fact that the two of you worked well together.

When you showed up on his arm, dressed to the nine’s in gold silk and white lace, the entire party turned to stare. You were an attractive duo, oozing with charisma and smelling like old money. You worked the crowd and when you finally, finally made your way to him, he thought his heart was going to break.

It doesn’t.

Because when you saw him, you squealed, abandoning all social graces when you threw yourself at him. He caught you with ease, hands automatically falling onto your waist and while you stood there, chattering about this, that and the other thing, he sent a triumphant smirk at the downtrodden Charlus.

Percival asked you to marry him the very next day.    

The Schuyler Sisters translated into Russian and back to English

so, I took inspiration from @stupidships3335 and decided to use russian instead of French. be prepared for laughter.

Nothing rich is no longer loved
Than going to the center and slums this with the poor
They pull in their cars and yawners
Students in general
Just watch as they say
Take Philip Schuyler: the man is loaded
Oh, but how little does he know that
His daughters Peggy, Angelica, Eliza
Make your way to the city to see all the guys


Work work!

Angelica!

Work work!

Eliza!

And Peggy!

Work work!

Sisters Schuyler!

Angelica!

Peggy!

Eliza!

Job!


Dad said that he was at home by the sunset

Dad does not need to know

Dad said not to go to the city center

As I said, you can go

But … look around, look around
The revolution takes place in New York

New York
Angelica

Job!


Bad that the pope wants to go to war

People scream in the square

It’s bad that there will be violence on our coast

New ideas in the air

Look around, look around

Angelica, remind me what we’re looking for …

She’s looking at me!


Eliza, I’m looking for a mind for work (work, work!)
I’m looking for the mind to work! (Work work!)
I’m looking for the mind to work! (Work work!)
Wo-y-u-y-u-y-y-y!


Wo-y-u-y-u-y-y-y!
Job!


Ugh! There’s nothing but summer in town
Someone in a hurry next to someone looks beautiful
Excuse me, miss, I know it’s not funny.
But your smells smell like your dad’s money
Why are you a slum in the city, in your fantastic heels
Are you looking for a hedgehog that can give you ideals?

Burr, you disgust me

Oh, so you discussed me
Baby, I trust you, you can trust me!


Thomas Payne reads common sense
So people say I’m strong or I’m crazy
Do you want a revolution? I want a revelation
So listen to my statement:

“We believe that these truths are taken for granted
That all people are created equal ”

And when I meet with Thomas Jefferson

Unh!

I’m forcing him to include women in the sequel!

Job!


Look around, look how
Fortunately, we must be alive right now!

Look around, look how
Fortunately, we must be alive right now!

The story takes place in Manhattan, and we just ended up
In the greatest city in the world!

In the greatest city in the world!

Because I read Thomas Payne’s Common Sense (Look around, look around) {Hey! Hello! Hello! Hi!}
So people say I’m strong or I’m crazy (The revolution is going on) {Hey! Hello! Hello! Hi!}

Do you want a revolution? I want revelations (New York, New York!) {Look around, look around for the ongoing revolution}
So listen to my statement:

We consider these truths to be self-evident, that all people are created equal (look around, look around)
Ugh! (How lucky we are that we are now living)

Look around, see how lucky we are that we live right now!
The story takes place in Manhattan, and we just ended up

In the greatest city in the world

In the largest city

In the greatest city in the world!


Work work!

Angelica!

Work work!

Eliza!

And Peggy!

Work work!

Sisters Schuyler!

Work work!

  • Cassian: Excuse me, sweetheart, I know it's not funny but your perfume smells like your daddy's got money
  • Nesta: Cassian, you disgust me
  • Cassian: Ah, so you've discussed me!
The Shattered Camera || Wonwoo || Pt. 10

Pt. 1 // Pt. 2 // Pt. 3 // Pt. 4 // Pt. 5 // Pt. 6 // Pt. 7 // Pt. 8 // Pt. 9 // Pt. 10 // Pt. 11 (FINAL)

Word Count: 3128

Genre: comedy, fluff, paparazzi!au, celebrity!au, angst

Summary: Wonwoo already had enough on his plate as it is—proving his parents wrong, making a living, fighting his just conscience—and with you in the picture, nothing could possibly go more wrong. Or could you be his ticket to the good life that he wanted?


The scene was familiar but the roles were switched. Instead of Wonwoo sleepily watching you pour your drinks, you were watching as Wonwoo drank several bottles by himself, only offering you some when you reached out for it. It didn’t take much until you were buzzed though and you found yourself silent as you stared at Wonwoo, drinking his sorrows away.

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The Signs as Hamilton Insults
  • Aries: Turn around, bend over, I'll show you where my shoe fits!
  • Taurus: Creole bastard
  • Gemini: My dog speaks more eloquently
  • Cancer: You're mad as a hatter, son, take your medicine
  • Leo: Sit down John you FAT MOTHERFUCKER!
  • Virgo: You're father;s a scoundrel and so it seems are you
  • Libra: You're nothing without Washington by your side. Oh- daddy's calling.
  • Scorpio: I'm sorry is this not your speed?!
  • Sagittarius: And another thing, Mr. Age of Enlightenment
  • Capricorn: Useless as two shits
  • Aquarius: Smells like new money, dresses like fake royalty
  • Pisces: It's hard to listen to you with a straight face