hey do y'all ever think about the language used to describe men having sex with women and how it’s literally always violent and degrading and colonizing and dominating and dehumanizing and vanquishing and subjugating with an implication of ownership and destruction and sadism? words like fuck and screw and nail and rail and pound and bang and smash
‘I don’t want to fight right now I know your always right, now I know I need you around with me but nobody waiting around with me.’
It was happening again. The same heated conversation that broke y/n’s heart. It was the only thing that her and Shawn would fight about but it was enough to make her constantly second guess their relationship. It was bad enough that Shawn was constantly away or with the other one (as y/n liked to call her).y/n didn’t want to waste the little time they had together fighting.
“What do you expect me to do y/n, I signed a contract. ” Shawn wasn’t yelling. It would be easier if he was because then y/n could have a reason to hate him. Instead he looked desperate. His eyes watering, his voice soft, his posture slouched.
It broke y/n.
But nothing broke her more than being in love with someone who was in a PR contract with someone else. It wasn’t shawn’s fault, y/n knew that, and she knew she could trust Shawn, that he was loyal and respectful and that he loved her which made the situation harder. If she could accuse him of falling for the girl then maybe she would have an excuse to leave.
“I don’t want to fight right now” y/n breathed out turning her back to Shawn so he wouldn’t seen her wipe the tears away.
It got to her. She tried to stay positive but sometimes it was impossible. She had to keep her love a secret. She couldn’t talk to her friends about it, couldn’t post cute pictures on Instagram, couldn’t go on dates with her boy friend, she couldn’t even be there for her boyfriend when he was away on tour and it all became to much.
No matter how much she wiped her tears away more continued to fall, faster than she could wipe away the previous tears. Before she knew it she was letting out small sobs that she couldn’t contain.
Shawn stood behind her frozen.
I did this, he though to himself.
Guilt consumed him. He was the reason his girlfriend was falling apart right before him. But he was too selfish to give her up. It was the thought of coming back to her that got him through those hard nights on tour. Amongst all the chaos and pressure, she was the only thing that felt normal in his life. When he was with her everything felt perfect. He wasn’t giving her up that easily.
“Y/n” Shawn whispered stepping closer.
When y/n didn’t move nor say a word Shawn took that as an okay and stepped closer this time wrapping his arms around her.
The presence was all that y/n needed. She didn’t need empty words or unkept promises she just needed to know, feel, that some was there. And right now that someone was Shawn who was all she needed. His presence to remind her that she is his only. No matter what the tabloids write, or who his label decide to pair him in a contract with, she was the only one he wanted.
'Been through the ups and the downs with me, got a whole lot of love but you don’t want to spread it around with me.’
Y/n was at her lowest point right now. On the rare occasion that she was granted permission to come to her boyfriends show she was stuck back stage in his dressing room where she would stay unseen by the public. Just the way shawn’s management liked it. What made it worse was that the other one was allowed to be on stage with Shawn.
'She’s just promoting her self like the contract says’ Shawn said before he went on stage.
Fuck the contract! Y/n wanted to scream it loud enough for it to be heard over the music, over the screaming fans, over the pain that was eating her away inside.
She hadn’t noticed that tears of frustration were streaming down her face but she didn’t bother to wipe them away. No one would see them anyway.
Although the aching she felt inside told her not to, y/n couldn’t help it. She allowed her eyes to look up at the TV that showed Shawn on stage with the other one. He was beaming bright the way he did at every show but she was right next to him. Staring at him with admiration. The crowd was going crazy for the two.
It burned every inch inside of y/n. How she had to keep everything so secret when another girl can prance around and show off her fake love for him in hopes to gain more attention for herself.
She didn’t care for Shawn the way y/n did. If Shawn was hurt she wouldn’t drop everything just in hopes of making him feel better, she didn’t put up with all the drama for Shawn like y/n does, she doesn’t love Shawn. She loves the attention she gets when she’s with him.
Unable to take it anymore, y/n let out a scream and grabbed the first thing she saw, which just so happened to be the remote, and threw it hard at the screen of the TV. The screen cracked in the centre due to the force of the throw satisfying y/n.
She looked around the dressing room before reaching for the small wooden chair and slamming it against the glass table in the centre of the room. It took a good four smashes before damage was caused to the chair.
The sound of crashing and banging must have been heard over the loud screams of the fans and chaos backstage because Andrew came rushing through the room in panic. He stared at y/n in shock wondering how such a sweet girl could try and destroy something.
Y/n looked up at Andrew, the broken leg of the chair still in her hands. She wasn’t crying anymore. She felt better. Out of breath but she felt like she could breath again. The weight of the PR was still on her shoulders but she felt something again.
Reaching for the next chair she smashed it on the glass table hard causing glass to shatter every where on the floor.
Andrew’s shouts for y/n to stop could just be heard over the smashing and banging as y/n began throwing the chair against the glass covered floor, but she chose to ignore him completely. Enjoying the feeling of destroying something that had no worth to her. Is that how the other one felt about y/n and shawn’s relationship. Did she enjoy breaking y/n?
Andrew wanted to approach y/n, stop her, but it wasn’t safe. He couldn’t find a safe way in.
A small crowd was gathering outside of the door watching in horror and disbelief as the girl before them tore the room apart.
Shawn had pushed his way through the crowd unaware of what was going on. The buzz he usually felt after a show was wearing off sooner than usual.
“Y/n” Shawn breathed out in disbelief as he watched his girlfriend destroy everything.
He hadn’t shouted, barely spoken above a whisper, but y/n heard it. It was enough for her to stop. She looked up at her boyfriend completely aware of all the eyes watching her and all the distraction she had caused.
How? How could I have done this? Y/n wondered.
She had no idea what had come over her, the buzz was now gone completely. She felt naked under all their eyes. Embarrassed with herself. Horrified by her actions. All she could do was stare back at Shawn who was watching her cautiously as though she were a snake about to attack at any given moment. The other one stood behind him an amused smile playing on her lips.
With that she broke down in tears allowing them to fall freely down her face. Not bothering to stop the sobs from escaping her lips.
Almost as if it were an instinct, Shawn hurried forward and within a split second pulled y/n into his chest. She gladly hid her face into his chest clutching onto his shirt for dear life. Shawn gestured for everyone to leave the room. With y/n still clutching to him he walked over to the door and slammed it shut so the nosy people hanging around in the hallways couldn’t watch y/n in her fragile stage.
Since behind the door was the only part of the room that didn’t seem to have broken furniture or glass anywhere near it he slowly slid down the door to the floor, all while keeping y/n in his arms.
He held her close to him as she sobbed harshly, her whole body shaking. Shawn didn’t say anything, nothing came to mind. What could he say?
“why?” Y/n finally spoke surprising Shawn since her sobs hadn’t stopped.
“Why what?” Shawn asked stupidly. He couldn’t understand what had caused y/n to break down like this
“Why do you have to be with her? This isn’t fair! Your fans don’t care whether your with her or not.” y/n felt as though she sounded bratty but she couldn’t think of any reason how this would benefit Shawn or why he would want to do something as stupid as a PR.
Again Shawn felt stupid for being at a loss of words. He had no response. Not one that would be good enough anyway. He didn’t know why or how he had gotten himself into this mess in the first place.
“Y/n I’m sorry” he mumbled trying not to let the lump in his
throat show in his voice. He knew that if he showed y/n how much it affected him it wouldn’t help the situation.
Y/n didn’t say another word, so many thoughts running through her head, so many things she wanted to say but her mouth couldn’t form the words. No words would even come close to what she wanted to say. She stayed in the same position wanting to push Shawn away. He couldn’t just pretend to date someone else for the world to see and have y/n in secret. But y/n couldn’t find it in her to push him away. He had a hold on her. She was deeply in love with him even though she wished she wasn’t and wouldn’t dare show it.
'Never pick up, never call me, he know we running out of time.’
Y/n stared angrily at her phone. She was seated alone in her bedroom pathetically calling her boyfriend who was on the other side of the world not even bothering to call her.
She was sick of always being the first to call or text, the only one making an effort. Their relationship felt beyond one sided to her and it was taring her apart, slowly, piece by piece. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could take and was well aware that it would be near impossible for her to put the pieces back together when Shawn was eventually done with her.
It seemed like Shawn was already giving up on her. She understood that shawn’s life was hectic and that he was busy with tour but that didn’t mean that it was okay to go two weeks without contact. Every time y/n tried to call he never picked up nor did he call back. Any texts were sent when she was supposed to be asleep and was too busy crying to write up a response.
Taking in a deep breath y/n opened up a new text and began typing the one thing she wanted to do least of all. She was beyond in love with Shawn, it didn’t make sense to break up with someone who you’re in love with. But then again it didn’t make sense to love someone who was never around or who kept you a secret because of a career.
Just as y/n was re-reading the text before hitting send her phone began buzzing in her hand. Relief flooded through her as she read the name flashing across the screen. This must have been some sort of sign the universe was sending her.
“Hello” she tried to compose herself as she answered.
The butterflies had erupted in her stomach like never before. It made sense to get butterflies on the first date, not eleven months later when they called to say goodnight.
“Y/n” he sighed in relief as though he thought he had lost her.
Y/n wondered if it was possible that Shawn knew about the message she was planning on sending. That he was aware of the fact that she had nearly given up on him.
“I can’t talk long. I go on stage in two minutes but I just needed to talk to you” he breathed out in relief.
She was his escape. His safe place. His heaven on earth he didn’t know what he would do without her. He knew that it was only a matter of time before y/n walked away. He was just thankful that today wasn’t the day.
Y/n couldn’t respond. Like most of the time now days, she didn’t know how to respond.
“I’m sorry I haven’t spoken to you in so long princess, I miss you” Shawn paused. It wasn’t a empty pause. It was as though he was reflecting on how much he missed the beautiful girl he had grown so much to love.
It had been hard, especially the past few months. but he was grateful that he still had her in some way as oppose to not at all.
“I miss you too” y/n smiled to herself. Just hearing his steady breathing on the other end of the phone was enough to soothe her.
“Okay I’m running out of time.” Y/n heard someone on the other side of the line telling Shawn to make his way to the stage. “But I just wanted to hear your voice and be able to remind you how much I love you.” Y/n smiled again not knowing how to respond. Her heart fluttered at her boyfriends words. He always had a way of effortlessly saying the most perfect things.
“I love you too” y/n said barley above a whisper as if it were a secret. But it wasn’t anyone else telling them to keep it a secret. It was her choice this one rare time.
More voice’s came from the line as well as distant screaming getting louder.
“Good bye baby” he said and with that the line went dead.
She was met again with the message she had angrily typed up and gladly deleted it. Relieved that she hadn’t sent it and ruined what they had.
'Baby, I done, done enough talking I need to know that your mine.’
“Happy one year” y/n smiled half heartedly at her reflection in the mirror as she spoke on the phone to Shawn
“I can’t believe I’ve been lucky enough to have you in my life for a whole year” y/n didn’t bother responding to this. It felt like empty words to her.
It all felt like a waste of time. A whole year wasted in a relationship that was going to go down in flames, with only ashes as a memory.
“You don’t seem happy” Shawn said after a long pause of silence.
He was nervous, y/n could easily tell by the hesitation in his voice. He didn’t want to hear her say the words that were on her mind, knowing that they wouldn’t be good.
“It just feels like all talk” she awkwardly said. She wasn’t sure if she regretted it yet or not as she waited silently for shawn’s response. When Shawn didn’t respond she continued. “I mean you talk about how much you love me yet you never put any effort in” she awkwardly played with the hem of her shirt waiting for Shawn to respond.
“I’m sorry you feel that way”. He mumbled sheepishly in response making guilt grow in the pit of y/n’s stomach.
“I mean maybe if you showed me that you are all mine in some way…” Y/n tried to start but it wasn’t what she meant to say. It was by all means the truth but she didn’t expect her self to be this honest with Shawn on a topic so touchy to the two while they were supposedly 'celebrating’ their one year anniversary.
“Forget it” she breathed out slowly realising that this phone call had quickly escalated into a disaster. “Well I better go to bed, I have an early start tomorrow” it wasn’t exactly the truth but it just felt easier to end the call now them go on with it.
When Shawn didn’t respond she hung up slamming herself on her bed. Frustratedly she groaning at what had happened.
The door bell rang making y/n roll her eyes in response. The last thing she wanted right now was to go out with her friends to 'celebrate’ the way that they had planned. It didn’t feel right. She should be celebrating with Shawn.
When the annoying ringing continued y/n angrily pulled herself off of her bed and to the door. Along the way preparing a speech on how she just wanted to be left alone.
“Guys I’m sorry but I….” Y/n cut herself off at the sight before her.
“Shawn?” She breathed out in surprise at the sight of her boyfriend in front of her. He looked beyond exhausted but still as hot as ever. But more importantly he was there.
“Is this proof enough that I’m all yours?” Shawn asked looking down at his girlfriend hopefully. In response she began to laugh causing him to smile.
“You are aware of how cliché this is, right?” She quizzed as she pulled him inside before wrapping her arms tightly around him, nuzzling her head into his chest. The familiar warmth and scent relaxing her instantly.
After standing in shawn’s grip she pulled away looking at him in awe.
“I have to be back in time for an interview tomorrow but I needed to spend tonight with you”
In response y/n wrapped her hands around shawn’s neck pressing her lips against his for a long awaited kiss. The feeling of his lips on hers instantly sent relief spiralling through her body. Shawn’s string hands gripped y/n’s waist, pulling her body closer to his, deepening the kiss.
Although y/n tried desperately not to pull away Shawn did, pressing his forehead against hers so he didn’t have to pull to far away from her.
“I got you a present.” He breathed out heavily, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small wrapped box before handing it to y/n.
“I get to see you, and get a present. You spoil me too much Mendes.” She giggled but began unwrapping the small box instantly.
A blue Tiffany box came into sight once she had thrown the wrapping paper to the side. Y/n’s eyebrows creased slightly as she wondered what it was. As though the box would disappear between her fingers, y/n carefully undid the White ribbon before opening the blue box.
Y/n looked down in awe.
“Promises rings.” Shawn told her.
Two matching silver rings sat on a white cushion inside the box. One with a diamond and a smaller diamond on either end, the other thicker and more masculine.
Y/n was at a loss of words. They where beautiful and would have defiantly cost a lot of money. Far more than she was worth.
“One for you and one for me. They both have lyrics engraved on them. Your’s has 'when you miss me close you eyes’ and mine says 'I may be far but never gone’” Shawn turned the masculine ring, that was clearly for him, over so the writing on the band was show.
Shawn carefully took the rings out of the box and slipped y/n’s ring onto her fourth finger on her right hand before slipping his onto his finger.
“You are aware of how cliché you are, right?” Y/n quizzed giggling at shawn’s small pout in response before pecking him on the lips. “I love you” she added.
“ I know princess, I love you too.” He whispered connecting their lips again.
IM THINKING OF MAKING THIS INTO A MINI SERIES AND ALREADY HAVE PART 2 DONE SO IF YIU WANT ME TO MAKE IT INTO A MINI SERIES LET ME KNKW ☺️
Thorin and yourself had been called out of council to go and check on an ‘incident’ that was occurring in one of the main gold stores in the lower levels under the mountain of Erebor.
Your husband sighed under his breath and rolled his eyes, not appreciating the disruption to the meeting that had been going on.
You followed the winding passageways down towards the stores, and as you got to the last door situated at the end of the main hall way, you heard smashing, banging and shouting coming from inside.
Thorin shot you a worried glance and then charged ahead of you. You followed on, nearly bumping into a Dwarf guard who came racing towards you. He was out of breath and pulled off his helmet quickly. “My Queen, we have no idea where it came from. It has been causing havoc for the last hour in our attempts to catch it.”
You looked around the room only to see empty boxes and chests with the odd gold coin lying on the floor, noticing a trail of coins leading away from you. The Dwarf guard continued speaking, but you asked him to be quiet and followed the trail.
Thorin had disappeared, going to investigate himself.
However, shortly after, you came upon a sight which raised a huge smile and chuckle from you. A small, black furry creature was sat in a box, on its back, and was looking up at you with bright eyes. It was surrounded by Erebor’s most valued treasures, and was pushing pieces of gold and jewels into a pouch in its stomach.
You clasped your hand over your mouth, laughing at the adorable creature before you.
“That’s the devil thing that has caused all the commotion!” the Dwarf guard said loudly.
Thorin re-appeared and looked down at the animal, his eyes narrowed. “What is it? I want it gone!”
“It’s so sweet,” you cooed, bending down towards it. It moved towards you a little, sniffing your hand. “Can we keep it?”
Thorin scoffed. “It has attempted to steal our gold. We are NOT keeping it!”
You write about the way it feels
At the beginning
Like someone’s airing up a balloon
Inside your stomach
You write about urgency
That call across the wind
When you say his name
You become a scientist, a philosopher
You theorize, you believe
“The universe recycles atoms and maybe yours and mine
Were next to each other at the beginning.”
Maybe your collision was the big bang
That kickstarted the entire universe
Maybe the stories are true.
You write about the music
Symphonies and operas
Notes that save your life
You write about how when he looks at you,
It’s the plucked strings of a guitar
The resonant organ in your chest.
You write about how you didn’t want to fall
You didn’t need anyone and you had plans
You were solid and unyielding and stable—
But he crashed into you
And the world shifted under your feet
You were Pangea
He separated you into continents
You write about fear
And the warning signs
You chalk up to anxiety
That inner sound bite you can’t delete:
You never deserve to be happy.
You dare to believe
To shout over it.
Here comes the letdown
The free-fall off a thousand-foot cliff
All the way down,
The universe is moving toward entropy
So maybe we are inevitable disorder
Meant to dissipate into nothing
You smash into the ground
You are blood and broken bones
Heart in shreds
Nothing catches you
You think you might be insane
That dizzying drop
One second to the next
All in your head
You don’t understand
“If none of it was real…”
And you’ll try to figure it out
Try to define
But it’s all fragmented memories
And crossed out lines
Your hands will continue to type
And through blurred eyes
Heey, it's the anon who asked the request question! Thanks for explaining, I'm kind of new to this whole Tumblr thing. Okay, so I wanted to ask if you could do a Pre-Kingsman! Eggsy x Reader where Eggsy would go over to the reader's house to escape Dean's bullshit. Thank you, and have a wonderful day!
[Hi there! Thanks so much for the request :D Sorry this is late ;.; As i’m assuming you know, I’ve had back to back cons and been so busy. Buuuut it’s break time so I’m gettin to it! <3 Thanks for being patient, Anon! I’m a little backed up, but I’m gonna be getting through all of these this month!! Not sure if this is what you had in mind, but it sorta just happened lol. As usual. XD
HOPE YOU LIKE IT MY SWEET ANON ;.; I think this is good???? but frequently when I get back form however many days off, I can’t tell because I read them so much lmao <3 ANYWAY HOPE YOU ENJOY!!!<3
Pairing: Eggsy x Reader – Pre Kingsman; ref to Daisy, Michelle and Dean.
Warnings: Cursing, abuse references (its obvious Dean is abusive, so keep that in mind– nothing too bad though it’s mostly the aftermath, etc.)
“E-Eggsy..?” You leaned over quickly, turning on the light by your bed as you scratched your tired eyes awake.
You fumbled around for your phone sleepily, knocking it off the bed in a loud crash. Even without seeing a name and photo across the screen- you knew it would be him. Eggsy was the only person that ever called you in the middle of the night and those calls usually meant one thing.
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.
“Fuck.” You breathed out, leaning over the bed reaching your fingers long as the buzzing phone inched slowly away with each pulse.
You slid it closer with your fingertips, pulling it to your ear as you nearly fell out of bed hoping to answer just in time.
“H-hello? Eggsy?” When you spoke you weren’t rushed, but you weren’t exactly calm either…
Chapter Summary: The first stage of the plan goes into affect. Reader and the arms dealer are both introduced to Mitch Rapp for the first time, and things get a little interesting.
Warnings: Cursing (i think, probably). Violence (a fight). Mentions of drugs (in a weird way????)
A/N: Thank you to my wifey @ellie-bee242, again, for reading this over. And thank you to @cathobs for loving this story and giving me some much needed wonderful feedback. You’re incredible.
(Y/N) woke up with a groan, her eyes feeling heavy and her mouth dry as a bone. She blinked slowly a few times, her eyes adjusting to the light pouring in from the wall of windows facing the sun. She winced looking directly at the sun on accident, turning her head to the other side. She had a pounding headache that was throbbing with every small movement.
“Sonovabitch,” she whispered to herself. She realized she was on a bed, figuring she had passed out after Stan had beaten and stabbed her. She looked around trying to see if Stan and Irene were still in the room.