smartass kid

Being Jughead Jones’ Best Friend would Include...

- He confides in you for everything

- Movie nights at the Twilight Drive-in, in the film room before it closed

- Shipping Bughead, and constantly teasing him about it

- Stealing his food

- Stealing his beanie

- “Okay seriously (Y/N) give it back,”

- Proofreading his novel with a thesaurus at your side, constantly suggesting odd words to ‘spice things up’

- “What abooouut, instead of see… you use distinguish or survey or… des-cree?… descry? How do you even pronounce that?”

- Finding out about his homeless situation

- Refusing to leave his side until he’s taken your spare house key

- Spending school social events at your house, watching old movies with pizza and junk food

- Not afraid to get touchy and cuddly when alone, because you’re a very cuddly person

- Defending him in the student lounge against Reggie and co

- Sarcasm-offs, pure banter

- Staying up late night with your phone at your side, in case he needs somewhere to stay

- Saying ‘I love you’, but you both know it’s platonic

- The rest of the gang originally shipping you guys, before you made it clear you were just really tight friends

- Like… really tight, may as well be siblings

- Messing up his hair

- Messing up your hair

- Playfighting

- Supporting him when he comes out as asexual

- Forcing him to watch Disney Channel and cartoons with you

- “This smartass Cody Martin kid annoys me.”

- Sleuthing

- Late night sleuthing

- Early morning sleuthing

- Planning to travel the world together

- Him being protective over you when it comes to boyfriends/girlfriends

- Arguments don’t last long, you find a way to laugh at it, and it’s all okay again

- Sharing music

- Calling him ‘Forsythe’

- Video games

- Jumpscaring one another all the time and making it a competition

- “Juggggy have you seen my phone cha- SHIIIT, DON’T DO THAT YOU PIECE OF AGGHH OH MY LORD,”

- Nicknames

- Jug, Juggy, Jugster, Juggler

- Calling him Drughead to annoy him

- Your parents loving him and are willing to have him round all the time

- Getting protective over one another after Jason Blossom

- A friendship that will last a lifetime 

anonymous asked:

You are doing god's work here with all this 6p stuff, but you realise words have more than just one meaning, right? Just because some people use "crippling" and its variants as a slur against disabled people, the word has other meanings, such as "causing a severe and almost insuperable problem". For example when a country has crippling debts. Or when someone says their depression cripples them. There is nothing offensive about that, because words have more than just one meaning.

so let me tell you this story about a smartass kid.

this kid’s parents, much like most people’s parents, did not want their kid swearing.

this kid thought he’d figured out a loophole - he could call people an “ass,” because when he was called out on it, he would say he meant “donkey” instead of “butt.”

do you think his parents conceded defeat and let him start swearing?

no.

his parents told him “If you meant ‘donkey,’ you should have said donkey. Don’t use a word that could be interpreted as something offensive when there’s another perfectly good word that means the same thing.”

the end.

✖ —— the outsiders sentence starters.

’ we gotta win that fight tonight. ’
’ where the hell have you been? do you know what time it is? ’
’ it’s two in the morning, kiddo! ’
’ where have you been? ’
’ i fell asleep in the lot. didn’t mean to. ’
‘ i can’t even call the cops because you two would be put in a home so fast. ’
’ look, i said i didn’t mean to. ’
’  "i didn’t mean to", “i forgot”. that’s all i ever hear from you! ’
’ don’t you yell at him/her! ’
’ you can’t win. you know that, don’t you? ’
’ you’ll still be where you were before, at the bottom. ’
’ shoot, this house ain’t dirty. you ought to see my house. ’
’ if you had the sense of a billy goat, you’d clean your house up. ’
’ shoot, kid, if i did that, my mom would die of shock. ’
’ where did you learn that? that’s what i meant. ’
’ stay gold, _______, stay gold. ’
’ robert frost wrote it. ’
’ i always remembered it because i never quite knew what it meant. ’
’ look at the blonde headed monkey! ’
’ why? too scared? ’
’ hate to tell you this, buddy, but you have to wear clothes to work. ’
’ you’re not going anywhere. ’
’ no way! they ain’t putting me in no home. ’
’ let’s take it outside! ’
’ you should have gone out for football instead of track. ’
’ where the hell do you think you’re going? ’
’ i don’t know, i can’t take sides. ’
’ i don’t know, man. it’s just like sometimes i have to get out. ’
’ it’s like i’m the middle man in a tug-of-war or something between you guys. ’
’ i’m happy working at a gas station. ’
’ i’m dumb. it’s alright, i don’t mind. ’
’ you’d never be happy doing something like that. ’
’ you gotta stop yelling at him/her for every little thing he/she does, man. ’
’ we’re all we got left now. ’
’ if we don’t have each other, then we ain’t got nothing. ’
’ sure… sure little buddy, we ain’t goin’ to fight anymore. ’
’ one bawl-baby in this family’s enough. ’
’ let’s go home, i’m cold. ’
’ what’d you say? ’
’ what’d you say, you little shit? what’d you say to me? ’
’ come on, you heard me. leave her/him alone. ’
’ here, i thought this might cool you off. ’
’ when you learn to talk and act decent, then maybe i’ll cool off too. ’
’ firey, huh? just the way i like them! ’
’ i gotta cut smoking or i’ll never make track next year. ’
’ where you gonna get the dough, li'l man? ’
’ yeah, somebody’s sick… ’
’ what are you doin’ walkin’ by your lonesome on the street? ’
’ it’s none of your business, smarty. ’
’ what do you mean, none of my business? ’
’ smartass. he/she is a smartass kid. ’
’ i didn’t know you had this problem with, with yelling in my face. ’
’ what? look, now don’t get wise. ’
’ i don’t like little kids, just don’t like ‘em. ’
’ go a head, i’ll keep an eye on him/her. ’
’ why didn’t you bring a coat, stupid? ’
’ i thought new york was the only place to end up in a murder rap. ’
’ hey baby, you wanna see what’s hangin’? ’
’ you don’t know what a few months in jail can do to you, man. ’
’ you get mean in jail, i just don’t wanna see that happen to you. ’
’ it’s like the mist is what’s pretty, ya know? all gold and silver. ’
’ too bad it can’t stay like that all the time. ’
’ you’re never gonna get me alive! ’
’ don’t you know a rumble ain’t a rumble without me? ’
’ you ever pull a stunt like that again, i’ll kill you. ’
’ if the fuzz show, you beat it out of there. ’
’ ain’t nobody gonna call the fuzz in this neighborhood! they know better! ’
’ you two beat it out of there, ya hear me? ’
’ go ahead, man. i won’t look at you. ’
’ i don’t have any money. ’
’ go away! get out of here! ’
’ that was a close call. ’
’ with your brains and grades, you could get a scholarship. ’
’ we could put you through college, ain’t that right? ’
’ you just don’t stop living because you lose somebody. ’
’ anytime you don’t like the way i’m running things around here, you can just get out. ’
’ i used to talk about killing myself all the time, man. ’
’ hell, i wouldn’t care so much if there hadn’t been so many things i haven’t done yet. ’
’ so many damn things i ain’t seen or done. ’
’ i don’t know, he/she just died. ’
’ guess we’re different, huh? ’
’ beer for breakfast there, ______? ’
’ you smoke more than a pack today and i’ll skin you. ’
’ you carry more than one bundle of roofing at a time. ’
’ you’re young. you shouldn’t be smoking. it’s a hard habit to break. ’
’ i thought we lost you like we did mom and dad. ’
’ what do you think, man? you think it makes me look tough? ’
’ i think it makes you look different. ’
’ well, you got a hole in your mouth. ’
’ i can’t wait till you’re outta here. ’
’ get out, just get out! you’re making me sick in my stomach. ’
’ it was your bright idea, smarty. ’
’ you get tough like me and you don’t get hurt. ’
’ you look out for yourself and nothing can touch you, man. ’
’ by the looks of it i thought you were both four… ’
’ they pushed me in the fountain and they tried to drown me. ’
’ why don’t you just focus on girls and cars? works of me. ’
’ nothin’ legal, man. let’s get outta here. ’
’ you go to hell. go straight to hell. ’
’ did they pull a blade on you? ’
’ hey, they ain’t gonna hurt you no more. ’
’ they used to buddy around together, play football. ’
’ what, are you thinking about me becoming your personal bodyguard? ’
’ i don’t think it’s too hot of an idea. ’
’ great! my first trip to the zoo! ’
’ i swear, we used to get along just fine until mom and dad died. ’
’ i think i like it better when the old man’s hittin’ me. at least he knows I’m there. ’
’ i’m sorry i got you away from this party and all but i just don’t know what to do, man. ’
’ nah. i was just uh… i was just trying to get some sleep. ’
’ wait a minute. let me think about this mess. get in. ’
’ you guys are three of the bravest kids i’ve seen in a long time. ’
’ what are you guys? professional heroes or somethin’? ’
’ a little? you call reeling and passing out in the streets a little? ’
’ i told you, i’m never going out with you when you’re drinking again. ’
’ look, that doesn’t mean you can go walkin’ the streets with these bums. ’
’ we got four more of us in the backseat. ’
’ if…  if you’re lookin’ for a fight… ’
’ c'mon, put the knife down! c'mon! ’
’ stop! stop it! i hate fights, alright? i hate them! ’
’ we’ll go home with you, just give me a minute. ’
’ are you a real redhead? are you real?  ’
’ how can i find out if this is your real red hair? ’
’ if this is the same red hair you have on your, uh, your, your, these eyebrows. ’
’ hey! check out their pants! ’
’ so, you guys waitin’ for a floodin’? ’
’ man that was one tough car. mustangs, they’re tough. ’
’ i asked the nurse to give you this book so you could finish it. ’
’ listen, i don’t mind dying now. ’
’ it was worth it. it was worth saving those kids. ’
’ keep it that way, it’s a good way to be. ’
’ you still have a lot of time to make yourself be what you want. ’
’ hey, look, i got me a new hat! ’
’ some cute redhead, huh? ’
’ get your feet off my chair and shut your trap. ’
’ you’d better leave us alone, or i’ll call the cops. ’
’ oh, my, my! you’ve got me scared to death. ’
’ can you just leave us alone? be nice and leave us alone? ’
’ can i interest you in a coca-cola, or a… ’
’ alright, i’ll go. i know when i’m not wanted. ’
’ no jazz before the rumble; you know the rules. ’
  • Kid Fell!Sans: I hate you!
  • Kid Sci!Sans: I hate your sense of fashion!
  • Kid Fell!Sans: I hate your smartass attitude!
  • Kid Sci!Sans: I hate your clear lack of education!
  • Kid Fell!Sans: I hATE YOUR STUPID ADORABLE FACE!!!
  • Kid Sci!Sans: !!!!
  • Kid Tale!Alphys: Get a room you two.
  • Kid Swap!Sans: No way! Stay here! You guys are adorable!
  • Kid Sci & Fell: //flustered noises//
TWICE as high school students
  • Nayeon: the popular girl everyone likes,nice to everyone,always smiling,knows boys have a crush on her and loves it
  • Jeongyeon: captain of the girl's soccer team,has a lot of guy friends who secretly wanna bang her,is disgusted by relationships,gets aggressive before every game
  • Momo: cheerleader,gets rid of stress by drowning in food,her cheer squad always messes up the routine and shes the one saving the day but never gets enough credit for it,hates math
  • Sana: the fashion icon,loves being in the spotlight but is really clumsy,the type to fight with the boy she secretly likes,does a lot of hair flicking and one time almost set the chem lab on fire during class
  • Jihyo: the class president,is always tired and sleepy,never gets the deserved recognition from the teachers but never complains,can't rely on her class so she just does the thing by herself
  • Mina: the mysterious girl that almost never speaks,lots of boys have a crush on her but she doesn't even know,isn't really mysterious just really awkward
  • Dahyun: the president of the drama club,considers everyone her best friend,teaches yoga to pregnant people part-time,the teachers love her
  • Chaeyoung: the art hoe,her drawings are always hung over the school walls,can't live without her earphones,has an instagram with a theme,aesthetic above everything else
  • Tzuyu: the freshman that looks like a senior,was popular before she even entered highschool,is the kid throwing smartass comments under her breath during class
nct dream!kids au

youre their babysitter ok istg (theyre also like 4-8) (and theyre also all related)


mark

-a literal mess omg!!

-tries his best but ends up failing somehow

-cant make a sandwich, ends up blowing up the kitchen

-needs your help for a lot of things but not before he accidentally screws it up himself when he tries to be a big boy!!!

-like one time, you went over to babysit

-and he was a precious angel! said hi and smiled and dragged you to his room to play!!

-everything was fine and dandy until you left the room for a sec and came back to mark upside down hanging from his bed with his toys scattered on the floor when it was in a neat pile before

-dont leave him alone for too long

-dont leave him alone at all omg, hold his hand and take him as your smol useless sidekick

-tries to help take care of the kids with you because he’s the hyung and he needs to have a responsibility! (never ends up doing what he’s supposed to do but you love him anyway)

-falls asleep really easily, is always disoriented when he wakes up from naps

-has his own bed but prefers to crawl in bed with his bff and best brother hae!!!

-doesnt have a teddy bear or any stuffie and falls asleep with nothing in his arms but ends up hugging anything he can grab in his sleep

-it can be hae, a pillow, their pet bunny that manages to escape bc chen forgot to lock it up, it doesnt matter (hae pretends to hate it but it makes him feel warm so he’s lowlowlowlowlowlowlowkey ok with it)


haechan

-what a sass master

-youngest sass master youve ever seen

-pickiest eater ever omg

-doesnt like ANYTHING you give him unless it has peanut butter on it

-he’ll make you put peanut butter on pizza

-he doesnt CARE he just wants peanut butter

-such a tsundere omg hates your jokes but loves your smiles (will never admit it)

-stubborn ass kid jesus

-but a cutie so you dont mind!!

-loves his hyung mark but will not hesitate to push him down the stairs for candy

-is always there to give mark bandaids for wounds HE caused

-has to always sit beside you or mark or jisung or jaemin during movies (will not sit still unless he’s with one of you)

-LOVES superheroes

-tried to fly once but just ended up scraping the palm of his hand

-he’s the bandaid guy so he has no one to put a bandaid on him :c

-BUT he has you!!! and mark to the rescue ofc

-mark puts the bandaid on backwards and it accidentally sticks to his hand instead

-haechan doesnt have the heart to tell him and neither do u

-you end up putting the bandaid on hae when mark isnt looking

-reminds you of how cute and perfect he is every 3 minutes hours


chenle

-the most talented child you have ever babysat

-will sing the kids to sleep if you asked him to

-will sing YOU to sleep if you asked him to

-sweetest smiles!!!

-total suck up, will do anything to make you happy/smile

-sings around the house, hops everywhere, refuses to stop singing even if jeno threatens to throw his pet bunny on the street

-howevER IF YOU THREATEN TO TAKE HIS TEDDY BEAR AWAY HE’LL HARNESS THE POWERS OF JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF AND JUDOFLIP YOU DOWN 80 FLIGHTS OF STAIRS

-takes his teddy bear everywhere

-has emotional detachment issues

-loves his parents but lowkey loves his teddy bear more

-highkey loves you more, probably has a cute lil kid crush on you

-hearteyes!!!!

-buy him stuffed animals and he’ll love you forever

-reallyyyyyyyy likes strawberries

-more than usual

-likes feeding them to his bunny even tho they shouldnt really be eating them

-but it makes the bunny happy so chen is happy!!

-please love him all he wants is for everybody to be happy

-the type to tug on your clothes instead of calling for your name or tapping you to get your attention


renjun

-????

-mysterious as heck

-you didnt even notice him the first time you babysat him

-like, their parents came back and thanked you and all the kids came to say goodbye

-and then you just saw renjun there but???

-”omg i didnt even notice you during this whole time im sorry why didnt you say anything?? where were you???”

-and he just responds with “i was in the shadows” right before you leave

-gave you nightmares but you were determined to make him loud and bubbly!!

-so the next time you babysit, you made SURE to find renjun

-took him with you everywhere, so now you have sidekick mark and sidekick renjun

-theyre both useless but in a cute way!!!!

-it takes time but he goes from a chocolate bar left in the freezer for 85 years to a bagel in water!!! (what is this omg)

-still kinda tough but soft and smol at the same time

-doesnt smile often but when he does it’s like a fireball!!! watch out nasa we have a new sun!!!

-small grins and smiles 24/7

-the kids always try to include him in everything bc he may be quiet but they know he’s just shy and can be absolutely insane (in a non ghost-kid creepy way)

-they love him and will do anything he asks bc he never asks for anything usually!!

-the least-needy kid ever


jaemin

-sly ass lil kid

-probably learns how to flirt from tv shows and uses pickup lines on you

-a sweetheart deep down, cares for you a lot

-will 100000% fight chenle for your heart!!!!

-smile so sweet itll give you cavities but has a lowkey smirk to it so you have to stop him from watching too many tv shows

-follows you around asking you the most dumb questions

-”do you trap people in your phone and talk to them??”

-”jae omg no what the heck ofc not”

-”how do you talk to your friends then??”

-you worry about him a lot

-tries to act tough when he gets booboos

-doesnt like crying and usually doesnt cry when he gets hurt

-BUT when he gets hurt like real bad, he’ll crack

-one time he was running down the stairs chasing jeno

-and he accidentally fell and tumbled down the stairs

-he was ok, no big booboos but his knee got scraped pretty bad

-and *dootdootdoot trumpet sounds* haechan swoops in with bandaids!! (and a HALF hug, gotta keep that tsundere front)

-and as haechan puts like, 3 bandaids on jae’s 1 wound, his lips start quivering and his eyes are tearing up but he cant cry wont cry!! gotta look tough so mark can stop babying him!! so everyone can stop babying him!!

-but then mark hugs him to make up for hae’s half hug and min starts bawling

-chen feels bad too so he hugs jae while mark is still hugging him so it’s a hug-fest!!

-hae reluctantly joins in but only bc he’s hip and with the trends!!! not bc he wanted to hug him or something


jeno

-highkey likes learning lowkey likes messing with his brothers

-he likes learning how to make traps and how to successfully prank people

-the annoying smartass kid of the group but nobody minds!! (except haechan bc hes supposed to be annoying and smart!!)

-partners in crime with haechan

-pranks everybody BUT jisung

-everybody has a soft spot for jisung

-starts off with dumb things like whoopie cushions and hand buzzers

-still uses dumb things like whoopie cushions and hand buzzers

-colours pictures as a side job hobby

-quiet and behaved surprisingly when he isnt trying to make you sit on a whoopie cushion

-will eat anything you give him as long as it’s not like, kiwis or something

-hates kiwis with a passion

-will sass you if you try to feed him kiwis

-which makes you seperate him and hae from hanging out for too long

-it never works, they always find a way to navigate back to each other

-you end up just letting him become a sass master in training

-judges your food but compliments your appearance!!

-everything you do is pretty to him

-cleaning up chen’s spilled apple juice?? nO PROBLEM WHAT A CUTE THING YOU ARE

-just dont feed him kiwis, then youre not cute

-really hates kiwis

-like, really really

-will probably slap your hand

-will apologize and hug your hand afterwards

-*cue hae’s eye roll*

-eye smiles all day everyday!!!!


jisung

-an actual angel

-youngest and cutest!!

-leader of the cutie sqaud rEPRESENT!!!11!!11!

-probably religiously likes apples

-just imagine him nibbling on an apple

-chen probably really likes him (ONLY WHEN HE’S EATING AN APPLE) bc he reminds him of their pet bunny

-a bit of a crybaby but nobody minds because he doesnt cry on purpose!!

-hurts himself a lot too smh jisung r u having a competition with mark or smth

-but he has spongebob bandaids so “who cares if im bleeding?? i have spongebob!!”

-probably wants to be like, devious and not innocent but cant

-one time, hae and jeno tried to teach him how to prank one of his hyungs but ji just went “i dunno i dont really wanna anymore” all uncomfortable and smol and timidly bc he didnt wanna make hae and jeno upset

-but it was ok!! they took him to the living room to watch spongebob

-dancing machine omg

-like, everybody in the family likes dancing but bOY jisung has such a firey passion for it, it’s insanely cute

-likes candy a lot (but what kid doesnt)

-will most likely sell his soul for candy

-instead of walking around the house, he moonwalks

-nobody has the heart to tell him to stop

-chen almost did once but when jisung smiled real wide when chen called his name, he like stopped and just sputtered out “i have apples”

-the kid that literally does nothing wrong

-you used to be suspicious but not anymore he’s an angEL BEAN

-smol and precious, doesnt like trouble nor does he like loud noises

-yet he enjoys screaming??

-when anything wrong goes down he screams like a siren so everybody knows something is wrong

-he’s practically their fire alarm


nct dream (as a whole)

-puts on shows for you ALL the time

-you were going over to babysit them once but when you arrived you didnt expect a cupcake and a performance!! (their parents told them it was your birthday so they had to be nice to you)

-you didnt even get sassed!! a miracle!!!

-they felt bad that they didnt get you a present so they drew you something instead

-didnt let mark help in fear he’d accidentally set the paper on fire but he was ok with that bc he got to monitor and was on apple juice duty!!

-likes having pillow fights

-you arent about that life so you just sit back and monitor

-jisung doesnt join in but he screams while they fight!!

-he has lungs of steel

-he doesnt join in bc one time he was running around, spinning with a pillow and he accidentally got smacked in the face (dont tell anyone but it was probably mark) and he FLEW BACK

-like FLEW BACK

-the room grew quiet and everybody rushed over “omg r u ok???”

-he was ok but no longer particpates, traumatized but also vv thankful bc woah he flew (into a wall but he flew)

-they have pillow fights real often bc it makes renjun happy and he laughs and smiles a lot during them

-pillow fights are BRUTAL

-they have never EVER seen chen so hardcore

-he karate jumps and smacks people in the face

-mark screams and charges headfirst (with a pillow on his head ofc) at everybody

-hae pretends not to care but hits SO hard (as hard as he can with a pillow at least)

-jeno is so good at dodging, so swift it’s scary

-renjun is reallllll quiet so he sneak-attacks people really easly, giving them minor (or major, if youre like, mark) heart attacks

-jaemin pictures everybody as giant, walking kiwis so he screams “I HATE KIWIS” before he runs into the fight blindly, hitting everybody and anybody he can bc deFEAT THE EVIL KIWIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-chen doesnt even have a tactic as long as he gets to hit someone he’s ok

-there’s really no prize so idek why these losers are so competitive

-HOWEVER no matter how much they fight and no matter how competitive they are, they ALWAYS have each other’s back

-like this one time, hae was getting bullied and it all started like thiS *dramatic flashback*

-they all walk home together and instead of being loud like usual, hae was just really quiet and didnt join in the conversation

-so mark the responsible hyung!!! noticed and was like “what’s wrong hae??”

-and he didnt respond so ren, jae, and jeno answered for him

-”that kid in our class said he was loud and annoying”

-”WHERE DOES HE LIVE I’LL HURT HIM” -mark 0.1 seconds after hearing that

-the next day at school, the dream team (im calling them that from now on) confronted the kid and mark went iN

-”HOW DARE U CALL MY BROTHER ANNOYING WHEN U HAVE A BOWL CUT AND CANT EVEN GO TO THE WASHROOM ON YOUR OWN, U THINK UR SLICK I SEE YOU IN THE HALLS”

-like, jae and ji got a lil bit offended at the bowl cut comment but iT WAS FOR HAE SO THEY DIDNT CARE

-mark is a third grade SAVAGE

-made the kid cry

-all while hae was hiding behind jeno and jisung (jisung was too short to hide him but like w/e)

-the kid apologized with like snot and tears running down his face

-hae lowkey laughed really hard

-they all got in trouble after

-jisung for sneaking out of kindergarten

-mark for roasting yelling at the kid

-everybody else for being his sidekicks

-their parents couldnt even yell at them bc they were so touched

-do NOT bring these kids to the grocery store

-not altogether

-if you do, youll get kicked out of the grocery store in 0.3343 seconds

-jisung wants EVERYTHING in the store

-hae complains every 2 minutes

-they fight over who gets to sit in the cart

-jisung, mark, hae, and jeno share a room

-jae, chen, and ren share a room

-during nap time, they all end up in one room or another tho

-they kinda hate each other (bc that’s how siblings are!!) but if given the chance to be put in another family, none of them would even THINK about it

-theyre all a mess but that’s how the dream team works!

smartass-kid replied to your post:there’s this streak of abject and cynical nihilism…

the need/tendency to create something out of nothing is simultaneously the most inspiring and depressing thing about human beings

no wait how is that depressing??? the creative and generative capacity of human beings is the best and most miraculous argument for our continued existence, that we look at the universe (which is mostly empty) and everything in it (which is also mostly empty, space between atoms yknow) and go 

huh. that doesn’t seem right.

is the 21st century miracle, it is the only time I somewhat agree with the existentialists, because we are so full of stuff! we are positively and uniquely chock full of stuff, most of which we made up ourselves and then back-dated to make it seem authentic. And what a weird concept! that of all the stuff inside us, we consider some of it authentically really real stuff and some not, and the stuff external to us is realer than the stuff we came up with. (Humanity isn’t just chock full of stuff, it’s come up with all these ways of ordering and ranking and deciding on the stuff. It’s come up with half a dozen rhetorical strategies to articulate the stuff, only some of which are straightforward description.

In fact, straightforward description is the least convincing of all, when it comes to the Stuff.)

And like, this doesn’t even get into the whole becoming-a-person process, which is basically 18 years of being filled up with Stuff, and then slowly unlearning and editing and paring down the stuff until it’s coherent within your own view of the world. All the terror and horror and violence and cruelty of human is a creation too (we make monsters, we always have, because “monster” is a definition we’ve made to go with them) but the grace and mercy and ideal of perfection is ours too (we coined “angel” as well)

What can possibly depress you to find out that the width of your chest is the world entire?

Your Lazy Baby

Originally posted by themusicalassassin


Rating: PG-13 (tiny swears and stuff)
Pairing: Connor x Reader 

Summary: Connor doesn't want to get out of bed.

A/N: I did it i finally did it

now criticize me

excuse any grammar/spelling mistakes, i proof read this in the library on the smallest zoom setting


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I Can Do Better Than That - Tony Stark x Reader

Words: 1079
Pairing: Tony Stark x (f)Reader
Warnings: mentions of sex. Swearing.
Requested: lol nope
Authors Note: This is a song fic based off of I Can Do Better Than That from The Last Five Years, and you can listen to it here! I’ve been obsessed with watching the movie on Netflix like non stop lately (thanks Jadyn) and have been working on this imagine on the side very lightly for the past few weeks. And it’s finally here! Yay! ALSO: so it;s based off the song but i didnt actually use many direct quotes from the song, i had to change them around a little bit, but they’re still italicized. 

Masterlist. Request List.


“Come on, Tony, have some fun!” You begged, “Forget the plane, let’s make it a road trip.”

“It’ll take us all day to get there,” Tony groaned.

“Exactly, that’s why I’m telling you that we’re driving a day ahead. That way, we make it there on time for tomorrow’s dinner party,” You started, “There is no getting out of this. I’ve already got your bag packed and if you say no, I’ll cry.”

“Fine!” Tony groaned, he always gave into you.

You squealed and grabbed his hand, pulling him to the cars. “We have to get going if we want to get there on time!”

Tony laughed at how excited you were, “Alright, let’s get going then.”

The car chosen was a convertible that Tony loved to drive. You thought the ride was going to involve a lot of talking; but for the first hour, it was quiet. The radio was ok quietly as the both of you admired the lovely world around you.

“Tell me a story,” Tony asked out of the blue.

“What do you want a story about?” You asked with a little laugh.

“You never told me why you moved to New York, why did you?” He asked.

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Savior - Christmas Prompt - Peter Hale

-gif source-

Christmas Prompt: #12. Character A got caught under the mistletoe with someone they hate and Character B rescues them. – Requested by @palaiasaurus64

Warnings/Labels: Dumb Theo, Peter being Peter

Approx. Word Count: 360

A/N: I used Theo as the hated person again. Hopefully that’s alright.

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Not Really A Fic Pt1

Spirk Justice League AU 

  • Jim Kirk doesn’t know what planet he’s actually from, all he knows is the shuttle that threw him down in a field in the middle of Iowa killed George Kirk in the crash and Winona Kirk can’t look at him without bitterness. His stepfather screams and yells and threatens but he doesn’t beat him after the day he throws a brick at Kirk and it bounces off his head. Kirk throws himself off cliffs because he knows it can’t hurt him and unexpectedly finds that he can fly. Kirk barfights and joyrides and drinks because nothing can hurt him, until he stumbles across the country into a bar in Brunswick, Georgia, where some asshole convinces him that he might like to try helping people and hey, maybe the name Superman would do, it’s what his stepfather always called him mockingly in their fights, it would be nice to pick something bad up and make it good again. He carefully doesn’t think about how that statement might just apply to his entire life. It’s not just a dare in a bar, though. Jim’s always known, deep down, that his powers are his for a reason. And he thinks maybe life was cruel to him for a reason too. He could have been an arrogant jackass god. He could have ripped the roof right off the White House and crowned himself king of the world with his powers. But he wouldn’t - he couldn’t - because that would make him his stepfather. Just another bully, trying  to use his size and strength to kick the little people down. Jim wants to be better than that. Jim wants to make the world better than that. 
  • McCoy…. yeah, he lives in the sea now. He tried that land life for a while but that all turned to shit and maybe his daddy was right, what comes from the ocean returns to the ocean. He still drags himself up the beach for a drink sometimes, though - no bourbon underwater - and sometimes, through no fault of his own, things get violent. He wins those fights. It’s a shame he can’t go back to those towns though. He has his strength and he knows nothing can hurt him, until one day he tries to get between some blonde asshole and four drinks and the blonde (misinterpreting the situation very badly), picks him up and hurls him through a fucking wall. Later they sit on the beach and compare what they can do and he says, hey, I’m a fuck up but you, kid, you could really do something. And the kid says - yeah? Wanna give it a go and see who’s better? C’mon, Fishman, waddayasay. And he says - fuck you, asshole, I’m gonna call myself Ocean King or something. - Where’s your fucking crown then? And they’re both too drunk to remember when they decide on the name Aquaman but it’s there, written into the notes in Jim’s phone and still scrawled into the sand around them when they wake.

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Thief rat

Fat rat

How did he get this hat?


Surfing pancake raichu

ICEslash

ICEshrew

A girl who believes that she’s the most beautiful

Her mother

Kiddo who everyone was bullied at the middle school

… His family…?

Who cares? - cat

IT’S SO WRONG.

Angry kiddo

Bully from a Gymnasium

Angry Grnadpa… Really angry Grandpa

Trash eater… I’m serious

Rainbow trash… or vomit

Sorry. I’m done with him…

Smartass owl

Rich kid owl

Owl that will kick your ass… Or Owl hood

Kitten who don’t care about you

Circus tiger

BOXER

Clown from a middle school

Young star

Watch out who you call ugly in middle school


Woodpecker

Bigger Woodpecker

TOUCAN.

Baby, angry Trump

His grandpa


Want more?

Part two

Part three

#Protect Row Boat

When I saw Rowan come out as queer I was very proud of her and I knew she would receive a lot of shit for saying who she is. Until I actually read some of the comments/letters parents wrote to Disney expressing their outrage, it really made me realize how stupid that generation can be. I can tell this is going to be long so I’m sorryyyyy but it must be said.

I saw parents writing to Disney saying Rowan’s too young for her to make that kind of decision for herself. Well you know what shittheads? Teenagers of today know more than parents give them credit for and 14 yo of today are NOT the same 14yo of say 2006. These kids are forming opinions at this age and speaking out on things that they see wrong with this world and I applaud and admire Rowan for being one of those 14yo that is doing so. Back to the point where people say she’s too young, I think Rowan’s point is she knows who she is TODAY. That could change tomorrow, next week, two years from now, or never. She may decide she may like girls more than boys, boys more than girls, or both or whatever but as of NOW she identifies as queer. That could change but I think the big question is WHY DO YOU IGNORANT PARENTS FUCKING CARE? She’s 14! Do you shittheads realize your BULLING a 14yo???? If someone did that to your kid I’m sure you’d be fucking pissed. However, maybe not I know parents don’t like to acknowledge who their children really are. For you to say she doesn’t know what she is saying is unfair, ignorant, wrong, stupid…..shall I go on? If you actually read some essays Rowan has written you can tell she is very educated, her parents encourage her to find out the answers and her parents are doing something very applaudable which is they are letting Rowan FIND HERSELF AND SUPPORT HER AS SHE DOES. Rowan acknowledges she doesn’t know everything. She acknowledges she still has a lot to learn but from what she knows now, she is queer. She is proud of that and it is horrible adults are bulling this poor girl that they don’t even know. Have you ever had a conversation with Rowan? I think not, so shut the fuck up. I saw some parent was saying her kids are 14 and learning how to cook and riding their bikes to get candy and aren’t even thinking about sexuality. May I first start by saying, Lady I’m sure you don’t know what your kids are doing when they biking to get “candy” and 14yo of today are a lot smarter and hide a lot of shit from their parents so you don’t even know what your kids know smartass and if they don’t know anything about sexuality at that age, I can only say you are hurting them because that is the EXACT age to start  talking about sex and sexuality. You are only making your kids lives harder if they don’t know anything about sexuality by now. 14yo and up should know about sexuality and learn about it and have the right to chose/figure out who they love. After all we all want to love and be loved right? Now back to these bitches that are saying they won’t allow their kids to watch GMW if they start talking about sex, sexuality, drugs, self harm, depression and so on. Look parents, if you don’t want to talk about those things then I feel sorry for your kids because they sure as hell are going to learn that in school, social media or elsewhere, if they haven’t already. Look “perfect parents,” I would bet you a million your kids know more than you are giving them credit for and they are playing your ignorance and in denial as their ticket to freedom. Back to GMW handling real issues, as a 17yo, I can honestly say GMW has taught me so much about being a better person, friend and so on. I personally hate sugar coating things and making the real world some stupid fantasy and I APPRECIATE how GMW doesn’t do that and how they sometimes don’t have happy endings at the end of their episodes because that’s real. Life isn’t a happy ending at the end of 20 minutes. I would LOVE to see them tackle self harm, depression, sexuality, drugs all that. I want to see these amazing characters played by AMAZING actors find the world. I want to see that and I don’t think we should be deprived from that just because some in denial - ignorant mothers feel we shouldn’t learn how to survive and be happy in this world. I think RIlaya is a good example of situations that are true and happen and should be told and Sabrina and Rowan would protray those stories and feelings so well. Enough of my shipping tho:) Look Disney, if you care about GMW( because sometimes I wonder) I hope you don’t listen to those parents because you will gain a new amount of viewers. The RIGHT kind. The kind that will love this show and promote it on social media and fondly think about how this will be a staple show that their kids will watch someday. Disney you have the power to make this the greatest- groundbreaking television show with more than 4 seasons ever on your network. You shouldn’t fuck this up just because some parents who have nothing better to do than bully a 14 yo girl says so. Might I add bulliers, Rowan has said she gets depressed. Do you really want to be responsible for her death? I know Rowan is strong but why the hell would you push her. I HIGHLY ENCOURAGE you all to spread the word reblogg this, like this do what you must. I want to see GMW become a groundbreaking television show for Disney with more than 4 seasons so LETS REPLACE THOSE STUPID PEOPLE WHO STOPPED WATCHING BECAUSE GMW IS EXPLAINING THE REAL WORLD. I admire and applaud Rowan and we must do everything to support her. So WATCH GMW and help them help us. Give them the views and ratings necessary so they can help us meet the world:)

@sabrinacarpenter

Okay, I’m done. byeeeeeee

P.S. GM MONEY comes on FRIDAY at 8:30. Watch it LIVE. Even if it’s on mute just have it on so we can actually see representation in all areas (sexuality, race etc.)

"It hurts all three of my feelings"-Carrie Fisher

When I was in middle school, I had a teacher named Mr. Finn who used to  do this thing where if you said something that could even slightly be construed as insulting to him he would say “ You hurt my feeling.”

Feeling.

This went on for about a month in a half. 

“why do you never get out of your chair.” “i’m chubby, that hurt my feeling.” 

“I hate math!” “ I’m doing my best that hurt my feeling.” 

etc. We all just kind of accepted it as an eccentricity and shrugged

Then, one day, some smartass kid was like “ Feeling? Don’t you mean, feelings?”

and Mr. Finn swiveled around, looked at him sternly and said “No. I only have one feeling… and that feEELING IS RAGE. ”

And then he leapt menacingly out of his chair way faster than a 300 lb elderly man should ever be able to move, and it was absolutely terrifying. 

anonymous asked:

any drunk!shizaya headcanons??? would love to read them!!

yay okay let’s do this

  1. shizuo is a very affectionate drunk, but only with izaya. he’ll try to hug him and rest his cheek on his shoulder and mumble cute things in drunken slurs and be extremely clingy. with other people he either just stares at them and grunts if they try to strike up conversation and turn away and mumble ‘need to find ‘zaya…’
  2. izaya is the type of drunk who can act entirely sober with the one exception that he absolutely can’t walk. knowing this, he stays sitting the entire time; he’s better at handling liquor than shizuo is so shizuo ends up drunk first. then izaya knows shizuo will just hold him in his lap and he doesn’t even need to get up. but if he does get up, and is very drunk, he stumbles for a bit and then just falls over
  3. shizuo is pretty lightweight, despite his frame. he also only likes fruity drinks and since they taste good, he just keeps drinking them until it’s too late
  4. they don’t go to parties so the only times they’d get drunk would be with shinra and celty. or kasuka gave shizuo nice wine and the two decided to get rid of it
  5. shizuo wakes up with a very quickly cured hangover because he drinks water and goes back to bed and sleeps it off. izaya wakes up with an awful hangover because he hates going back to sleep; he just takes some aspirin and drinks coffee and toughs it out. and namie purposely turns on all the lights and opens the blinds
  6. if izaya drinks because he’s upset, then he’s a pretty angry, bordering on violent, drunk. but since it’s shizuo, he can handle him and just holds him and waits for him to calm down
  7. if shizuo drinks when he’s upset, he just ends up falling asleep from drinking those fruity things too quickly. izaya calls celty over and has her use her shadows to move shizuo over to the bed 
  8. once they got drunk and ikebukuro was destroyed and the two culprits fell asleep on the seesaw in the park
  9. shinra is often forced to take the role of babysitter. izaya is the smartass kid who keeps getting up and shizuo is the one who asks for a bed time story. except izaya isn’t just the smartass kid who doesn’t want to sleep, he’s also the kid who sets up traps for shinra while he’s tucking in shizuo and laughs when shinra trips over some taut string
  10. once izaya gave shizuo a drink and told him there was alcohol in it. he expected shizuo to start acting drink because he believed that he was, but instead he just stared at shizuo for an hour, eventually saying ‘wow i must be building a tolerance’