Alien series ranked by how stupid the characters are

Alien: Smart people! Make informed decisions based on the facts in front of them. Only really stupid when they let Kane on the ship, but they didn’t do it for stupidity sake only so i let it pass.

Aliens: Some dumb people, but that’s really down to greed and not taking things seriously. Stick together (mostly), make well thought out plans, and are generally intelligent (Gorman not withstanding).

Alien vs Predator: Actually figure out what’s going on pretty fast. They do split up, but they didn’t know tow hostile alien species were coming to kill them so i give em a pass. Also Lex is smart as hell

Alien: Resurrection: The Betty crew is smart, once shit goes sideways the whole main crew sticks together and generally works well. The company? Bunch of idiots trying to resurrect an extinct, highly hostile alien life form like their own little jurassic park.

Alien 3: A couple smart prisoners in the land of morons. Charles S. dutton’s character single-handedly brings this above the bottom 3.

Prometheus: there is a whole scene where they play with a weird space snake. They run forward from a moving ship when they could run side-wards. Kind of after the fact but Shaw rebuilds an android that tried to kill them all. They aren’t smart y’all.

Alien: Covenant: every character seems to have the intelligence of someone from a Friday the 13th movie. “Let me just separate from the group to bathe myself even though I know there are dangerous creatures out there” “Let me just stick my head in this egg like the shady android told me to do” “Let’s go bang in the shower right after all our friends die”. Bunch of morons

Alien vs Predator: Requiem: “the government would never lie to us” *proceeds to be blown up by a bomb dropped by the government* me: looks at the camera like i’m on the office

can we just talk about Daniels Branson? first of all, i’ve NEVER heard of a name like that before in my life, and it’s frickin’ amazing. two, she. is. so. cute, holy shit. third, to be able to have the strength to carry on after watching someone you love die I mean c'mon. and being a frickin’ terraforming expert? and really the only smart crew member who knew they shouldn’t go to a somehow uncharted planet because it was too risky? she’s a jellybean, and no one can tell me otherwise

To a design

Prompt: Raleigh keeps piloting after Knifehead and ends up with Chuck as his copilot.

“Stop staring.”


The kid looks away, cheeks tinged red. He might have felt bad about it some other time but right now, Raleigh can’t bring himself to care.

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