smart cloud

Just Once (Part 2) // SHAWN MENDES

Once I go to open the door I look back at him as he gives me a wavering look, begging me not to leave.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll forget I was ever here in the first place,” with that remark I slam the door shut.

The amount of tears I had shed since the day I walked out the front door of our shared home could fill the lake on the other side of town. I just couldn’t seem to stop. As much as I wanted to seem strong and not depend on Shawn, there was a tear in my heart that ice cream and chocolate just couldn’t seem to patch it up.

I missed him. Terribly. My thoughts consumed by his ruffled curls, eyes the color of my chocolate ice cream, well, what ever was left of it as I had consumed mostly all of it. It hurt the most to know he was probably over it by know and was living his life, carefree and happy, while I sat on the couch owned by my best friend, wallowing through out every day in sadness and misery. I needed to get out. 

Sammy?” I call, my voice echoing throughout the quiet apartment.

“Yeah?” her muffled voice says back. 

“Wanna go to the bar tonight?” The sound of rushed footsteps resonate as she rushes down the stairs, her head peaks around the corner eyeing me suspiciously.  

“You want to go out? You?” She asks bewildered. She comes over resting a hand against my forehead. “You coming down with something, Hun?” I shove her hand of me giggling. 

“I want to get drunk, like really drunk,” I say determinedly. Sammy just grins at me.

“Is this the next faze of I quote operation-get-over-Shawn?” I smile sheepishly. 

“Maybe,” 

“Lets do this!” Sammy squeals, running back up stairs to where I presume she will ponder many outfit choices for tonight. 

Lets do this.

***

It was around 8:15 when we got out the taxi and walked though the doors of the bar. The scent of alcohol and sweat greets me, people already on the crowded dance floor. 

“You go find a seat and I’ll get some beers,” Sammy shouts over the thudding music. 

I nod and watch as her body disappears within the swarm of people all looking to have a good time. I turn away moving to the more deserted part of the club where tables were placed, most of them taken. 

This is what I need, I try to tell myself but my nerves are on overdrive and my hands can’t seem to stop shaking. This place, this was where Shawn and I used to go when we were together.

I lean my head against my hand, looking out the clouded windows. Smart decision, choosing a bar that holds so many memories.

“Your beer,” Sammy says placing them on the table. I take a gulp, the cold liquor making my face scrunch in disgust. I never liked beer. Tonight though, I didn’t care what it was as long as it did its job.

“Thanks,” I say, my hands begin to peel at the label on the bottle.

“Mmm,” she hums, eyes scanning the room. “Lets dance,” Sammy says abruptly, standing up. 

“But we just sat down..” I trail off.

“And you look like your dog just died. Y/n, we came here for you to forget about Shawn. If he was here wouldn’t you want him to see you happy, dancing and just having a good time rather than looking like you were about to start crying?” she frowns at me. 

I pause. “You’re right,” I get up.

“Yes y/n!” Sammy cheers pulling me to the dance floor an into the clump of people. We begin to dance, moving to the beat of the music, and I can’t help but laugh, finally feeling a flicker of happiness I haven’t felt in a while. 

I’m three quarters through my beer when Sammy has disappeared with a guy. It usually happens when we go out so I was used to it. It didn’t bother me that I was left with my beer and the music. 

Chugging the last of it I made my way back to the bar, ordering my second, when I’m approached by a guy.

“Tommy” he shouts over the music that’s still as deafening as ever.

“Y/N” I shout, offering my hand for him to shake. This is good, talking to other men.

“How are you?” He grins. 

“ Good thanks, yourself ?”  I call back, smiling at him.

“Awesome, even more so now I’m talking to you,” He says, his blue eyes twinkling.  I giggle, grabbing the beer the bartender passes me.

“So what brings you here?” I ask, looking at the crowd before looking back at him but a figure catches my eye, causing me to do a double take.

My eyes met familiar caramel ones over the guy’s shoulder whose name I’ve forgotten. He’s here, in the same bar. The pain crashes into me repeatedly like waves against the shore. 

Of course he is. Shawn looks just the same as ever. Hair pushed back off his forehead in a tumbling mess, olive long sleeved shirt hugging his body and tight black skinny jeans adorning his legs. God, he looked good.

“Gotta go,” I say, walking around Tommy and heading straight for Shawn. I don’t know if it was the alcohol or if the misery I had been feeling heightened the loneliness I felt but when I saw Shawn all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around his waist and not let go. 

A group of people pass in front of me and he’s gone for a second. That second however, was all I needed to realise what I was doing. Why was I going up to him? We hadn’t talked in over 3 weeks and as soon as I see him I go crawling back like a lost puppy.

I made my getaway, rushing straight for the door of the club. Cool air slaps me in the face as I quickly walk down the street. 

“Y/N” Shawn calls, his voice still sending shivers down my spine.

I don’t stop until a hand wraps around my wrist, turning me around.

“What Shawn?” I ask impatiently, not meeting his eyes.

“I…I saw you in there, then you left. I just wanted to check you were okay?” he asks and I finally look at him. His eyes weren’t red, he didn’t have bags under his eyes nor was his hair disheveled in a way which might suggest he had been stressed or upset. I knew Shawn like the back of my hand and this Shawn wasn’t heartbroken. 

“I’m doing fine what about you?” I ask my voice trembling the slightest. He opens his mouth to respond when a voice cuts him off. 

“Shawn what are you doing out here? Its cold,” A female appears behind him, wrapping one hand around his forearm. “Oh hi, I’m Jess,” She says noticing me.

“Oh god you have a girl?” is the first thing the blurts out of my mouth. It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. “Of course you have a girl, you’re Shawn Mendes,” 

Shawn looks at me, his face one of guilt. Jess stands there awkwardly before tugging at Shawn’s arm.

“Come on, lets go back in where its warm,” Her voice feathery soft. I feel like I’m going to be sick.

“Yeah go inside, don’t want you to catch a cold or anything,” I say bitterly, not being able to stand the sight of them together. 

“Y/N” Shawn says taking a step forward reaching out to me.

“Go Shawn, Jess wants to go inside,” I say, playing with the hem of my dress.

He looks like he doesn’t know what to do.

I smile at him. “Go be happy, I told you that you would forget about me,” My eyes prickle with tears. Don’t cry.

As long as you’re sure you’re okay?” Shawn asks, his eyes soft and pleading for me to confide in him.

I nod my head once and they turn away making their way back to the bar, Shawn hesitant to leave at first. I watch as they walk off, Shawn’s arm looping over her shoulders like he used to do to me.

“God I’m so not okay,” I whisper to myself as I turn away, finally letting the first tear fall. That was the second biggest mistake I’ve made in my life, letting him walk away from me. The first was not fighting for him.

Originally posted by thugshawn

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3

16 may ‘16 • 17/100 days of productivity [2 days to common tests (!!)]

I made some summary foldables yesterday. I never realised how useful they were until I made them (why did I not make them earlier?!)

And here’s a photo I took near the park while I was out for my jog in the morning. I couldn’t help but take a photo of this (even if it meant I had to stop running) ☁⛅✨

Gotta be really productive today and tomorrow!! 💪💪(And I might not be posting for the next one week or so cuz I’ll be busy studying)

{you can do this}

Ok but can we take a moment to appreciate how darn smart Cloud actually is? He was in to the infantry at 14-16, so presumably his highest education is secondary(high) school (Even completing secondary school would be pushing it, because he’d be skipping grades.) and never went to college.

Then this asshole goes on to do medical research and read books like

Look at those darn books. They’re so… professional looking. They even come in volumes. Like those tomes you’d find in the library’s reference section that are too valuable to loan out.  It’s even properly tagged with colourful post-it tabs like a textbook would have been.

Anyway, back to the point. So this guy who possibly never even graduated from secondary school and definitely did not go to college or uni is doing stuff like this. Geeze, no wonder he didn’t find a cure. That’s pretty amazing, for him to be able to understand all the medical terms and absorb all the knowledge. Even if he didn’t find a cure, it speaks volumes of his intelligence that even with just a basic education, he was able to develop his skills and understanding of a subject to such a level.

Did he sit in on countless lectures in the two years between og and ac? How many medical professionals and researchers did he consult with in the meantime? Did he participate in any of those research personally both as a subject and a researcher? (I’m not even touching on how brave he would have to be to do that because of what happened in the Nibelheim labs) Does he own and read an entire bookcase of books dedicated to medical research in his bid to find a cure for Geostigma? While on top of that, keeping up with all the responsibilities of being both the owner and the only employee of his delivery business?

Makes me wonder what he could have gone on to achieve if he had attended school instead of joining the infantry.

OKAY BUT

How about a story where Sakura is a forest spirit who watches Kakashi train and grow from afar and falls deeply in love with him.

She helps him with little things; pushes a cool breeze his way on hot days, leaves him nuts and berries as snacks after training, offers the most beautiful of bird song to lift his spirits on sad days. She grows flowers by the cenotaph so that he can place them there for his friends, and tentatively brushes away his tears when he cries.

But he can’t ever see her because he’s mortal and she’s not!

She watches him longingly, lovingly, and despairs because he has never been aware of her presence.

Sakura’s all bright spring colors, but she’d trade that all away just so that he can see her.

A vindictive rabbit spirit, Kaguya, who lacks the color that Sakura is loved for, hears her cries and proposes a deal.

She will make her visible in exchange for her colors; however, she words it trickily, and though Sakura is smart, her hopeful longing clouds her judgement.

So Sakura, because she’d do anything for the boy she loves and she just once wants to be seen the way she sees him, readily agrees.

Kaguya weaves her spell and Sakura is delighted to see that her body is becoming corporeal, that her weight finally makes dents on blades of grass, that the wind feels amazing against her skin.

But when all of the color starts to drain from her lovely pink hair, her wonderfully flushed skin, and lastly her beautiful beryl eyes, Sakura realizes that she’s been tricked.

The color is bleached from everything, and Sakura is a ghost of her former self as the world starts to fade.

And that is how Kakashi finds her: a ghostly figure with long white hair weeping on the muddy ground of the forest floor. She is an ethereal, wraith like creature, but when she lifts her eyes at his probing voice, they are startlingly devoid of color—entirely unlike the Hyuuga’s pearlescent orbs—and unseeing.

Kaguya grants her her wish:

Kakashi may see her as she sees him—he will look upon her, but she will be blind to him as he once was to her.

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