smart as i am i recorded this whole thing without audio -.-

anonymous asked:


it was,,,,,, so fucking good. i just need to rant for a bit about so many aspects of this video because like not only was it genuinely so funny and original and creative, it was just SO WELL MADE. there were so many small details about it that i couldn’t even believe.  they put so much actual effort into it and they’re also both so naturally funny when it comes to this kind of humor. ahhhh there were so many good things to talk about that i hardly know where to begin or like how to even organize my thoughts so just like,,, be ready bc this is about to be the most incoherent ramble 

first of all. dnp work so well together. i mean. we know this, we see it all the time. but there’s a lot of humor in the crafts videos that is just completely improvised within the larger pre-planned structure/concept. and they bounce off each other SO well in this setting (maybe even better than they do in many of their normal collabs, at least from a comedic standpoint.) i think a lot of this has to do w the fact that the satirical cheeriness of the “characters” that they play, that is over-emphasized to the point of being creepy, just lends itself really well to so many amazing one-liners. but also they just have such good chemistry that is so readily apparent in this context,,, it makes me emotional. they consistently set each other up for jokes, if one person improvises a certain action or behavior the other goes along with it or reacts to it immediately and that’s a mark of rly well-practiced entertainers but also two people who know each other really well and i love watching it play out.

i also do have to acknowledge that they are both fundamentally quite talented. all three of the craft videos are examples of really genuinely witty humor and they showcase that side of dnp so well. both of them also have such a good sense of comedic timing and even an intuition for physical comedy and they’re also rly creative with how they edit these videos and the union of all of those elements is what makes these videos so good in my opinion. while i believe dan’s explanation that the first crafts video was filmed quite spontaneously without much of a plan (and that’s why it’s super short and not as funny as the latter two imo), i do think they put a lot of thought and effort into this one which is quite clear through many of the details they worked into the video both during the filming itself and then afterwards in the editing. first of all the overall concept of them being taken by satan as a culmination of the extremely subtle creepy undertones from the first one is just so smart bc no one would expect them to take it that far and the total hyperbolic unlikeliness of it is what makes it so damn funny. i think most ppl were expecting when dan said he’s keeping his stamp a secret that it would just be some sort of satanic symbol like what happened in the glitter faces vid but like,,, no one thought it’d escalate to where it did. it was so unexpected and over the top but somehow still not overdone or so forced as to dilute the comedy. it synthesized humor with genuinely unsettling creepiness and that is such a difficult balance to achieve. 

you can tell they put a lot of thought into it on so many levels. for instance they worked in all these rly subtle allusions to satan himself before the weird ritual scene happens, like dan saying “this one’s long with a big head like him” (ty for describing satans cock to us dan jfc) and phil saying “i’ve selected as many knives as friends i have, which is two.” then even during the ritual scene they work in things like the cow noise since a common satanic symbol is a horned deity (baphomet lol). and in their new channel description they use the case file name 19-1-20-1-14 which decodes to the word “satan” if you use a basic letter-number cipher (in which each number stands for the letter that is that position in the alphabet. ’s’ is the 19th letter, ‘a’ is the first, and so on.) and there are so many other little editing quirks that give this video that unsettling undertone, as well as editing quirks that add to the comedy of it and it’s all just so well done. for example the voice editing on certain words like “sharp” and “go away.” the audio overlays of heavy breathing at various points and random cuts to black screens. the use of creepy music at strategic places throughout. at 4:36 they recorded themselves saying protip backwards just to reverse it and they even spell out the “protip” text backwards, seemingly both as a way to shit on the whole ‘protip’ trope from the last vid and also to make fun of the way that satanists/conspiracy theorists think there are hidden messages in popular songs and shit that u can only hear if u play the audio backwards. ugh i hate them and their many layers of references. phil also references this again during the ritual part, when dan lights the match (he just goes “portip” “portip” as though he’s trying to say it backwards lol.) and then they fuck around w the word protip throughout the video almost like they’re making fun of it. there’s also definitely a subtle pitch manipulation of their voices as the video progresses. by the end they sound like they’ve sucked on a little bit of helium but it happens gradually enough that you’re just a little bit put off and you can’t really place why. then there’s the little comedic touches like the siren sound when “carefully” flashes across the screen. the fact that the legal disclaimer for adult supervision is cut off at the sides. the zoom in on the fleck of green paint that lands on dan when phil’s pouring it into the plate. ugh like damn i just want to make the point that they clearly put work into this and on face value it seems like a shoddy home video w a weird satanic ending but there’s a reason this works so well and feels so creepy and simultaneously laugh out loud funny and it’s bc they’re genuinely talented and we don’t always get to see that creative talent at work in their standard formulas for videos on their regular channels so i’m just so grateful that they made something like this where it seems like they allow themselves to exercise more of that creative energy. it begs a lot of questions about why they don’t do shit like this more,,,  and i think there are a number of reasons they feel safe and happy making what they generally make now but i’m jst so happy that at least in these videos they’ve branched out and done something so creative and good.

on that note. i just need to ramble about phil. i don’t think anyone can dispute that phil really carries these videos and partly that’s because he’s been in the role of the “teacher” in all three videos so he inevitably comes across as more dominant and sets the tone for the humor, but also like,,, he just works so well in this style and comes up with such spontaneous and WITTY little remarks that inevitably become the standout lines from each vid (in this one, for example, “potato is in my top ten favorite fruit,” “sometimes it’s nice to look up at the stars and remember that they’re all already dead,” “if you make a mistake while cutting just think about it for the rest of the day,” etc. and one of my fav from the past, “if you’re left handed ask a friend” (d: why am i left handed) “everybody makes mistakes!”) he also seems to improvise a lot of the physical comedy in the videos (in this one, the way he just stared at the paint as he squeezed it out for way too long, the way he threw around the cutting boards and plates, the way he did the chopping; and in past ones, slamming his hands on the paper and on dan’s hands when mixing the glitters, clacking the scissors super loudly in the first one, etc.) i just love these videos so much bc they’re some of the only ones that we have these days where phil is really doing most of the comedic legwork and dan definitely helps and bounces off of him but mostly lets phil take charge and i live for it. and while there’s obvi no way to tell who rly did the editing for the video (and i’m sure it was a mix of both of them) there’s no denying that the editing style and general creepiness (especially of the ritual sacrifice scene lol) bear a lot of similarities to the feeling/vibe/editing quirks in a lot of phil’s old school videos (i’m thinking like tape 6 and the basket which, if any of you reading these have not watched, please just open a tab right now and do that before you finish reading this lol.) the choppy way the different clips are spliced together in the whole ritual scene (where one second dan is stamping phil, then lighting a match and chanting, then phil’s chanting, then he’s slumped over and then there are two videos overlaid on top of each other when dan is actually stamping phil’s back and then the sudden cut to black) it’s all so reminiscent of those older videos and it does make me feel like phil had a larger creative hand in thinking about how this video should be put together and that just makes me so happy to think about. i’ve always wondered what phil does w his self-professed obsession with horror and his interest in violence and psychological thrillers and whatnot, as well as his former academic/critical study of filmmaking. it makes sense that he doesn’t feel comfortable exploring those interests by making things himself in this genre in a real way and especially not on youtube because his self-described objective through this platform is to provide his audience with light and uplifting entertainment. more pragmatically, he’s trying to make a living from this job and hold somewhat broad-based appeal through the videos he makes and it makes sense that lighter content that doesn’t require too much intellectual rigor would fare better and hold more consistent audience engagement. and more personally, making things on the level of tape 6, even years later w more familiarity with editing and whatnot and perhaps more skill in writing scripts/characters/plots, still would involve a certain degree of personal emotional vulnerability that the current amazingphil format doesn’t demand. in short, venturing into these territories creatively would be a risk on a lot of levels. it would invite more formal critique of his work. it would invite more people trying to read into who he is and his psyche (which are things that i feel like he’s actually terrified of and that’s part of why he’s built such a protective barrier against it). it would be a risk and it makes sense that he doesn’t want to take it, at least not right now. but it’s just lovely to see that he still has the capacity to make things in the vein of those older videos and to make them WITH DAN and mix them with comedy which i need to reiterate is such a hARD THING TO DO!!!! and  idk it just rly makes me so happy to watch and to think about. 

i love phil so much, and none of this is meant to dilute dan’s role since i’m sure he did inform some of the decisions here, but i just think that dan as phil’s biggest fan (since 2007 y’all) would feel many of these same things about phil’s older content and support phil’s desire to engage that darker creative energy/talent he has hiding under all of those layers of syrupy happiness and amiability. i love that this is sort of an update to that vintage dark!phil content bc it’s the same dark undertones, same editing quirks, etc. but now it’s mixed with rly cheeky humor and maybe that’s dan’s influence or maybe it’s still phil, but a phil that has shared his life w someone w this particular irreverent and sarcastic sense of humor for so many years and this video shows the confluence of those two things in such a lovely and original way and just,,,, ugh. this video was so much and i loved it SO much. truly so, so good i was not prepared to feel so many deep-seated Emotions over some god damn satanic propaganda i need help. 

(danandphilcrafts - potato prints)

BTS Reaction: S/O Needs to Hear Their Voice to Sleep

Requested by @kan-heeyoung ~  Bonjour, french follower again ! (I still in love with your blog 😍) May I request you a BTS reaction to their gf being unable to sleep without hearing their voice ? Thank you so much ❤

Literally this has taken me forever to post and I am so sorry about that! I hope that you like it as much as I liked writing it and that it was what you were asking for. Have a nice day!! <3 Good vibes to you :)

- Admin C


Originally posted by ksjknj

Thinks it’s cute that you need to hear his voice in order to sleep. He likes that he can comfort you like that. He would make sure to call or FaceTime you whenever he could before you go to sleep. On the nights he was unable he would send you links to your favourite videos of him. 


Originally posted by bangtaninspired

Has a lot of soft admiration for this fact. He thinks you’re super adorable always and because of this he would want to make sure you’re able to sleep well for it! The type to sing you to sleep because he’s romantic and wonderful. 


Originally posted by jeonsshi

The genius thinks ahead! He’s recorded an entire archive of videos and audio for you to listen to before bed because he gets busy in the studio quite often. When he has time he’d definitely try to tell you stories about his day or something before knocking out himself. But he’d be smart about the situation and just accept that you needed to listen to his voice before sleeping and he’d do it without judgement. 


Originally posted by bwipsul

Thinks you’re adorable and tries his best to be front and center at bedtime so that he can stroke your hair and tell you stories in that deep voice of his. He loves that you have this habit of needing to hear his voice before sleeping, it makes him feel super special and he likes it. :) 


Originally posted by hohbi

Flustered bun. He likes that you need to hear his voice, but he’s shy about it. He’d definitely talk to you before bed so you could hear his voice but he’d be super shy to do things like sing for you haha 


Originally posted by okayoongz

100% here for this fact. He will tease you nonstop about it but still be the sweetie he is and give into your request to hear his voice before you go to sleep. Is just super cheesy about the whole situation. Lots of smiles! 


Originally posted by myloveseokjin

Also a smiley little devil! He’ll build himself up with jokes like, “my voice just brings you such joy that you need to hear it to sleep now?” And things of the nature. He’d be super happy about this though and would probably set a reminder in his phone before your bedtime to call you and talk to you. Loves it to be end!

Amor Proibido [ii]

“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else-” Albert Einstein. 

 What does being happy even mean to me anymore? This is supposed to be the start of writing stories which will shape my career, but this kid is getting under my skin. He tells me he just wants to be happy, and I realize I am not even sure what it means to myself. 

My life is supposed to be the most fantastic thing in the world right now… but sometimes I just feel really fucking empty inside. I don’t have the right words to coherently express my unhappiness. However, this isn’t about me. I have to ask this pop star about his music, attend a concert, and write my story.

 I don’t need to think about the way I would not mind tracing my fingers over the tattoo on his forearm and softly grasping those arm muscles. Because holy hell, this boy is built like a brick house. All these thoughts are racing through my mind, but my face remains impassive because this is just a job. 

 Shawn leans over placing his hand on the recording device and clicking it off. Just like that. He does it boldly, his eyes never leaving mine as though daring me to stop him. He acts like he can just get whatever he wants, and it kind of pisses me off. 

I snatch the recorder from his hand, eyes glaring, “What the fuck is your problem? You should want me to interview you because a ton of girls will want to fuck you after reading this article. You’ll be even more famous. Isn’t that what you want?”

Hazel eyes bore into mine. “I want to fuck you.”

Preliminary interview complete. However, I still have two more days of dealing with this utter shitstorm I can I tell is just brewing. I keep playing the audio of the interview, trying to make it match with my notes. But I can’t fucking think straight. What the hell am I supposed to write about when all I keep returning to is the way he looked at me the whole time.

“…some of my musical inspirations include Ed Sheeran and Niall Horan…” his voice filters through my big, empty hotel room and I just really need to take a few hours to decompress. Then I can deal with this weird tension Shawn is causing between us, and I can just get this over with and return to my real life. It is just one article/ I don’t need to act like it is going to make or break the rest of my life. 

Shutting off the recorder, I stand up and walk over to the window. I could probably just take some time to go out to eat so I am away from this place, but I don’t want to run the risk of seeing Shawn. Not that he would do anything when they were other people around, but I would just paranoid the whole time.

He told me he wanted to fuck me. I mean… I am not sure who the fuck this kid thinks he is. You don’t say those words to a person who is interviewing you for one of the most predominant music magazines in the world. It would be a surefire way to start a scandal and fuck up his own career. But kid is smart. He turned off the recorder and just said it to me. No one knows except the two of us. Shawn has plausible deniability because he is fucking pop star, and no one would believe me just because of my gender. What a fair world we reside in. 

My phone starts to ring causing me my thoughts to pull back to the present. Alright. All I need to do is make it through the next few days, and I will never need to see him again. Simple.

 Brice calling. 

 No. No. No. Fuck. Are you serious?

 I have been here four hours, not even. And my boss is calling me. What the fuck. Okay, stay calm.

 I can just say I was out having dinner and call him back later. It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine. My life isn’t falling apart at all. Stay. Calm. My phone ceases to ring, anxiety loosening its grip in my chest. And then it starts once again when his name shows up on the display again. Fuck my whole life.

 "Hello,“ I say, sounding false chipper and hoping he isn’t going to tell me I am fired. Oh, my god. I can’t breathe.

“I knew you would answer if I called a second time. You should probably not avoid the guy who makes sure you get paid,” he teases. “But I am calling for a reason. We need press release previews for the interview ASAP. So if you could just send those over tonight, that would be amazing.”

I let out a long groan because this is just my fucking luck. “What the fuck? I haven’t even been here long enough to unpack and you want like three pieces of writing by tonight?” I almost scream at him, feeling the anxiety start to settle heavy on my chest. 

“This is a big interview. I told you that. You knew the deal when you agreed. I am not asking you to write the whole fucking thing tonight. We just need a few snippets to get everyone excited.” He pauses, adding, “Shawn’s manager asked us to do it since his concert is tomorrow night. He said Shawn was really impressed. You did well, you know.”

I rub the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger, trying to combat the mixed feelings I am dealing with right now. I am supposed to write a whole lot of bullshit to make some other people happy, but he just said Shawn was impressed with me. Why does this make my heart skip a beat? Ugh. “Great,” I retort dryly, “I will just take that great impression and use it to write some press releases when all I wanted to do was relax because I have been working non stop the past week.”

“You need to get these written as soon as you can. The press is already badgering us to find out what you are going to say. Shawn normally doesn’t give interviews as often as his fans want so this is a fucking huge deal for everyone involved. And he is just a kid, how difficult can he be?”

I hold back laughter because Brice has no idea at all. “Yeah, ha ha ha,” I say and let out a sigh. Pretty sure I am using up my sigh quota for the year today alone. “I will just get started on that right now.” I hang up the phone and throw it down on the couch, squelching the urge to let out a primal scream.

This whole fucking this is horrible. I was supposed to be able to just write the article and be on the way to having an awesome writing career. This is way more stress than I should have for a kid. Just a kid. Shawn Mendes is a fucking evil kid who knows how to get under your skin with those stupid eyes and those curls and that stupid voice. 

I want to fuck you. Who the hell says that to someone they just met? This is not a fucking porno. This is my life and career. It must be nice he can do whatever the fuck he wants without any repercussions, but I actually have a real life to return to. 

Fuck everything. I sit down on the couch, pulling my laptop over to me and trying to find the words everyone is going to want to hear about the apparently not difficult at all kid, Shawn Mendes.

Three hours later, I send off my pieces to Brice and shut my laptop. I am fucking exhausted, and I just want to crawl into bed. But I am also starving. Too lazy to leave to get food, I decide I am going to venture down the hall to the vending machines and have a junk food feast for one. It will help make this shitty day a little less so. I just need sugar and carbs galore. 

Not caring I am wearing a faded tank top and kind of small pajama shorts, I grab my wallet and key card to make my trip. The hall is deserted, making it seem like I am the only person in the hotel. All the better because I don’t want anyone seeing how much of a mess I look after putting in more work tonight than I wanted to. 

“Fancy seeing you here.”

I spin around and gasp, seeing Shawn poke his head out of his room and looking at me with a smirk. His eyes travel down my body, taking in my outfit and he looks me in the eyes a moment later. 

“Fuck off,” I say with a sigh and stare longingly at the vending machines I am still so far away from. 

He is shirtless, curls abound. He is wearing only a pair of faded grey sweatpants, low slung on his hips. I can see every muscle in his body and he even has one of those v cuts which leads down to… nowhere. Fuck. Why the fuck does a nineteen year old kid like him look so much older? Not that I am noticing that much, but it is hard to miss when it is right in my face.

He chuckles. “Are you hungry?” he asks.

I roll my eyes. “I am not interested in eating your dick if that is what you’re offering. Earlier was more than enough, thanks. I just want to get some junk food and then eat alone in my room. Thanks.”

His mouth opens and closes, like he is shocked by my comment. “I…no, I was asking because I ordered a pizza and I still have some left over. Plus the mini bar is stocked full of drinks so…” He shrugs. “You are welcome to come in if you feel like it.” He steps aside, creating a path for me to walk away.

I tilt my head, wondering if this is a trap. “I am not going to sleep with you.”

“I am asking if you want some pizza, that’s all.” He gestures for me to come inside. 

Too tired to argue, I relent and find myself sitting next to Shawn on the couch with a pizza between us. He seems more relaxed now. There is a random movie playing in the background, but I notice he still keeps sneaking glances at me when he thinks I won’t notice. It is probably because he thinks I am a big nerd for wearing a Harry Potter shirt.

“You keep staring at me,” I tell him, finishing off my first slice of pizza and reaching for the bottled water on the table. Taking a sip, I notice he is smiling. And he has a nice smile. If you simply take into account how he looks, he is very pleasing to look at. He just lacks a good personality, I guess. 

“I love Harry Potter,” he replies, softly tracing the decal on the tank top for a second. “Is that a problem?”

“I already said I am not going to sleep with you.” I smack his hand away, pointing to him with my water bottle. “You need to stop acting like I am going to fall for your charms just because I am a woman. That is a fucked up archaic notion all males need to stop. Just because you are a man doesn’t mean all women are going to be interested. I could be a lesbian for all you know.”

He just stares at me before he starts laughing really hard. I freeze, not sure what is going on. He laughs for a long moment before finally stopping and saying, “You should be the one who stops. You keep thinking every action on my part means I want to sleep with you. I know how to be nice as well. It is why I offered you pizza. If I wanted to truly sleep with you, I wouldn’t be offering you pizza. I would be showing up at your hotel room and making you mine.”

The way he looks at me when he says it. Oh, fuck. I can’t breathe and the tingling between my legs is more apparent. FUCK. My body is betraying me in the worst way possible. The way he said he would make me his actually turned me on, but I am not going to let it show. But oh, my god. Those words alone are ones I could touch myself to for days and never have a problem having an orgasm. It is just the way he speaks with conviction. Plus, his voice may be a little bit sexy when he lowers it and tries to be more fucking hot than he has a right to be.

“My boss said you were impressed with me,” I choke out. Trying to change the subject and crossing my legs subtly, I want to know what he said. “It’s funny how you could not even mention that to me at all before I left.”

He shrugs, picking up a piece of pizza and taking a bite. What the fuck. Even the way he eats is attractive. That is more fucked up than it should be.

I glare waiting for him to say something. I can’t understand how he can be so hot and cold with me. I mean, yeah I am doing the same thing. But this is my job. He should be wanting to stay on my good side since I am going to be writing about him. Instead he is getting further and further under my skin. Ugh.

“The last person who interviewed me worked for like MTV right?” he says, finishing up his pizza and wiping his face with a napkin. He chuckles sweetly. “And she was nice. We got along. But she had this idea in her head we were going to start dating. Don’t get me wrong, she was nice. But I was not interested. Nothing happened, I swear. But she told everyone we fucked like a whole lot of times and that she had to stop me from falling in love with her. When I was the one who said no to her. Still she told everyone how I was just madly in love with her, and I just… fucking drama is the last thing I need.”

I don’t reply because I am not sure what to say. This is Shawn just opening up to me as a person. It surprises me because most famous people know to keep their mouths shut around the press. Maybe he knows I won’t say anything since I kept his earlier comment to myself, and I am in my fucking pajamas. Plus, this kid seems like he is trying to be sincere so the last thing I want to do is betray his trust the way this woman did. Not that I care about him, but I do care about my career a lot. 

“Don’t get me wrong. I fuck a lot of women on tour. Not like teenage fans or anything, but it is not like I am a saint. But it kind of pisses me off when someone thinks they can just use me to get what they want. I like you though because you don’t care what I think. You just want to do your job, and I get that because that is how I feel about my music…but there is just something about you that…”

He leans in, pushing a stray lock of hair away from my face. “You’re beautiful.”

I can’t breathe. His face is so close to mine if I just leaned my head the right way…

His eyes are looking into mine and neither of us are speaking.

This can’t fucking happen. It-

Shawn presses his lips against mine, and I almost relent. But I can’t. This is my career. I can’t just…

I tense up, placing a hand against his chest and pulling away. “I have to go,” i mumble, running out of the room without looking back.

When I get back to my own room, I fall down onto the bed and try not to lose my shit. That kid just fucking kissed me and I let him for the briefest moment. Fuck. I am going to ruin everything. 

My phone vibrates, stopping my thoughts. Taking a deep breath, I answer.

The voice on the line says, “Hi, babe, how are you?”

It’s Landon, my fiance.

God, I am so fucked.