smart aliens

Humans Are Weird

It is well established among all sentient species that Humans are Weird. Exceptional Humans, however, make the regular humans seem almost tame in comparison.
Yatrov was to show the newest crew member- another Human- “the ropes”, as Human Jenny phrased it.
Upon arriving, however, the newest Human barely spared xir even a glance, which was odd, seeing how Humans prize interaction above all else. Shrugging it off, xe delicately held out a clawed hand to engage in the Human positive-meeting greeting, a “hand-shake” it was aptly named. “I am known as Yatrov, in Human Common tongue. I am sorry to say that I was unable to read your file report, and am thus left without your name. What is it you wish to be called?” Yatrov was genuinely sorry; the ship was in dire need of repairs, and this Human was coming to help.
Instead of taking the proffered hand, the human’s brown eyes stared into xi’s own violet. “I am Giovanni. And you are approximately 7 minutes late. I do not fault you for your tardiness, your job is a busy one, so your apologies are void. I do not need to see the entirety of this ship, I only require the engine room. Take me there and I will begin repairs immediately. Social niceties and other such meaningless things can be done at a later date, if done they must be at all.”
Yatrov felt somewhat slighted; xe’s species did not greet with touch, but it was seen as an insult- a social misdemeanor- to deny the shaking of hands. Attributing it to the Human having been under circumstances that made him “cranky” and to the fact that the Human was excited to work- humans forgot norms when excited, xe had found- Yatrov continued to try to create a pack-bond with this Human, “I have heard many great things about you.”
“Truly?” The Human considered this for a moment, head tilting, “I am merely faster than most, mentally. A marathoner or racer is not spoken of in as high-esteem as those with quick mental facilities are, are they?” The Human was speaking out loud, xe found this practice odd and ignored it. “What exactly have you heard?” The Human tapped their legs with their fingers, adopting a rhythm unknown to xir, and hummed. 
Arrogance or curiosity? “Admittedly, not much has been told. I know that you have several thesis papers, have repaired and improved upon numerous ships, and that you were good enough that our captain was surprised that you even bothered to consider joining our crew.”
“Huh.” And that was that. Giovanni did not speak after that, made no effort to communicate. Giovanni did not try to obtain physical contact. Giovanni remained aloof with even Human crewmates long after he had joined. He also remained fidgety, seemingly unable to keep still, unless it was to engage in a staring contest with the resident cat- to keep the Humans from adopting a weird, deadly creature- or to continue his single-minded work with machinery.
Three weeks after he had joined, the ship was attacked. Vernians boarded the ship, using their many appendages to apprehend multiple members of The Highlight- the ship- at once. No one knew where Giovanni was, and no one would have been surprised if he had left to save his own hide.
Which was precisely why everyone, who were all bound and trying to negotiate with what was essentially pirates, was surprised when Giovanni came around the corner, a knocked out Vernian held under gun point.
Guns pointed at him, Vernians shifted to attack him. “What you need to know: firstly, I have hacked into your language processors. All Vernae will sound like gibberish.” He paused, then grinned ferally. “Try”, he dared.
“Kir-ah?!” They did, and did not seem pleased with the results.
“Back! Restore!” the voices of Vernians screeched, their language translators on the fritz. 
“Secondly,” he paused, “I will shoot your friend if you do not release my own.” When an uproar of shouting started again, he blandly stated, “Blank point will be quite messy, won’t it?” He hummed, as though in thought, though his eyes trailed after every movement the Vernians made.
A smaller one, likely emotionally closer to the Vernian Giovanni was holding captive,  pounced.
ZZZZZT-PA! The Vernian howled, two of its 11 “arms” gone. “My threat is not idle.”
The room quieted, members of the Highlighter slowly being released.
“Thirdly.” His lips pursed, his nose tilted, sneer deadly, “Run, and pray that I never see you again!” He shot a wall, and they scattered, leaving the crew of The Highlighter mostly unscathed.
It was hours later, after the chaos was settled and the ship fixed up again, that Yatrov approached Giovanni.
“Why did you save us?”
Giovanni scrunched his thick eyebrows together, “Why ever would I not?”
“You make no attempt to communicate with us.” Yatrov insisted, trying to discover the reason Giovanni would do something without some sort of gain.
“Oh, that.” He dismissively waved his hand, his face again lax and bored. “I do not see the point in wasting words. I enjoy the presence of the crew, and- while I see no point in engaging in it- their idle chatter is amusing to listen to.” He raised an eyebrow, “Why do you ask?”
“The crew operated under the belief that you disliked us.” Yatrov felt a small bit of shame; clearly, Yatrov had been wrong to assume that all Humans were so similar.
“I-” He looked hurt, eyes filling with water- tears, they were called, and Yatrov knew that this was not a good sign. His lips twitched, his words near whispered, “Did you not consider me a friend? I thought we were.” He had begun nervously threading his fingers, humming lightly.
“I thought you disliked me.” Yatrov’s admission only increased xir’s guilt, and the slight tremors of the Humans smaller body.
“I made you and the others a new computer.” Giovanni’s eyes searched Yatrov’s one, and again found no solace. A computer did not equate to friendship. “I *made* you and the others a new computer.” The emphasis hit Yatrov. Why would one handmake something if the person receiving it did not matter to them.
“I am sorry.” Yatrov paused, xe had seen it in a Human film once, maybe…? “Can we start over?” A small nod eased Yatrov’s mind and reaffirmed xir’s decision. “I am the one known as Yatrov, and I enjoy reading: fiction, typically.” Xe did not hold out his hand, but stared Giovanni right in the eye.
The smirk on Giovanni’s face told xir that the actions- or lack there of- was not missed. “I am known as Giovanni.” He held out his hand, looking smug and slightly proud of remembering this, as their hands clasped, he said, “I enjoy sandwhiches, science, and conversations on how realistic or achievable a work of fiction can be. It will be a pleasure to work with you.”

Humans were odd, but exceptional Humans lived by a very different set of rules. Intelligence changed their perceptions. Yatrov knew, from personal experience, that they were still Human, still fantastic and horrifying, at their core. Yatrov put down the book xe was reading, looking up to watch Giovanni’s animated expressions as he ranted about machinery. Yes, truly, Humans are Weird.


(Please excuse any grammar/spelling mistakes, my hand has been cramping up lately and it is hard to write at the moment. And I should not be writing sci-fi, because it is NOT my forte, but I had a plot-bunny and felt the need to attempt it. This is basically a shortened version of what I wanted to write, skipping over much of what I actually wanted to put down. Feel free to take the general idea and write something better XD )

wintergaurdianoffun  asked:

Hey your character analysis thing is really good, could you do one for our sunny boy hunk? please

Sure enough, here is Hunk for you, @my-new-obsessions and everyone else that asked!! :D WHY I LOVE HUNK:

  • The Anxiety™
  • has troubles focusing his eyes when he’s tired
  • talks with his whole body
  • “am I the only one still pretending to be excited?”
  • has no problems with reading other people’s diaries and talking about what’s in there if it fits the situation 
  • openly admitted to wanting to go back to his family
  • saltiest child
  • makes himself smaller when scared (which is often)
  • is the only one to point out how weird certain situations actually are
  • IS SO STRONG WHAT EVEN
  • *stares* “are you trying to see if I’m turning purple?” *staring intensifies* “noooooooooooooooooo-
  • makes puns
  • refused to kick Pidge because “what no we’re friends”
  • O_O
  • can be surprisingly determined if he has set his mind on something
  • calls his lion “boy”, implying that it’s male
  • so smart?????????????? he understands how alien machines work within 0.2 seconds????? i’m in awe
  • tried to hide with the Arusians 
  • had no problems with running into a known trap if it meant saving shay
  • grabs people when he panics
  • “does it always have to be about Zarkon?”
  • H E ’ S   A   L E G,, ,
  • voices his feelings constantly but never forces other people to react to them
  • actually has a legit fan that would travel the universe to find him
  • had a lot of problems with nausea when it came to flying, but he seems to have gotten a lot better already
  • is an amazing cook and loves trying out new food
  • absolutely hated how Zarkon treated the Balmerans 
  • cries easily
  • accidentally saved the day through making uneatable cookies
  • seems to be Lance’s (and Pidge’s) impulse control
  • his bayard transformation for Voltron is the coolest shit??? he just hits every single target and can shoot multiple bullets at once???? who needs a sword when they have that
  • shows affection easily and openly 
  • talked to the Balmera as if it was a dog
  • snores loudly
  • when he’s right: “I KNEW IT AND HERE ARE ALL THE REASONS WHY I WAS RIGHT FROM THE VERY BEGINNING-” when he’s wrong: “yeeeeah I guess you have a point” *sheepish smile*
  • fist bumped Coran
  • talks a lot and isn’t always aware of all of the stuff that comes out of his mouth
  • always gets the worst missions assigned


[keith] [keith with meta improvement] [lance] [pidge] [shiro] [allura] [coran]

Humans are weird: The Mic Drop

This cycle you were on a transport ship taking some Humans from one of the moons of Zic-natt to another. Most were quite normal, compared to some Humans you had encountered but there were two that were very different from the others, Human- Michael and Human- Angela. Human- Michael was very smart, and when you said very, you meant it. Human- Angela was on the complete opposite side of the spectrum having ‘dropped out of high school’ as the Humans put it and didn’t seem to know very basic things. This was one encounter between the two Humans that you decided to share with your friends:

PSA I KNOW NOT ALL HIGH SCHOOL DROP OUTS ARE DUMB, ITS JUST THAT THIS CHARACTER IS FOR THE SAKE OF THE STORY!

I walked into the human’s common room and was concerned to see Human- Angela and Human- Michael arguing again. They are often found this way either because they end up yelling so loud the entire ship hears them or because they make so much raucous physically fighting that someone thinks they’re going to kill each other. They’re loud either way. This time though, something was different, the two humans had an audience.

 Most of the humans were sitting on makeshift stools or on the ground while Human- Angela and Human- Michael were standing. Human- Michael is up on a crate with what the humans call, a microphone, in his hand and Human- Angela was standing right in front of him. What confused me even more was that Human- Michael’s voice wasn’t being amplified by the device like it normally would if he was speaking into it. 

“You’re just jealous of me!” Human- Angela exclaimed to Human-Michael.

“Why the hell would I be jealous of you?” Human- Michael yelled back.

“Because I’m smarter than you, duh!”

“You are not smarter than me! Literally the day before yesterday, you asked me what that thing was that made things fall down!” Human- Michael gestured dramatically.

“You never told me what it was, and I mean, just because you know what it is doesn’t make you smart.”

“Actually, it does make me smart! And you not know what it is makes you really freakin’ dumb. The answer to your question is so easy that anyone who has a brain would know that you’d struggle to pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel!…… Oh, and by the way Angela, this, this is called gravity.” Human- Michael said and dropped the microphone on the word ‘gravity’.

A chorus of ‘OH’s and profanity with drawn out vowels sprang from the seated Humans. Human- Michael didn’t bother to pick up the microphone and instead strode right past both it and me. I stood there in silence, confused as to what I had just seen. I decided to leave before anyone saw me but before I left I caught a glimpse of Human- Angela’s face. She looked shell-shocked, her eyes were wide and her face was red. The other Humans were laughing at her and I vowed to never let what just happened to Human- Angela happen to me. I also decided as I left to ask Human- Michael about what had just occurred some time later.


Feel free to add anything!

Becoming a Queen

You knew your ship was doomed. You were the only one left alive, though as far as you could tell, there was only one of those /things/ left, too. You wanted to set a course to crash into the planet then use one of the escape pods to get to safety.

But that was before one of those leaping fuckers found you.

Your ship had been on expedition to explore some hitherto undiscovered locations. There were rumors that there was xenomoph activity in this area, which had you and the other scientists all excited. You’d heard about them, but you’d never had the chance to observe them. The plan was if you found them to watch from afar and remain as hands off as possible.

You never counted on how diligent they could be, or how gah damned smart they were. For alien creatures who’s only drive seemed to be to breed and kill, they exhibited almost human levels of intelligence. They ambushed your crew, sticking them to the walls to allow facehuggers to inject eggs into them to make more. You’d never seen it happen in person. You’d seen them dissected, seen pictures of their probing ovipositors, but watching it happen in person had been the most horrifically fascinating moment of your life.

The soldiers that had accompanied the expedition had done an excellent job of isolating and eliminating most of the aliens, burning the eggs you had recovered from a stranded ship and blowing said ship into stardust.

But one had escaped.

If they were smart, this one was a savant. It had not only figured out how to work doors, but also to let its victims scream to lure more along. You observed it (no..him) several times, noticing that the elongated cranium that was usually smooth and round had begun to flatten out, black carapace forming a hard hood more often observed in queens. But you understood what was happening: he was adapting to his environment, taking on a needed role. You’d only heard of alpha xenomorphs as a theory, a sort of last ditch effort that some of their amalgamated biologies allowed. Some theorized is was the human members of their species, allowing for remarkable adaptability both environmentally and biologically.

The soldiers had set another trap, and the alpha had just set it off as a lure to kill several of them. A few of the remaining soldiers had tried to attack him then, only to end up cut off and killed on by one.

You had a close encounter with him, and you thought it would have been the end of you. If only that had been so…He cornered you and your team, slaughtering two of them. When he raised a clawed hand at you, he hesitated. A low growl came from him, and his lizard like lips relaxed over his dripping teeth. He growled and sniffled, butting his muzzle against you. You thought for sure you were dead…instead he pressed his head against you, rubbing at you almost like a cat would.

He ran off when the few remaining soldiers tried to attack him. Your heart was pounding and you could barely breathe. They asked if you were alright, and you suddenly realized you were the only one of that group left.

Things seemed to go downhill from there. You always had the sense that he was following you, hearing his claws on the gratings around you, seeing his long tail whip around corners. The last of the soldiers and crew began to dwindle, getting picked off in the mad attempts to get back to the ship’s bridge. By the time there was a clear path, you were the only one left.

That was when it found you. It looked like a chestburster, only larger with longer legs and tail. You ran, keeping an arm up level with your head and neck. But this one wasn’t concerned with your mouth. It flung itself at you and landed on your lower back, its tail clamping around your waist. Its legs gripped your buttocks and thighs, and you felt two sharp points ripping at your jumpsuit. You felt the tapered end of the ovipositor probing you, searching. You tried to pull it off, but its grip was iron. You slammed backward into walls, but its back was covered in a hard shell like the aliens themselves. It shifted itself between your thighs, the same shell forcing your legs apart.

It found your warm hole and thrust in. You screamed and frantically grabbed for it, but it was pressed up against you so tightly, you couldn’t even wiggle a finger between it and you. You screamed again, feeling it thrust upward into you. It reached impossibly deep, and you felt your stomach pushing outward with its movements.

Then you felt it. A lump against your hole. You threw yourself on the ground and tried to make it stop, but you were powerless to stall the inevitable. You felt the large sacs on the thing convulsing and sending ripples down its ovipositor. Your belly felt hot suddenly, and you gasped, clutching at it. Your hole was wet with some sort of alien goo it filled you with. Every lump was more goo, and the feeling of heat spread through you.

Another bump pressed to your hole, this one large and solid. You screamed no over and over, trying to thrash free of this thing attached to you in a death grip. Your hole stretched wider and wider to the point where you swore you would rip in two. Convulsing on the ground, you sobbed in mixed pleasure and pain, gasping when the hard thing passed into your body. You felt every inch it moves, and look down to see it pushing your belly outward.

Everything from there was fuzzy. The thing pumped more goo into you until your belly looked like you’d had a meal that was far too large. You crawled down the corridor, tears streaming down your face as you realized there was no salvation for you, not now. You only had one option left: crash the ship to destroy everything on board. You felt your stomach surge and convulse, churning and growing steadily heavier. By the time you reached the bridge, you looked like you were pregnant, your belly almost brushing the floor.

It took the last of your strength to pull yourself up to the navigation computer. Even as you key in the commands, overriding the ship’s safety protocols for a steep descent, you feel something happening inside you. You sob, knowing this must be the moment they punch through you and rip free…

But they don’t.

You see them moving inside you, writhing and slithering like snakes. Your belly is so full and heavy it’s all you can do to stay upright. You fumble your ID code, blinking back tears as you put it in for the fourth time. The computer finally accepts your trajectory, and you let yourself fall on the floor.

As you scream and hold your belly, you’re aware of not being alone. You know the sound of hard claws on the metal of the ship, scrabbling as the creature moves closer. He shrieks, though you don’t know why. You don’t really care either. You would have loved to study him, learn why he grew so large and why his head grew as it did. He looked like a king somehow.

All thoughts of that leave you as your stomach convulses. The movement in you shifts, and you scream as you feel the writhing mass move lower. You lay on your back, legs spread. Screaming and panting, you press your back to the floor and push with all your might. You feel your hole bulge and stretch, something smooth and wiggling pressing against it. You push and scream, feeling a long thing slither out of you. Before you can even see what it is, the pressure builds again. You push, screaming as two more press out of you side by side.

It feels like eternity as you lay there, panting and pushing, countless things slithering out of your hole. You finally see them as a couple of them climb across you. They’re neonate xenomorphs, their soft skin still fleshy and covered in the greenish goo the strange facehugger forced into you. Most of them scatter when the alpha pads toward you. He growls and lays over you, his smooth body cool against your flushed skin.

All around you, sirens are going off, the ship’s warning systems kicking on. It’s placidly screaming the descent is wrong, it’s too fast, too steep. You hope the ship burns up in atmosphere. The last thing you remember is heat, the ship’s life support falling to critical levels as the white hot burn of planetary entry seared the plating off the hull.

You never expected to wake up. Blinking blearily, you looked around, wondering where you were. Pieces of the wrecked ship surrounded you, and you could see huge trees between them.

Somehow, you survived the crash.

You can’t move, looking up to see your arms have been carefully secured in glossy black resin. The same kind the xenos restrain their chest burster victims in. You try to move, but you’re dangling about 10 feet off the ground and are powerless to so much as twist. You look down at yourself and see your belly is still slightly distended. You don’t feel the writhing weight inside you anymore, but it still feels..wrong.

Below, you see several small xenos run back and forth, one of them looking up at you and screeching. The trees shudder, and the alpha appears. He’s grown even larger, almost 9 feet tall now. He easily climbs up to you, the long fingers of one hand forcing your mouth open. His lips curl back and his huge teeth part, and you see his secondary mouth shoot forward. You scream and writhe as he forces it into your mouth and angles to shove it down your throat. He growls and his torso jerks, and you feel something sliding down your throat. He’s..feeding you?

This becomes a regular routine, him returning from the forest and pushing his secondary mouth into yours to share his hunts with you. You beg him to stop, to let you go or let you die, but he just growls and rubs his smooth head against you.

You’ve lost track of time. Your body is changing, you can feel it. Slowly, day by day, your belly is growing again, though much more than before. The alpha begins to nose and prod along your body, often trying your hole with the smooth swell of his nose. You realize your hole has become softer and larger, and each day it feels like he can slide his muzzle further against you.

You start to notice him changing, too. The carapace between his hind legs seems to have softened, swelling outward slowly, growing. You realize somehow, he’s grown a penis. As far as you know, that’s completely unheardof. Yet there it is, dangling between his legs.

He climbed up to where you were hanging, taking you in his hands. He growled and settled his head over your shoulder as his body bowed. His hips work their way between your legs, and you feel the head of his newly grown cock spread your hole. You can’t resist, you can barely cry out when he thrusts into you. There’s no pleasure to it, not tenderness or love. He thrusts roughly, pushing deep into you. You feel your body react, everything in you suddenly alive with sensation. You cry out and thrash, then scream in pleasure as he cums inside you. Your already distended belly grows larger as he pumps you full.

Time passes. Your belly grows until it’s hanging between your legs. The alpha and the smaller xenos you birthed on the ship connect your growing belly to the broken ship with more resin, taking the burden of weight bearing off of you. You’re grateful to them. The alpha fucks you almost daily, further distending your belly.

Little by little, black patches appear on your skin. Hardened plates cover your arms and legs, then your chest above the swell of your belly. From your ribs downward, you are nothing but belly, your legs dangling comically on either side. Your hole continues to stretch, and though you can’t see it, you’re fairly certain it’s moved.

The skin over your belly becomes thinner. Inside, you can barely see the movement of large objects, shuffling around within you. Your spine has grown its own cage-like carapace which wraps around your ribs and hips. It’s only then you realize the flesh of your back and ass have changed, stretching backward. Your hole has begun to shift downward, dangling just off the ground from your massive belly.

No…not belly…Egg sac.

The hard cage along your spine helps support the ever growing sac. The alpha and smaller xenos dutifully tend to you as you begin to understand your new place. They didn’t have time for a queen to be born and grow..they had to make do. Your belly ripples, the translucent skin shifting and pushing, moving the hundreds..no, thousands of eggs through you. The small xenos have brought back living creatures and restrained them to the walls of the ship and the surrounding trees. Day by day, the skyline gives way to a lattice work of resin construction. They build a sanctuary for you.

The alpha rarely leaves you now, staying always at your side, climbing around you and tending to your every need. He caresses your egg sac, soothing the discomfort of the eggs moving inside you, easing your burden.

You feel your egg sac convulse and cry out. Your voice sounds like their’s now, a shrieking growl that echos in your chambers. The alpha is beside you at once, rubbing his crested head against you. The convulsing contractions travel all the way down your belly, and you feel your hole begin to bulge. Slice and goo pour from you, sending the small xenos scurrying to your hole. You feel the birthing tube of your hole stretch and elongate until it almost touches the ground. The bulge of an egg moves through it, and you groan at the tight pucker you feel before you stretch around it, easing it to the floor.

Another egg soon follows, then another. You find yourself in a haze, trapped in a feeling of pleasurable pain as egg after egg travels through your birth canal to be deposited on the ground.

The smaller xenos collect the eggs and move them, setting them in front of their captives. The creatures writhe and scream, exactly the wrong thing to do. The eggs blossom open, and facehuggers wriggle their way free. They leap and plant themselves over the screaming mouths, muffling them as their ovipositors force deep into their throats.

Some time later, you coo as you watch your children burst from their incubators and wriggle onto the ground. Your children, your second brood. They skitter around you, finding places to shelter their small, soft bodies until they grow. The alpha purrs at you and rubs himself along your belly. You want him to seed you again, and he obliges, thrusting into your hole even as you try to push out more eggs.

Your new life as their queen will be full of pleasure and offspring. You will make a new home of this world, together with him and your children. Your species will thrive. Even as hard plates cover your face, and the soft skin of your cheeks falls away to expose your huge, gleaming teeth, you feel every inch a queen. Your crest soon grows from what was once a rounded skull, just like his did.

Every day you lay more eggs, and every  day your children burst free. This world is yours, your realm, your home, your kingdom.


(by supernona)

Top 16 of 2016

1. La La Land

It’s joyous, romantic, energetic, heartbreaking, and just so damn fun!!  Not only the best of the year, but the best of the past 2 years!!

2. Hell or High Water

An inspired neo western that deals with income inequality and family.  It’s tense and darkly funny, with a great Texas atmosphere and lived in characters.

3. Arrival

A smart alien ‘invasion’ movie that focuses on communication and unity instead of violence and bombast, underlined with an emotional and eye opening human story that demands multiple viewings.

4. The Edge of Seventeen

Hailee Steinfeld is Oscar worthy in this coming of age tale.  It’s equally hilarious and heartbreaking, all the while being surprisingly relatable.

5. Moonlight

A deep character study full of empathy and raw emotions.  Fantastic acting and even better direction.

6. Manchester by the Sea

A subtle, yet completely honest portrayal of dealing with grief.  One of the best acting ensembles of year.

7. Captain America: Civil War

Kinetic action, real world themes, and focus on characters new and old make this one of the best entries in the MCU.

8. Captain Fantastic

Who knew living off the grid could be so interesting?  A unique take on the family dramedy that shows the good and bad of both sides, and gets the family into some hysterical situations.

9. The Witch 

A dark and atmospheric experience, with eerily authentic sense of dread.  It’s a horror movie that’s actually horrific!

10. Swiss Army Man

The most unique and absurdly hilarious movie of the year.  A movie that I feel is about normalizing openly loving relationships between two males, whether it’s romantic or not.  Career performance from Radcliffe as well.

11. The Nice Guys

The best written action comedy in years.  Amazing chemistry between Crowe and Gosling.  Just so much fun and totally rewatchable.

12. Sing Street

An inspired story filled with great music, likeable characters that you can’t help but root for, and a great authentic 80s feel.

13. Hunt for the Wilder people

Another absurdist comedy from Taika Waititi featuring fantastic banter between the two unlikely leads and a subtlety touching story.

14. Nocturnal Animals

A dark and twisted sophomore effort from Tom Ford.  Incredible ensemble all around and a story within a story that’s completely captivating.

15. Deadpool

Ryan Reynolds killed it in the role he was born to play.  Very funny and a very faithful adaptation of the tone of the comics!

16. Star Trek Beyond

A very entertaining and character driven movie for the franchise’s 50th anniversary.  Great new characters and great use of classic characters.


Honorable mentions:

- A Monster Calls

- Green Room

- The Neon Demon

- Equals

- Doctor Strange

- Kubo and the two strings

- David Brent: Life on the road

- American Honey

- The Jungle book

- Midnight special

My Turn to contribution to ‘humans are weird’

Imagine aliens landing in somewhere like Australia and Canada studying the animals and humans being like this makes sense so far also seeing our metric system being like this makes logical sense. 

Alien: so you start temperature with 0 at water freezing point and 100 at boiling point got it 

Human: yup we’re pretty smart 

Alien: is there anything else I need to know before I go to America 

Human: no I think you’re good to go. Oh wait they hav- 

Alien: *teleports to America* 

Human: they have the imperial system *sigh*


Alien: greetings human can you tell me where I am and the current temperature as well as what you would like to be called how tall you are, how much you weigh and if you’re a permanent resident of this area 

Human: are yea sure you’re in Texas and it’s currently *checks phone* 85 degrees, I’m 6 foot 2 and weigh 158 pounds and yea you can call me Paul. I live here do you want me to show u around or something- 

Alien: ok 85 degrees… Wait 85 degrees the human doctor Dave told me that I can’t light humans on fire because they cannot survive in high temperatures. Have you Americans evolved to withstand such high temperatures? 

Human: Wait no Dave’s right I think you’ve just been around Celsius in America we use Fahrenheit 

Alien: ok, and you said you were six feet two 

*Picks up human by ankle to measure foot* 

Alien: strange the human Tiffany never said you measured things in body parts 

Human: I didn’t mean literal feet they’re just called that, a foot is 12 inches Americans use the imperial system. Now can you put me down. 

Alien: can you inform me which other countries use this system 

Human: uh we’re basically the only ones 

Alien: *stops transcribing and stares at human Paul* 

Alien: *writes* note Americans are the ★▷▶♂✛✣⬜◀▶ of Earth they do not listen to reason and measure things in body parts

More Interesting Than Aliens
  • Me: "What book are you reading now?"
  • Beth: [age 9] "I just started Anne Of Green Gables #3."
  • Me: "Number 3, hmmm... is that the one where a terrible injury forces Gilbert to reveal that he's really a shapeshifting alien, and Anne and Marilla have to find the lost Orb Of The Star Lion to heal him?"
  • Beth: "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! There is nothing like that in Anne Of Green Gables. It's just people living normal lives, being people and stuff!"
  • Me: "Oh. And you like that?"
  • Beth: "Well, it's not as exciting as Maximum Ride, but it's like... it's more... real. Like, real women. And smart women."
  • Me: "What do you think is going to happen in the story?"
  • Beth: "Well, at the end of #2, I thought that Anne and Gilbert were probably going to get married when they were done with college."
  • Me: "Romantic stuff? You know, that would be a lot more interesting if it had aliens and mythical orbs."
  • Beth: "Oh, Dad. Real stuff is more interesting than aliens because it could actually happen."

kid-kitt  asked:

honestly I dont remember ANYTHING about season 2 except that Keith is half Galra. can you tl;dr it??? :(

here is the plot relevant stuff i can rattle off by memory:

- keith is able to temporarily pilot the black lion in order to save shiro

- lance unlocks a sonic ray for the blue lion 

- pidge unlocks a vine ray for the green lion

- hunk unlocks a new mode for the yellow lion that includes some extra bulk and new grip claws

- keith and allura both think they are the reason zarkon keeps finding the paladins so they go off into space together and cause a tense, bad situation. they confirm that neither of them are the reason zarkon can track them.

- zarkon is tracking them through the black lion

- shiro strengthens his bond with the black lion in order to shake zarkon’s grip on it, he sees a vision of the galra home planet, has to fight zarkon in the astral plane, and ultimately succeeds in breaking zarkon’s control

- lance adopts a cow 

- shiro remembers how he was freed from the galra prison ship, it was with the help of a galra named ulaz, who we find out is part of a galra resistance group called the Blade of Marmora 

- ulaz sacrifices himself to save team voltron

- keith has one of the knives owned by BoM members and has to be tested in order to keep it. he ends up unlocking the blade and finding out he is half galra. 

- we see something of a dream projection of keith’s dad

- allura struggles with residual resentment towards the galra after what they did to her home planet, ultimately puts it behind her for the greater good.

- pidge learns how to read some altean

- lance’s sharpshooter skills improve

- keith rescues an unknown galra soldier from inside the weblum, we never see their face and they disappear at the end of the episode

- we’re introduced to Slav, a very smart but very paranoid alien that helps to prepare a way to take down zarkon

- we find out haggar is half altean

- allura can use magic

- during the final episode in the battle against zarkon, shiro goes missing

- zarkon is last seen on his sickbed

- the final scene of the season is of haggar calling for prince lotor, who we have not yet formally been introduced to in-show.

every single thought i had about 2x19 r u ready bc i am a fucking mess rn
  • why is maggie working a bank robbery isn’t she in the science division was it a bank filled w science
  • maggie talking about the supergirl defence makes me want Law and Order: National City more than anything i’ve ever wanted before
  • lena gives ted talks sign me the fuck up!
    • lena this episode was great, u watched exactly how she was manipulated also SHE’S SO SMART USING THE ALIEN DETECTION DEVICE CAN U SAY CONTINUITY!!!!!!!!!
    • also lena got it to work again which means maybe she knows kara fucked w it???????
  • maggie is able to separate kara from supergirl and idk that made me happy bc she understands the difference?
  • World of Hurt is the name of alex’s autobiography and also the support group filled with people personally victimised by alex danvers
  • …. a little turned on by her saying ‘i will end u’ ngl angry alex is hot alex
  • imagine if lena knew rhea was talking about kara when she said ‘horrible girl’ lena wouldve punched her in the throat
  • oF COURSE QUINN FABRAY’S DAD IS THE BAD ASSHOLE
  • k how long have maggie and alex been dating bc ‘they just had their first valentine’ but also it seems like longer?
  • maggie for sure identified with what rick was saying about his dad saving her bc that’s what her aunt did for her and it takes her a second to remember ‘but his dad is a fucking prick and my tia is amazing’
    • maggie definitely called her aunt after everything and told her she’s bringing a girl home for christmas i’m crying just thinking about it
  • uM ALEX CUT A FUCKING TRACKING DEVICE OUT OF HER ARM AND COMPUTERED THE SHIT OUT OF IT AND THE ONLY THING SHE SAYS IS ‘THAT SUCKS’ ALEX DANVERS IS THE BEST HUMAN EVER
  • ‘supergirl is bigger than me’ is not true and i cried
  • i. was. destroyed. maggie on the laptop i die. her voice her everything holy hell.
  • um alex gertrude is a shit name for a dog pls name it taco or anything but gertrude
    • ‘alex youre not allowed to name our firstborn. remember the gertrude incident?’ ‘i WAS DYING, MAGGIE IT WAS ONE TIME’
  • sPACE DAD IS SCARED AND SO AM I WHY CAN I NOT CONTROL MY EMOTIONS.
  • ‘i discounted you’ said everyone ever to maggie. always underestimated. always shoved aside. i made myself cry.
  • monel is useless and i hope everyone realises that all he did all episode was be like ‘she’ll be fine lol’ fUCK YOU BRUH
  • maggie using cool spy gadgets i die
  • maggie using alex’s gun i die, resurrect, and die once more
  • those last breaths alex was taking i was sobbing i am so emo rn i cant handle this
  • the three-way hug bc they all love each other and alex is safe the emotion is so real
  • mAGGIE CRIED WHEN ALEX SAID I LOVE YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME THIS IS CANON THIS IS REAL I AM DYING I AM DEAD
  • space dad hugged maggie and all of my dreams came tru
    • she literally got his blessing just them i am yelling
  • winn being protective of alex when rick walks passed
  • ALEX PUNCHED RICK AND MAGGIE WAS TURNED ON AND SO WAS I
  • the lil ‘what’ kara gives before pulling maggie into a hug they’re best friends maggie went from working alone to HAVING TWO PARTNERS
  • ‘no kale this time’ - proof that maggie and lena would be best friends eating healthy a much better double date partner than Mon ‘She’ll Be OKay’ El.
  • … lena the fuck r u doing bruh

VM liking a comment saying “don’t listen to any crazy Bughead shippers.”

Real smart to alienate the Bughead community.

Even smarter to encourage someone to call a group of fans “crazy” when some of your cast mates are serious advocates for mental heath.