smack that trick

The Fuck Made YOU Queen of Anything?

THE QUEEN IS BACKKKK! Not like she ever left you salty beyotches. Anywho, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into it. As you all know. Maybe not. If not, then we have a diffy prob. I loves The Queen. I goes hard for The Queen. I balls for The Queen. FYI, in case you’ve been living on Pluto the past 16 yrs (16…we’ll come back to this a little later), The Queen is the one and only Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter. Even her damn name is beautiful. Her Highness has graced us once again with a taste of her exceptional art form. On Sunday, she released a combined snippet of two songs from her currently UNRELEASED and UNTITLED forthcoming work of beauty.

“Bow Down/Been On” came in the internet midst like an apocalyptic snow storm, raging war on the baseless brains of you mindless plebeians. She snatched yall’s edges like Naomi Campbell’s lacefront and left you barer than Whoopi’s eyebrows. Too much? Too bad. You need to hear this. So ummm, you might wanna grab a Moleskin, a Sharpie, and write this down. It’s important.


1. “I ain’t gotta bow down to nobody.” First, it’s a song. Second, I know for a whole-hearted fact that she doesn’t know or give a fuck about you. Third, so why in the hell would you take offense? Seriously, the way people sometime warp the music world into their own truly baffles me. But honestly, in today’s society, full of its celebrity obsessions and the Instagram Famous, it’s no wonder people easily confuse waking up in a new Bugatti with pushing a ‘72 Honda Civic to the nearest gas station for $2.35 on pump #4. To be real, I can’t blame you for listening to Diddy’s verse on the “Same Damn Time” remix and feeling like you could bag a white chick and sucker punch her daddy. That’s what music is supposed to do. True artists want their music to take you someplace else. Make you feel what they feel when they wrote it. Make you have an out-of-body experience. And that’s exactly what real music does. It, however, should not be a one-way ticket to you assuming your BoostMobile number was on speed dial when they wrote the song. No one cares about you.

2. “She’s a hypocrite. One minute talking about girl power. The next calling women bitches.” This is almost a toughy to defend. I understand how the use of a traditionally demeaning word against women, being used toward women, can be offensive. But to say that she’s a hypocrite for it is unrealistic. Let’s first get off of our high-horses and for once admit that the word “bitch” is quickly on its way to becoming the new “nigga.” Just as Black Americans took this hate word and made it our own, women across all races are picking up on “bitch.” Does it mean that we all like it? No. Does it mean we all will? Absolutely not. But, it does mean that it’s now a buzz-word. One that can be released in public forum, while at the same time still being a taboo. *See: a tool often used by songwriters in order to grab the listeners’’ attention and spark thought and conversation.* It’s now not just a term of defamation, but also synonymous with “friend,” “best friend,” “boo,” “main boo,” and countless other female epithets. Acknowledging this fact doesn’t make you less of a woman, or take away your feminism. It simply makes you honest. And real. Now if you wanna fight, find a more dignified tactic than picking apart one detail of one song. Its not right. But its okay. You’re gonna make it anyway.

3. “She’s a hypocrite…” Let’s revisit a part of #2 for a sec. She’s a hypocrite? Are you freaking kidding me? She’s an A.R.T.I.S.T. And you’re an idiot who doesn’t know what artists do. They create creative shit. They go about this in many creative ways. Ie: exploring the multiple facets to their personhood, probing into all emotions, and releasing said emotions in their work. You know what this means? Lemme further break it down. She’s allowed to show us more than one side of herself. I mean, who would actually enjoy listening to a boring, one-dimensional person, sing the same topic, the same way, on each and every song. Can we say snooze-fest.

4. “Bow down.” Beyoncé simply uttering these two little words has ruffled the feathers of an entire nation, of hate. Remember when I mentioned being on Pluto for 16 years. Well that’s the amount of time that Beyoncé has been an entertainer. 16 years, countless accolades, 1 other worldly husband, and 1 Super Saiyan of a child later, and you honestly didn’t want her to make just 1 record patting herself on the back, while addressing haters at the same time. You’re so ungrateful that you wouldn’t even thank her for being nice enough to combine her State of the Union onto one song, not two. She did you a favor and saved your ass from committing suicide, twice. Seriously, if you were exposed to years and years of relentless hate, wouldn’t you eventually say something? Anything? No? Well, here’s a cookie Mother Theresa.

5. Her line, which reads: “I know when you were little girls, you dreamt of being in my world.” was not false. She’s now at a point in time and age where she can be, and damn well is, influential. People desire to have her work ethic and talent. And it’s perfectly fine. She’s not stepping on Mariah or Whitney’s toes by having aspirants. Let’s be real, there was Aretha before them, and Billie before her. There’s always a predecessor that will eventually give way to the next great. That’s how the world works. You know the cycle of life; try to imagine it like that. You enter, you rise, you establish a legacy, then the next person gets a chance. You don’t stop being a legend. Don’t worry y’all, she didn’t take away Ashanti’s thunder. Ashanti took away Ashanti’s thunder. I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist. But seriously, did you not expect her to one day say, “You know what. I’m Beyoncé. And I’m blessed with immense talent. And I’m gonna remind you.” The fact that she’s now at a place to not feel obligated to be polite all the time makes her genuine. And raw. And relatable. Hell I too sometimes want to tell people what I know of myself and how they can shove it if they don’t like it. One day I’ll have your courage Bey. One day.

Until that day, I’ll leave with this: Beyoncé is real. Beyoncé is here. There’s not enough room for her and her haters, so ummm some. body. has. to. go. Beeyooottcchhhhh.