smack that trick

the TURN Squad as Viners

Caleb: Beard viner. You know them: the beard is the basis for half of their humor when they’re not making vines that are basically Guy Fieri memes

Ben: Dog viner. Pure. Wholesome. Sometimes they play the piano together.

Abe: Smack cam viner. Vape tricks viner. Skateboarding (fails) viner.

Anna: Dancing/skateboarding trick viner. She’s flawless and vaguely gay.

Mary: Mom viner. Sprout is like the slightly less popular Gavin.

Rob: Traffic viner. “You know what they say about people who live in the fast lane. They don’t live in f*cking NEW YORK!”

Lafayette: Uplifting viner. That one man with the flowers and the ocean? That’s our Gilbert.

Peggy: Instagram viner. It’s either the sunset with Lana Del Rey or one a collection of selfies with an acoustic Beyonce cover.

Hewlett: Has one vine.

Who’s Your Daddy

Originally posted by cassiopeia-chasing-the-moon

Summary: Negan punishes you in the best way.

Pairing: Negan x Anna

Warning: Swearing, Smut, Spanking, Daddy Kink, Violence

You’ve been dating Negan for a couple months now, and surprisingly, living with Negan and sharing your mind and body with a ‘psychopath’ wasn’t as bad as you were expecting. When you first arrived at Sanctuary almost a year ago Negan had five wives, which he eventually left for you after you continued to tell him you wouldn’t sleep with him while he was with other women. You never actually expected him to give up five women for one, but when he knocked on your door in the middle of the night to confess his love for you, you were unbelievably happy he did so. Negan acted completely different when you were around, and didn’t give a fuck who saw. He’d hug and kiss you in public, call you pet names like “baby”, “sweetheart”, “Anna banana” and so forth. Nobody in Sanctuary really cared about Negan and your relationship but Negan did one thing his men couldn’t stand. You were never in trouble no matter what; Negan wouldn’t dare to harm you, even if you absolutely fucked up, or talked back. But Negan had no problem keeping his men and everyone else that resided in Sanctuary in line and making sure they knew who was boss.

One night when Negan had finished taking a walk and was heading back to your room, he overheard a group of his men whispering amongst themselves, Negan hid around the corner and listened. He heard his men complaining about how he was always putting you first and letting you do whatever the fuck you wanted. “We should just overthrow him” snickered one of his men, named Jack “show him what a real boss acts like, maybe burn his and his precious fucking pets faces off, see how he likes it”. Nobody else agreed with him, even though they were pissed at Negan they wouldn’t dare to do anything along those lines, Negan could be an asshole, but he was a good leader. “Don’t let Negan hear you talking like that” chuckled another one of Negan’s men, “I don’t give a fuck” Jack replied.

A few minutes later the men, unaware on Negan’s presence left and headed in for the night. As Jack was turning the corner Negan put his hand over his mouth and dragged Jack along with him. Negan brought Jack behind a building and slammed him up against the wall “you want me fucking gone? Want to put a motherfucking hot iron to me and Anna’s faces?” Negan slammed Jack into the wall again and spat as he talked, anger boiling inside of him “I..uh” Jack stuttered barely able to speak “what? You had quite a bit to fucking say before you cunt, now you choose not to talk?, you really and I mean REALLY fucked up” Negan then pulled the knife he kept tucked into his belt out and dragged it deeply across Jack’s throat. Blood poured out as Jack’s lifeless body feel to the ground. Negan took a deep breath, then bent down and wiped the blood off of his knife onto Jack’s shirt before tucking it back into his belt and walking off. He went up to two of his men who were about to enter their building “Jack’s corpse is laying behind that building over there, do me a fucking solid and bring that good for nothing piece of fucking shit out of Sanctuary, give the walkers a little snack”. The men looked at each other then back at Negan and gave a “yes, sir” before quickly walking off to dispose of Jack’s body.

The next morning, Negan knew that he still had to take care of his other men and you. He wanted his men to respect him, but he still didn’t want to harm you. He told his men to meet him out by the gate to go out on a run and he also told you to do the same, you’ve been asking him to let you go out on a run one day and it seemed like he was finally letting you tag along. You and a great number of Negan’s men were standing around at the gate when Negan finally strided over carrying Lucille over his shoulder, he walked up to you and loudly said “I changed my mind your not coming after all, go help out in the kitchen, where you belong” he then started walking past you. “Excuse me!?” you shouted back. Negan smirked, his plan was working, he knew you wouldn’t let him talk to you like that. “You heard me doll, fuck…off”, your blood started to boil at his words and you walked up to him and gave him a smack across his beautiful face. Right when your hand came down, you regretted what you did and knew this time you went too far. Negan tightly grabbed your arm with his free hand and began dragging you into your room, “wait for me boys, I need to teach this disrespectful little bitch a lesson, shouldn’t be long”. Negan’s men looked at each other in shock.

Negan pushed you into your room before slamming the door behind him, “pull your pants and panties off and lay across my fucking desk” he said lowly. “Negan please, I’m sorry” you whimpered back, “DO IT!” he yelled. You quickly pulled your pants and panties down together and laid across Negan’s wooden desk, Negan chuckled to himself and licked his lips, the sight of your bare ass and pussy bent over his desk was already getting him hard, he then unbuckled his leather belt and pulled it off. “I’ll go easy on you this time baby, five smacks should do the trick..but you have to yell really fucking loud for daddy, I want my men to fucking hear it, and if you don’t I’m going to start over again until you do..got it?” you nodded your head quickly grabbing onto the edges of the table and closing your eyes. Before you could even take another breath you felt the sting off leather against your bare ass and you yelled out as loud as you could. “That’s it you dirty fucking girl” Negan said enthusiastically before lashing the belt against your ass a second time as you let out another scream. Negan gave two more quick lashes one to each ass cheek and again you screamed, you felt tears welling up in your eyes, this was the first time a man has spanked you and even though it hurt like a bitch you felt your wetness drip down your leg. “Last one darling, you ready?” Negan asked, enjoying this a little too much, “yes” you whimpered, “huh? What was that?” Negan said leaning in closer to you, “yes!” you said again loudly, “yes what!?” Negan shouted, ”yes, daddy” you loudly purred back. Negan grinned before pulling his arm back as far as he could and then putting all his strength into the last smack. This time you let out the loudest scream you possibly could as you felt your ass burn as welts began to form.

Negan gently rubbed your ass with one hand “good girl” he said gently, you let out a moan as you felt Negan’s other hand slip between your legs “fuck baby, your soaked” he hissed. You let out a giggle before turning around to look at Negan. He cupped your face with his hands “stay home and relax for the rest of the day sweetheart, you deserve it, and when I get back I want you on the bed naked, waiting for me, daddies gonna take care of you” you nodded before giving Negan a soft kiss. Negan put his belt back on and slicked his hair back before picking Lucille up and heading for the door, “bye daddy, be safe” you called out, “see you tonight Anna banana, I love you” Negan replied giving you a wink, “I love you too” you said back with a smile as Negan walked out and back towards his men who kneeled down when they saw him coming. Negan smirked knowing they heard everything “get up you fuckers; we’ve got work to do”.

Can there be an adult Halloween where people go door to door and get various drugs and alcohol.

“Hey man, I’ll trade you a nip of Jack for an oxy.”

“That old lady down the street gives out some quality cocaine. King sized bags too.”

April Fools

So safe to say April Fools is a very intense thing in the Filth household and each of the boys has their own specialties.

  • Pink Guy will cook food and leave it around the house for the others to find. The food is laced with laxatives and Pink Guy makes sure it’s the only food in the house every year
  • Safari Man leaves hot dogs in a the strangest places. He could be on a trip and not have been home in weeks but every year without fail, Hotto Dogus. Frank once coughed a hot dog he didn’t remember eating. 
  • Salamander Man records himself screaming nyess and plays it throughout the day. Then he jumps out and smacks whoever’s closest. The trick is that he doesn’t always smack them when the nyess plays. It’s completely random.
  • Lemon is newer ot the prank traditions and somehow always falls for the ‘here drink this, it’s good’ prank where it turns out they gave him lemonade to drink. He doesn’t have a signature prank so much as he just flings lemons at people. 
  • Frank, ah Frank. Every year it’s different. Once he convinced them all he was dead. Another he made them think he was getting married to a mushroom. There was the year they all got very drunk and did some very inappropriate things with each other and no one talks about that. Lemon once walked in on him fake summoning Chin Chin and well, Chin Chin actually appeared so yeah, that happened. 
  • Fake Frank doesn’t understand the point if every day of their lives is a joke. He also flooded the apartment but that wasn’t a prank, it was a mistake. 
The Fuck Made YOU Queen of Anything?

THE QUEEN IS BACKKKK! Not like she ever left you salty beyotches. Anywho, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into it. As you all know. Maybe not. If not, then we have a diffy prob. I loves The Queen. I goes hard for The Queen. I balls for The Queen. FYI, in case you’ve been living on Pluto the past 16 yrs (16…we’ll come back to this a little later), The Queen is the one and only Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter. Even her damn name is beautiful. Her Highness has graced us once again with a taste of her exceptional art form. On Sunday, she released a combined snippet of two songs from her currently UNRELEASED and UNTITLED forthcoming work of beauty.

“Bow Down/Been On” came in the internet midst like an apocalyptic snow storm, raging war on the baseless brains of you mindless plebeians. She snatched yall’s edges like Naomi Campbell’s lacefront and left you barer than Whoopi’s eyebrows. Too much? Too bad. You need to hear this. So ummm, you might wanna grab a Moleskin, a Sharpie, and write this down. It’s important.

5 REASONS WHY PEOPLE HATE BEYONCE AND/OR HER NEW MUSIC AND WHY THIS HATE IS IRRATIONAL

1. “I ain’t gotta bow down to nobody.” First, it’s a song. Second, I know for a whole-hearted fact that she doesn’t know or give a fuck about you. Third, so why in the hell would you take offense? Seriously, the way people sometime warp the music world into their own truly baffles me. But honestly, in today’s society, full of its celebrity obsessions and the Instagram Famous, it’s no wonder people easily confuse waking up in a new Bugatti with pushing a ‘72 Honda Civic to the nearest gas station for $2.35 on pump #4. To be real, I can’t blame you for listening to Diddy’s verse on the “Same Damn Time” remix and feeling like you could bag a white chick and sucker punch her daddy. That’s what music is supposed to do. True artists want their music to take you someplace else. Make you feel what they feel when they wrote it. Make you have an out-of-body experience. And that’s exactly what real music does. It, however, should not be a one-way ticket to you assuming your BoostMobile number was on speed dial when they wrote the song. No one cares about you.

2. “She’s a hypocrite. One minute talking about girl power. The next calling women bitches.” This is almost a toughy to defend. I understand how the use of a traditionally demeaning word against women, being used toward women, can be offensive. But to say that she’s a hypocrite for it is unrealistic. Let’s first get off of our high-horses and for once admit that the word “bitch” is quickly on its way to becoming the new “nigga.” Just as Black Americans took this hate word and made it our own, women across all races are picking up on “bitch.” Does it mean that we all like it? No. Does it mean we all will? Absolutely not. But, it does mean that it’s now a buzz-word. One that can be released in public forum, while at the same time still being a taboo. *See: a tool often used by songwriters in order to grab the listeners’’ attention and spark thought and conversation.* It’s now not just a term of defamation, but also synonymous with “friend,” “best friend,” “boo,” “main boo,” and countless other female epithets. Acknowledging this fact doesn’t make you less of a woman, or take away your feminism. It simply makes you honest. And real. Now if you wanna fight, find a more dignified tactic than picking apart one detail of one song. Its not right. But its okay. You’re gonna make it anyway.

3. “She’s a hypocrite…” Let’s revisit a part of #2 for a sec. She’s a hypocrite? Are you freaking kidding me? She’s an A.R.T.I.S.T. And you’re an idiot who doesn’t know what artists do. They create creative shit. They go about this in many creative ways. Ie: exploring the multiple facets to their personhood, probing into all emotions, and releasing said emotions in their work. You know what this means? Lemme further break it down. She’s allowed to show us more than one side of herself. I mean, who would actually enjoy listening to a boring, one-dimensional person, sing the same topic, the same way, on each and every song. Can we say snooze-fest.

4. “Bow down.” Beyoncé simply uttering these two little words has ruffled the feathers of an entire nation, of hate. Remember when I mentioned being on Pluto for 16 years. Well that’s the amount of time that Beyoncé has been an entertainer. 16 years, countless accolades, 1 other worldly husband, and 1 Super Saiyan of a child later, and you honestly didn’t want her to make just 1 record patting herself on the back, while addressing haters at the same time. You’re so ungrateful that you wouldn’t even thank her for being nice enough to combine her State of the Union onto one song, not two. She did you a favor and saved your ass from committing suicide, twice. Seriously, if you were exposed to years and years of relentless hate, wouldn’t you eventually say something? Anything? No? Well, here’s a cookie Mother Theresa.

5. Her line, which reads: “I know when you were little girls, you dreamt of being in my world.” was not false. She’s now at a point in time and age where she can be, and damn well is, influential. People desire to have her work ethic and talent. And it’s perfectly fine. She’s not stepping on Mariah or Whitney’s toes by having aspirants. Let’s be real, there was Aretha before them, and Billie before her. There’s always a predecessor that will eventually give way to the next great. That’s how the world works. You know the cycle of life; try to imagine it like that. You enter, you rise, you establish a legacy, then the next person gets a chance. You don’t stop being a legend. Don’t worry y’all, she didn’t take away Ashanti’s thunder. Ashanti took away Ashanti’s thunder. I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist. But seriously, did you not expect her to one day say, “You know what. I’m Beyoncé. And I’m blessed with immense talent. And I’m gonna remind you.” The fact that she’s now at a place to not feel obligated to be polite all the time makes her genuine. And raw. And relatable. Hell I too sometimes want to tell people what I know of myself and how they can shove it if they don’t like it. One day I’ll have your courage Bey. One day.

Until that day, I’ll leave with this: Beyoncé is real. Beyoncé is here. There’s not enough room for her and her haters, so ummm some. body. has. to. go. Beeyooottcchhhhh.

anonymous asked:

pete and patrick cuddling in bed and pete turns to patrick and puts his hands on tricks face and looks in his eyes and tricks like 'wyd pete' and pete just smiles and says 'i think i found my favorite color, but it's trapped in your eyes' and trick blushes nd pete looks at his cheeks and says 'this color is a close second' and trick smacks his hands away and hides his face with his hands and pete kisses his checks and trick giggles and kisses him back sweetly.

THIS IS SO CUTE AND IN CHARACTER IM YELLIN

FLAWLESS X BOWDOWN

These thots can’t clock me now in days / Rolling high, leather and Louis

you wish i was your poundcake / Keep it trill, that’s what good

boy you know i look good as fuck / Kiss my momma, show that love

you wish i was your baby mama / Pop them bottles in that club

want me come around and give you good karma / I heard your boo was talking lip

but NO! we escalating / I told my crew to smack that trick

up in this bitch like elevators / Smack that trick, smack that trick

of course shit go down when its a billion dollars in the elevator / Guess what they did, smack that trick