today i got the chance to see exo at the sm building and it was the single most disturbing thing i’ve ever experienced. when my friend and i got there, we had just missed exo-m by a few seconds as they went into their van. expecting exo-k to come out, we stayed around. because of what happened, a crowd of girls began crying, collapsing, and screaming. my friend and i were perplexed. we lingered around, conflicted. but suddenly, d.o. walked around the corner. he was 2 meters away from the doors before a girl noticed him and screamed. all hell broke loose. everyone charged and screamed and ran over each other. my friend and i backed away in concern for our safety. the security guard got run over. and then it was over. 

i felt so bad for him. 5 minutes later, a van dropped off baekhyun. it took approximately 10mins for him to get out of the car due to the crowding fans. from the back, i saw a glimpse of his face. it was a combination of fatigue, anger, annoyance, and suffocation. in that moment, i wanted to cry. another van came and dropped off sehun and kai. they both had the same look on their faces. by now, i had put my phone away. i didn’t want to film them. i didn’t want to take away what little privacy they had left. 

these boys are my age this year. they literally cannot even go out anymore. i felt so conflicted being there, i wanted to leave. but a part of me commanded me to stay and watch and witness a fraction of these boys’ lives. i could never live like this. no one should. and the fact that no one there other than my friend and i realized this makes me sick. everyone there was focused on either they had caught the boys on camera or they didn’t. not about the privacy they invaded, not about the lives they were ruining, not about the dehumanization happening. 

i only went to see how the sm building looks like but i got the chance to witness this absurdity. i will never, ever in all my life go there again.