how do you feel better when everything feels so foggy and sludgy and impossible? sometimes i can't make myself leave my apartment because the outside world feels too much, but it really only makes me feel worse.
hey anon, i’m sorry I haven’t gotten around to answering this sooner, I hope you see this.
i’ve been having a pretty rough week, for no discernible reason. WHICH IS THE WORST. what do you do when nothing?? is wrong???? but something?? is wrong?? i’ve been tired and frustrated, i’m chewing the inside of my lip (my worst nervous habit, leftover from self-harm days), nightmares, etc etc. today I woke up stupid early (6ish) on my day off (my 4th in a row, which isn’t helping) and I wanted really badly to go to a museum. I told myself I would go ahead and get up and go and i’d have a nice time sitting in the sculpture garden reading my book. and then I just went back to sleep. I woke up again at 10 and said, okay now i’ll go, it’s still early. I showered, got dressed, packed a lunch. i walked to the train station. and then I turned around and went back to my apartment.
it’s okay. what I did do this weekend is I cooked new things! my schedule this semester has been pretty great in that I have 3 day weekends every week, but if my mental health is Not Great, that much free time is not good for me. I end up taking 4 hour depression naps. but yesterday, I went to the market (across the street, low levels of energy required) and got some fruit and baked a cake. the day before that, I used whatever I had in the fridge to make a pretty good pasta dish. i’ve been cleaning, which is probably not ideal for most people or even doable if you’re depressed but it’s very therapeutic for me (especially because i have a lot of anxiety about clutter and mess)
living with someone you’re close to helps w/ this, but even when I lived alone and my depression was the worst it’s been in years, I would open up the one window in my room and let fresh air in, and I would write something or clean something. or just walk around the block.
I guess what i’m saying is if you can’t make yourself get out of your apartment, do stuff in your apartment. actual activities that involve movement and goals and things you can accomplish. not just sitting on the couch or napping. we all have those days and that’s fine, but after a day of yourself it’s time to push yourself to do even just a few small things. whatever you like to do. but things that, at the end of the day, you could hypothetically check off a to-do list (or not hypothetically, I love to-do lists!)