I have an addiction, most of the time I can resist and go about my life
like a normal human being with no problem, but should this thing cross my path
I have to, need to, want to and do!
My addiction is donuts, not the shop bought, over or under cooked, fat drenched
things, filled with fake jam and covered in icing sugar that’s turned to slime.
Not the American donuts that are covered in who knows what.
Oh, no for me it’s the real deal, the freshly cooked, piping hot, covered in
caster sugar, ring Donuts.
The machine itself, for me is a thing of magical beauty.
Watching it mixed the dough in the bowl, see it pushed the gloopy stuff out the bottom
in its O shape, to plop into the hot fat. Stare in delight as it travels on its
merry journey, along the moving metal grid, getting flipped over at half way,
and finally travel up and out of the boiling oil to be dropped into the sugar,
where it is placed in a paper bag for me.
The sheer joy of being handed said bag with its contents of sugary ecstasy, that
I then can take away to consume to gratify my lust, is beyond all measure.
If this can be added to with a fresh cup of hot coffee, so that I get a sugar
rush and a caffeine high, well day made.
Unless you are not me, and then it can be a wee bit embarrassing as according
to Tom, I am like a two-year-old once I have eaten my bag of Bliss and hit my
sugary High. Which coming from the man who will dance in public and the drop of
a 70s disco track, is a bit rich.
Having confessed to all the above and said a quick “hail Mary” just to be on
the safe side. You will understand my rage when I tell you the following tale
I’m sitting in my bedroom feeling well quite frankly shit! The time of the
month had hit hard and I had no one to go out and get me sugary goodness to
help my ease pain.
Tom was at the White House correspondence Dinner in USA, hobnobbing with
the stars and wouldn’t be home for another week. He was texting me regularly
with silly tales of celebs and pictures of all the pretty dresses with lines
“You’d look good in this”
“How do you pee in this?”
And “that dress looks like its eaten her” He was doing his very best to include me
when I was so far away.
This was helping a bit, as I lay on my bed watching a DVD of Buffy the Vampire
slayer, in my somewhat aging PJs. He carried on texting with tales of drunk
shenanigans and dancing disasters. I even got one of him with a duck on his
And then he sent me this…..
All I wanted at that very moment in one picture, him and donuts. It was more
than a mortal girl could endure.
I text him back a gif of crying, and mentally decapitated him for sending such
torture to an already suffering soul.
The text I got back was of a begging for forgiveness gif and the words.
“Will make it up to you on my return Darling I promise”
“You better” was the reply sent with a sensitive gif of my feels .
Some weeks later after he was home, we had a date, I was off out to meet him at a charity
function on a Saturday afternoon. Which quite frankly turned out to be a lot of
rich bores telling each other how amazing they were and having a contest as to
who had given the most.
Tom was brilliant at these events as he had developed the talent of encouraging
the slightly drunk females to give more, by telling them all how adorable they
were and how generous.
He would turn to female one and say.
“Do you know Mrs H, she’s given X amount, to this cause, what a wonderful, darling
Mrs Q not to be out done, would then tell him she would give a bigger amount,
he would praise her, and so it would go on.
And all the little sod had to do was smile and give the occasionally hug. Honestly,
he could charm the cherries off the trees, as my mum would say.
I was the other side of the room trying the same trick with the men with very
little success, as they were all moaning that their ladies had all sodded off
to that Hiddleston bloke. Comments like
“Can’t see what they see in him myself” this came from a short fat guy who could
have played Toad of Toad hall with no makeup.
“Bloody lazy actors” This from a guy who did absolutely nothing, having
inherited a small fortune from daddy. and my afternoon favourite,
“Bet he couldn’t fight his way out of a paper bag” I decided if I ever get a
really big bag I will try it and see, just for fun.
By five I was more than tired, so Tom told me to head off home and he’d meet me
At all these events, I put a pair of comfy shoes in the bag left with my coat,
along with jeans and a t-shirt. I change in the loos and that way I can get
home using public transport or feet.
The day was glorious, when I venture outside and the London embankment was full
of people wandering along in the sunshine. The carousel was up and running with
small kids on giggling. I couldn’t resist and had a quick go taking a selfie
and sending it to Tom.
Then as I dismounted my wooden steed, a smell grabbed my nostrils and tugged at me
like Pooh Bear after honey.
Somewhere, somewhere near, was a machine of magical power, a machine that made
hearts sing, a machine that made Donuts!
I turned in to Sherlock Holmes and soon hunted the beast down. There she stood,
a mobile donut stall, and not only did she make and serve hot donuts she sold
coffee too. My day just got extremely better.
I stood in line to be blessed by the machines awesome talents, paid the meagre
amount for such heavenly fayre, watched with childish pleasure as the dough
became six donuts, and then took the bag of goodies and one hot coffee to go.
As I walked away, the tiny port of paradise closed its doors for the day. Wow
to think if I’d left any later I could have missed it.
I then text Tom
“Look what I’ve got by the carousel” one picture of the contents of paper bag.
“Stay right there, I’m out and free, I’ll join you” So I sat by the river in the
sunshine on a blissful afternoon and waited for my sexy guy.
After one minute the smell was too much, so I took out my first hot donut and
nibbled, took a sip of the coffee, which was very good, and then thought sod it
and tucked in to my share. Well you have to eat them when they are hot.
The boats went by on the river, I waved to the tourist on the river bus, some
even waved back, and I noted how prettily the sun sparkling on the water.
The water police shot up the Thames as all hell was breaking loose
somewhere but me, I was happy if a little high from sugar and caffeine, and now
possibly dancing to some guy’s loud music and getting strange looks.
Big red Buses went over the bridge, people had silly conversation that
made me laugh and time slipped away. I sat down on a bench and carried on
admiring the view.
Finally a hand tapped me on my shoulder, and I looked round to see a smiling
blue eyed handsome man behind me.
“High sexy took your time” he came around my side of the bench and sat down, put
his arm around my shoulders planting a kiss on my lips.
“Hello sweet tasting lady.
Sorry about the wait, it took longer to get away than I thought. The
lady in the dress that wanted its own map reference, tried to make me an offer.
She said she give ten thousand to UNICEF if I spent the night with her. She
looked very hungry, if you know what I mean and it took me a while to respectfully
decline her lovely offer, and run for it.”
“My Brave lover, have a donut” and I held out the bag to him. Tom put his hand
“You bloody eat them!”
“Not all I got six” shit!
“Well there’s just some sugar left now, you’ve eaten six donuts!?”
And apparently, I had, either that, or as I told him on the way home as he sulked,
it could have been ninja Hamsters who at this time of year are known to nick
I don’t think he believed me.
Pictures not mine I just played. Gifs from the magical Tumblr gif machine and again not mine.