slide on sandals

Team USA if NHLers can’t play in the Olympics: a proposal

(totally inspired by @nataliespooner ‘s hilariously awesome Canada roster)

Forwards:

  • the neighbor’s golden retriever who stole 8 hamburgers from your 4th of July barbecue
  • some excellent player from Minnesota whose name everyone promptly forgets
  • Carrie Underwood
  • that guy in your english lit class who read Kerouac’s On The Road and is literally physically incapable of shutting up about the death of American masculinity and who watches the blackhawks just often enough to be insufferable about his knowledge
  • Amanda Kessel sporting a fake beard
  • Jason Momoa, shirtless but protected by the power of his own beauty
  • the smell of a Taco Bell at 4am
  • the blandest white man on this season of The Bachelorette (the competition will be stiff)
  • a customer service person who clearly doesn’t want to be smiling at you but is doing so anyhow
  • a dump truck full of sand sprinkled over the entire roster for “grit”
  • someone dressed head-to-toe (snapback-to-slide-sandals) in underarmour athletic wear
  • twitter user soloucity aka Tony X.
  • every child in this year’s Kraft Hockeyville USA
  • the vengeful but impotent spirit of USA Hockey


Defense:

  • Snoop Dogg, mic’d up and swearing
  • an alligator in a Florida Panthers jersey
  • the slightly too good-looking American dude who’s gonna play Brent Burns in the Hollywood movie about John Scott
  • an unexpectedly mild-mannered Texas longhorn steer
  • a gallon of sweet tea laced with arsenic
  • someone totally bewildered by the idea that Canada has its own Thanksgiving
  • a battered VHS tape of 2004′s Miracle 
  • the entire Las Vegas Golden Knights roster as of April 4, 2017


Goalies:

  • the personification of Ben Bishop’s sadness about being traded
  • 15 starbucks frappuccinos arranged in a pyramid
  • a very expensive wall that actually does a really terrible job keeping stuff out


The puck will be a Chicago deep-dish pizza.

personally one of the biggest appeals of york for me is how much he looks exactly like a trashy frat boy but has like none of the personality. totally fine with not being the best, nothing but respect for the ladies who consistently own his ass, always tries to do the right thing, would generally prefer everyone to be friends and get along. like. he wears socks with slide sandals but has probably never topped in his life.  thank you for this gem.

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No Happy Endings | Wonho [M]

Originally posted by wonhontology

Warnings: Strong language, lewd comments.

word count: 3,532

“We’ve got a problem,” Hoseok tells Kihyun through the phone as he paces the length of the bathroom.

1 | 2 | 3 | …

Part 4: Breakups, Makeups, and Break-Ins.


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Austin Nights

Pairing: Single!Jensen × Reader

Word Count: 2700

Summary: The reader lives in Austin and unknowingly runs into Jensen at a bonfire and sparks fly.

Warnings: Language

Obviously I intend no hate or ill wishes to him or his family. This is purely just for writing and wasting my time.

Again, this is purely for a hobby and my enjoyment. Maybe some of you will enjoy it too. I am by no means a writer so I apologize in advance for any mistakes or grammatical/spelling errors.

——

You had initially moved to Austin for college. You were so thrilled when you learned you were accepted into The University of Texas. Your parents, not so much, they thought it was a smarter choice to stay in state to save on money. But your wild heart couldn’t be contained craving adventure and independence.

Your internship paved a way to a job opportunity so after graduation you decided to stick around. You landed a position of a school guidance counselor and loved working with the kids. Some of your college roommates stayed around too. Angie had become your best friend. As much as you were shy and reserved, Angie was outgoing and contagiously bubbly. She was very much a ‘Keep Austin Weird’ type with a different color hair dye every month. She satisfied your adventurous side, always finding new and crazy things to do or get involved with.

Today her hair could best be described as an emerald green. In the living room of your apartment you found her lying on her back with her feet up against the wall scanning her phone to find some type of trouble to get into. Afterall it was a Friday night. You tried to sneak to the kitchen without her noticing and wash your dishes but she started to bombard you with plans and ideas.

“Let’s go get a tattoo!” She exclaimed.

“I’m still recovering from the last one, there’s only so many more spots I can get one before the kids start noticing.” You tried to reason.

“Ah, they don’t mind, the professional world is changing anyways.” She rationed.

“Remember when we streaked my hair blue, and the principal freaked out, my profession is taking a while to catch up.” You stated joining her in the living room on the couch flipping through a Bon Appetit magazine.

“Hmm, what about a rattlesnake cock fight?” She suggested scrolling through facebook with a grin on her face.

“Even I know you are joking on that one.” You denied her wish of you going into a panic or starting a lecture on the topic.

“What if we go to the graffiti park?” You suggested trying to satisfy her need to do something outrageous but still stay within your comfort zone. “I have a new idea I want to try out.”

“Ugh, we were just there last week.” She moaned. “Hey this looks kinda fun!”

“What?” You hesitantly asked.

“This guy I used to know from class has a party out by Hippie Hollow.” She said excitedly.

“Listen, the last thing I am doing is going to some nude beach…” You started.

“No, it’s not actually at the beach, kinda in the woods around there.” Angie explained.

You sighed but gave in “Fine,” knowing she would go anyways. You wanted to keep an eye on her and make sure she would get home safely.

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