This was written fast because I’m working on something else bigger but this has been in my head for a week or so. And there is no real way to fix this Sleepy Hollow mess but I had to inject some humor into the whole thing.
Ichabod Crane was standing by the shore
of the River Styx. He was in the clothing he had on the first time he
died, though he wasn’t quite sure why. Death never explained itself
or its reasons for such tiny things, he imagined. Death was above
But here he was, looking like a war was
raging around him when he had never felt more at peace.
He heard the paddling of a boat, the
oars dipping in the water, the pull ahead, then water dripping as the
oars came back out of the water. He stood and he waited patiently. He
had nowhere else to be at this point anyway.
“Ichabod Crane!” he heard shouted
across the silence when the boat got closer. He was smart enough to
know not to say anything yet. Abbie Mills rowed the boat to shore and
he stood facing her wrath. “I’ve been dead for what? A few
months now? What in the hell are you doing here already? If you
weren’t already dead, I’d kill you myself!”
“I can explain,” he said, sticking
up a finger in the air to silence her. She took an oar and whacked
his finger down.
“Get in the damn boat and explain,”
she said. “I already paid for you to cross. Figured you’d have no coins. And you get to row.”
He clambered into the boat and she
moved so he could do the rowing. She still looked just as irritated
but a twitch of a smile crossed her lips as he sat down, facing her.
She looked like an angel but she always had. Her hair was gloriously
curly and her face beamed like the sun.
“I know I was supposed to go on for
years being a Witness,” Crane started, choosing his words
carefully. Which is how they got in this trouble in the first place.
He was always too careful with his words. “But then the government
intervened. They had all these ops they wanted me on, searching out
the supernatural. I honestly already thought they had a division for
“Go on,” Abbie said, looking at him
“So I was out in the field one day,
“Working? For pay?”
“Yes. I’ll… well, I guess I can’t
pay you back now, can I? I’ll figure something out. A trade of
services? So I was out working for the government and the paperwork
was hell and I got tired of filling out requisitions for
“Yeah, I know how that is,” Abbie
said, nodding her head.
“And this thing – I don’t know
what it was. Some sort of snow beast came out of nowhere and I
thought I’m tired of this. I’m tired of living. I have seen
enough since 1749 and I didn’t want to do this without you anyway.
We weren’t meant to do this without each other, Lieutenant. Ever,”
Crane said, looking out over the water.
He turned to face her, staring into her
brown eyes. “Instead of fighting it… the snow beast… I let it
hit me upside the head and that was that. Here I am. Now they can
have two new Witnesses and we can spend an eternity together. If
that’s all right with you?”
“You were supposed to keep on
“Only with you at my side. Neither of
us were supposed to bury the other.”
“I guess there’s no going back now,
is there?” Abbie asked. Crane shook his head. “I have missed you.
Oh, God, how I’ve missed you.”
“And I have missed you. The ache,
Abbie. At first it was denial but then once the ache set in, I
thought I’d never be warm again. I’d never feel again. All I did
was go to work and get your house ready to sell and sleep in the
archives and… dream of you,” he said. “And how badly I messed
“By not telling you. Or showing you
enough. Or letting go and taking a chance. But Grace Abigail Mills, I
love you,” he said. Abbie raised an eyebrow and watched him for a
moment, unsure she was ready to say that back. Not that there was any
hurry. They had forever now. “And how I never had the courage to do
He brought the oars up and put them
aside before leaning forward and touching her face gently. Her hands
went up to the sides of his face and drew him closer to her. They were
kissing, so soft and sweet, like they should have done a thousand
times while they were alive. He was just glad that line between life
and death didn’t change how this felt. He pulled away, and resumed
rowing again, as she considered what had just transpired between
“You died so you could kiss me?”
“I died hoping I’d get to do a
whole lot more with you. To you. I hope… is that possible in the
afterlife?” Crane asked, eyebrow cocked.
“Oh, you better believe it is,”
Abbie said, her joyous laughter echoing over the river.
(A/N: Fuck the season three finale. If you’re wondering why this is so late, it’s because it took me this long to calm down enough to write a fic. AU where Abbie and Joe lived. How I think the story should have ended.)
It’s all she hears as she walks towards the glowing box
with her death written in its script. She makes it about three steps away
before Crane’s condor arms envelop her waist and snatch her off her feet. She
struggles against his lean frame, surprised to find that he’d tightened them
around her like a boa constrictor’s coils.
“Crane, let me go!” she orders. “I have to! I don’t have
“No, Leftenant,” Crane says, digging those long fingers
in as if he intends to set down roots to keep her put. “It doesn’t have to end
this way. Remember what you taught me? There is always another way.”
She squeezes her eyes shut as his words dig into the cold
pit of her stomach and sting. “Not this time. We have to stop him. It’s me or
the world, Crane.”
“No,” he murmurs, and then turns her around. He leans
down to her height, clutching her arms, smiling sadly. “It’s us or the world.”
Her breath catches as she realize what he means. “Crane,
please. I can’t let you do this.”
“Neither can I. And so we will do it together. We are the
Witnesses. Quoth the lady, ‘What you do, I do.’ There is no world without you
in it, Abbie. If we must face the Grim Reaper, we shall do it as God intended
He slides his hand down her bicep, her elbow, to hers.
His are cold and clammy and shaking the slightest bit, but his smile is steady.
She swallows hard, tears burning in her eyes, then nods slowly.
They walk towards Pandora’s Box and set one hand upon the
lid each. The light explodes and then they are gone. The last thing she feels
is his fingers squeezing hers.
I love how Clifton Campbell or whatever his dumb name is danced around all of the important ‘you screwed up and you know it’ questions during his finale interview. I want him to fall into a swirling vortex of no return. And I want to win a big lottery and hire the Sleepy Hollow actors and season 1 writers and rewrite the show and treat Nicole Beharie like the queen she is and make the show what it used to be and end it with Ichabbie domestic by day demon fighting by night with a healthy dose of Jenny and Irving and somewhere in the series, we will have an annoying coworker named Campbell Clifton who is always hitting on Abbie and he ends up getting eaten by a dinosaur that Orion is riding because.