I can’t sleep and I keep thinking about Louis’s posts tonight and like analyzing and doing a close reading and like why did he use twitter and instagram? Why didn’t he just tweet always you or just make the full phrase the caption of the instagram? And then I realized that this way the message isn’t just ‘always you.’ With the picture, it’s also 'always me and you.’
Another veteran of snarky online commentaries and obligatory comedy reviews, the Upright Sleeper admittedly looks the part of a Very Silly Thing. It seems like what the Jigsaw Killer turns in for the final exam in balloon animal school, and it looks like the first purchase you’ll make the next time you have to Weekend At Bernie’s a dead body around the city. It doesn’t look like a thing that you’d use seriously, ever.
Travel pillows are a universally accepted way to catch some sleep during your preferred method of transportation (unless you’re driving, in which case stop reading this column and pay attention to the road). They’re also the goddamned worst. Inflatable U-pillows have a ridiculously narrow comfort zone that’s almost impossible to estimate as you inflate them. You’ll generally end up with an uncomfortably rock-solid one that brings your neck naught but the gifts of pain and unnatural angles. If you attempt to deflate the thing a bit – which, in most models I’ve tried, creates a sound not unlike loud farting – you’ll usually go too far the other way and end up with the limpest, least stylish neck warmer in the world. Memory foam ones are slightly better, but those things heat up like Chris Evans in his more misguided superhero role, and you’ll more often than not wake up with a torrent of neck sweat escaping the infernal apparatus all the way to your ass crack.
The Upright Sleeper, on the other hand, just keeps your head up. Sure, it looks like a torture device, but let’s face it: No one gives a shit about how you look during the long kinds of travel that prompt you to pack a sleeping device in the first place, least of all you. I’ll have six of this thing right now.
Does anyone else just randomly get hit with what I like to call ‘special interest feels’ at random times and then all of a sudden it’s like 'okay we’re throwing a good night’s sleep out the window just to obsess over my special interest on social media all night!!’
I live next to a newly married couple and EVERY NIGHT this past week the wife has locked her husband out the house. Last night she locked him in the garage!! So every night I’ve been kept awake with him banging on the door and shouting to get in!!
TONIGHT (3:47AM) I look out the window and the husband has called a 24 hour emergency double glazer and HE - IS - USING - A - POWER SAW - ON - A - WINDOW ??
I live in a tiny english village THIS ISNT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN??