I mean he can take a page from Max's book and get himself a teddy bear,,, like a small one and pretend that's his friend and use his warm blanket to create them a home,,, and he can cry himself to sleep holding the teddy bear and warm blanket
During the days after Here There Be Gerblins, Lup absolutely refuses to be let go of by her brother under any circumstances. However, due to her limited power in this situation, this manifests as the Umbrastaff falling over and rolling in Taako’s direction whenever he tries to set it down. Taako, presently in his Simple Idiot Wizard phase, fails to recognize that this is Not Typical Spellcasting Focus Behavior.
During the boys first night at the Bureau, the Umbrastaff won’t stop falling against the ladder to his bunk no matter how he sets it back up again and eventually, when he reaches down to fix it yet again, it turns and hooks around his wrist not letting him go. His reaction is simply, “Oh hey little buddy, wanna sleep with ol’ Taako do you? Hey I can’t blame you, who wouldn’t!” and pulls it up into bed with him and sleeps with the Umbrastaff like it’s a teddy bear.
It takes days before Lup lets Taako put her down and several weeks before she lets him out of sight when he’s not holding her. She almost panics when they ask for the boys weapons upon boarding the Rockport Limited and was never happier that she made her magic-absorbing superwand an inconspicuous umbrella than she was at that moment.
Everyone else just sort of accepts that Taako now has a magic umbrella that he has to hang on the towel rack when he takes a shower so it doesn’t constantly knock against the door of the bathroom for the entire time he’s in there. The best guess anyone has is there’s some charm on it that tied the Umbrastaff to it’s owner and a bit of that charm transferred over to Taako. (Lucretia secretly wonders if Lup had it charmed to find Taako if she perished, or if she charmed it to return to her and with Lup not present, the Umbrastaff thought Taako was close enough. Either way Lucretia is glad some part of Lup found Taako again after all these years, even if it’s not under the most desireable circumstances, unaware of the true extent to which she is correct.)
Lance tries as hard as possible to sleep in for as long as possible
this is a difficult task considering Keith is an early riser he doesn’t even need an alarm he just naturally wakes up at 7 to work out or whatever
one time lance tried to wake up early enough to surprise keith with a birthday breakfast-in-bed, but of course keith didn’t get the message to sleep in and was already awake
they made a mess making pancakes and bacon together instead
lance is a neat freak. it annoys the crap out of keith because he never had to clean up for anyone else whereas lance’s mother pretty much programmed him to clean up after himself and his little siblings
keith affectionately labels these tirades as The Nag™…brace yourselves, The Nag is coming
lance can also cook??? he chops vegetables like it’s nothing and keith is alway afraid he’s going to lose a finger at the speed he’s going
they couldn’t decide on a color scheme for their room so it’s just a mismatched mess of soft blues and and calm grays and vibrant red and angsty black and it looks awful. but it’s theirs
lance convinced keith to do weekly Couple Luxury Night where they did relaxing at-home spa treatment-esque routines. he told keith it’d be fun but really it’s just an excuse for him to pamper his boyfriend and take goofy pictures in face masks and cucumbers
lance always fixes keith’s hair before he walks out the door because that boy does not know that bedheads aren’t acceptable. keith always pretends to be annoyed but his favorite thing is feeling lances fingers run through his hair
lance got them really into competitive cooking shows and naturally it turned into a heated cooking war between the two. since lance is 1000x better at cooking (keith can barely peel a potato) keith is allowed to distract him by whatever means necessary. lance is extremely susceptible to neck kisses, side tickling, and obnoxious raspberries
lance in aprons with flirtatious sayings
keith complying with the aprons’ suggestions
lance totally has a childhood teddy bear that he still sleeps with with named tigre (as a child he didn’t really have a clear grasp on the difference between bears and tigers). He is now señor tigre, respect the title, and is appalled when keith calls it ratty and old-looking
whenever lance is mad at keith he pretends keith isn’t there and complains about him to tigre
when keith needs comfort and can’t get any words out, lance lets him hold tigre—he might be old as hell but he is soft—and just talks to him about anything until keith feels better
they have matching red and blue mugs with cute lions on them
keith sleeps on the left side of the bed, but always manages to roll all the way to lance’s side by the morning
keith also has deathgrip when he’s asleep, so lance had to buy him a body pillow for those nights when lance just wants to sprawl out
lance taped a fucking picture of his face to the body pillow the first night keith slept with it and the next morning lance was woken abruptly by keith shrieking in terror
lance likes to do voices and impressions all the time to keep himself entertained and uses random objects around the house as props. keith’s reactions range from tired-of-your-shit to must-hold-in-laughter, but most of the time keith likes to film him on his phone so he can watch it again later. he says it’s blackmail material but these are keith’s videos of the lance that only he gets to see every day
whenever lance decides to fart in front of keith he turns it into a punchline
keith would never fart in front of other people because it’s fucking barbaric but he feels comfortable enough to voice his body’s concerns (oh god lance i have to fucking dump pause the tv i can’t miss gordon ramsay ripping this neglectful chef a new asshole)
they have a weekly chore chart with shifting roles, except keith can’t do the dishes because sticking his hands under hot water and touching grimy dishes is a nightmare for him
keith never likes to walk around barefoot esp in the kitchen, so lance makes it fun by gifting keith with funky socks. his most recent pair has shooting stars with a moon made of cheese at the ankle. (keith unintentionally called them cheesy and lance keeled over) keith is known at work/school as the serious guy with uncharacteristically fun socks
lance likes to blast music but when it bothers keith, he turns it down and sings along at a moderate volume, which keith finds comforting
lance: KEITH HAVE U SEEN THE THING
keith: did u check between the couch cushions
it was between the couch cushions
they have a codeword for when keith misses a social cue and says something too blunt or rude, that way they can communicate easily in private and when company’s over
they also have a word for when lance is doing something annoyingly repetitive that keith can’t deal with
lance is superstitious and it’s all pretty humorous, but he never risks going to bed without saying i love you, even if they’re angry at each other. keith doesn’t understand why they need to say it out loud all the time but he knows it makes lance feel better so he doesn’t ask questions
some nights they like to sleep outside on the back porch so they can see the stars together, and they make their own constellations
when the Bad Thoughts hit lance, keith just stays with him, cradles him, strokes his hair. keith’s blunt honesty is a solace whenever lance splits
when lance dissociates, keith finds a simple activity for them to do together to coax him back like watching crap tv or going for a drive with the windows down
lance bought this weird porcelain duck cookie jar and every time keith comes into contact with it he stares it down for a good minute out of suspicion and spite
if either of them don’t feel like using their voice at any particular time, they bought mini whiteboards with tons of colorful markers
keith really likes to doodle?? its not his passion or anything but lance lets him draw on his skin and loves to show off his “new tattoo” to literally anyone
keith really wants a cat but lance thinks cats are too boring and moody. lance wants a dog but keith thinks they’re too high-maintenance and overwhelming
when they went pet shopping they became unwittingly enamored with a turtle struggling to eat a tomato. it was inspirational, and they named her Rita
they probably start a small garden and grow tomatoes for Rita and lance in floppy sun hats and keith digging gleefully into the earth
lance naming their gardening hoe keith and promptly running from an angry dirt-covered keith
im dy i ng I could go on about these dorks and their habits
if anyone wants to add anything more please do I'm thirsty for domestic klance fluff
Draco “eternal stick up my ass i hate everyone including you” Malfoy is not the person parents want to babysit their kids. He’s rude, blunt, sarcastic and foul. He’s the man who would save a baby from a fire solely because he knows what the parents would say if he didn’t. Draco Malfoy is the man who sets infants in cribs and leaves them to cry themselves to sleep. He never had a happy childhood, so why should they?
Except he’s not.
Draco Malfoy is the man who sings lullabies to a newborn Rose Weasley and rocks her to sleep. He’s the man who gave Teddy Lupin his first broomstick and taught him to fly, but not before teaching him to read and write. He’s the man who stargazes with Hugo and brings him chocolate when he’s feeling down. He’s the man who holds life in his arms and sees it for what it is: an innocent, precious gift. He never had a happy childhood growing up, and he’s going to give them something that he, as the boy who had everything, never had: childhood memories worth remembering.
Draco Malfoy is not the man people think he is, but the reasons behind his reluctance in sharing are unknown.
Harry saw him hold Teddy Lupin in his arms after his trial. They sat in a room waiting for his mother and Andromeda outside. He was awkward at first and the tears came before the smiles. Had Harry Potter not done what he’d done… a chubby hand with fingers the size of his nails non-too-gently patted his cheek after a few tears had fallen, and knowing how annoying children could be when upset, Draco smiled softly and wiped his eyes. One silly face turned into two, and that dark brown tuft of hair turned the exact shade of his white-blonde locks. He screamed, Harry laughed, Teddy cried, the hair was back to brown.
“He does that,” Harry remarked and gently bounced the child back to sleep.
Draco Malfoy went out for coffee with Harry Potter two weeks later. One cup turned into two, one meeting turned into five, one shop turned into a house. Three months later one quick babysitting date turned into one late night stay for his baby cousin. Draco Malfoy kissed Harry Potter that night with one soft infant snore in the background.
He met Victoire Weasley a few months later at the burrow for Christmas Eve Dinner. Molly Weasley’s pumpkin pudding did nothing to ease his nerves and the hard stares of George from across the table. Ginny smiled at the door, and Molly smothered him with hugs and food.
“As thin as Harry, young man… As thin as- Here, have some more potatoes!”
One plate turned into two, and by the end of the night he must’ve gained half his weight from treacle tarts alone.
Bill was strumming a guitar and not wanting to stand in the doorway besides George, Draco left for the kitchen. Three minutes later and a halfhearted argument won, his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his hands were scrubbing plates.
“Always do it the muggle way,” she’d said. He couldn’t remember the rest. Near the end Victoire unsteadly crawled into the room. Her hair stuck up on one side of her head and it was clear the child had been sleeping. Sleep lines on her face didnt cover the dried spit all over her chin, and Draco smiled gently as he bent to down to pick her up.
“Miss Victoire,” he’d called her that first time. Laying her horizontal in his left arm, he wiped her chin and rocked her back to sleep. He continued to help clean the room with one hand, and didn’t miss Molly Weasley’s smile.
When Rose came along, Harry was already the favorite babysitter. He and Harry had been living together for quite some time, although it was clear the resident Weasley parents saw Harry as the sole caretaker on work days. They flooed in, asking if ‘Harry could babysit?’/p>
Draco didn’t mind, he never talked much about children. He liked them, but when Harry was blowing raspberries at Teddy on the dining room table, he didn’t take Teddy for himself.
Very few people know him as who he is, Draco and not Draco Lucius Malfoy. He takes pride in his name, but takes more pride in making Dominique smile when she’s pouting and teaching Rose the wand movements for 1st year charms at just 8 years old. He takes pride in his intellect and control, but takes more pride in perfecting his Princess Victoire and Teddy the Dragon voice when reading aloud Teddy’s favorite book.
Nine years later, at Christmas Eve dinner, while Arthur opened the wine bottles, Draco dismissed himself silently and walked upstairs. In the children’s room, Harry was laughing with the kids when he saw Draco standing in the doorway with a smile on his face. He looked back to the kids and stood up. When he told them Draco would read a special story, all protests at Harry’s departure ceased.
When Fluer walked up to kiss her three children goodnight, she had to stop herself from entering the room. Two minutes later, and the rest of her family was beside and behind her, staring into the room. With a high pitched voice, Princess Victoire shouted out from Draco’s lips.
“I may be short, and I may be a princess, but I’m strong! I’ll save my baby sister from that dragon!”
“The baby princess!” Dominique interuppted, and Draco smiled and nodded before turning the page.
When the voice of Teddy the Dragon came out of his mouth, Teddy the Human let out a pitched growl. “I’m gunna eat you!” He shouted and Hugo giggled.
“Hurry Uncle Draco! Ted’s gon eat 'Toire!” Rose added.
It started to make sense, and some adults found themselves laughing along with their kids. Things began to connect, and suddenly it was clear to the Weasley’s. Why their children, and grandchildren, called him “Uncle Draco.“ Why they screamed happily and ran up to hug Harry and Draco during babysitting days. Why Teddy spent half his childhood with white-blonde hair.
Two weeks later after the Hols had ended, Draco got a fire call from Hermione Granger. Almost immediately, he stood up and brushed off his pants.
“Hermione. Hello. Harry’s, uh, upstairs; I can go get him, if you’d-”
“Oh no, it’s fine.” She cut him off, and before Draco could feel the awkwardness creep up his veins, she had already continued on. “Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to babysit…?”
“Oh, Malfoy.” Draco looked up to see Harry, nearly an hour late, standing in the doorway of Andromeda’s kitchen. “You’re still here.”
“No, actually I’m not here.” Draco said dryly as his eyes went back to his book. “This is just your imagination acting up. Tell me again Potter, why do you fantasize about a pissed off Draco Malfoy in your cousin’s kitchen?”
Teddy snorted and looked up from his History of magic homework as his hair turned from red to light blue. “Wow, my cool uncle and my fun uncle in the same room. It’s just like that crossover episode between icarly and Victorious.” He looked from Harry to Draco and back. “Wicked.”
“Well, since your funny uncle has arrived I’ll get cracking. Try not to die while I’m gone.” Draco stood up and gathered his coat, book and phone. Then however, he stopped, because Harry was still blocking the doorway and he had no plans to walk up to him and have an awkward which-way-shall-we-go moment. Harry, however, didn’t look like he was going anywhere anytime soon.
“You think you’re the cool uncle?” There was an undertone of pity in his amused comment, and hearing it sent a wave of nausea through Draco’s stomach. He didn’t know where that had come from, but he knew he wanted to leave. Now.
“I don’t think, I know. Ever heard of that word Potter? It means you’re actually certain of something before you blurt it out. Now move out of the way I have better things to do than sit around here all day while you’re neglecting Ted.” He stepped forward, in sync with Harry stepping sideways. Not to let him through, but to block his way out even further.
“And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Every hint of amusement had melted away from his green eyes, and what was left now wasn’t pity, but anger.
“What that means is that you ought to start acting like a responsible adult and become a person Teddy can actually rely on.” Where Harry’s eyes were gleaming with fire, Draco’s eyes glittered with ice. Anyone but Harry would have trembled under the stone cold look he shot him.
“Well excuse me Malfoy, but last time I checked I had a job that sometimes runs late while you sit on your arse all day doing nothi-” Crack. With a loud snap Harry’s glasses froze and the glass inside them broke. Not a second later Draco shoved him out of the way and stalked towards the fire.
“What the fuck Malfoy?!” Harry spun around towards the now blurry figure of Draco and stared at it with bafflement, though that was quickly overcome with anger.
“Surprise surprise Potter, you’re not the only one with powerful accidental magic.” He grabbed some floo powder and stepped into the heart. “Next time try to use some of those grey cells of yours before you open the sinkhole on your face.”
Then, with a swirl of green flames, he was gone.
“And that’s why he’s the cool uncle.” Came Teddy’s voice from the kitchen. Harry frustratedly tried to run a hand through his hair. Tried, because it was frozen solid.
I heard a rumor that butches have access to the world of men by virtue of their polished boots and perfect Winsor knots
Some tragedy tells me that they are the pretend women; the women born wrong; the women-not-women
who inhabit a spectral plane where they wear shackles identical to mine but cannot name the cage they’re in
I heard a lie that butches are men in a bad plastic mask
That their privileges include public hisses, leering eyes, and strangers plodding close behind
I heard that butches sink venom
into femme women
into straight women
into whoever passes by their street corner
at which of course they are leaning against a brick wall with their thumbs hooked into their Dungarees
(But this is not about my fantasies)
I was told some tedium
when I was a baby gay
salivating over Stephanie with the chain wallet and the sneer
who spoke against the cruelty of boys in my class
when I was sold the snake oil that butches were hiding in the shadows
waiting to burn my bra
But here is what I have learned:
Butches swing bats against true predators
scaled monstrosities preying up and down the block
They have dug their heels in for my right to call myself a lesbian
to free me from every constricting dress and shapewear that men would otherwise cram me into
I was always good enough, small enough, big enough, loud and quiet and sour enough
A butch woman taught my public school sex education class
and gritted her teeth when her students asked about barrier methods
hands tied by the confines of simply needing to pay her rent
so no she could not dismantle the system
But, she said,
“If anyone–anyone–Has any questions, my office is open”
Butches ask me if I’m doing okay when I’m in a new space
They ask me to dance
if I feel safe
if I need to get a cab home
Butch women have been the ones to catch my terrified stare when I have Shrodinger’s rapist standing next to me on the subway
because you don’t know
until you know
Butches love flowers,
split the bill
whisper sweetly to their cats
secretly sleep with teddy bears
Butches snore like sleeping dragons and bite like them, too
but only when their homes have been invaded
caved in, gutted
and carved beyond recognition
Butch is not a liminal space
Butch is a force to be reckoned with, but if you let it, then the rain will come
and everything good will grow from the ground
The rain will come