slasher legends

New “SOMEONE’S IN THE BACKSEAT!” shirt design from @cavitycolors is arriving Thursday March 6th at 5 PM (est). This design is a tribute to the 90s horror film “URBAN LEGEND”. Once it’s released it will only be available for 72 hours.

Artwork by Devon Whitehead

Horror Movie AU

(Didn’t do all the characters, if you’d like to see my thoughts on someone I didn’t do, feel free to send in an ask! I’m going to list a very general description of each horror archetype and then under the cut will be the rest of the post!)

The Horror Archetypes

The Jock: Cocky, pompous tough guy. Believes he can accomplish and dominate anything in his path. Takes the lead, but will often be the first put in danger. “All women want him, all men envy him.”

The Cheerleader: Secretly envied, beautiful, and popular. Often air-headed. Not prude, lives fast, and tends to do things for attention. Normally on the arm of the Jock character type, or quickly sides with them for protection. 

The Nerd: Smart, voice of reason, very aware of surroundings and when things don’t feel right. No one ever believes them. May make rash decisions when danger comes (sometimes selfish), leads to vulnerability of being killed. Comic relief. 

The Nice Guy: Honest, good-natured, relatable person. Often has a good relationship with the Final Girl, a crush most likely. Attractive, very caring, looks out for the Final Girls best interest. Most likely to get killed. 

Final Girl: Almost always a virgin. Shy, reserved, innocent. Clearheaded most of the time, makes all the right decisions when things go wrong and knows how to defend herself. The Ultimate Survivor. Strongest of them all. 

The Crazy Old Man: Spouts cryptic nonsense that doesn’t get taken seriously. There to spur on the story, to worry the teenagers. Never believed because they never speak straight-forwardly. 

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Profile: Jared Leto
The Independent Sunday - London
January 14, 2001

American beauty; He’s prettier than most Hollywood actresses, and even girlfriend Cameron Diaz gets a run for her money. Yet rising star Jared Leto isn’t scared to reveal his uglier side - either on screen or off.

Jared Leto is at a nearby table refusing to be baited on the topic of his love life. The actor who took a pounding from Ed Norton in Fight Club and an axe in the head from Christian Bale in American Psycho isn’t about to buckle here. We are meeting to promote his latest movie, a breathtaking, brutal adaptation of Hubert Selby Jr’s novel Requiem for a Dream. I am speaking to his co-star Jennifer Connelly at the time, but all I can hear is Leto stubbornly telling a beleaguered journalist to back off. “Don’t even go there,” he drawls. “I’m not going to answer that.” The interest comes from the fact that Leto is dating Cameron Diaz, and has been since the Charlie’s Angels star’s three-year relationship with Matt Dillon collapsed in 1998.

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MOVIE OF THE WEEK #5: Terror Tract (2000)

Terror Tract, co-directed by Lance W. Dreesen and Clint Hutchison, is the weirdest horror (well, horror/comedy) anthology ever. It’s not a great film… I’m not so sure I’d even call it a good one… but it’s a movie that all of you need to watch immediately. Why is that, you ask? Six words: Bryan Cranston. Versus. An evil monkey. But more on that later!

Like most anthology horror films, Terror Tract is structured around a contrived and yet totally awesome wraparound plot. Here the focus is on a not quite successful real estate agent (played by the late, great John Ritter!) showing off houses to potential customers. The problem? All the houses have… history. Murderers, ghouls, killer primates that want to destroy TV’s Walter White - you get the picture. And that’s the lens through which we see Terror Tract’s three tales of supposed terror: all stories told by real estate agent Jack Tripper in the interest of full disclosure. It’s goofy as can be, and immensely indicative of how lost at sea horror was by the end of the ‘90s, but the premise actually works thanks to a few key actors (mostly Ritter, Cranston, and that damn monkey) and a script that’s so over the top you can’t help but love it.

Of the three segments, one is absolutely amazing. You can probably guess which by my incessant need to keep bringing it up. Bobo literally just flat out fucking apes (I’m so sorry…) the plot of the first Child’s Play movie but with Bryan Cranston and a monkey instead of Catherine Hicks and a Good Guy doll. And if you thought Cranston hated Gus Fring on Breaking Bad, wait ‘til you see how he feels about Bobo. The results are never scary but are ALWAYS hilarious as the (arguable) finest actor in television history chews the scenery to glorious effect in a Herculean effort to elevate one of the silliest stories ever penned into something watchable. I’m dead serious about the silliness: at one point Cranston even shares a scene with Buff “The Stuff” Bagwell, the most ridiculous professional wrestler to ever lace up a pair of (usually airbrushed to include a picture of his smiling face) boots. Bobo is something to behold and I can’t quite fully articulate the depths of my love for it but man oh man do you all need to see it at least once. Nothing like horror at its cheesiest!

Terror Tract’s other segments are also watchable. The first, Nightmare, is your typical boring husband/wife affair/murder story. It’s nothing to write home about but I’ve seen it done worse. The third, Come To Granny, is a love letter to slashers and urban legends with an awesome villain that a fair few of you will probably enjoy. But don’t watch this for either of those. Watch Terror Tract for spooky John Ritter and for Cranston vs Bobo, the single most epic showdown in horror movie history.