slap me with fish

how to turn the signs on

Aries: summon a couple hundred demons to be their servants and you’ll be off to a decent start

Taurus: only ancient Gregorian chants can excite Tauruses

Gemini: inappropriately timed references to shows that have been off the air for years

Cancer: two words: Yugioh Cards

Leo: speak only in Latin

Virgo: only direct appeals to the Ancient Gods of old will appease a Virgo

Libra: the whispers of the void are more than enough already

Scorpio: Send them back to the dimension from which they came

Sagittarius: I dunno, advanced trigonometry?

Capricorn: you can’t turn a Capricorn on. I’m sorry, that’s just how it works.

Aquarius: science

Pisces: slap them with a fish. trust me it works. 

anonymous asked:

What are your five longest fanfics?

Oh lord.

1. The North Remembers (ASOIAF, 617k words, literally slap me across the face with a dead fish if I ever write something this long again)

2. The Dark Horizon (OUAT/Black Sails, 459k words, THIS ONE IS MAKING A GOOD EFFORT TO GET THERE WELP)

3. Incarcerus (OUAT, modern vampire AU, 270k words)

4. The Lightbearers (OUAT/OUATIW, steampunk AU, 239k words)

5. Crimson (OUAT, 230k words, my first finished long CS fic, still oddly popular)

anonymous asked:

wait what? how? I am so sorry if this rude but oh my god are you alright? how did you get mugged by a mermaid?

Well, I was coming back home from war on my boat, minding my own business, when I heard a some girl singing Katy Perry’s ‘fireworks’. I thought… oh cool, nice, gonna give her some money or something, but the fucking bitch made me crash into the rocks and slapped me with her gross fish tail and took my wallet, my Nintendo DS and my sandwich and swam away.

So, don’t trust them. Seriously. Commission me because I need a new ds.

I’m okay, though, thank you for worrying.

demonicsamiam  asked:

I'm just glad LZ FINALLY released season 2 of ks without another delay. I've been anticipating it for over a month, and just when I thought something like "It comes out this week!" I was informed of a delay. Sometimes it makes me wanna slap them with a fish.

But expensive fish, right? 

look i don’t wan’t to be that person, but tbh i don’t know if jungwoo is even, worth (that’s the wrong phrase i don’t know how to word this pls help) hyping up anymore because? we haven’t seen him actually doing things aside from those few times at the smrookies shows, like he was just there, but still i feel like if he was still in SM, we would have been introduced way long ago? or probably seen around the guys? like i keep mentioning me wanting kunsol to debut with yukhei with the other guys, but this person (no offense i like this person a lot!) keeps mentioning “and jungwoo!” and i just feel bad bc he hasn’t been there? i don’t feel connected to him (?) but also i could be wrong sosos wrong, he could actually still be in sm but if i’m wrong, *hillbily amanda show skit voice* well slap me on the side of the head with a fish *end voice* like we saw renjun with other trainees with johnkunsol, but we never saw chenle, u know what i mean?

  • Me: *finishes watching The Flash s3e1&2*
  • Me@Barry: I want to slap you with a dead fish b/c everything's changed and YOU HURT CISCO
  • Also me@Barry: I will hug you forever and never let go because now Caitlin has powers and Cisco might use his powers and and Julian Albert and you are husbands and hopefully he isn't evil and and bc of your fuck up CAPTAIN COLD WILL COME BACK!!!!!!! ALSO YOU BETTER BRING HARRY BACK SOON BC I MISS HIM

I LIED i just scrolled the rogue one tag and now i am aflame with tears and regret imma do this recap now

  • Visually, I was aroused, those shots after the death star blew some shit up (and some ppl up gOD) on jedha and scarif, bro BRO
  • Mads mikkelsen destroyed me in every scene he was in, he’s such an Actor™️ I was in awe
  • “stardust” : ‘ - )
  • That musical score? I was ready to tear shit up I was like, sign me up to the rebel alliance give me a blaster i want to slap darth vader with a fish I’ll do it right now
  • diego luna being an intense hardass giving everybody shit while also being…. soft GOODBYE
  • K-2SO owning everything, so sassy, so apologetic, such dry, dark humour, I realised I am that droid, that droid is me
  • K-2SO loved cassian so much oh my god, ,
  • The ships …. I’m dumb they probably have names but they were NICE TO LOOK AT AND VERY REAL
  • I did not like Tarkin’s videogame face at all
  • Krennic was a great villain, he was both Wormtongue and Saruman at the same time, you know, and he was very human as well? Like he wanted validation so much, he was very realistically flawed, an Earth villain, if that makes sense
  • Darth Vader killing all my mans in that ending scene, it scared me but I had like, a boner at the same time (seriously DV is such a lampooned bit of popular culture but in that scene it was the first time in any star wars movie I was like… fuck this guy is scary and unhinged)
  • I had a pit in my stomach for all the rebels that cassian brought with him on rogue one like, they were such soldiers, they gave such a doomed WWII battle vibe in the third act, especially with the fighting on the beaches (stunning)
  • Costumes, hobo galaxy invader chic is SO in right now and I’m glad
  • “Are you kidding? I’M BLIND”
  • Cyborg Forest Whitaker? …. yes
  • I WAS NOT HAPPY AT THE END
  • The beach… K-2SO literally working to save jyn and cassian till the last possible second… chirrut & baze… bodhi and the fuckin grenade like jesus fucking christ it was a massacre
  • This movie really cemented the fact that this series is all about war, which I know, duh, but the fact that the heroes all die, that there’s such a massive, almost incalculable cost that so few recognise - like it was so real. Like Luke’s the ‘chosen one’ but only because the less spectacular and dirty work was done for him. Not to shit on my homeboy luke but it was so jarring to have such a sincere message come from a series that’s usually fairly superficial, it was pretty powerful.
  • I’m sick of 2016 taking all the good things. s/o to my fam from the force awakens, none of them better die (after han) or I will have woRDS 
  • except kyle ron, fuck that guy

Gonna go watch star trek beyond again….. they don’t play w me like this….

I am so frustrated that I have no close friends who are homestuck fans

I need someone to cry with

because Eridan  the dead trolls had some closure. Eridan Everyone looks a wee bit more peaceful as compared to when they were living. Alt Timeline Eridan Vriska and Feferi Terezi seem to have finally reconciled (regardless of whether or not they’re alive it’s still somethin’!). 

Plus there’s Eridan, so there’s that

Did I mention my darling demented douchebag child Eridan was in there?

Yes

Eridan

Eridan

oh my gosh I’m just crying over a dead fish boy SOMEONE PLEASE SLAP ME