“And now the weather,” you said when you reblogged my post. A whirlpool spawns scores of velociraptors. The Pacific Ocean is set ablaze. Mother disapproves. I turn into a chestnut in the dead of night. Still, she disapproves. I scream in horror as the walrus places me on the pedestal. Your eyes become cauliflower. When I awake from my slumber, I can only see in fuchsia and speak in shoe brands. I am a chestnut. Your lips become cauliflower. You yourself become cauliflower. The whole world laughs.