skype shit idk

Things I’ve Actually Said on Skype Sentence Starters
  • My fiancée has a nice ass, I do say.
  • GUESS WHAT BITCH JUST GOT CALLED SENPAI BY HER SENPAI?
  • She/He may or may not have slapped her/him on the ass nonchalantly.
  • I have access to Klondike bars.
  • I have two gangs actually.
  • Oh my gode.
  • Did you see that risqué goddess?
  • Help me boobs are trying to add me on skype.
  • It’s not my fault I’m the mean asshole who protects everyone.
  • Nerd is a term of endearment.
  • I dunno if you wanna know the extent of creepy but like. CREEPY.
  • THAT LITTLE FUCKNUGGET IN A BLANKET.
  • I’D RATHER BE A FLAPPER THAN UMBRIDGE.
  • Well, I wouldn’t be your type if I was a guy/girl.
  • Okay, I have a LOT to say about this one bitch.
  • I mean, I’m in a polyamory.
  • I got hit in the face by a gatorade bottle.
  • I am in in bed refusing to grace my family with my glorious presence.
  • Did you know gay guys grab ass way differently than straight guys?
  • Yes, welcome to hell. Do you want a name card or plate?
  • WHY WOULD YOU SEND ME THAT GAME YOU KNOW I’M IMPULSIVE YOU ASSPUNCH.
  • I DON’T WANNA SUCK DICK FOR A LIVING, EW!
  • Yes. This old woman is cute.
  • I’m an exciting grandma.
  • Grandma is sexy and she knows it.
  • Grandma’s have a very late rebellious phase.
  • I obviously went through a gender change and had many facelifts.
  • It was a bit shady and in the back of an RV, I have my regrets.
  • I may or may not have had a fling with Santa.
  • Grandma’s a slut, dear.
  • I’m not committed enough to drop a few thousand on a nice computer.
  • Ignore them, they are lil’ fuckbois.
  • Holy hella they are hot– I’m like, ten times gayer than before.
  • Holy lord jesus, light the way, boy do I need the trinity today.
  • What was heterosexuality again? Oh right, it doesn’t exist in my vocabulary.
  • I found more nudes and I’m steadily going more gay.
  • This is why women are gay. These women.
  • Laughing my damn ass… in?
  • Humans aren’t supposed to be this perfect.
  • I’m half Canadian I can’t punch you.
  • I’d slap you if I weren’t half Canadian.
  • I’m a slut for minor characters who die traumatically.
  • My friend wants me to dye my hair blue… Why? It’s the warmest color.
  • Being ‘cute’ is the reason I’m single, I’m supposed to sexy and/or hot.
  • Believe it or not– I’m a teenager stuck in an adults body refusing to grow up.
  • Now I know why all my friend drag me to those damn movies. They fucking hide in my shoulder.
  • I mean I know they drag me to haunted houses so when they are just done they can hop on my back and hide while I hiss at pervs.
  • My class mate just called me to yell at me in French and then asked if she got it right.
  • I exploded hot dogs like.. We put them in the microwave and they just… ‘Sploded.
  • I have a pound of beef jerky to aid me in my struggles.
  • No cannibalism, I am not food. I like to breathe.
  • Cortana is the new bae. CortanaForQueen2k15.
  • Don’t ask me– I’m high on oxygen.
  • Yuri manga is literal gold like– Yaoi ain’t got shit on this stuff.
  • There’s this zombie in this book… It said, “Do you know how I like to eat people? I like to eat the scrotum, and then the brains.” And now I’m feeling very violated and I’m a woman.
  • I’M TRYING NOT TO LAUGH SO I CAN ACTUALLY BREATHE, I HAVE A SINGLE FUNCTIONING LUNG I’M DYING.
  • You’re not allowed to confuse me with emotions and boob.