skiviez

Allow me to introduce myself: Jockstraps

Please keep in mind that I don’t shop much any more, but I felt I needed to write about our last outing to the mall. The Mall in question being Destiny USA.  A huge remastering of  The Carousel Center which opened in 1990 and stood with that name until 2012. You can find Destiny USA if you desire to look it up in Wikipedia. Gives you the entire History of the mall and every news article associated with it. If you care??  you can also visit their website www.destinyusa.com or you can even go as far as checking out Destiny TV on youtube at www.youtube.com/user/DestinyUSAVideo?feature=watch.

     We went to this mall, for the second time,  in search of jockstraps. Yes, jockstraps. The only other one time I had hit the mall for athletic supporters  was about three years ago and yielded the same outcome as this visit. Here’s how I got sucked in. I searched jockstraps, retail, and sale… Macy’s  was the first site to pop up, along with Marshall’s, Walmart, and a few other stores that are easily accessible. 

     I was optimistic, especially with several new retail stores added recently, (the IMAX still unopened, come on already), Positive I can find some new and interesting gear, We hit up the T.J.Max close by. No Jockstraps, but I did find a hot new electric pink pear of underwear for six bucks. So, a win.

     Next up Destiny USA. He parks, annoying, We hit Macy’s. I don’t like to mess around when I’m looking for things in any store. I am the customer that will come find you and ask you where something is if you work there. I also ask if you carry certain things before I walk four miles around your store only to find out, you don’t. You better know your stuff mall personnel, because I will find you, I don’t care what department you are in, so get over it, and I’m gonna make you work for it. 

     At Macy’s, we didn’t need assistance, I’ve spent many a dollar in that store, We knew where to look. I didn’t ever remember seeing any jockstraps for sale at Macy’s, but we look anyway. After about ten minutes of not finding any, he looks up Macy’s on his phone, finding out that all the Jocks that they sell are not available for sale at our Macy’s locations. Why is this? They have an opportunity to be the trend setter here. We can not be the only two men in America that want to purchase this item in an actual store. Where we can feel the material, eyeball  the fit, choose a color we like, and so on.  Why aren’t these being sold by the truck loads by now? Are we the only two guys to see the market for this? Is it too much to ask for Dick’s to give up the tiniest bit of floor space for  twenty or so  brands of Jocks.  The biggest sporting goods store in our area and they only have one kind, one color. I’m sure they’re making a fortune. Anyway, off to JC Penney. 

      In JCP, the woman I asked seemed terrified that I asked if they sold jockstraps. She immediately backed up as she played with her hair. total signs of nervousness, and as she answered me, nicely though I must add, she never stopped staring at the floor. On the way down her eyes did make a brief stop at my mid-section, a three maybe four second pause where I knew she was wondering… What is he wearing now? Oh my God, is he wearing anything? Oh my God, I need to just answer him. She finally spits out that no, they don’t carry them, She says she’s sorry. I believe her. Her face was red, she was clearly rattled. I’m thinking she was sorry. I’m thinking she was wishing they did carry them, and that we’d found them. We still looked around for a bit where we found a rack of sweet underwear for three bucks. I’m such a sucker for cheap good stuff. As we looked, she came up and offered us severely marked down underwear. Two pair of decent briefs for a buck. Yup, one dollar. I bought two different types, four pair total for two bucks, and another two pack for three bucks, so. A score of, six pair of underwear for five bucks plus tax. I split most of them with him. So, A win at JCP.

     We hit several stores after that…. H&M, Abercrombie, Lord & Taylor, Sports Authority, Champs, Hot Topic, and the biggest freaking Dick’s sporting goods store I’ve ever freaking seen. Seriously, it’s huge. We found that the same stores we stopped at three years ago looking for Jocks were the only two stores still selling them. They were pretty much the same jockstraps they were selling three years ago too. plain, white, six dollar Jocks. Shocked I don’t know how many sales ladies along the way. Some seemed shocked that I asked. insulted, ashamed, angry. Yes, one lady got angry. I wasn’t supposed to know this, but it was so obvious. 

     Finally, Why I’m writing this. If you look up jockstraps at sights such as www.skiviez.com, www.jockstrapcentral.comwww.freshpair.com/mens.html,    and     www.internationaljock.com,               to mention a few. You will find that some of these retail sites have over thirty different brands to chose from, they also have several different styles, colors, materials, and looks as well.  I cant lie, I haven’t looked at every jock that jockstrapcentral.com has to offer but I can say with a quick look, they had a butt load of jocks for prices that most could afford. I’d have to say the cheapest jock I saw being nine bucks, the most expensive being twenty three bucks. Hold up. This is why I’m writing this. 

     After three years and an 865,000 Square foot expansion, Making this one of the biggest malls in America With the biggest Dick’s sporting goods store you’ve ever seen and not one of the seven or so stores we shopped at even carries them. I actually believed when I left my apartment that day that by now, someone would be tapping into this market that no one was touching three years ago. I didn’t think  I’d find a huge selection, but I thought I’d find some in every store. Nope. Come on America. nine dollars going on up to the thirties, forties, even fifties of dollars when some famous designer throws their name on it and retail America doesn’t want any of that?

     A tiny amount of material, sold at the same prices as regular underwear, a sale that’s sixty to seventy percent profit and I found the same two jockstraps I found three years ago, shopping in those same two stores. You should be ashamed.  If women wore jockstraps, you bet your bare butt every store would carry them by the dozens, but since men spend very little on how they look. we gotta order on line. So, that’s what I will do. For Now.