The Skittles Question
  • Any Islamophobic, Racist Shitbag/Donald Trump Jr: "If I gave you a bowl of skittles and three of them were poison would you still eat them?"
  • Eli Bosnick: "Are the other skittles human lives?"
  • Any Islamophobic, Racist Shitbag/Donald Trump Jr: "What?"
  • Eli Bosnick: "Like. Is there a good chance. A really good chance. I would be saving someone from a war zone and probably their life if I ate a skittle?"
  • Any Islamophobic, Racist Shitbag/Donald Trump Jr: "Well sure. But the point-"
  • Eli Bosnick: "I would eat the skittles."
  • Any Islamophobic, Racist Shitbag/Donald Trump Jr: "Ok-well the point is-"
  • Eli Bosnick: "I would GORGE myself on skittles. I would eat every single fucking skittle I could find. I would STUFF myself with skittles. And when I found the poison skittle and died I would make sure to leave behind a legacy of children and of friends who also ate skittle after skittle until there were no skittles to be eaten. And each person who found the poison skittle we would weep for. We would weep for their loss, for their sacrifice, and for the fact that they did not let themselves succumb to fear but made the world a better place by eating skittles.
  • Because your REAL question...the one you hid behind a shitty little inaccurate, insensitive, dehumanizing racist little candy metaphor is, IS MY LIFE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF MEN, WOMEN, AND TERRIFIED CHILDREN...
  • ... and what kind of monster would think the answer to that question... is yes?"

1. Buy Skittles.

2. Put them in the freezer.

3. Wait approximately 30 minutes.

4. Remove them from the freezer.

5. Thank me out loud, by name, right there on the spot, as you enjoy them. I don’t care who else is in the room, and I don’t care how far apart we are. I will hear you, and I will appreciate it.

It’s the candy shell that makes Skittles work so well as a frozen treat. When you put the candy in your mouth, that shell crackles like Pop Rocks. If that’s a sensation you don’t enjoy, you’re dead inside.

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