You know, I thought I’d be more afraid of strange people now that I’m living in a large city. But what scares me are the gross white business men that stare at my ass on the train. Not the homeless people asking for change.
Remember those talks way back when your mother or father may have given you about staying away from the crazy sketchy people, and tried desperately to convince you shouldn’t be friends with them? Well I’ve come to realize that i kind of like those people & most of friends are those sketch kids…whoops. They make life more interesting and i love ‘em dearly.
Catcalling, even in mild forms, is annoying as hell
Anyway, today was interesting. Yesterday was just plain weird, but it ended in hookah and French fries and good Kir Royal, so yay. But today, I decided it was warm enough to wear shorts IF I wore a cardigan and a jacket. And, for the most part, it was. Coming from Connecticut (this applies to anywhere in New England, really), I have a different definition of what constitutes shorts weather than… Most sane people raised in temperate regions, such as northern France. So even though I was rocking my new, longer, culturally sensitive shorts, I was literally (appropriate use, I promise) the ONLY person I saw wearing anything short sans tights all day. This led to… unwanted attention. It wasn’t quite as bad as what happened to a friend of mine today, but I had at least one group of guys praising me in verlan (so my friend who heard them didn’t quite get what was being said) and another guy practically falling over checking me out and then commencing a song about… my ass. Stay classy, Paris.
In all seriousness, though, it’s really, really frustrating. I know stuff like this does happen in the US, but I personally haven’t experienced it, so this is kind of new to me. It doesn’t scare me, because usually I’m somewhere where there are lots of people or I’m with friends, I have a boyfriend and will gladly inform anyone who gives me unwanted attention that goes beyond verbal nonsense of this fact, and I can be incredibly loud and make a huge scene (especially in a city where people, in general, stay on the quieter side) if need be. But it does annoy me. A lot. Yes, I know I’m fairly attractive and the clothes I wear usually highlight the best parts of my body because I’m uncomfortable with other parts. This doesn’t mean that I’m inciting harassment; I’m just looking the way I look naturally and wearing clothes I’m comfortable wearing. It just so happens that what I’m comfortable wearing is what (fits best with how I personally experience the weather, even though I’m notoriously bad at dressing for the weather) makes me look the best. What a surprise. I understand being flirty and approaching people in bars or clubs. I’d be ok with that, because those are places where that type of behavior is kind of expected, and usually not totally unwanted (although if you say no, you should not be harassed into saying yes). But when I’m walking down the street, even if there are clubs nearby and it’s evening, I’d like to be left verbally (and physically, but thankfully it hasn’t [yet] come to that) alone. The street is the street. It needs to be used. I’m sorry you think my protective “bitch, please” face is sexy. I’m sorry I define “warm” differently than you. I’m sorry I like wearing clothes that make me feel, and look, good. But really, French men, you ought to be able to deal with those things internally. Maybe I’d have a higher opinion of you if you did, and wouldn’t that be nice?
I really can’t recommend The Gift of Fear enough to you. Gavin De Becker, the author, doesn’t want you to feel afraid or be suspicious of everyone. What he does want is for you to trust your instincts – this is creepy, this is sketchy, I don’t want to do this or talk to this person – when you do feel afraid, and he gives you a framework for identifying sketchy behavior and refusing to be manipulated. Some of the predatory behaviors he identifies may apply to last night’s unwanted guest:
Forced Teaming. This is when a person tries to pretend that he has something in common with a person and that they are in the same predicament when that isn’t really true.
Charm and Niceness. This is being polite and friendly to a person in order to manipulate him or her.
Too many details. If a person is lying they will add excessive details to make themselves sound more credible.
Typecasting. An insult to get a person who would otherwise ignore one to talk to one. (“I bet you’re too stuck up to ever talk to a guy like me.“This is a classic move of Pick-Up Artists)
Loan Sharking. Giving unsolicited help and expecting favors in return.
The Unsolicited Promise. A promise to do (or not do) something when no such promise is asked for; this usually means that such a promise will be broken. For example: an unsolicited, “I promise I’ll leave you alone after this,” usually means you will not be left alone. Similarly, an unsolicited “I promise I won’t hurt you” usually means the person intends to hurt you.
Discounting the Word “No”. Refusing to accept rejection.
So Many people are reblogging the last quote I posted from this article/post. Which is awesome because the quote itself even without context is wonderful. But also seriously this article is fantastic and should be read in its entirety. Especially for people who have a hard time saying no (in any context, the article is not specifically discussing sexual violence) or being percieved as ‘mean’ or 'rude’ for doing so.
On my trip down to LA on the bus i saw some pretty sketchy ass characters. A lady who tried to hide a beer in a big gulp cup and got caught, a crazy ass homeless man yelling for everyone to reach to the sky if we’re “feelin it” (no really. I wasn’t feelin it tho), another dude carrying his belongings in plastic zip lock bags (seriously 10 zip lock baggies) and a woman who proceeded to eat the rest of her snickers bar after dropping it in the station..twice. At least i didn’t have to sit next to anyone the whole way and I’m safe and sound at my fam’s house. Next time I’m flying.
Maybe you wouldn't go through best friends like crazy if you weren't such a piece of shit to them. You’re in denial. You have no idea the harm you have caused those around you. And you don’t care either because you’re a selfish fuck.
“Go ahead and self-medicate when you wake up, the problem’s still there. Why don’t you clean that mirror off and take a look at yourself? Erase the selfish person that you see, decide who you really want to be. As long as there’s breath in your lungs, you can change"
and some creeper man with a pedophile mustache gave me my food and kept staring at me weird. Like reallyyyy weird. I didn’t even ask for honey mustard I just wanted to get out of there so bad. It was a pretty creepy experience! Thought I would share it.