sketchy van

I was writing and then I wrote this

“A WristScreen is like a leather belt that has been wrapped around your wrist one time, to the perfect shape of your wrist/arm, and then surgically implanted so that it will forever be a part of you. The only part that is not leather is the 4-by-2 inch screen. If you tried to remove the WristScreen, you would rip out your entire forearm. This is why people take very good care of theirs; if you break it, two things will happen. The better outcome is that you are a Citizen Rank L-1 or above and can afford to get the WristScreen replaced without dying and/or ripping off your arm. The worse outcome is that you are a Citizen Rank of K-9 or less, and have to go to a sketchy man’s van in a dark alleyway in one of the neighborhoods that is covered in graffiti and get your entire forearm replaced with a new, prosthetic arm that has been pre-fitted with a crappy WristScreen from 20 years before.”

hudove-and-grenade  asked:

QUICK! COME WITH ME INTO THIS NOT-AT-ALL-SKETCHY-LOOKING VAN AND LETS GO TO CALIFORNIA. WE'RE GONNA GO TO HOLLYWOOD. WERE GONNA GO KIDNAP CHARLIE SCENE. GET YOUR ASS UP AND LETS GO! BRING YOUR FRIENDS IF U WANT XD

YES I’M WITH YOU LET’S GO

A creepy viral marketer sent a photo of my girlfriend’s cat to my apartment.

Yesterday, there was a knock on my door. I opened it up to the sound of someone running away down the stairs. I looked out my apartment window, but couldn’t see anybody outside. There was a sketchy-looking white van, but if I got freaked out about every sketchy-looking white van in Sherman Oaks I’d never leave the house.
By my open door was a thin green envelope, my name hand-written on it, and sealed with a glob of wax imprinted with a “G.” I was excited. What was it going to be? How much more creepy could “Gordo” get?
As it turns out… a lot more creepy.
Inside were four Polaroid-style prints. I recognized the first as an Instagram picture I’d posted years ago. Another, of me on a plane to CES (with some creepy guy with a monkey mask photoshopped into the background). The third was my girlfriend’s cat.

2

A Tribute to a Departed Van

As the cold winter ended, and spring arrived,

Life began to blossom, but one life met its demise.

A sketchy van has been removed from its spot,

And in this place no longer, will it be able to rot.

 

This van was incredible, with its patches of rust,

It left so many contenders behind in the dust.

And while it may no longer be photographed here,

To our hearts and our blogs, it will always be near.