Sam, Why… I mean clearly the BMOL don’t have their shit together nearly as much as they say they do (*cough* Toni *cough*). Yeah, they want to “change the world” but like… You killed the Alpha Vampire.
Without you, they’d be fucked six ways to Sunday. And let’s not even talk about you revisiting the “Lie to my brother because I am doing the right thing™” well
Jaha seems whole now. It’s got a new name - Arkadia, indoor plumbing, enough
resources for everyone. People are warm at night, there is no danger of anyone
attacking them and it’s supposed to be their salvation.
thinks she prefers the wreckage. She prefers the wreckage of Mecha station,
that huge metal skeleton that loomed over them, jagged ends of fence thrumming
with live electricity. It wasn’t whole, but neither are their people.
even prefers the dropship to this façade of being alright when no one is. Monty
smiles whenever someone looks at him but when he thinks no one can see him,
that’s when his face falls, from a smile to not quite a frown – just a look of
wreck – in seconds.
wreckage to salvation.
sort of a shitty salvation is this?
least in the dropship and in Camp Jaha they didn’t have to pretend like they
were whole. They were wrecks and they could live in peace. No one to drag them
to the side when they’ve had a rough night and tell them to pull it together
for the sake of their people.
cough interrupts her thoughts and Clarke’s head automatically comes up,
searching for him in the crowd.
closer than he ever was in the last two months and it startles her, gives her
hope, does things to her she can’t figure out because she’s quit trying a long
you mind?” he asks, looking like he’d rather run away all across Arkadia to get
away from her. The guard jacket he’s wearing looks like a parody after what he’s
done. Who the fuck did he guard?
He guarded you, many times, a voice inside Clarke’s
head tells her and she pushes it down, quietens it with a shot of moonshine.
Forgiveness is not what she’s feeling in the mood for. Not tonight.
shifts his weight uneasily and finally, Clarke shrugs, waving her hand like she
doesn’t care, like the moment he sits down won’t scorch her like flames.
She knows the exact moment when he’s going to say that he’s sorry by the way he
averts his gaze, swallows hard, eyes going a little glassy and reflecting the
fire. “Clarke, I’m – “
I think we should’ve just stayed in the dropship,” she interjects, tracing the
rim of her cup with a finger covered in bruises. There was an accident in the medical
yesterday, something with electricity that made a door slam on her hand. It was
painful but it felt grounding, like she’s alive. Like she needs a constant
reminder that she is still here.
blinks at her, lost for a second.
they came to get us, I thought – we’re safe now. We’ll be fine. The grownups
are here.” Her mouth twists into a grimace. “And look at how that turned out.”
turned into Jasper being the one who ended up in medical last night, just as
she was about to call it a day and go to her room. Clarke likes to pretend like
she’s sleeping, comforts herself with thinking that she’s still getting rest
even though she’s just closed her eyes, and it’s a shitty thing to do but it’s
first thing Jasper did when Monty and Miller placed him on the cot was hiss at
Clarke. “You’re not touching me, killer.”
she can’t really blame him.
is not looking at her. His eyes are trained on the ground in front of him and
Clarke wonders what happened to the rebel king who stood against the world. How
did he turn into someone who stands with whoever offers retaliation?
why I think dropship would’ve been better. We should’ve just said – fuck Arkadia,
fuck politics, fuck Wanheda, and you know what?” she asks and Bellamy’s eyes
flick towards her. “Fuck Pike, too.”
never was as much heat in her words as there was in Bellamy’s, always the one
to rile up the masses. Now he was one of the masses he kept preaching to, an enforcer,
not a ruler, and maybe Clarke can understand it but she doesn’t want to.
not who he is. Not the same man who placed his hand on top of hers and nodded
in Mt. Weather, not the one who dropped his head against a tree trunk after Dax
tried to kill him and finally allowed how weary he was to show.
got, what, four – five mass murders between the two of us and now we have to
look like we’re alright? I don’t know about you, Bellamy, but I’m not alright.
And I’m sick of pretending like I am.”
boils in her veins now, always there, that anger she’s trying to keep
contained, filed away for when she can deal with it. But it is always there,
always itching at her skin and begging to be let out.
now there is fire, there is Bellamy and the world turns red.
am a mass murderer and so are you. Jasper told me I’m a killer yesterday and he
was right. I’m sick of pretending like he wasn’t, like we can just erase the
things we have done. Monty helped us, Bellamy. No one asks him how he feels.
Miller can’t talk to his dad, his boyfriend left him because he couldn’t
understand. We’ve got all this fucking weight that no one but us understands.”
why she hates this standstill with Bellamy the most.
the one she wants to talk to, the one she feels could understand what it’s like
not to be able to sleep at night because your mind keeps replaying the endless
dead bodies you can’t even count anymore.
she can’t. Because she was gone and he’d gotten worse. Because she was gone and
people kept leaving him.
could do it,” he says suddenly, cuts across the silence with determination she
hasn’t heard in his voice for a very long time. “I mean it, Clarke. We could return to the dropship.”
that’s on Phil’s agenda right now is surviving college, passing his A-Levels
and perhaps making a couple of friends along the way. ‘Dan Howell’ is nothing
more than some guy at the weekly IT club who observes too much and
says too little – that’s what Phil thinks, anyway, until his gnawing curiosity
makes it his mission to get under Dan’s skin. But perhaps that’s a mistake, because Dan is a virus, a million
complications disguised in megapixels and sweetly spoken lies, and knows more about Phil than he thinks.
The room is dark, except for the rectangular laptop screen
glowing white into the blackness.
Dan likes socialising online. Online, he can be anyone he
wants to be. He can live in London, with a job in a small coffee shop and an
apartment he furnishes with canvas paintings of his own. He can be a college
student on a six month study trip to England; a part-time sales assistant
working for money to buy food and textbooks. He can elaborate to impress, make
up anecdotes to interest, and fabricate his family history until his father’s
the CEO of a huge law firm and his mum’s working part-time for the queen.
Online, he doesn’t have to be himself. Online, he can lie.
Phil finds a new way to shut his phone up after pressing
‘snooze’ for the ninth time. It’s hardly
creative and it doesn’t do wonders for neither his bedroom skirting board
nor his phone screen, but at least it gets the repetitive ‘Marimba’ chime to
Seconds after he snuggles back into his pillow, the heavy
footsteps thudding up the stairs and getting closer to his room begin. Fuck, he thinks, shutting his eyes
tighter and pulling his duvet over his head. He doesn’t want to deal with any
interaction with his mother this morning, and maybe if he squeezes his eyes
shut tight enough, he just might not
actually have to endure today.
fucking today, his stomach drops a
little further as he remembers.
The first day of college, the day that’d been lurking ever
since the day he’d finished his last exam, the day that’d felt seemingly forever away no less than a week ago,
and the day that’d come around far, far
too fucking quickly.
Mark was honestly pissed off at Jack, this was the biggest dick move he had ever made towards him. Why would he even joke about cheating on him? It wasn’t funny it was humorous by any means, he felt betrayed like he couldn’t trust his boyfriend anymore. He hated not knowing if Jack really did it, Jade seemed so positive that he did but then all this happened.
Jack told him to call and part of Mark was scared to call him but he also though it was just a call for them to talk this all out fix things. Little did he know that this was going to be a call that fucked everything up for him, for Jack. Everything that he knew about love was going to soon be up in the air. He hit the call button that was in the corner of the text and placed the device up against his ear listening to the ringing waiting for Jack to answer him.