six fingered hand

It bothers me to see how many people are saying stuff like “I thought Bill Nye was supposed to be the science guy, he’s buying into this SJW cuck libtard stuff! Science says there are only two genders!” in response to Bill Nye covering gender and sexuality on Bill Nye Saves the World.

…Like, did they even listen to what he said? Have they read any peer-reviewed literature about the subject? Is their understanding of “gender” limited to a middle school understanding of X and Y chromosomes? Bill Nye addressed chromosomes, hormones, genitalia and secondary sex characteristics when talking about how some of us don’t fit into the male/female sex dichotomy, and brought up psychology and neuroscience when talking about gender and its difference from sex, and also sexuality. The actual science of sex, gender and sexuality across the animal kingdom and across human behaviour is far more interesting than “lol nope science says there are only two genders.” 

It honestly makes me angry when people say “lol I thought this was about science” whenever a scientist says something about topics like gender, sexuality, climate change or evolution that annoys someone. You can’t just pretend science is on your side when your understanding of science is based on a grade school textbook.

Also, why is it only gender people seem to have a problem with? Yeah, basic school textbooks will talk about XX and XY chromosomes and the male and female reproductive system, but they’ll also talk about how humans have five fingers on each hand and how the eye works when everyone knows some humans are born with six fingers on each hand or born blind. Textbooks will talk about how our body metabolises fats, but nobody would say “lol no sorry science says otherwise” at someone (like one of my secondary school classmates) who had a rare disorder who couldn’t metabolise fats. We accept that sweeping statements about human biology are generalisations. Sure, there are limits - no humans have wings or feathers, that would go against science - but we all accept some level of human diversity outside the basic-level textbooks - diversity that’s described well in the advanced medical textbooks. So why is it people only apply this logic to gender and not other differences in human biology?

I think part of it could be the backlash against postmodern nonsense which suggests everything is opinion and science is no more objective than art, which is a blatantly anti-science attitude. But the idea that sex, gender and sexuality aren’t totally binary isn’t just postmodern gender theory, it’s actual science with empirical evidence to back it up. 

Anonymous said: Could you maybe write something with the smiths and pines families for #26(thanksgiving)

I wasn’t really sure what to write so I opted for illustrating this prompt instead. Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow Canadians!

Tumblr freaking DELETED THE ASK for no reason, but to the anon who asked “What is Hunkle Ford”, here’s what I was GOING to say:


I’M SO GLAD YOU ASKED, MY DEAR ANON FRIEND.

First, take a lovely stroll through this magical tag on my blog!

And maybe take a look through my blog, hunklefordpines

And read this post.

Just, please love this man. Please.

LOOK AT HIM, HE’S SO CUTE

Magnets

Request: If you are still taking the specific Bucky stories how about a Bucky x reader where the reader and Bucky are friends but the reader is a bit childish abs likes to put cute magnets in his arm. Mostly where he can’t see them but others can.

Summary: You sneak some magnets onto Bucky’s arm and one of them happens to be an Inigo Montoya quote. The teams sees it and starts making Princess Bride jokes, confusing the hell out of Bucky.

Warnings: Best friend fluffy fluff!

A/N: I laughed so god damn hard while writing this, I do apologize for how short it is though.


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Ukulele Gothic

lacylu42 replied to your post “amy-vic replied to your post “Tonight In Sam Plays The Ukulele” …”

“the weird fondness for B minor is going to get me into trouble,” sounds like the start to a music gothic post…

All notes are B minor; or all songs contain B minor, but only a single instance of it.

There is no wrong way to strum a ukulele – no, not like that. No, not that either.

You owned one ukulele. This morning you woke up and owned four.  

Everyone you know but you has heard of Bruddah Iz. You google Bruddah Iz but all you can find are tribute videos. Has he ever sung a song? You aren’t sure. 

There are fifteen ways to play the E chord. None of them are actually playable. 

Do you have six fingers on your left hand? Why not? 

You tune your ukulele. In two hours you will tune your ukulele. Tomorrow you will awaken already tuning your ukulele. It cannot be allowed to go out of tune, and yet it does. 

You are forever washing windows. 

There are only a few kinds of ukulele. Soprano and tenor. Concert and bass. Guitalele and Banjolele. Cthulele. Nyarlolele. Unknowablele. 

You own a Kala ukulele. When they ask you the model number, you open your mouth and a string of numbers and letters nineteen characters long emerges against your will. 

Jake Shimabukuro haunts your dreams. In them, he plays the 1812 overture, every part, simultaneously, on a ukulele made of souls. 

Your ukulele finally no longer requires tuning. Tomorrow you must restring.

The Princess Bride: Sentence Meme
  • 1: Hello. My name is _____________. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
  • 2: _______, tear his arms off.
  • 3: We'll never survive.
  • 4: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.
  • 5: HE DIDN'T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE.
  • 6: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
  • 7: You mock my pain.
  • 8: Life is pain, _________. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
  • 9: _______, are there rocks ahead?
  • 10: If there are, we all be dead.
  • 11: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
  • 12: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.
  • 13: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
  • 14: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.
  • 15: And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva...
  • 16: Is very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.
  • 17: I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
  • 18: Do you always begin conversations this way?
  • 19: I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.
  • 20: Hear this now: I will always come for you.
  • 21: This is true love - you think this happens every day?
  • 22: I donna suppose you could speed things up?
  • 23: That does put a damper on our relationship.
  • 24: Well, I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely.
  • 25: I told you I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?
  • 26: Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
  • 27: I will never doubt again.
  • 28: There will never be a need.
  • 29: You seem a decent fellow... I hate to kill you.
  • 30: You seem a decent fellow... I hate to die.
  • 31: I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake. But for now, rest well and dream of large women.
  • 32: There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours.
  • 33: What hideous sin have you committed lately?
  • 34: We are men of action, lies do not become us.
  • 35: You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen.
  • 36: Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, then you haven't got anything.
  • 37: INCONCEIVABLE!
  • 38: You never said anything about killing anyone.
  • 39: I challenge you to a battle of wits.
  • 40: You mocked me once, never do it again! I died that day!
  • 41: I can cope with torture.
  • 42: Beautiful isn't it? It took me half a lifetime to invent it.
  • 43: Ever since _________ fired him, his confidence has been shattered.
  • 44: Why'd you say that name? You promised me you would never say that name!
  • 45: Look, I don't mean to be rude but this is not as easy as it looks, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't distract me.
  • 46: When I say you are a coward it is only because you are one of the slimiest weaklings ever to walk the Earth!
  • 47: There will be blood tonight!
  • 48: If you'll release me, whatever you ask for ransom, you'll get it I promise you.
  • 49: Please consider me as an alternative to suicide.
  • 50: You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted.

Dipper became a pine tree when the ghost had froze him to wood 

Gideon became the Tent of Telepathy sign when he started the attraction

Wendy became the ice bag when we saw just how cool and badass she was in a situation

Pacifica became the llama. Wax Larry King had said, “Llamas are nature’s greatest warriors” and we saw just what a warrior Pacifica was when she bravely stood up to her parents

Mabel became the shooting star that unlocked the portal and let Ford into our lives

Robbie became the stitched heart when his life was fixed and he moved on. 

Soos became the question mark when he used it to fight back Bill

McGucket became the glasses when he rediscovered the genius in him

Stan became the fish-like crescent symbol on his fez when he changed it after the goat ate his old one

And Ford became the six fingered hand because he is a special cute nerd 

So ask you can see, the symbols on the Bill Cipher wheel are what all of it’s characters had became :) 

Things I recently learned about exorcism and demonic possession in 17th Century France.

  • a tried and true method to exorcise a person was to forcefully squirt Holy Water up their anus with a giant metal syringe. For some reason people stopped acting possessed after being forced to take a Holy Water enema.
  • Flagellation was also considered an effective part of any exorcism. For some reason many people stopped acting possessed after a good whipping.
  • Since the will of man is free, devils can only possess body parts and influence the mind from there, which is how at one point a devil once was able to possess and inhabit the left butt cheek of an Ursuline nun.
  • The possessed were considered blameless of anything they did while possessed.
  • One of the four tests to determine whether a possession was true or a fraud required the possessed to levitate. I have no data on how many possessed people passed that test.
  • If the possessed failed the test of language (speaking languages the possessed had never learned), they might claim that they were possessed by a particularly uneducated devil who never got round to travel much.
  • Devils are people too! All known devils were considered different, with distinct personalities. There were lazy devils, lustful devils, wrathful devils, educated devils, stupid devils, and so on…
  • Only devils can possess peope, never the souls of the dead.
  • Exorcism had to take place in private to protect the possessed - but exorcists would break that rule, because a violent exorcism made for a better show than a travelling circus.
  • Again, Holy Water enemas. Just a normal part of an apothecary’s job in 17th century France.
  • In order to expose someone as a sorcerer in league with devils all you had to do was to find the one spot “insensitive to the prick of a needle”, meaning people would frequently stick long needles into people’s balls just to make sure.
  • If you had three nipples or six fingers on one hand you were also considered a sorcerer or a witch. I’m sorry, that’s just how it was, I don’t make the rules.
  • To not believe in witchcraft was still considered heresy by most Catholic schools of thought.
  • Testimony given by devils through the possessed’s mouth were not considered truthful evidence and not to be admitted in court, because devils are the princes of lies, duh
  • That is, until some Capuchin monks came up with the idea that if the exorcist knows what he’s doing, the devil can be made to tell the truth, which just so happened to coincide with whenever a “devil” happened to say something that played into their hands, like when a devil/possessed accused a political enemy of being a sorcerer.
  • And did I mention the Holy Water enemas?
Prologue

Return to the Falls, a Gravity Falls fanfiction

Before heading back to Gravity Falls for the summer, Stan and Ford make a quick stop at an old haunt.  However, they are surprised to also find a familiar face waiting for them.

(Prologue of “Return to the Falls”, a Gravity Falls fanfiction.  The up-to-date entirety can be found here.)


A.

The old man opened his eyes and blinked, confused.  He was in the living room, in the old recliner, the best seat in the house.  He must have dozed off while watching “Duck-tective,” but that didn’t seem right.  That show engrossed him far too much to put him to sleep, even if he’d seen the episode a hundred times.

X.

The TV was turned off, but that in itself wasn’t odd.  If he’d fallen asleep with it on, his brother would have shut it off.  That old nerd hated wasting energy and had gone on a big power-saving kick after getting the house back in working order, insisting that the rest of the family keep their lights off and devices unplugged when not necessary.  Of course, that all seemed pretty rich coming from the guy who built a giant universe portal that ran exclusively on raw nuclear waste.  It was a miracle the thing hadn’t rendered the whole town uninhabitable when it went to pieces.

O.

Stan looked around, frowning.  Had he imagined that sound?  Maybe his hearing aid was on the fritz.  The house seemed to be quiet, after all.  The kids must have been outside.  Or … what time was it?  Afternoon?  Night?  The fact that he’d dozed off didn’t help him much; he could fall asleep in the armchair no matter the hour.  Oh well, he felt no need to worry.  Right now, all he wanted was a nice cool drink to counteract the heavy summer air.

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Gravity Falls Forever (TG AP Caption) [Fan-Fiction]

Herman Turk was a fan of Gravity Falls, but he was a little more than just an avid fan. Some who knew Herman would go onto say he was obsessed with the show. Of course, despite these comments, Herman still loved the show regardless. It had such a vast universe of weird and unique characters that combined with the mystery of the series just riled up Herman. It was as if someone took Herman’s love of mystery and fantasy and blended into a delicious smoothie just for him to drink.

               As the series came to an end though, Herman found himself not knowing what to do now. Without that show he had nothing to live for. For months, he spent his days watching reruns of the episodes over and over until he could perfectly recite each line from every episode. In the end, it just didn’t do him justice though.

               With his 13th birthday just around the corner, Herman’s parents wanted to find a way to cheer him up. Researching the show a little they found that the show was based off a small town in Oregon. They figured that perhaps this would give him the closure he needed if he could visit the town where the show originated from. They packed their bags and were off in the next two days.

               Herman’s spirits had been risen. He couldn’t keep himself still as they made their way across the country. He was going to the town that Gravity Falls was based off! Now Herman knew that the town wasn’t too like Gravity Falls; he had already researched it a ton. Boring, Oregon was a small quaint town with everything you would expect from the sort; cozy cabins, friendly folks, and all that jazz. Of course, in the back of his head there was one article he came across one late night that told rumors that an exact look-a-like of Stanford’s journal was being passed around the town, although it said the journal at Boring was cursed, and that it shouldn’t be opened if it was found.

               They made it to Boring around five o’clock at night. It was already getting darker out due to it being later in the year, but this didn’t stop Herman from scouting out the town while his parents unpacked the van. He traversed the streets close to the cabin where they were staying to find an elderly couple making their way back home presumably. Herman made his way over to the elders, to see if they knew any information on the possible whereabouts of the journal.

               “Excuse but do you either of you know anything about a strange journal with a hand on the cover?” Herman asked, as politely as he could.

               The elder couple looked at each other and back at Herman twice before they spoke.

               “Young man, are you looking for trouble?” the elder man said.

               “No, I just really wanted to see if the rumors were true,” Herman said, once again trying to contain himself.

               “Whatever you do boy, beware of that cursed journal,” the elder woman spoke. “It could very well be the end of you.”

               The elder couple bid Herman farewell as they walked off down the road out of sight. Herman was frustrated, but he wouldn’t let anyone get to him. He made his way back to the cabin. The sun set, and the moon rose. Tonight, was a full moon, so it was still bright enough outside for Herman to see. His parents had already passed out for the night, the long drive had really done a number on them. Herman was still eager to find the journal though.

               Sneaking out of the cabin Herman made his way out into the night, with only a flashlight by his side he made his way back down the same road he had been down earlier where he met the elderly couple. A cool breeze ran across the forest which brought across the crisp sound of fall leaves dancing in the wind. Herman made his way further down the road until the road broke off into different trails. He had no clue which way he should go. He decided to fallen the direction of the north star so he could find his way back just in case he got lost.

Making his way the middle trail the forest around him grew thicker and thicker. Just when he thought he was about to hit a dead end he came into a little opening where there was a creek. He could see the reflection of the full moon in it which illuminated the area around him. That’s when he saw a glimmer out of the corner of his eye. Herman turned his head to see something shimmering on the ground near the creek. He approached it with caution. He picked it up, and dusted it off. This was it! He had found the journal. The six-fingered hand on the front already gave it away, but Herman knew he would need to check the inside.

He stopped for a moment though as he was about to open. He thought back to the elders’ warning. Should he really open it? Hesitating for a moment he finally brought himself out of his train of thought and clipped open the journal. Suddenly a strong wind picked up causing the creek’s water to ripple. Leaves began to blow around until they became a vortex that encircled Herman. The pages in the journal began to rapidly flip as the book began to light up. Herman began to scream as the wind picked up even faster.

As it became strong and stronger, the wind began to push Herman towards the creek. He tried to hold himself in place, but he was eventually shoved into the creek. The wind then abruptly cut off. Herman was frightened as to what may happen next. A strange feeling came across as his body began to feel almost like jelly as he struggled to stay afloat in the water. He eventually fell down into the water taking a huge gulp of it which caused him to gag.

Regaining posture, Herman began to feel his body stretch out like a rubber band. He grew at least one… no… two feet taller! This was mainly in his legs though, as his torso remained relatively shorter. He could feel his arms stretch as well as they thinned out.  Herman’s face and neck then began to reshape as well. His neck became much thinner as his head bubbled out becoming a smooth oval.

Herman could feel his face contort and expand. His eyes bulged from their sockets they became twice as large becoming as round as a tennis baller. His eyelashes grew out as well giving him two dreamy eyes. Herman’s nose shrunk down by a ton, leaving behind a little stub that sat right in between his two huge eyes. His mouth began to stretch out as well, he could feel his teeth straighten out in his mouth. His lips then went ahead to puff out as well just to make things even more awkward.

Looking down into the water, Herman watched as his hair grew down past his shoulders becoming a smooth shade of auburn, so smooth he couldn’t even see the outline of his hair’s strands. A few freckles then popped onto his cheeks. Looking down into the water now, Herman realized the awful truth. He was turning into Wendy Corduroy, a tom-boyish teenage lumberjack that just so happened to be the main love interest of Dipper Pines.

Herman didn’t know how to react. He had always thought Wendy was sexy, and wouldn’t mind getting to see her naked, but not like this. He blushed as he could already feel the rest of his body begin to turn as well.

His Adam’s apple quickly dissolved which could only mean one thing for Herman. He urged himself to give a little “yelp”, and what do you know he had the sassy cowgirl voice of Wendy. Hearing this he quickly covered his mouth discovering his hands had shrunk down. Why was this happening to him.

The water from the creek then began to squeeze on Herman’s body as he felt his shoulders curve out. He lost his posture again for a moment when the water pushed his back forward abruptly causing his spine to curve inwards. Herman could feel his feel shrink down now as well, rubbing them against the murky bottom of the creek. He braced himself as what was to come next.

He couldn’t see it, but he could feel it as his ass, hips, and thighs blew up giving him curves you would only see in the cartoons. He clenched his butt with his small hands to feel how smooth and bouncy it had become. It was Wendy’s alright.

As Herman thought about this more, he figured it couldn’t all be bad, right? He was turning into Wendy Corduroy. A sexy, strong, and independent woman, who did whatever she wanted to, whenever! He could only imagine what he could get away with in this new body. Suddenly a great pressure began to build upon Herman’s chest. He held his breath for the moment as two breasts sprung out of his chest, flopping down creating beautiful even cleavage. He blushed again at his own body. It was a strange culmination of pleasure and awkwardness at the same time.

               The pleasure part of all of this kicked in when his dick began to suck back in. He clenched his teeth as his last piece of his old self sank back into his body. With a satisfying slurp, Herman knew he wasn’t Herman anymore.

               Wendy let out a soft moan. Damn, she felt good. She hadn’t felt this free in her life for a long time. She got out of the water allowing herself to dry her naked body off in the wind. Around her she realized that the world had become all cartoon. Everything, including herself had black outlines. She was no longer living in the real world which only excited her more. She flipped her hair back. She was still not accustomed to her new body yet which she only attained a few minutes before, but damn did she feel great.

               Wendy made her way back through the woods. As her body finished drying off she realized she smelled just like the pine trees around her. Her butt jiggled up and down as she came back out into the town, but she was no longer in Boring, Oregon… she was in Gravity Falls. She stopped staring around her in awe. Never in a million years would she had thought she’d end up hear. The place of her dreams.

               This curse wasn’t so bad after all. The only issue now is that she was naked out in public, it was luckily night so no one who she her. She felt down her body. For a woman that was outside so much her body was still as smooth as a baby’s bottom. She cautiously made her way through town. As she did she began to think of all the other character’s she would be able to meet now. Mabel, Soos, Bill, Stanford, and… Dipper. She felt herself grow wet. That was weird, why when she though of… ohh…. Dipper. She felt her vagina… she was definitely wet.

               “Oh no,” Wendy though to herself, “Am I attracted to Dipper?”

               She stopped in her tracks. Wendy blushed thinking about Dipper, her mind began to wonder off. She began to daydream about her and Dipper… in bed… and….

               “No…no…no!” Wendy mumbled, “This can’t be happening?”

               She now realized what the true horror of this curse was as she began to become more aroused by the thought of Dipper. While he was younger he was still so… cute. She knew she wanted him, but she just couldn’t accept it. She should’ve listened to the elders!
               

“Ugh… if I don’t get a hold of myself…” She thought, “I’m going to end up having Dipper fucking me in the ass tonight!”

She struggled to get a hold of herself, she clenched her head trying to think straight. Wendy eventually found herself making her way to the Mystery Shack though. Unable to control her body anymore she found herself coming closer and closer to her worse fear. This was all so wrong… she still had the mind of a boy… Dipper was also too young for this… she never even had sex before!

She found herself jogging through the woods with a determined smile on her face she couldn’t shake off. In Wendy’s head, she screamed at her body to stop, but these feelings for Dipper wouldn’t stop, as her heart began to pulse. As she grew closer to the Shack the more afraid, yet horny she became. And now she found herself standing right outside the shack.

Wendy climbed up onto the roof sneaking into the attic where there lying in his bed was Dipper Pines. She always wanted to meet Dipper, but she didn’t want to like this. Of course, there was no one to stop her, Mabel was nowhere to be seen… probably off at some sleepover of course. Just by Wendy’s luck. Wendy kneeled down beside Dipper’s sleeping body and tapped him on the head.

“Wha…What?!” Dipper yelled, throwing his arms in the air.

“Shh… it’s ok Dipper,” Wendy said, uncontrollably. “It’s me… Wendy”

“Ah… ok…k..k… WHY ARE YOU NAKED?!” Dipper yelled, Wendy quickly covered his mouth.

“Dipper, I know this is strange, and a little awkward, but I… I…” Wendy stuttered, as her mind tried to take back control, “I need you inside of me.”

Dipper just looked at her in disbelief, while inside Wendy’s head she was losing it, but on the outside, she still remained with that horny look on her face.

“Wendy… I don’t know what to say…” Dipper stuttered, as Wendy cut him off.

“Don’t say anything,” Wendy teased, as she wrapped her arms around Dipper.

They began to gently make out. Wendy climbed up onto the bed, as they began to make out more passionately. Wendy began to moan as she could feel Dipper’s boner digging through his pants. Her mind was screaming to stop, but she still went for it anyways. Wendy gently pulled down Dipper’s pants to reveal his boner which was surprisingly rather long for someone of his age. She gently smiled staring lovingly in his eyes, as so did he.

“You know how to do this, right?” She purred, as Dipper gave her a confident geeky smile.

“I’ll give it my all,” Dipper said, giggling a little.

This was the end for Wendy, she thought to herself. Herman’s mind not being able to even think properly anymore as Wendy positioned herself with her huge ass hanging in the air. Herman wished he could’ve taken it all back, he wished he could just go back home, but it was too late.

Dipper’s cock came shooting down Wendy’s thick ass. She tried to hold it back, but soon her sexual instincts kicked, and she found her panting like a dog. Wendy moaned extensively with tongue hanging out, while Dipper fucked her, pounding his dick in faster and faster. With each pound, Herman’s mind began to accept these new feelings, becoming weaker and weaker to her body’s horniness. As Dipper cummed down her ass, Herman’s mind could no longer think straight… all she wanted now was Dipper.

“This isn’t so bad,” She thought to herself, “Dipper is really a nice boy, and damn he does put a lot of effort into it. Give him another couple year, and I bet he could become a stud.”

Wendy fantasized about this, as cum dripped from her young, no-longer virgin, vagina. How was she this lucky to have such a man in her life?

“I can’t even remember what was so bad about that curse anymore,” Wendy thought to herself, as Dipper went in for round two.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, Herman’s parents searched frantically for him, but when he couldn’t be found they made their made their way back home in tears. The curse slowly began to remove traces of Herman’s previous life, and soon even Herman’s parents had forgotten about him.

They wouldn’t have to worry about him though, as Herman was now living his dream, down in good ol’ Gravity Falls.

Satisfy Me

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |  Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21

Saeran POV. MM Fantasy AU. Fic Rating: Explicit

Tags thus far: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Rough Oral Sex, Vaginal Sex, Explicit Language, Derogatory Language, Masturbation

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Double Lives (Stan and Ford Pines) (3)

Another depressing chapter, yay!

Ford the awesome AU that @julientel came up with ^^


”LET ME GO YOU BASTARD! I AM AN AMERICAN CITIZEN AND YOU CANNOT KEEP ME LOCKED UP HERE!” Stanley Pines grunted as he struggled on the cot he was bound to, the room empty and securely locked from the outside. Outside of the room sat a lone figure, different pieces of circuitry and various other pieces of technology scattered around his feet. The man looked exhausted, dark rungs around his eyes as his nimble fingers worked on the circuits, seemingly looking for something. The piece was tossed aside when a faint trail of smoke soon rose from it, the man sighing as he rubbed at his eyes. ”LET ME OUT!”

“I wish I could…” The man muttered, his saddened gaze transfixed on the floor. His name was Stanford Pines, and he had been forced to keep the synth in the room behind him locked up for two weeks now. They had been attacked by Raider’s on their way back to town, and Stanley had suffered a nasty blow to the head during their scuffle, but the twins prevailed in the end. However, by that evening their celebration was far from joyous, Stanley twitching slightly as he and Stanford found a small building to spend the night. It had happened in an instant, Stanley attacking the other male after realizing it wasn’t his long dead twin, the two fighting it out until Stanford managed to tie Stanley down to the only bed. Ever since then Stanford had kept a close eye over the synth, desperately trying to come up with a way to fix the other male, but to no avail. Eyes drooping with exhaustion Stanford watched as the room began to spin a bit, prompting another sigh. Spending night after night exposed to the elements was taking its toll on Stanford, but he could not afford rest, not while Stanley was not in his proper mind.

Stanford wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep, but it was well past dawn when his eyes slowly opened. His head felt like a sack of bricks when he straightened form his slumped posture against the door, reddened eyes blinking a few times as he unlocked the door to check up on Stanley. His eyes went wide when Stanford noticed the bed was empty, Stanley attacking from his left side with an angry cry. Reacting instinctively Stanford grabbed the stun baton he kept fastened to his side and smacked Stanley’s side, the electricity arching up in the air as the synth cried out in pain. Stanford grunted as one of Stanley’s flailing arms hit him with a solid right hook, the traveler seeing stars as Stanley collapsed on the floor beside him.

“Stanley?” Stanford felt a cold fear coil in the pit of his stomach as the synth’s eyes flickered a few times before the yellow light faded to darkness. “S-Stan?! Stan wake up!” Stanford shook the synth a bit harder than needed, but it seemed to do nothing at the synth before him. “No no no no!” Stanford started to hyperventilate, not seeing the faint yellow glow returning to Stanley’s eyes as he tugged at his hair. “I-I can’t lose you, I know you’re not my brother but I can’t be responsible…” Stanford’s hysterical words began to turn more into an unintelligible gibberish the more he panicked.

“Calm down will ya…?” Stanford froze at the weak voice, navy eyes looking down to see the synth looking at him with a confused look.

“D-Do you know who I am?” Stanford asked, the man beyond exhausted as Stanley nodded.

“Yea…did you force me to power down?” He asked in confusion, Stanford shaking his head as he helped Stanley up onto his feet. “All of my systems are all over the place…”

“Some of that may have been from me.” Stanford sighed, sitting down heavily on the bed as Stanley gave a look. “You seem to have activated some sort of subroutine when those Raiders from a few weeks ago attacked us. I believe the Pre-War Stanley Pines has um, been in control since then, but I believe I fixed the problem.”

“Huh…thanks.” Stanley offered a weak smile, though it quickly vanished when he noticed Stanford was swaying in his seat. “You doin’ alright there?” Before the synth could react, Stanford pitched forward, Stanley gently catching the man before he could hit the floor. “Shit!”

“M sorry…” The man slurred, Stanley gently placing the exhausted man on the bed. He could feel the heat even on the exposed metal of his hand coming from Stanford’s forehead, a frown crossing his face as Stanford weakly tried to sit back up.

“Sit down, yer sick.” Stanley said firmly, the other staring at him with a blank expression before lying back with an appreciative groan. It didn’t take Stanford long to doze off, leaving the synth relieved yet also worried. Stan didn’t know how to help anyone that was sick, sadly that was one of many things that wasn’t in the frazzled memories of a long dead man. In the few hours Stanford slept peacefully Stanley ran diagnostics, getting flashes of memoires from the last several days that made him cringe. It was no wonder that Stanford was violently ill, the synth grateful for a nearby bucket when Stanford woke hours later. The bucket wasn’t empty for long, the man groaning pitifully after emptying the contents of his stomach.

“I know it sucks right now, but it’ll be ok.” Stanley tried to soothe the best he could, the other man flopping back onto the bed with a groan. By noon Stanford was stripped down to his undershirt and boxers, the man covered in sweat despite Stanley’s best efforts to keep him cool. At the few moments he wasn’t delirious, Stanford mentioned to Stanley he most likely had the flu. The synth raided a nearby abandoned clinic for anything he could find, but sadly nothing could help the sick traveler. To Stanford the world seemed to be against him. It was hard to breathe, his stomach seemed to be on a roller-coaster, he felt as if he was in a furnace one minute, and in the artic the next.

“Ngh…S-Stanley?”

“Ford?” The synth looked up from the gun he was cleaning out, the man on the bed looking up at him with glazed over eyes.

“Y-You came back…” Stanford’s voice was hoarse from disuse, Stanley tilting his head in confusion as a relieved smile crossed over Ford’s face. “I-I thought you never would…”

“What are you talking about?” The synth was confused, getting up when Stanford seemed like he was gonna sit up. “No, you need to lie down.”

“M sorry Lee…” The man seemed to accept his fate as the synth gently pushed him down, six-fingered hand grabbing his skeletal wrist with a sigh. “Please don’t leave.”

“I wouldn’t think of it.” Stan smiled awkwardly, realizing that Ford must have been hallucinating.

“You sure?” Stanford looked almost scared at the thought, hazy blue eyes looking into his yellow ones.

“I’m sure.” Stan nodded, moving his table closer so he could continue working on the gun. Stanford seemed pleased by this, the man sweating buckets as he apologized for letting his father kick Stanley out. The synth listened to him quietly, offering words of comfort whenever Stanford seemed on the verge of crying, which was often.

“H-hey Lee?” Stanford coughed, the synth looking up from his magazine. It had been almost five days since Stanford had fallen ill, and Stan had grown used to the hallucinating male calling for him as if he was his own brother. “Can I say something?”

“Sure, always.” The synth nodded, placing his magazine to the side.

“If I could go back…back in time, I would stop Pop from kickin’ ya out.” He mumbled half-deliriously, Stan frowning lightly as Stanford curled in on himself. “I was a coward.”

“No…no you weren’t.” Stan shook his head, the synth wincing as Stanford began to cry quietly.

What was he supposed to say? He sighed and placed a comforting hand on Ford’s shoulder, the muffled sobs the only sounds as minutes ticked by.

I ACCIDENTALLY PROVED MY LOVE FOR FORD IS INFINITE

I love Ford by non-zero positive value F

I love his six fingered hands by non-zero positive value h

Therefore total love of Ford is F+h

But, I would not love him any less if he had five fingered hands instead of six fingered hands

Therefore F=F+h

Now this is only possible if
a) h=0, but this is false because I do appreciate his hands
b) F is a value where adding a non zero number does not change the total sum

The only number F can be that makes b) true is an infinite value

Therefore my love of Ford is infinite

Reverse Falls Headcanons

So these are my head-canons for the AU known as Reverse Falls, in no particular order. Reblog if you agree with some of them!

-Pacifica Southeast is Gideon Pines’ best friend who is staying with him for the summer.

-Fiddleford McGucket worked with Stanford Gleeful before, but he broke ties with him because he had his own ideas of how to control the town (in creating the Blind Eye Society).

-Fiddleford McGucket is still the inventor of the Memory Gun and the founder of the Blind Eye Society, but he led it in secret. Eventually his son Tate found out and Fiddleford erased all of his memories, leading him to become the town’s crazy hillbilly. Fiddleford passed away later in his life, perhaps out of grief.

-Soos is more commonly known as the Gleeful’s butler; he takes a certain liking to Pacifica and Gideon upon meeting them and tries to help them in any way he can. Be that as it may, he can’t disobey an order given by the Gleeful twins.

-Unlike Bill, Will calls the zodiac members by their regular names.

-Stanford Gleeful is the big bad instead of Will; he wants to rule the universe and will stop at nothing to get what he wants. He trapped his twin brother Stanley in another dimension because he tried to stop Stanford from doing it.

-Pacifica and Gideon manage to get Stanley back purely by accident; during a party for the town, they sneak into the basement and find the big dimension thing, turn it on after a brief argument, and Stanley comes out.

-Mabel Gleeful has a crush on Gideon; Pacifica has a crush on Robbie Corduroy.

-In the finale, Stanford opens the portal to Weirdmaggedon by draining the magic from Mabel’s and Dipper’s amulets into his own and reciting a spell that allows him to steal Will’s powers for himself, nearly killing Will in the process.

-The Zodiac is a lot different than the regular one: the Llama is gone, and the question mark is a lot more “civilized looking”. The six-fingered hand is replaced with a constellation of the Big Dipper (for Dipper). And instead of the Llama, there is a symbol of the Blind Eye Society.

-Mabel is the Gleeful star, Wendy Valentine is the bloody heart, Robbie is the ice bag (their personalities are switched as well), Pacifica is the shooting star, Gideon is the pine tree, Stanley is the Glasses, Gideon’s dad—the owner of the Mystery Shack—is the Fez, and the Blind Eye Society symbol belongs to Tate McGucket, the true heir to his father’s legacy.

-This particular Zodiac does not defeat a dream demon—instead it gives a dream demon power. Bud, Stanley, Gideon, Pacifica, Tate, Mabel, Dipper, Robbie, and Wendy join hands to create a burst of energy that shoots Will into Stanford’s mind, where he starts to take over from the inside.

-Will eventually takes over Stanford, expelling him from his body and getting all of his powers back. This reverses everything that happened after Stanford opened the portal. Will then spares Stanford’s life, leaving Stanley to erase all of Stanford’s awful memories with the memory gun, claiming that he and his brother could start over again. Mabel and Dipper are accepted into Pacifica and Gideon’s circle of friends, and Stanley takes control of the Tent of Telepathy.

-Though he’s technically free to go, Will decides to stick around for a while.  He becomes the guardian of the town, just in case something like Weirdmaggedon were to happen again.

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dontbearuiner  asked:

Headcanon: Ford is a Period Accuracy Stickler at SCA events, but also 100% goes to Renn Faires dressed as a member of a Starfleet away team. After Dipper shows him Stargate and SG-1, he does that, too.

Oh my god.  Okay.  I had to mull this over for a bit, but here we go.  (This got long!  Sorry!)

YES, I could totally see Ford being the kind of snarky asshole (and I say that in the fondest possible way!) who would wear a Starfleet away team uniform to a RenFaire.  Complete with a working tricorder that he built himself (possibly with Fidds’ help).  (Re. SG-1, I can’t decide which I like more: the idea that yes, Dipper marathons the series with him and Ford loves it; or, of course, Ford actually met SG-1 during his dimension-hopping.)

Now, with regard to SCA events… hmm.  What popped into my head was Ford adjusting his glasses and saying, “That’s why it’s called the Society for Creative Anachronism”, with that raised eyebrow and slightly condescending tone, you know?  Not least because if he was that much of an Authenticity Maven, then he wouldn’t be able to wear his glasses, and we all know he’s probably blind as a bat without them.  (Yes yes, I know, that or he would choose a period in which he was allowed to have some kind of glasses – which he would research meticulously – but the thing is that I’m not sure that college Ford would be able to afford a custom pair of period glasses.)  After all, one of the early taglines for the group was “the Middle Ages not as they were, but as they should have been” (or, “could have been”), which was meant to cover everything from trying to leave behind the perception of the medieval period’s sexism and racism, to allowing for modern conveniences where possible or necessary (the biggest Authenticity Maven in the world is not going to refuse to use a real bathroom).  For a lot of Scadians, “emotional authenticity” is more important than material authenticity, and there’s a realization that that means emotional authenticity as described by the participants (who are, after all, modern people, and each of whom brings their own desires to the group).

But another reason I feel like Ford might be into authenticity when it suited him, but ignored it when it was inconvenient (which, let’s face it, describes 90% of the SCA then and now), is because the early SCA after all was one part “medieval” and one part “we all love Tolkien and we kind of want to have a big LOTR cosplay party”.  While it’s obviously never explicitly said in canon that Ford is an epic fantasy / Tolkien fan, I extrapolate his enthusiasm for DD&MD to conclude that he was (given how strongly LOTR influenced the development of D&D). 

So I kind of feel like Ford would have gotten into some things about the SCA that encouraged attention to authenticity, but that the overall appeal to him (as for many people) is the way it allows for the recreation of the “good stuff” while ignoring the bad stuff or the inconvenient stuff.  I mean, if you want super strict authenticity, the Civil War reenactors are right down the road. 

What would Ford have been into, in the SCA?  I have to think about that some more.  But I already have a few ideas.  (Disclaimer: I’m supposing that Ford and Fiddleford would mainly have been able to attend some SCA events during their college years.  After Ford moves to Gravity Falls, I feel like he’d be too busy, and too alone, to do it.  And once Fiddleford shows up in Gravity Falls, the impression I get is that they’re both too busy and there’s barely any time for them to have the occasional DD&MD session, let alone devote the time necessary to find and go to events.  However, this disclaimer is also for the fact that I feel you kind of have to stretch a point to suppose that Ford had any time for the SCA during college, given he was taking such a ridiculously heavy class schedule in order to complete both his bachelors and doctoral degrees in only 6 years.) 

One obvious thing that I think might have drawn Ford’s attention, and that he would have been good at, and I think could have been an outlet for his “authenticity” side, would have been the scribal arts.  I could see him getting really into creating authentic tools, and learning period book-binding techniques – which he later puts into practice in Gravity Falls, when he makes his own journals; and which would have served him during the portal years.  (After all, when he emerges from the Portal, he’s still got a quill pen in his pocket.)  With his artistic abilities, I think he would have been really good at both calligraphy and illumination.  And I also think he would have really enjoyed researching period manuscripts, with the bonus of that being a way to study how medieval scholars recorded information about the kind of “anomalies” he would go on to study.  You just KNOW he’d get excited about bestiaries and had all these theories about how those monsters might really have existed.

I actually also think Ford might have really gotten into performing as a storyteller.  The SCA does not have as strong a “performance art” or live role-playing component as some other similar organizations.  People do adopt medieval(ish) names and “personas”, but the extent to which people perform in-character as their personas or according to an interpretation of medieval manners is extremely variable.  But, we do see that even into the present, Ford retains some fondness for getting into a character and performance – such as when he’s being DM (Princess Unattainabelle?).  And as someone interested in folklore, he’d have a lot of legends and stories to draw upon. So I could see him standing up at a bardic circle and doing the storyteller schtick.

Meanwhile… those weapons!  I actually think that they weren’t all necessarily for show, especially the crossbow.  As @a-million-chromatic-dreams headcanoned recently, it seems like Ford really started getting in shape once he started college.  So I could see him being drawn into the fighting side of the SCA.  If, at the time, he was really getting into the idea of becoming more athletic, and more capable of defending himself, I could see him trying heavy-list fighting.  (Which, in the SCA, does involve padded weapons and homemade armor, but the hitting is real, even though heavily regulated.)  I’m not sure if he would have stuck with it. I know plenty of people did it, but wearing a helmet while also wearing glasses is a huge pain in the ass.  I could certainly see him getting really into archery, though; and I could see that crossbow as being something he built himself (again, as an outlet for an interest in doing some things authentically).  (I admit that this fits in with my perception of Ford as more of a distance fighter, as opposed to Stan, who is a hand-to-hand fighter.  Ford certainly seems capable of hand-to-hand, but he clearly has a preference for using guns.)

One last thing that I think is kind of interesting with regard to imagining younger Ford interacting with nerd culture in general (under which umbrella I absolutely include the SCA), is that because scifi fandom and related groups like the SCA are heavily comprised of a lot of nerds, who often felt (and were!) bullied for their interests, there certainly tended to be a general acceptance of and even celebration of the unusual.  And this was especially true in the early 70s, when fandom culture is a lot more limited and insular because it is not widely advertised (by means of the internet, for example); and when fandom culture is intersecting with the general counter-culture of the time.  All of that is to say, I think Ford’s six fingers would have been more of a positive in that group, than a negative.  I think that could have resulted in some of the early positive reinforcement that later led him to make anomalies his life’s work, and to proudly use his six-fingered hand as his identifying symbol (such as on the journals).  

I can totally see him running around, adopting “Stanford the Six-Fingered” as his SCA name (because rules were a lot more lax in those days, and it wasn’t as unusual for someone with a medieval-ish-enough sounding name to just use their real name and append a cool epithet to it), wearing a red cotton broadcloth tunic with the gold six-fingered hand on it.

Whether or not it was very likely, I’m finding that a pretty endearing image. :)