My life is measured by the due dates of projects and homework squeezed into the margins of a worn down agenda. It’s measured by the weight gain that accompanies the two weeks leading up to midterms and finals. It’s measured by the nights I lie in bed at 2 am, trying to remember whether the day is in fact, truly over yet.
I am measured by numbers. It’s something I’ve never let myself forget.
There’s a two by four rectangle in the corner of my room that houses me, nine textbooks, and five binders. We’re competing for space, and somedays I feel as though they are winning. Post-it notes on the bathroom mirror with the anti-derivatives of trigonometric functions and the rules for naming complex ions are a more familiar sight to me than my own father’s face.
My mother and I don’t interact with each other, except for our twice-daily screaming matches that make our house shake on its fifty-year old foundation. I don’t mind that, I guess. It’s hard to make conversation with a stranger who refuses to learn anything about you except your GPA.
My father and I didn’t speak for four days after my SAT score came out and for those four days, there was a part of me that missed the man who had been my best friend since I was three and a half, but an even bigger part that was relieved that I didn’t have to hear his disappointment in words the way I could see it on his face.
I’m sixteen and I’ve never kissed a boy the way they do in the movies, with tongue and passion, which really doesn’t feel like that much of a loss until I remember that my cousin met her husband when she was 15 and great-grandmother probably had two children with a third one on the way when she was my age. It was a different world, I tell myself.
I do not know what fuels me. My only ambition is to reconcile with the restless soul inside me and some days even that seems like a hopeless cause. Maybe I am not destined for happiness. Some women just aren’t.
But I also know that I am not destined to be this. I am not destined to be a doll, a faceless doll, with a barcode on my back.
I know that numbers do not define me.
My current grade in chemistry is not my intelligence. My weighing machine can not give you an accurate estimate of my beauty. The number of extracurriculars I am involved in will not tell you whether or not I am interesting person. My age is not synonymous with “naive.”
I am a person, not a collection of numbers.
Do not try to simplify me into a binary code. Maybe you are content leading a life with 0s and 1s but I live in a world with words and colors and sounds and the feel of sunshine on my face.
I am sick of people trying to take these things away from me and throwing poor substitutes back at me. I am sick of numbers that attempt to sort me and categorize me and place me where I supposedly belong. I am sick of people telling me that I need to live in the real world because it is you who do not understand what the real world is.
I have news for you. The real world is here and now, and it is full of people with hopes and dreams and ambitions and thoughts that you do not know about because you spend too much time trying to box them into your neat little columns.
Maybe I do not want to fold gracefully into the space you have left for me in those cramped and crowded boxes. Maybe I want to spread out and take over the entire page, leaving spaces and gaps in whatever quality I don’t deem worthy to define me. Maybe I do not want to be as simple as you try to make me.
Maybe I am not a number.
Have you ever considered that?
I was so excited about MTQ’s conversions of the famous bed blankets by Jonesi that I couldn’t resist trying out the quilted pattern of my first cc on these. If you’re into colorful, maxis match cc in your game, you just might like these. :) This is the ‘player’ version so your sims will be able to use the bed/mattress normaly.
They come in 25 colors (complete Eversims palette + 3 (white, gray, black). 10 different blankets. 2 different pattern sizes (small quilt, big quilt)
You can find these by typing ‘SiW’ in the search bar or simply ‘big’ or ‘small’. Not 100% compatible with the design tool. (Comparison pics included in .rar to show the sizes of the patterns)
Credit Jonesi for the original meshes Msteaqueen for the conversion Eversims for the palette Purplepaws for the quilt pattern Made with Sims4Studio
okay!!! but!!! planning a day to go to the pumpkin patch with Calum, and little man Hood, and the two dogs you just couldn’t live without, and it’s fall and theres a chill in the air so little man Hood and Calum color coordinated their sweaters!! (calum can’t even be embarrassed because, “momma look!! me and daddy match!!”) and so your sweet little family hops in the car and and baby boy Hood is babbling to the dogs in the back seat and giggling at the faces his daddy is making at him in the rearview mirror and when you finally get to the pumpkin patch you stop by the concession stand to get some apple cider for your boys and you can’t help but melt when baby Hood asks if everyone can just share one drink because, “We’re a family momma!!” and so with your one huge cup of cider you walk hand in hand with Calum as little man Hood runs between the rows of pumpkins and giggles when one of his puppy pals licks all over his face when he falls down because he just got too excited!! and Calum is taking so many pictures of you and his baby boy and the dogs and he can’t help but sit back and think of how lucky he is to have this sweet little family and then before you know it little man Hood has picked out 3 little pumpkins and hands one to you and one to Cal and then keeps one for himself and giggles happily before squeaking “That’s mommy pumpkin, and daddy pumpkin, and this is baby pumpkin and we’re all a happy family!!” and before you know it he’s hugging your legs and giggling as Calum bends down to kiss his cold chubby cheeks and you’re on the verge of tears bc after everything, you finally got the man you love with a sweet baby boy you love even more and :(( wow i gotta GO
This is probably the last comic I’m going to make about sexism in GotG, although I still have plenty of other things to poke fun at. (Also, I forgot what Nova Prime wears in the movie and I only found a few pictures of her so I could be wrong…)
arakita doodles for manager au, a thing me and si-siw have been cooking up over twitter for the past week or so?? YEHA
manager au is basically our foray into a universe where arakita’s baseball injury fucks up his arm enough for him to be unable to become a cyclist, but as fate would have it he ends up becoming the manager for hakone gakuen’s cycling club instead (and becomes the Biggest Team Mom Ever in the process)
it’s also very very kinara which is why DUMB COMIC OF A THING THAT HAPPENS AT SOME POINT IN THE PLOT,,,,, [sweats] (there’s fic incoming at some point so ya ha ha ha ha)