sir launcelot

image:  "The Rescue of Guinevere,“ by William Hatherell

Of the Tragic Love of the Good Knight Sir Gareth for the Noble Sir Launcelot

From Sir Thomas Malory's Le Morte d'Arthur

“Hope ye so that I may any while stand a proved knight? said Beaumains. Yea, said Launcelot, do as ye have done, and I shall be your warrant. Then, I pray you, said Beaumains, give me the order of knighthood. Then must ye tell me your name, said Launcelot, and of what kin ye be born. Sir, so that ye will not discover me I shall, said Beaumains. Nay, said Sir Launcelot, and that I promise you by the faith of my body, until it be openly known. Then, sir, he said, my name is Gareth, and brother unto Sir Gawaine of father and mother….And then Sir Launcelot gave him the order of knighthood.” - Book VII Chapter V

“And then came in Sir Gareth, and knew that it was Sir Launcelot that fought with the two perilous knights. And then Sir Gareth came with his good horse and hurtled them in-sunder, and no stroke would he smite  to sir Launcelot. That espied Sir Launcelot, and deemed it should be the good knight Sir Gareth.” - Book VII Chapter XXIX

“For there was never no knight that Sir Gareth loved so well as he did Sir Launcelot; and ever for the most part he would be in Sir Launcelot’s company; for After Sir Gareth had espied Sir Gawaine’s conditions, he withdrew himself from his brother, Sir Gawaine’s, fellowship, for he was vengeable, and where he hated he would be avenged with murder, and that hated Sir Gareth.” - Book VII Chapter XXIV

“By my head, said Sir Gareth, I will ride unto my lord Sir Launcelot, for to help him, fall of him what fall may, for he is the same man that made me knight.” - Book XVIII Chapter XXIII

“Also Sir Launcelot knew not Sir Gareth for an Sir Tristram de Liones, outher Sir Lamorak de Galis had been alive, Sir Launcelot would have deemed he had been one of them twain.” - Book XVIII Chapter XXIII

“My lord, said Sir Gareth, he made me a knight, and when I saw him so hard bestead, methought it was my worship to help him, for I saw him do so much, and so many noble knights against him; and when I understood that he was Sir Launcelot du Lake, I shamed to see so many knights against him alone.” - Book XVIII Chapter XXIV

“No more will I, said Sir Gareth and Sir Gaheris, for we will never say evil by that man; for because, said Sir Gareth, Sir Launcelot made me knight, by no manner owe I to say ill of him.” - Book XX Chapter I

“And so in this rushing and hurling, as Sir Launcelot thrang here and there, it mishapped him to slay Gaheris and Sir Gareth, the noble knight, for they were unarmed and unware. For as the French book saith, Sir Launcelot smote sir Gareth and Sir Gaheris upon the brain-pans, wherethrough they were slain in the field; howbeit in very truth sir Launcelot saw them not, and so were they found dead among the thickest of the press.” - Book XX Chapter VIII

“Mercy Jesu, said the king, why slew he Sir Gareth and Sir Gaheris, for I dare say as for Sir Gareth he loved Sir Launcelot above all men earthly.” - Book XX Chapter IX

“Sir, said the man, Launcelot slew them both. That may I not believe, said Sir Gawaine, that ever he slew my brother, Sir Gareth; for I dare say my brother Gareth loved him better than me, and all his brethren, and the king both. Also I dare say, an Sir Launcelot had desired my brother Sir Gareth, with him he would have been with him against the king and us all, and therefore I may never believe that Sir Launcelot slew my brother.” - Book XX Chapter IX

“And wit ye well Sir Gawaine, as for Sir Gareth, I love none of my kinsmen so much as I did him; and ever while I live, said Sir Launcelot, I will bewail Sir Gareth’s death, not all only for the great fear I have of you, but many causes cause me to be sorrowful. One is, for I made him knight; another is, I wot well he loved me above all other knights.” - Book XX Chapter XVI

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Merlin + Arthurian quotes

Then Sir Launcelot cried out, “And I, Lady, is there naught in thy thoughts for me?”
She said, “Yea, Launcelot, there is great friendship and love for thee, but not that sort of love. So get thee back to Joyous Gard and there take thee to wife some fair and gentle lady of that place. [ … ]
Sir Launcelot said, “Lady, I can never wed any woman in this world but thee.” And the Queen said, “Ah, Launcelot, that is a pity.”

Howard Pyle | The Story of the Grail and the Passing of Arthur

The Lady of Shalott by John Atkinson Grimshaw

“Most noble knight, Sir Launcelot, now hath death made us two at debate for your love. I was your lover, that men called the Fair Maiden of Astolat; therefore unto all ladies I make my moan, yet pray for my soul and bury me at least, and offer ye my mass-penny:  this is my last request. And a clean maiden I died, I take God to witness:  pray for my soul, Sir Launcelot, as thou art peerless." 

- Letter from Elaine of Astolat to her lover, Launcelot, found by King Arthur upon her arrival at Camelot. Sir Thomas Malory's Le Morte d'Arthur, Book XVII Chapter XX

Then Merlin laughed. Why laugh ye? said the knight. This is the cause, said Merlin: there shall never man handle this sword but the best knight of the world, and that shall be Sir Launcelot…and Launcelot with this sword shall slay the man that in the world he loved best, that shall be Sir Gawaine.
—  Sir Thomas Malory, Le Morte d'Arthur, Book II Chapter XIX
SIR LAUNCELOT ENJOYS NAP TIME

SIR LAUNCELOT HAS JUST GOT BACK FROM SUCCESSFUL ADVENTURES IN ROME AND IS NOW KING ARTHUR’S FUCKING FAVOURITE KNIGHT. WHAT AN ASS-LICKER.

BUT LAUNCELOT CAN’T JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT, SO HE SETS OUT FROM CAMELOT FOR ANOTHER KNIGHTLY ADVENTURE WITH HIS BRO SIR LIONEL. BUT LAUNCELOT IS A USELESS FUCK AND NOT LONG INTO THE ADVENTURE HE NEEDS A FUCKING NAP.

WHILE LAUNCELOT SLEEPS, LIONEL IS A COMPLETE FUCKHEAD AND GOES TO INVESTIGATE SOME MEAN-LOOKING KNIGHT WHO WAS KIDNAPPING PUNIER KNIGHTS. BUT LIONEL IS ALSO A BIT OF A PUNY KNIGHT AND GETS HIMSELF KIDNAPPED TOO. 

THEY’RE DRAGGED BACK TO A KINKY SEX DUNGEON, STRIPPED NAKED AND BEATEN WITH THORNS. BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT.

MEANWHILE LAUNCELOT IS STILL SLEEPING WHEN FOUR LADIES RIDE UP TO HIM. LAUNCELOT IS SEXY AS FUCK SO THEY ALL IMMEDIATELY FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM. UNFORTUNATELY, ONE OF THESE LADIES IS ARTHUR’S EVIL MAGIC SISTER MORGAN LE FAY, AND SHE IMMEDIATELY DECIDES TO JUST KIDNAP THIS ATTRACTIVE UNCONSCIOUS STRANGER. WHAT A FUCKING CREEP.

THE GIRLS TAKE LAUNCELOT BACK TO THEIR CASTLE AND TELL HIM TO PICK HIS FAVOURITE OF THEM OR FUCKING DIE. THESE ARE SOME CRAZY LADIES YEAH. HE TELLS THEM TO FUCK OFF AND ESCAPES. 

ON HIS JOURNEY AWAY FROM THE CASTLE OF HORNY LADIES, LAUNCELOT GETS SLEEPY AGAIN. CONVENIENTLY, HE FINDS A NICE TENT WITH A BED MADE UP IN IT. IT’S CLEARLY NOT A GREAT FUCKING IDEA, BUT LAUNCELOT SLEEPS THERE ANYWAY.

SOMETIME IN THE NIGHT, THE OWNER OF THE TENT APPEARS AND GETS INTO HIS BED, THINKING LAUNCELOT IS HIS FUCKING GIRLFRIEND. THEY END UP SPOONING AND IT’S FUCKING AWKWARD, SO WHEN LAUNCELOT REALISES, HE BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF THIS STRANGER. THIS SEEMS TO BE THE COMPLETE NORM IN ARTHURIAN TIMES. WE APPROVE.

“On the left of the castle he found a massive tree, from which hung the shields of many vanquished knights, including that of his brother. Dismounting, Launcelot approached the tree and banged on the cauldron at its base three times with his spear to summon Sir Tarquine–”

“Hey, I thought he had a sword? Don’t all knights use swords?”

“They carry all kinds of weapons, and besides the book says it was a spear so it’s a spear!”

“…. Fine, but next time read it so he has a sword.”

“How Sir Launcelot and his kinsmen rescued the queen from the fire.”

Le morte d'Arthur

Sir Thomas Malory
Illus. by Sir William Russell Flint
Boston: Medici Society, 1921.

LE MORTE D'ARTHUR The Birth, Life and Acts of King Arthur of his Noble Knights of the Round Table. Sir Thomas Malory. Binding design and illustrations by Aubrey Beardsley. London: J M Dent & Co, 1909.

“RIGHT so at the noon came the damosel unto him with his dinner, and asked him what cheer. Truly, fair damosel, said Sir Launcelot, in my life days never so ill. Sir, she said, that me repenteth, but an ye will be ruled by me, I shall help you out of this distress, and ye shall have no shame nor villainy, so that ye hold me a promise.”

Right so came that lady the huntress, that knew by the dog that she had, that the hind was at the soil in that well; and there she came stiffly and found the hind, and she put a broad arrow in her bow, and shot at the hind, and over-shot the hind; and so by misfortune the arrow smote Sir Launcelot in the thick of the buttock, over the barbs. When Sir Launcelot felt himself so hurt, he hurled up woodly, and saw the lady that had smitten him. And when he saw she was a woman, he said thus: Lady or damosel, what that thou be, in an evil time bear ye a bow; the devil made you a shooter.
—  Sir Thomas Malory, Le Morte D'Arthur, Book XVIII. Chapter 21. a.k.a. how an amazon shot Lancelot in the butt and my day is now complete