sir darren


[part 1] [part 3[part 4[part 5]

Confirmed players for Michael Carrick’s Testimonial on Sunday 4 June.

Sadly, Cristiano Ronaldo won’t be in the testimonial due to his Champions League final commitments. Regardless of the team, it’s not about the score; it’s all for the charity. ❤🔴⚽

Psh Soulmates: Part Three

Lucifer x Reader

Word Count: 1448

Warnings: Details of injury to reader, angst

Series Summary: Soulmates. You’re meant to love your soulmate, right? But what happens if your soulmates is a human hating, spiteful archangel?

Part Summary: Yeah… Lucifer’s pissed.

A/N: Bonjour mon petit poison. Sorry I haven’t been updating anything in a while. I’ve been swamped with working and trying to get my UCAS personal statement finished (it’s nearly there now).

I know I keep asking but if anyone has any ideas for what they want for Wings Part Two (read it here) PLEASE let me know cus I want to give it to you I’m just stuck. THANKS. As always I love you lots. Here’s part three


“Y/n, pick up your phone. You failed, come back,” Lucifer hung up the phone again and paced around the room in frustration. Why was he so worried? She’s a human! A small cockroach. A small, funny, gorgeous, clever cockroach- what was happened! Lucifer shivered and frowned to himself at the thought of him actually having feelings for some human. He hated humans. 

Lucifer looked down at the phone in his hand again the sighed. Why wasn’t she picking up?  The girl had her phone in her hand at least twelve hours a day; why wouldn’t she pick up? Maybe she was still pissed at him? Maybe she just didn’t have service? Maybe he should go check on her- to gloat about him winning obviously, definitely not because he cared. 

Lucifer had been tracking Y/n since she left. Not because he cared or anything… Either way, he knew that she was in a motel near  Cheyenne, Wyoming. Why she hadn’t just stayed at home confused Lucifer a little, but at least he knew she was safe as he’d stationed one of his most trusted demons there. 

“Daniel-,“ Lucifer started. 

“Darren,” The demon corrected. 

“Yeah whatever,” Lucifer rolled his eyes and continued, “where’s Y/n,” 

“She’s in room 66, sir. Uh, just like I said,”

“Wanna change your answer there, you sound a little unsure,”  

“She’s gone, sir,” Darren said defeated. 

“What do you mean she’s gone?”  

Keep reading

The Joker x Reader “Frenemy”

Brace yourselves, you’re not in Arkham anymore. What the hell is this place anyway? And why didn’t your men find you yet? Unless…they can’t.

You and J were at Arkham for 3 weeks. At least you assume he was there because after the two of you got caught you were separated. About four nights ago they came into your cell, covered your head with a hood and after you felt the sting from the injection in your arm you passed out and woke up…here.

It’s a strange place, different than any other prison you’ve been incarcerated before. You have chains on your arms and legs, bolted to the floor but long enough so you can move around. The cell’s bars are not electrified, but heated. It gets so hot that you have to stay in the corner of your room and you still feel like you’re melting. From time to time they turn off that accursed heat and you can actually come closer towards the hallway and look around, just like now.

Your eyes move left and right, trying to see if you can spot anything at all. Suddenly, you hear steps approaching. Your heart stops and you let out a deep sigh of relief when you notice two guards walking alongside the Joker. He has a straitjacket on and seems deep in thought, intensely staring at the floor.

“J !!!! J!!!” you shout, reaching out your left hand through the bars. His eyes widen with surprise and that smirk you missed so much creeps up on his face.

“Princess, you’re here!”

Out of the blue, he pushes himself into the guards, making them fall on their knees and rushes to kiss your hand.

“Muah, hi baby doll,” he grins, purring when you stroke his cheek. “Where’s your ring?”

“They took it back at Arkham,” you pout, upset you don’t have it anymore. In the meantime, the wards picked themselves up, cussing up a storm and are already pulling the Joker away, kicking him a few times while he just laughs.

“You insane son of a bitch, you’ll pay for this!” one of them threatens, annoyed.

“Byyyyee Princess! Don’t worry, I’ll get you another ring,” it’s the last thing you hear before he’s gone.

For the first time in so long you sleep through the night. If he’s here with you, nothing else truly matters.


They turned on the heat in your bars again. It’s so hot but you stay close to the corridor for hours anyway, wanting to see the Joker again. You’re starting to lose hope when you observe he’s coming towards your confinement, this time guarded by four men, probably to make sure that what he did yesterday won’t happen again.

You feel your body on fire from the warmth you were so near by all day, but you don’t care. J sees you and winks, abruptly stopping in front of your cell:

“I want to talk to my wife!” he demands, cracking his neck.

“Move it, you bastard!!!” one of the guards violently pushes him so he will start walking again. “You don’t get to make any demands, this is not Arkham. Move it I said!”

The Joker struggles in his jacket and tries to step back towards you again.

“I said I want to talk to my wife!” For his rebellion he gets punched in the face so hard you hear the bone crack. You gasp.

“Auch, that hurt,” he snickers, moving his jaw sideways so he can readjust it.

“Baby, are you ok?” you ask, concerned, even if you know he had so much worse before. He doesn’t get to answer; the guy that hit him yells at you, irritated:

“Shut up, you bitch!”

You see the Joker’s expression changing from smug to blind rage and he charges at the ward, knocking him down and stumping on his chest a few times before the others stop him.

“Don’t talk to my woman like that!” he growls, still trying to fight. The damage he inflicted is not too severe because the guards wear heavy gear, but the guy is pissed beyond limits now.

“Hold him still!” he grunts. “You psychotic freak, I’m gonna…”

“Darren, stop it! What the hell are you doing?” the guy that seems to be in charge inquires.

“But Jo, we can’t let him…”

“You mean to call me sir? We really don’t go by ranks here but I am still your superior. Let’s stop this nonsense and get back to our business.”

“Yes, Sir! “ he mutters, grinding his teeth, unhappy he can’t get revenge for the moment. “Let’s go, you God damn crazy lunatic!” Darren yells and they drag J away while he squirms, trying to look back at you.

You fall asleep on your mattress, thinking about the Joker, wondering what they might do to him for that transgression.


The sound of the heavy gate of your cell sliding to the side wakes you up.

“Don’t try anything funny, I‘m not in the mood today,” one of the three guards hisses at you while unlocking your chains, wanting to place you in the straitjacket. Like you care he’s not in the mood. You try to claw their faces and slap them, not wanting to let them do what they want. They forcefully push you back and pin you to the wall, finally managing to strap you inside the garment. You keep on screaming and struggling like a caged animal, which prompts the tallest guy to squeeze you against the wall with all his strength. He grabs your chin and makes you look at him:

“Hey, hey, listen to me: you’ll be able to see him where I take you, so calm the fuck down, ok?”

“You’re wasting your time Jo, she doesn’t know how to play nice.”

“Shut up, I’m talking to her! And you guys better get used to call me Sir!!” His attention turns towards you again. “What do you, say, hmm? Be good and you’ll see him…yes?”

You take a few deep breaths and you shake your head in approval.

“Good girl,” he smiles, satisfied of his little victory, releasing you from his hold. “I got her, boys; you can go back to your stations. Shall we, Misses J?”


You are taken to a place that resembles a medical ward. You enter a small room full of medical equipment and gulp when you realize the Joker’s unconscious body is lying on a stretcher behind the glass panel separating the two chambers.

“What did you do to him?!!!” you shout, rushing at the large window. “J !!! J !!” Of course he can’t hear you.

“What the hell happened, Darren? He was fine when I left,” the tall guy inquires, exasperated.

“Well, Jo -sorry, I meant Sir-” he sarcastically replies, “we are here to punish them, not to try and cure them. We are not Arkham. You know that we are sent all the hopeless cases, the worse of the worse out there. Nobody cares what happens to them after they get to us. This is their last stop and we are Gods here. NO RULES! And let me tell you, sweetheart,” he suddenly comes and whispers in your ear,” that crazy nutjob of yours can take a loooottttt of voltage. Jeez Louise, I had to turn it really high to mess him up.” Your vision blackens with indignation.

Before you attempt to rip his throat with your teeth, Jo grabs Darren and smashes him to the floor, panting.

“You have no clearance to do such things, we are not Gods and this is not your playground!!! You guys are really getting out of hand and I’m sick of it! I didn’t go through hell and back in the army just to end up dealing with the likes of you. We DO have rules even if we are off the grid. Stop your shit!”

You watch the commotion with big eyes, not really knowing what to make out of it. Since they are not paying attention to you for the moment, you take advantage of the situation and fastly lean over the table to your left, grabbing the small razor blade on top of it with your lips. You hide it under your tongue and you feel the nip of its edge cutting your gum. So sharp.

“Fine, fine, got it! Jeez, Jo, you are no fun!” Darren complains and Jo gets off him. “We were just messing around, all right?” Jo rolls his eyes and helps the jerk up.

“Just stop your shit you guys, that’s all I ask. I am responsible for your actions, don’t forget that!”

“Yes, sir!” Darren grins. “What about his woman? Can we have some fun with her at least? I’ll let you go first.”

Jo puckers his lips, feeling he hates his job more with every second that passes:

“We are not rapists! Did you flippin’ hear anything I said so far?!”

“Who said anything about rape? She’s gonna like it, won’t you Misses J? I mean, come on, sweetheart, you didn’t have any since you got captured and it’s been a while. The green haired bastard won’t mind, he’s out cold. Lemme see that Property of J  tattoo above your…” he pulls down on your sweatpants and you kick him in the balls, snarling, taking him by surprise. But with his gear on, he doesn’t feel a thing.

“You stupid slut, how dare you?!”

He wants to punch you but Jo’s gun clicking to his temple stops him.


Darren raises his hands in surrender, sulking.

“I was just joking; don’t you know a joke when you hear it?! Come on, man, I was just messing around.”

“Take her back to her cell,” the tall guy commands, lowering his gun. “I have some things to take care of in block H, will you people behave while I’m gone?”

“Of course, sir!” Darren salutes, suddenly very serious.

Jo leaves and Darren knocks you out unconscious as soon as he’s alone with you.


“Y/N, hey, Princess, wake up! Wake up!” you hear J’s familiar voice as you struggle to come back to your senses. You blink a few times before you open your eyes and realize you are back in your jail, the Joker chained up in his jacket on the opposite wall from yours.

“Hi, Doll,” he smirks, “I was afraid you won’t wake up. Can you get over here? My neck is chained to the wall.”

“Oh my God, baby, are you ok?” you ask him, whimpering, and you shakily get up on your feet to walk towards him. Dammit, you still have the jacket on also.

“I have such a splitting headache, Kitten,” he groans, scrunching up his face in a grimace. It must be really bad because he never complains about pain. He realizes you’re upset because of what he said. Your chains rattle as you softly  kick his ankles so he can move them aside and make room for you. You drop on your knees between his legs and cuddle to his chest. How you wish you could hug him.

“Say, Y/N, what do you say we get some of these chains for ourselves when we get out of here? You’re such a turn on, they look…ravishing on you.”

“Shut up, J, I know what you’re trying to do,” you sniffle, lifting your head to kiss his neck above the chain. You feel him really tense. “I was really worried about you, my…beautiful fallen angel,” you gently peck his cheek now, trying to lighten the mood.

“U-hummm,” he agrees, smiling.

“My handsome Prince of Crime,” you giggle, kissing his cheek again.

“Go on,” he squirms in his jacket, shoving himself more into you.

“My sexy daddy,” you whisper in his ear, “I missed you so much…” Your tone changed and he knows why.

“Don’t cry on me, Princess, you know I freak out when you do it,” he mutters, hating to know you’re distressed. “Hey, I have an itch, help me scratch it.”

“Where?” you back out for a few moments to look at him, not being able to stop a few tears.

“I have an itch that only you can scratch,” he winks at you and you start laughing through tears.

“Stop it, J ” you elbow him and then you reach for his face, resting your cheek on his. “Baby, you’re burning up!” You touch his other cheek with your face and it feels so hot.

“I’m good, don’t worry, it will go away, hmm? Stop crying? Please?” he begs when he notices the tears in your eyes again.

You take a deep breath and try to shake away the heavy feeling that overcomes you. You hate it yourself; you’re usually not like this. But it’s all because he’s your only weakness and if he’s not safe, you feel defeated.

“I have something for you,” you tell him, kissing him roughly.

“That’s a good something,” he purrs, savoring the kiss. You use your tongue to push the blade in his mouth and his eyes widen as he realizes what you’re giving him.

“Baby doll, don’t you need it? Keep it for yourself,” he breaths on your mouth, panting.

“No, you might need it more,” you bite his upper lip, staring in his blue eyes.

You are being watched from the control room.

Some of the guards gathered there after Darren put the two of you in your cell. He thinks it should be fun because nothing ever happens and it’s boring.

“We’re going to get in trouble for this, under no circumstances are there supposed to be two prisoners in the same room.”

“Yeah, whatever, who cares? I wanted to see what these freaks will do. I am so tempted to go and take them out of their jackets just to see if they get it on. I bet they are into some kinky shit, am I right?” Darren smacks his lips, excited.

A few guys snort, some burst out laughing.

“Man, that’s bad idea. I wouldn’t set those lunatics free,” a guard sighs, instinctively touching his gun.  

“We can get in trouble for this, Darren,” another one snickers. “Our Boss…,” he whines in a high pitch voice, making the others laugh again, “…wants to have rules where there are really none. What the hell is wrong with him, guys? He’s been here 6 months and still wants to play by the book.”

“We don’t though so fuck him,” Darren hums. “Since he’s going to be in block H for a while, why don’t we have some more fun and implement the sterilization procedure on these two?”

“Darren, don’t push it, you need level 70 authorization level to perform the procedure. Even if you’re a surgeon, you’re only level 58,” someone reminds him.

“Close enough,” he lifts his shoulders, amused. “I am just performing an act here for the greater good. If they by some miracle ever get out of here, (which they won’t), we don’t want them to reproduce. We don’t need more crazy assholes around, am I right? I’m gonna start with her, ladies first. Who wants to help out?”


Jo was messing around with his paperwork in block H, keeping an eye on the surveillance cameras all around the prison. That’s when he noticed Darren and 8 more guards rushing in your cell and dragging you and the Joker out of there.

“Wha…what the hell is he doing in her cell?” his first thought is, then as you are being taken to the medical unit, he starts to get restless.

“What in the name of the Almighty are they doing now? They have no authorization to do anything like that,” he growls to himself, rushing out of the office and starting to run back to block A where you are kept.


You are tight up to the hospital bed and J is restrained in a chair, still spitting up blood after he bit a ward’s neck with his teeth on your way there, using the blade you gave him for sure. You don’t know if that’s his blood also. He wouldn’t care if he cut himself in the process anyway.

Darren is fumbling around with a bunch of medical supplies, grunting with annoyance.
“You two think you are still in control? Like you were in Gotham? You’re not! Your henchmen will never find you. Ever! After I’m done with you you’ll beg for mercy, you crazy sons of bitches. Hey, Mister J” he ironically smiles, “your woman will never be able to bear a child. And you’ll get to watch. Fun, ha? And then she’ll get to watch while I make sure you never get a chance to…Boys, why are you still here?” he snaps at the other wards. “I wanna be alone with them now, I don’t need help anymore. Chop-chop, back to your business, let’s not waste time.”

“Are you sure, Darren? I’m not completely certain we should be involved in this. Jo will get us all in trouble, mark my words.”

“Just go, I got it! I’ll take full responsibility if needed, ok? Pussies! Nobody will do anything because these are not prisoners in a normal prison. This is our kingdom.”

You and the Joker don’t make a sound; you just look at each other, breathing erratically. J is fighting to lose his chains, but there’s no point: he can’t escape. And you can’t move at all, they made sure of it. You don’t want to say anything, but the frustration and fear building inside of you makes you cry out:

“J, don’t let him!! Please!!! Don’t let him!”

Not being able to help you drives him insane. He starts to see red spots in front of his eyes and that only happens when he’s pushed to the limit.

The door being kicked makes you jump and you see the tall guy they call Jo rushing in with his pistol pointed towards Darren.

“Step aside, Darren! Get away from that bed! What are you doing now, hm? Sterilization? On whose authority? You need level 70 clearance for it!”

Darren just bites the inside of his cheek, not answering.

“I really hate this job, you know that? I’m starting to think you guys are worse than all of them. I didn’t sign up for this kind of crap.” Jo takes the safety off his gun.

“You wouldn’t dare, sir,” Darren mocks, tilting his head to the side. “You always play by the rules.”

Jo’s eyes brighten with content:

“There are no rules here, right? We don’t exist. WE ARE GODS! And here is my resignation!” the gun shut and the body thudding to the ground makes you exhale deeply and you feel your muscles relaxing a little bit. Jo looks at you and the Joker, debating on what to do. The weird silence and exchange of looks between the three of you lasts for a few good seconds until Jo pulls out his knife and cuts your ropes, then he gets the keys from Darren’s dead body and frees the Joker.

You run into J’s arms and hug him tight; you sure thought you’ll never get to touch him again. He growls and kisses your forehead, barely realizing his mouth is still bleeding. He swallows with difficulty, it sure hurts like hell.

“Follow me,” Jo signals you with his hand and the Joker grabs your arm, pulling you as you try to walk as fast as you can.

“Can we trust him?” you whisper so J can hear you.

“I don’t know, but what do we have to loose Princess?” the Joker whispers back, not really wanting to talk because of the pain.

You walk a lot of dark, lonely corridors and go up and down so many stairs; it’s a real maze in here.

“Hey,” you shout at the soldier.

“Stttt, keep your voice down and walk faster,” he advices, signaling you to come closer as you wait at a corner to see if anybody’s coming. “I think it’s clear but let’s wait a few more seconds,” he demands.

“Your name is Jo, right?” you ask in low voice while J is protectively hugging you from behind, waiting for the signal to start moving again.

“Yes, I go by Jo, but my name is Jonny, Jonny Frost.

You barely can contain your giggle.

“Frost, Frost, Frost… Frosty!” you repeat, “what a cool name, isn’t baby?” you address the Joker and he just smiles,pleased something made you happy so fast after your ordeal.

Jonny is absent minded, watching the pathway and signals you again to follow him. He gets you in an elevator that keeps on going up and up. No words are spoken. You just hold on really tight to the Joker’s hand, analyzing Jonny. After about 30 minutes the ascension stops and you get off on a small ramp.
“Help me with this!” he grunts, trying to open the hatch in front of him and you and J aid. The hissing sound lets you know you’re almost out of there. A strong hit wave washes all over you as you step outside in the sand.

“Welcome to Sahara,” Frost finally utters, stopping in his tracks, trying to adjust to the debilitating temperature. ”We are almost out of this place, let’s go!” he encourages you to follow him yet one more time.

As you walk behind him shielding your eyes from the scorching sun with one hand and holding J with the other, you pull him close and mumble:

“Can we keep him?”

 Also read- MASTERLIST:

Upcoming Engagements Update!

There is one confirmed official upcoming engagement and two official visits for Catherine.

  • May 11th: The Duchess of Cambridge will make an official visit to Luxembourg.
    • Visit Grand Duke Jean Museum of Modern Art (MUDAM) to tour current exhibitions by British artists Sir Tony Cragg and Darren Almond.
    • Visit Place Clairefontaine.
      • Tour a cycling themed festival & meet children designing Le Tour de France jerseys.
      • Unveil a mural of British cyclist Tom Simpson and Luxembourgish cycling legend Charly Gaul.
    • Meet Their Royal Highnesses The Grand Duke and Grand Duchess of Luxembourg at the Grand Ducal Palace.
    • The Commemoration of The 1867 Treaty of London.
    • Visit Dräi Eechelen Museum.
  • May 13th: The Duke & Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry will host a “Party At The Palace” Tea Party at Buckingham Palace for children whose parents have passed serving in the Armed Forces.
    • Children up to 18 years of age will be invited to attend.
    • The party will include fun games, activities, and a chance for children to explore the Buckingham Palace Gardens.
    • A number of charities, such as Child Bereavement UK, will also be in attendance.
  • July 2017: The Duke & Duchess of Cambridge will make an official visit to Poland and Germany.
    • Further details of The Duke & Duchess of Cambridge’s visit will be announced over the next several weeks.

Keep checking back at our site to keep yourself updated on all of Catherine’s upcoming engagements!

Worst Kept Secret

Because it’s Sam’s @ticklishblaine birthday and she’s my best friend and thus pretty much the only person that could talk me into revisiting this verse. Part of the Morphine as Truth Serum verse. Darren’s first day back on set. 2K [AO3]

“Are you sure you don’t want to just sleep over tonight?” Darren asks coyly as Chris begins gathering his things to leave. Given that they’ve spent the better part of their weekend at Darren’s condo, that turns out to be quite a lot of things to gather.

“Don’t give me the puppy dog eyes, Mister. I’m already immune,” Chris grumbles, still searching for his missing shoe. He finds it has disappeared to underneath Darren’s couch. If Chris didn’t know better, he’d think Darren maybe hid it there on purpose. Darren’s place is a bottomless pit of junk to be honest, sparsely furnished but with musical instruments, hoodies, and video games covering every available surface, meaning he can’t be positive the disappearing act was intentional. Chris had naively thought after five days of recuperating at his house, maybe Darren would want to sleep in his own bed. He’s been regretting that suggestion ever since the moment they entered Darren’s place. Frat boy chic is really not Chris’s thing, even if Darren doesn’t seem to mind the clutter.

“Yeah right, if I so much as got a twinge in my side, I bet you’d move in,” Darren shoots back cockily.

“Wait, does your side hurt?” Chris blurts out before he can stop himself.

“Ahaha,” Darren laughs, long and hard. “Nailed it.”

Keep reading

Try and Tear Me Down

Because it’s Sam’s birthday. Also a little birdie told me Darren hurt his wrist and I’m pretty sure I’m like, contractually obligated to write fic about it at this point. 1.9K [AO3]

“Hey,” Chris answers on the second ring, a little surprised to be hearing from Darren in the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday.

“Hi yourself,” Darren replies. “Whatcha doing?” he sing songs.

“Book edits, pretty much the usual. A better question would be what are you doing calling me in the middle of prime rehearsal time?”

“They let me go for the day,” he mumbles.

Chris glances down at his watch, frowning. “You’re done with rehearsals at 3:30? That’s weird.”

“And so am I. I’m weird too, remember?” Darren slurs.

“Are you drunk?’ Chris asks, not sure if he should be amused or concerned. “Is Broadway fucking you up that badly already?”

“No, not drunk,” Darren assures him, though he doesn’t volunteer any further explanation much to Chris’ chagrin.

“Okay?” Chris questions. “Are you high?”

“Not really. Not exactly,” Darren says.

“Time to spill, Criss. This guessing game is growing thin and I don’t want to be here all night,” he huffs impatiently.

“I just got home from the ER,” Darren sighs.

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randytiggs: Look who I spotted tonight! I saw him during intermission of Wicked and was like “I know those gorgeous curls anywhere!!! But that cannot be him!” Sure enough I was right. Sat two rows behind me. I talked to him and snagged a picture. My conclusion of Sir Darren Criss, he is the nicest person ever! Day, year, and life made! He was nice enough to take the selfies for me! #instagay #instafamous #glee


Donald Trump paraphrased on that little thing called ‘Momentum’:

1. To be a big success in any field, you need to build momentum. Momentum is all about energy and timing.

2. When you start anything new, you don’t have momentum. That is when things are hard. People are not calling you. You don’t seem to be getting anyway. If you keep working towards your goals, one day at a time, pretty soon you will get into the flow of people and events. You get contacts, you gain credibility. You build a track record of success. Then things get much easier. Why? Because you have momentum.

3. Do not take momentum for granted. If you lose your momentum, things are much more difficult to get back into. It is harder to do anything when you have lost your momentum. Your finger is off the pulse and your timing is off. People and events are no longer in your favor. So watch out to never lose your momentum - the most likely time this will happen is when you taste a little success and think you don’t need to work hard anymore.

- Sir Darren