So our Alchemist has this magic knife enchanted to be really good for harvesting materials from creatures we fight, which she puts to good (read: giddily excessive) use. She had to miss our previous session, which ended immediately after the party defended a port city from an army of fish men and a giant eel monster. After catching her up we picked up right where the last session left off.
Alchemist: (ooc) So the eel monster is lying dead on the docks right? I’m going to go harvest its skin.
DM: You want it’s skin? The thing’s the size of a train!
Alchemist: Good point, I’m not that strong and that skin alone probably weighs more than I do. (ic) Hey, does anyone want to help me lift this thing?
Witch: (ic) What do you even want the skin for?
Alchemist: We can give it as a gift to these villagers, to help them rebuild their destroyed homes!
Witch: First of all, we’re in a city, not some backwater village, and I think they’d find it really condescending of you to call them ‘villagers’ and gift them with fish skin. Second, these are the docks, all the buildings around here are warehouses, not peoples’ houses. I think the rich bastards who own them will be fine. Third, and this one is out of character, (turns to DM) I think it’s really unfair for her to get to harvest stuff from monsters she didn’t even help kill. Are you seriously letting her do this?
DM: Probably not. [Alchemist], only the front portion of the monster had fallen on the docks, the rest of it is still in the water and the weight of it has started pulling it back into the sea. I’m going to need you to make a strength check. -fails- As she tries to dig her heels in and keep the sea monster from sinking back beneath the waves [Alchemist] gets pulled along with it. Does anyone want to try and help her?
Wizard: -shrugs- I’ll cast a water breathing spell on her.
Fighter: I’ll help! -rolls poorly- I will not.
Alchemist: Seriously guys? Come on, I’m getting pulled into the water!
Wizard: I know, that’s why I cast the water breathing spell on you, so you can do your harvesting once it’s in the water. (Thinks for a moment) Wait, we haven’t had a chance to rest yet, have we? I already used that spell last game so I can’t use it right now. Sorry.
Alchemist: You all suck. Fine, I let go at the last minute before it drags me down.
Rouge: Don’t worry, we’ll let you skin the next thing we kill, okay?
And she did.